Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
This morning as I sat here after rebooting, waiting for Mcafee' s
suite to finish loading so I could continue what I was doing without
the computer freezing up. Just at an idle it was using a quarter
of my ram and when it chose to download an update or scan an
incoming email, you might as well take a break and fix a soda
and go to the bathroom. I have had Microsoft's Security Essentials
sitting on the desktop since I downloaded it to a friend's computer
and after I got rid of Mcafee and ran the removal tool I installed
it and the difference was amazing. I can do all of my regular tasks
while it is running a regular scan and it even removed a file that
Mcafee could never get rid of.
I still haven't found a new mouse pad yet to replace my Belkin
with the wrist support. It works all right until we get humid
weather
and then the mouse feels like it is moving in mud. I threw a piece
of white paper on it which makes it easier to move but harder
to control the pointer as it jumps around. I wish they hadn't
taken our Office Max. I could go there and find everything I was
looking for but now that they have left the old businesses
want an arm and leg for the stuff.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Condom Chips
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An American couple is in Paris on a long-awaited trip, when suddenly
the wife dies of a heart attack. The husband decides to have her
buried there since they had looked forward to their visit to France
for so many years.
All arrangements are made when he suddenly realizes that he doesn't
have a black hat for the funeral. The hotel concierge tells him
that what he wants is a "chapeau noir." So off he goes to find a
store that is open late.
First he meets a gendarme and in his fractured French asks,
"M'sieur, on pouvais-je acheter un capeau noir?"
The policeman is a bit surprised since the American has asked where
he can buy a black condom, but, after thinking a bit, he gives our
friend directions.
The store - if that is what it is - looks a little seedy and
rundown, but the man behind the counter looks friendly so in goes
the American and says, "M'sieru, je veux acheter un capeau noir?"
"Mais, monsieur, j'ai des capeaux rouges, des capeaux blancs, et des
capeaux marrons, mais pas des capeaux noire." After explaining that
he has red, white, and brown condoms, but no black condoms, the man
asks the American why he wants a black condom, "Pourquoi avez vous
besoin d'un capeau noir?"
"Ma femme est morte."
After the American says that his wife is dead, the man exclaims, "O
Monsieru! Quelle beau sentiment!-What a beautiful sentiment!"
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Jackass Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
John and Ed walked into a bar. Ed: "What do you want to drink,
Jackass?"
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pint of Guinness, please."
Ed goes up to the bar. "Two pints of Guinness for me and my mate
Jackass."
Ed takes the drinks back. "Here you go, Jackass." Later when they
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Jackass.
Go get us a pint o' Guinness."
John goes to the bar. "T..T...T..two pa..pa...pa..pi..pints
o..o..of gi.. gin..gi..Guinness. Two pints of Guinness, please."
When the barman was sure Ed wasn't listening he said, "I think it's
awful him calling you Jackass all the time."
John says, "Oh, he..aw he..aw he..aw he always calls me that."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book. It looked so
realistic, that when Miss Baker saw the fly sitting on the notebook,
she slammed it with a ruler. The fly didn't fly away. So she
slammed the book once again, again the fly didn't fly away.
This drove Miss Baker really mad, so she started to pound the book
with the ruler and, as a result, the grade book became a bunch of
torn sheets of paper. With the class laughing, she realized what
had happened.
Then Miss Baker called Little Johnny's father to school.
"You see what your son did to our class grade book?" she said.
"That's nothing." replied the father. "Last month, he drew a naked
woman on a fence and for two weeks straight I was pulling splinters
out of my dick."
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Hurts Chips
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In a train compartment a young couple and an elderly, somewhat
ragged man were sitting. The girl looks like she's having some
discomfort so her boyfriend asks her, "What's wrong honey?"
She replies, "My head hurts."
Her boyfriend kisses her forehead, and asks her, "Is it better now?"
"Yes," she says.
Then he asks, "Does it hurt somewhere else?"
"Here," she replies, pointing to her lips. So the boyfriend kisses
her lips.
"Is it better now?"
"Much better."
"Anywhere else?"
She replies by pointing to her neck. So the boyfriend kisses her
neck.
Annoyed at the pitiful public display, the elderly man asks the
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Short Chips
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Mary: So this really drunk, obnoxious guy kept bothering me at the
party last weekend.
Jill: What happened?
Mary: Well, he cornered me, pulled his thing out of his pants, and
asked me, "Do you want to suck it?"
Jill: Ohmigod! What did you do?
Mary: Well, I think I handled it pretty well. I just said, "No, you
Go ahead. You don't have enough to share."
You know Eminem & Elton John did a duet at the Grammies?
Eminem is a huge homophobe. They're doing a remake of an old Elton
John hit: "Don't let that sonofabitch go down on me!"
Inmate # 47747 at a Federal prison was finally released after
serving a ten-year term for mail fraud. He meets an old prison mate
who asks how he was doing as an ex-con.
" I'm doing great.. I just hit the Florida lottery for 15 Million
dollars!
Naturally interested, his old prison mate asked him what he will do
with his winnings. Number 47747 replied that he will by the biggest
estate he can find on the beach in Miami, and that in front of his
new home he will erect a life size bronze statue of Janet Reno.
Are you crazy, said his friend? That bitch, as US Attorney General,
was responsible for putting you behind bars for ten years.
That's true, said #47747, but that bitch gave me the winning
number!!
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Love
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The mortician calls Mrs. Jones, and says, "Excuse me Mrs. Jones, but
I can't seem to close the lid to your husband's coffin because he
has a huge erection." To which she replies, "Why don't you cut it
off and stick it up his ass? That's the only hole in town it hasn't
been in."
Two fellows were sitting in a bar and the one was complaining about
his current live-in girlfriend. "I am telling you Sam, I have about
had it with her. She keeps bringing her work home night after night.
I am seriously considering just moving out and ending the
relationship." "Well," replied his buddy, "I can see how that could
indeed be very annoying. But having a girl who is interested in her
career is hardly a reason to break up." "It is if your girlfriend's
a hooker." the first man maintained.
My uncle got a vasectomy, and paid for it with MasterCard. He forgot
to pay the bill, and the finance company came over to his house and
knocked up my aunt.
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning
against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on
it's face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls
over, and says "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
your sister
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A flighty young gal named Melissa
Was careless as hell on the pissa.
One day in the rush,
She was caught in the flush,
And goodness knows all of us missa!
Said the wench to the new Maharajah,
"You are ever-well hung, you old codjah!
It delights me to lay
And be queen for a day,
But the last Maharajah was largah!"
I could hear the dull buzz of the bee
As he sunk his grub hooks into me.
Her ass, it was fine
But the bee just saw mine
In the shade of the old apple tree.
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and possession
of
marijuana when they were found naked, each smoking a joint, sitting
on the edge of the fountain in the town square.
The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call,
since he was unable to reach either parent.
Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said, "I
suppose you're the kids' lawyer."
"Nope," the chap replied. "I'm just here to deliver them a pizza."
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1854
Harper
Rudy: Harper seemed like a nice little town.
Sandi: I liked the brick streets.
Katie: I wonder why so many of the houses have those fences with the
barb-wire at the top?
Val: Yes, the town looked pretty on the outside, yet it seemed scary
deep inside.
BJ: I have the answer for you guys, when Diana and I went into a
store, I remarked how nice the town looked and it must be a nice
town to live in.
The man said it used to be. It went like this.
Store owner: The problem started when we got a slaugherhouse outside
of town. The owners hired about 80 percent illegals, mexicans. If
you look across the street from my business, there are six families
living in that one house. There was a drug raid at one house and
there were sixty-three people living in one house and more than
thiry of them had the same social security number.
BJ: Why doesn't the local officials do anything about it?
Owner: They are greedy and want the money from the business.
Crime is up, people are afraid to walk the streets at night. People
are leaving town. It is a shame.
BJ: What would you do?
Owner: Enforce the law. Go to the slaughterhouse, arrest the
illegals, arrest the owners for hiring the illegals, fine the
company to the max for operating an improper business. Impeach the
local officials for allowing this to happen. Deport the illegals.
But.nothing happens. What will happen when this happens to YOUR
town?
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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