Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Yesterday morning I was sitting here and the phone rang and
I glanced at the caller ID and all it said was toll-free. I don't
generally answer phone calls with no name on them but I ran this one
through Google and it said the caller was Code Red. First thought
was it was Jack Nicholson asking me to beat up a Marine but getting
a grip on reality I read a little further and found out it was a
reverse 9-1-1 system that allowed the local law enforcement to pass
on weather alerts, missing child reports, and other emergency items.
A couple of minutes
later the number called again and this time I answered it
and found out it was concerning a 82 year old disoriented woman that
had walked away from an assisted care facility. A lot of times our
governments waste money on things we don't really need but I have to
say that this one is really a great idea. Everybody in the country
probably had it before us and nobody made a big fuss about having
got it but in the Great White North where
snow storms require shutting down roads and schools a couple
of times each winter, it is a great idea.
Enjoy the chips ...buffalo
A newsletter you may enjoy
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Short Chips
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Little Johnny and his dad were on an overcrowded elevator. Suddenly
a lady in the front turned around, slapped Little Johnny's dad, and
then left in a huff.
"That sure is a nasty lady," Little Johnny's dad said.
Little Johnny remarked, "I didn't like her either, Daddy.
She stepped on my toe ... so I pinched her ass."
Did you hear that Tony Orlando and Dawn are getting back together?
Yes, because U.S. Senator Larry Craig (R) of Idaho has asked them
to change their smash hit from: "Knock three times on the ceiling if
you want me, twice on the pipe if your answer is no." To "Tap four
times in the washroom for some sodomy, twice on my pipe if you're
just gonna blow."
A young woman, feeling morning dizziness and strange cravings, goes
to see a gynecologist. After a thorough examination, the Doctor
tells her: "Well, my dear, I am puzzled; the test shows that you are
pregnant, but when I examined you, I found that you are still a
virgin. I mean, your hymen is not ruptured, except for seven tiny
holes, a little more that pinpricks, actually... By the way, what
did you say your name was?" "My name is Snow White," replies the
girl
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Foreplay Chips
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There is this man sitting at the bar when the most beautiful woman
he has ever seen walks in, and he just has to go over to her.
"Let's cut the small talk, shall we? Your place or mine?" he says.
She looks at him and replies, "Mine."
So he gets into his car and she gets into her car and they go over
to her place. When they get up to her apartment he walks in and
sees all these dicks hanging on the walls.
He jumps back and cries, "What the hell is going on here?"
She answers, "If you don't satisfy me, that's where you're going to
hang. So how do you want it?"
The man thinks for a minute and tells her to go into the bedroom,
turn out the lights and get naked. When she goes into the bedroom,
he goes back down to his car and gets this Big fuckin' watermelon
out of his truck. He goes back up to her place and knocks on the
bedroom door.
"Are you ready?" he asks.
"Yes," she replies. So he goes into the room and starts to pump her
with the watermelon. She is just screaming her lungs out,
absolutely loving every minute of it. This goes on for an hour or
so. When he finishes, he asks her, "So how was that?"
The woman catches her breath and says, "Ahhh, nothing like a good
fingering before a fuck!"
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Cucumber Chips
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CUCUMBERS ARE BETTER THAN MEN BECAUSE.......
A cucumber a day keeps the OB-GYN away.
A cucumber can always wait until you get home.
A cucumber doesn't care if you always spend
the holidays with your family.
A cucumber doesn't flush the toilet while you are
taking a shower.
A cucumber doesn't have softball practice on
the day you move.
A cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library.
A cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll on
deodorant, or hair spray.
A cucumber isn't allergic to your cat.
A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet.
A cucumber never has to call "the wife".
A cucumber never snaps your bra, or pinches your butt.
A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety.
A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails
are wet.
A cucumber never wants to improve your mind.
A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
A cucumber will never call and say, "I have to work late,
honey." and then come home with the smell of Channel
No. 19 on him.
A cucumber will never leave you for another cucumber.
A cucumber will never leave you for another man.
A cucumber will never leave you for another woman.
A cucumber will never make a scene because there are
other cucumbers in the refrigerator..
A cucumber won't ask "Am I the first?"
A cucumber won't ask to be put through Medical school.
A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
A cucumber won't come home late, stinking of beer.
A cucumber won't consume all your food or liquors.
A cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film Festival.
A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn or send you
out to get Milk Duds.
A cucumber won't fall asleep on your chest or drool
on the pillow.
A cucumber won't fall asleep too soon.
A cucumber won't grab cash from your purse while
you're asleep.
A cucumber won't insist that the little cukes be raised
catholic, Jewish, or orthodox vegetarian.
A cucumber won't leave town on New Year's Eve.
A cucumber won't lie to you about having a vasectomy.
A cucumber won't make you go to the drugstore.
A cucumber won't make you sleep on the wet spot.
A cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when
your mother comes over.
A cucumber won't need to be sucked off.
A cucumber won't pout if you have a headache.
A cucumber won't run off with a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
A cucumber won't say "Let's keep trying until we have a
boy."
A cucumber won't take you to a disco and dump you
for a flashy blonde.
A cucumber won't tell you he's outgrown you intellectually.
A cucumber won't tell you size doesn't count.
A cucumber won't tell you that size doesn't matter.
A cucumber won't want to come on your face.
A cucumber won't want to join your support group.
A cucumber won't wear shorts to your office party
A cucumber won't work your crossword with ink.
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Sex Chips
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Optimal Sex Takes 3 to 13 Minutes, Study Finds
Thursday, April 03, 2008
NEW YORK - Maybe men had it right all along: It doesn't take long to
satisfy a woman in bed.
A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for
sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be
published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike
at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.
If that sounds like good news to you, don't cheer too loudly. The
time does not count foreplay, and the therapists did rate sexual
intercourse that lasts from 1 to 2 minutes as "too short."
Researcher Eric Corty said he hoped to ease the minds of those who
believe "more of something good is better, and if you really want to
satisfy your partner, you should last forever."
The questions were not gender-specific, said Corty. But he said
prior research has shown men and women want foreplay and sexual
intercourse to last longer.
Dr. Irwin Goldstein, editor of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, cited
a four-week study of 1,500 couples in 2005 that found the median
time for sexual intercourse was 7.3 minutes. (Women in the study
were armed with stopwatches.)
It's difficult for both older men and young men to make sexual
intercourse last much longer, said Marianne Brandon, a clinical
psychologist and director of Wellminds Wellbodies in Annapolis,
Maryland.
"There are so many myths in our culture of what other people are
doing sexually," Brandon said. "Most people's sex lives are not as
exciting as other people think they are."
Fifty members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research in the
U.S. and Canada were surveyed by Corty, an associate professor of
psychology at Penn State Erie, The Behrend College, and student
Jenay Guardiani. Thirty-four members, or 68 percent, responded,
although some said the optimal time depended on the couple.
Corty said he hoped to give an idea of what therapists find to be
normal and satisfactory among the couples they see.
"People who read this will say, 'I last five minutes or my partner
lasts eight minutes,' and say, 'That's OK,' " he said. "They will
relax a little bit.
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Constipated Chips
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If you are bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, look
in the mirror and repeat the following phrase three times in
succession when symptoms occur:
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in the hands of:
Barack Obama
Joe Biden
Harry Reid
Nancy Pelosi
Tim Geithner
Rahm Emmanuel
Chris Dodd
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If that doesn't scare the shit out of you, then you are probably
destined to be backed up for the rest of your life.
There is no need to thank me for this advice; I'm just doing it as
a public service.
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/A Moment Of Grace
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
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Free Flash Games
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Free E-Books
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Scottish Song
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Sexy Kapper
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Showing Her Boobs On A Catwalk
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Sling Shot
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So Funny
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Korean
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Love Bird
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Love Hurts
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Megan True Love
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Short Chips
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A fat man was seated on his front steps drinking a can of beer when
a busybody spinster from down the street began to berate him for his
appearance. "What a disgusting sight," she said. "If that belly
was on a woman, I'd swear she was pregnant." To which the man smiled
and replied, "Madam, it was and she is."
A salesman knocks at the door and a young boy answers. The little
boy says, "Please be quiet, sir. My mother is a prostitute and
works all night. She sleeps during the day." The salesman scratches
his head and says, "Well, I'll be a son of a bitch" The little boy
replies, "I'm a bastard myself, but I don't go around ringing
people's doorbells and telling them about it."
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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An astronomer slept in the sun,
Then woke with his fly quite undone.
He remarked, with a smile,
"Hoorah! A sundial!
And it's now a quarter past one."
Little Bo Peep, has lost her sheep,
And doesn't know where to find 'em...
But a search revealed,
They were out in the field,
With Little Boy Blue behind 'em.
Said Old Father Maury: "I'm humble,
And getting too old for a tumble,
But produce me a blonde,
And I'm still not beyond
An attempt at an interesting fumble."
<sngged by>
Ross
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How To Talk To Hot Women
I must admit, a woman is a mans best friend.
While I was in college, I did the typical guy thing.
Went to bars, and tried to hang out with chicks; but actually
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Parting Chips
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One day an old farmer fell asleep in the top level in a 2 level hay
shed. When he woke up, he found his son having sex with his
girlfriend on the bottom level of the hay shed. He decided he
wouldn't disturb them, so he laid down and rested.
After a while he heard his son say, "Father, father up above.
Give me strength for one last shove."
So the father, being smart, replied, "Son, son down
below. Get off and give your father a go."
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1866
Three Little Words
BJ has been impressed with Katie's behavior.
They have buddied up quite well.
Katie: Father I have three words I have to say to you.
BJ: I love you to Katie.
Katie: No, that's not it.
BJ: Oh, what are they then Katie?
Katie: Can I stay?
BJ: What do you mean?
Katie: Can I stay with you here in Guthrie until you have to move to
Kansas. It would be good for you not to be alone and it is
wonderful for me. I need this.
BJ: You don't miss Rudy, Sandi and Val?
Katie: Yes, but not as much as I need you father.
BJ: Well then it is decided. You stay. We go to Caldwell on
weekends though.
Katie: Yes!!!!
The herd
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Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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