Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the Archives The Navy decided to send me through firefighting
school four times in the nine years I spent in, three at San Diego
and one at Great Lakes during Boot Camp along with the Gas Chamber.
The last time in San Diego was after leaving shore duty and I
figured it would be a breeze, like the other ones. We got to the
stage of investigating a fire. I was scene leader and the team was
comprised of people that had no experience in a DC station but still
things were going well. The investigator felt the watertight door
with the back of his hand and screamed," hot hatch." and the
firefighting team moved in to start cooling him as he undogged the
hatch hinge side first. All by the book, except the nozzle man went
right past the spray position on the nozzle to straight stream
flattening the investigator against the wall. This was a pretty
good sized guy and he was a little upset but the instructor stopped
the exercise and told us to start over with everyone in the same
position. The same thing happened again, handle all the way back to
straight stream and I had to jump in between to keep the
investigator from attacking the nozzle man.
After that we moved to the two engineering fires and the first one
went excellent. 5,000 gallons of fuel oil in the bilges, and a can
of gas in an engine room or boiler room mock-up, two portable foam
mixers with two cans of AFFF in case anything goes wrong and two
hose teams in rain gear. After killing the first fire everybody was
feeling pretty brave. They torched the fire and then asked everyone
if the fire was hot enough yet and everyone said no. They asked
again if the fire was hot enough and everyone said no and then the
nozzle man screamed, " My Jacket is melting." and he dropped the
nozzle and ran. I was second man back on the hose and I shoved the
guy ahead of me forward to the nozzle and we attacked the fire with
both hoses and had it out probably in thirty seconds. The
instructor had them relight the fire and took the nozzle man inside
so that he could quote, " experience what it was like to be inside a
fire and find out that someone had abandoned his station." We didn't
screw around the second time and went in and put the fire out right
away.
I fought a couple of fires on the Constellation, the first because
someone decided to store a semi- load of pipe insulation in
cardboard boxes in an uptakes space. The second was a storeroom
fire in the yards and it burnt up every roll of toilet paper and
paper plates in the storeroom. We got called to GQ at 0600 and PSNS
fire department came onboard and finished putting the fire out about
three hours later. I was glad I never got a chance to test any of
my fuel oil fire training. A friend was the one who caused the fire
on the Kitty Hawk that killed six people. He had cleaned a fuel oil
transfer strainer and hadn't put the guards back on. The strainer
sprayed fuel oil from a bad gasket on a steam line and the fire
sucked all the oxygen out of the space in under thirty seconds.
The watch had started to reel out twin agent hoses and died from
asphyxiation before they had a chance to turn them on.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
Here is a newsletter you may enjoy
C's Place Too
A small group where you can post coupon forms,
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No adult content is allowed.
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Wedding Chips
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THE WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been
dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was
only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger
sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight
miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.. She would regularly bend
down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view.
It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near
anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to
check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she
whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she
couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I
got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one
last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight
to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my
car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside,
all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are
very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for
a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your
car.
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Obama Chips
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Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama were sitting at the bar, drinking
in silence. Suddenly, Hillary turns and without warning, cold cocks
Obama, knocking him off his barstool.
After a moment Obama regains enough of his senses to say "What the
hell did you do that for?"
Clinton replies "That was for destroying the World Trade Centers!"
Barack responds "I didn't destroy the World Trade Centers. That was
Osama Bin Laden."
Clinton answers "Osama, Obama - same damn thing."
Obama shakes his head, climbs back onto his stool and continues with
his drinking. Several minutes later, he turns to Clinton and
without warning, cold cocks her and knocks her to the floor.
Getting to her knees and shaking her head to clear it, she demands
"What the hell did you do that for?"
Obama responds "That was for lying to the Grand Jury, obstructing
justice and for disgracing our country and the Office of the
President."
Clinton answers "I didn't do any of that, it was my husband Bill
Clinton."
Barack responds "Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton - same damn thing."
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Worse Chips
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One day, two deputies in the Sheriff's Office answered an emergency
call at a farmhouse. When they walked in, they found the nude bodies
of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death.
When they went to the living room, they found the body of a man with
a gun at his side. "No doubt about it," one deputy said to the
other. "This was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and
found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he
shot himself."
"You're right," the other deputy replied. "Double murder and
suicide. But I'll bet you when the sheriff gets here he's going to
say 'it could have been worse'."
"No way. How could it be worse? There are three people in the house,
and all of them have been shot to death. It couldn't be worse.
You're on."
About that time, the old sheriff arrived at the scene. He walked
into the bedroom and saw the two nude bodies. He then walked into
the living room and saw the man on the floor with the gun by his
side. "No doubt about it," the sheriff said, shaking his head. "It
was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his
wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot
himself." After hesitating for a moment, the old sheriff looked his
deputies squarely in the eyes. "But, you know," he said, "it could
have been worse."
The deputy who had lost the bet jumped up and shouted, "Sheriff, how
could it have been worse? There are three people in this farmhouse,
and all three of them are dead. It couldn't have been worse??"
"Yes it could," the sheriff retorted. "You see that guy there on the
floor? If he had come home yesterday, that would be me in there in
that bed!"
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Poetry Chips
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Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand..
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.
A MAN'S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
Big tits who owns a bar on a golf course,
And loves to send me fishing and drinking. This Doesn't rhyme and
I don't give a shit.
Bill N.
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Reunion Chips
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Rachel, Clare and Samantha haven't seen each other since High
School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange
to meet for lunch in a wine bar.
Rachel arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of
Pinot Grigio. Clare arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After
the required ritualized kisses she joins Rachel in a glass of wine.
Then Samantha walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans
and boots. She too shares the wine.
Rachel explains that after leaving high school and graduating from
Princeton in Classics, she met and married Timothy, with whom she
has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of New York 's
leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq ft co-op on Fifth Avenue,
where Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a
second home in Phoenix.
Clare relates that she graduated from Harvard Med School and became
a surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading Wall Street investment
banker. They live in Southampton on Long Island and have a second
home in Naples,Florida .
Samantha explains that she left school at 17 and ran off with her
boyfriend, Ben. They run a tropical bird park in California and grow
their own vegetables. Ben can stand five parrots, side by side, on
his willy.
Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later,
Rachel blurts out the her husband is a cashier at Walmart. They live
in a small apartment in Brooklyn and have a travel trailer parked at
a nearby storage facility.
Clare, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty,
explains that she and Clive are both nurses' aides in a retirement
home. They live in Jersey City and take vacation camping trips to
Alabama.
Samantha says that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.
Gordon
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
NEW PAGE/RANDY TRAVIS SINGING/BY MARLENE
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John w/ Misty
http://heavens-gates.com/50s/misty/
The Altar
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Convert WMA to MP3 files
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Instantly chat with a random user ? Via Wesley
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Movie Links
Fanfare
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Final Call
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Flashlights
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Girls
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Giving Change Adult
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Kitty Is In Love
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Kiwi Bacon Mmmm!
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Loafing
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Looking For My Wallet And Car Keys
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Lundi
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Postal Chips
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A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer
asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward
employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my
testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough
points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00
am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on
starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to
4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two
hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our
balls. No point in you coming in for that."
Shelly
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Toon Chips
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forget it harry
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you don't understand
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testing the water
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Shipwreck Chips
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A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical
island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then
one day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes
half-ripped off, washes up on a piece of driftwood.
He explains to her how he existed for twenty years, digging for
clams, and eating fruits and berries.
She says, "Well, what did you do for love?"
He says, "Love? What's that?"
She says, "I'll show you." She shows him. Then she shows him again.
Then she shows him one more time. When they're finally done, she
says, "Well, how do you like love?"
He says, "It's great. But look what you did to my clam digger."
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Parting Chips
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Top three things to say before having sex:
1. I love you (but only if you mean it)
2. Rock my world
3.Let's get ready to RUMBLE...
~~~~~~
Top three things NOT to say before having sex:
1. Is this gunna hurt?
2. Sure....I've done this thousands of times...
3. Are you sure it's on there?
~~~~~~~
Top 3 things to say after sex:
1. Are you sure this was you're first time?
2. Gotta cigarette?
3. Wanna do it again?
~~~~~~
Top 3 things NOT to say after sex:
1. That was IT??
2. I think I hear my mom calling me ---- see ya
3. OOPS, the condom broke!
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1857
Towanda
Rudy: So what is so special about Towanda, Kansas pops?
BJ: Unknown to a lot of people is a way to find a underground river.
The Indians a very long time ago would seek shelter there where it
was cool and of course water their horses.
Sandi: How would they get their horses underground?
BJ: There is a cave entrance. We will go there if it is not boarded
up.
Later..
Katie: I can still here and guard the van.
Val: Come on Katie, I will protect you.
Katie: Nonsense, I was just thinking of the van and wanting to make
certain nobody stole it.
BJ leads everyone into the cave and down down down and finally..
Rudy: Hey, shine the light over here, it is dark!
Diana: Stop! Do not take a step or you will be in the river Rudy.
Rudy is shaking.: Okay Toots!
Sandi: This is pretty cool and it is much cooler down here than
outside.
Val: I bet it is twenty or thirty degrees cooler here.
BJ: Yes, just one of the neat mysteries of our new state.
The herd
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Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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