Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
First let me take a minute to wish a Happy Birthday to Shelly's
Grandma. Shelly says
On a lighter note ..... today would be my Grandmas 100th birthday
.. Her name is Saint Ann Larocque .. She is from Turtle Mountain
North Dakota the Chippewa tribe .. Belcourt ND ... She had 11
kids and many many grand kids ,great grand kids .. she was a Saint
to us all and I wish that old Willard Scott would have recognized
her today ... Maybe you could remember her in some way .. she baked
the best bread Dailey and made us butterflies out of foam , with a
magnet on the back to hang on the fridge ..She also made the best
quilts .. made of whatever she could find .. and they were
beautiful and very heavy.. I am not sure how she paid to ship them
to Washington .. but she always did ... .. Grandparents are always
the best !!!!
From The Archives
One thing you learn quickly in the Navy is that memories of friends
last forever but the Navy has a way of giving you new friends, new
ships, and new ports every few years. Jim and his wife were good
friends even though Jim had a habit of attracting trouble when he
was drunk. He had an argument with a neighbor and had been
threatened with a shotgun and after an argument at the EM club
another person had tried to run him down with their car. Jim wasn't
a bad guy he just attracted trouble like the Incredible Hulk.
Fast forward about six months had been out to sea for about two
weeks on carrier quals when I got the word that NIS was aboard and
wanted to talk to me in the Master at Arms office. I went up there
and was informed that Jim had been murdered in Seattle the week
before and they were interviewing anyone who knew him. I told them
about the previous skirmishes and answered all of their questions,
why not we all had the perfect alibi, we were on a ship 1000 miles
from Seattle when it happened. The discussion rapidly started to go
downhill though and the next question I was asked was since I
had spent a lot of time in his house, was I having an affair with
Jim's wife. I was flabbergasted that they would even suggest that so
I told them Ok, I did it, I stole a plane from the flight deck, flew
to Seattle and killed Jim so I could be with his wife and then flew
back to the ship before anyone noticed I was gone.
Needless to say they expressed contempt for my stupid humor and I
expressed contempt for their stupid questions. I still don't know if
they ever found a suspect, a search on the internet revealed no
stories but it was over 30 years ago.
Hope you enjoyed the story..... buffalo
One more thing... A request from another herd member
Hey guy, this is a note from my daughter in law. She has entered my
grandson in a baby contest in which he can win a college
scholarship. Wouldya ,Couldya post this to your groups and ask for
help in this endeavor? Thanks for considering it, Martie.
(keep up the GREAT work with the Buffalo groups. You have saved my
butt a couple times with computer issues)
John is entered into the Gerber baby photo contest and the grand
prize is a college scholarship. The winners in each age group are
based on the publics' votes, so pleasssse vote for him! You can vote
every day, but only once per email and per computer daily. If you
go to the
website: http://www.gerber.com/photo
then you click on the "vote" tab. You can search for his photo by
clicking on the "Search Photos" on the bottom and enter his name and
location (John, Myrtle Beach).
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Over Chips
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The Relationship With Your Wife/Girlfriend Is Over When ...
- She puts your dinner on the floor in the Rover Dish.
- The milkman is wearing your bathrobe.
- You get a ticket for the Jerry Springer Show.
- She starts every sentence with the words ...
"To whom it may concern."
- Your mail comes addressed to "Current Resident."
- The local mortician starts measuring you for a new suit.
- Her mother looks at you and starts laughing.
- You are urged to stir your coffee "very well," before drinking it.
- Your favourite easy chair is plugged into the wall outlet.
- All of your shirts have a target painted on them.
- People are already referring to her as the "widow."
- You come home and all that is left of the house is the foundation.
- Your name is Fred and a new tattoo just below her navel reads ...
"Joe's Place."
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Short Chips
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Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed.
Doctor: You should cut down on drinks.
Patient: I don't touch a drop.
Doctor: You should cut down on smoking.
Patient: I don't smoke.
Doctor: You should stop taking drugs.
Patient: I don't do drugs.
Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing.
Patient: Haven't touched a woman in my life.
Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, do some
drugs, and find a couple of girlfriends
Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to
begin working on her, she grabs his crotch. The dentist says,
"Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates." The woman
replies, "Yes. Now, we're going to be careful not to hurt each
other, aren't we."
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Speeding Chips
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A young girl (18ish) walks into a prestige car sales room. Looks
around
at all the Porsches, Lamborghini's, Jags etc., and says to the
salesman
"can I have the red one?" - a top of the range Porsche.
" I'll pay cash!" and starts taking handfuls of tenners out of a
carrier
bag until she gets to the right price.
The deal is finalised very quickly and the girl drives it away.
She is back 2 days later - "I want my money back...it smell awfully
bad
when I use the brakes" she states emphatically.
Not wanting to lose the sale (having taken cash and fiddled the
books)
the manager decides to ride in the car with her 'in case she is not
driving it properly'
He gets in and she roars out of the dealership, drops it into second
gear at 55 mph, floors the pedal again and slips into 3rd at 80mph
does
a handbrake turn into a country lane and then really starts to
accelerate.
120mph into 4th gear; 5th at 145mph. The engine is screaming, trying
to
leap out of the bonnet when it reaches 170mph.
The scenery is a green blur the G-force has him pinned in the seat.
In
the distance, to his relief, the barriers of a level crossing are
beginning to come down and she will have to slow down (he thinks!)
instead the pitch of the engine increases.
100yards from the crossing she slams on the brakes and the car stops
inches from the barrier.
"Can you smell it?" she says.
"SMELL IT? I'M SITTING IN IT!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A kid had cut open a golf ball and had *eaten* the liquid centre.
The stuff in this case was a thick, dark fluid, and the child's
mother naturally assumed that it was some petroleum product. She
frantically called the family doctor, and as she was rushing to the
doctor's office with the apparently poisoned kid, the doctor was
rapidly flipping through the "Common Household Poisons" book. There
was no mention of golf balls in it. The doctor called up a golf ball
manufacturer and explained the situation; but they said that their
golf balls had a solid core. "I wish I'd asked the name of the
manufacturer!" the doctor lamented. The ball manufacturer helpfully
named their sole competitor that made balls with liquid centres.
Another quick phone call, and the
answer: the centre was made of cod liver oil.
A magician accidentally turned his wife into a couch and his two
kids into armchairs. He started to panic and thought to himself,
"What the heck have I done?" He began to ponder, "How am I going to
bring back my beloved family?" So, he thought for a while and
decided a good idea was to take them to a hospital and see if the
surgeon could operate and bring them back. He loads them into his
van and off he rushes to the local hospital. He walked up and down
the hospital and after some serious surgery, he asks the doctor,
"Doc, how are they doing?" The doctor replies, "Comfortable, sir!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toad Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a yellow frog and all the other frogs used to tease
him. So, one day he went to an old witch and asked if she could,
change him to green.
The witch said she could and she said the magic words. The frog was
green!
But when the frog looked down he said, "Witch, my private parts are
still yellow!"
The witch said, "I don't do private parts; you'll have to go to my
sister down the road." And so off the frog went.
Later that day a blue deer came to ask the witch to change him to
brown. The witch did. Then he too saw that his private parts were
blue. "What about my private parts?" The witch told him to go to
his sister's house and she'd change his private parts to brown.
The deer said, "I'm not very good with directions. How do I get
there?"
The witch said, "Oh that's easy, just follow the yellow dicked
toad!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Old Broad Top
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Ann/BT.html
John/Sweet Little Sixteen
http://heavens-gates.com/50s/sweetlittle16/
Why God Gave Us Pets
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/gpets.html
PLaying With Food!
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Surfin Surfari
Hybrid cars
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Bear Gunner
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/games/beargunner
Nature's Treatments Via Wesley
http://www.natures-treatments.com/
Eleanor Powell and Fred Astaire Best Tap dancers ever!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toDl2hXt8BM
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Generate Passwords Via Wesley
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Anonymous emails
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Ram
http://computer.howstuffworks.com/question175.htm
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Strip Poker
http://www.buffaloschips.com/81824.htm
Sumsing Turbo 3000
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Sure Lock
http://www.buffaloschips.com/81826.htm
Swan Song
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Talent
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Helicopter
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Hilarious Prank
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Hombres
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Hot Dog
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How To Blow Away A Deer
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vagina Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This lady goes to the gynecologist but won't reveal to the
receptionist what's wrong with her, just that she must see a doctor
right away. After hours of waiting, her name is called and she's
taken to the examination room. The Doctor asks, "Ok my good woman
what is your problem?" "Well, she says, my husband is a very
compulsive gambler and every nickel he can get his hands on he
gambles. I have scrimped and saved every dollar I could to save up
$500. I didn't know a safe hiding place, so I stuffed it up my
vagina. But now, I can't get it out!" The doctor says, "Don't be
nervous, I see things like this all the time. He asks her to remove
her clothes and sit on the edge of the examination table with her
legs apart. As he's putting on his rubber gloves, he glances up at
her and asks... "I only have one question. What am I looking for?
Bills or loose change?"
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Toon Chips
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Flying Saucer
http://www.buffaloschips.com/31801.htm
Co-op
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Leprechauns
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Not Yourself
http://www.buffaloschips.com/31804.htm
Chess
http://www.buffaloschips.com/31805.htm
PMS Meaning
http://www.buffaloschips.com/31806.htm
Vampire Community
http://www.buffaloschips.com/31807.htm
One Way To Look At Things
http://www.buffaloschips.com/31808.htm
Dead Wood
http://www.buffaloschips.com/31809.htm
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Limerick Chips
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A neurotic young playboy named Gleason
Liked boys for no tangible reason
A frontal lobotomy
All but cured him of sodomy
But ruined his plans for the season.
Suzie Wong and her sister looked tight
When they laid Mr. Wright one hot night
He resisted just one
But a pair?.. Too much fun
Which is how two Wongs made a Wright.
<snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm in love with my sheep," the nervous young man told his
psychiatrist.
"Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled.
"Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and
I
have a dog we are very attached to." "But, doctor," continued the
troubled patient, "I feel physically attracted to my sheep."
"Hmmm," observed the doctor. "Is it male or female?"
"Female, of course!"
the man replied curtly. "What do you think I am, GAY?"
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1852
Just Stuff
Sandi: Whatcha thinking about Daddy?
BJ: I was thinking about a time a long time ago.
Rudy: Tell us about it Pops.
BJ: Okay, it might be difficult for you guys to understand but here
goes.
I used to tell my two young sons bedtime stories. They loved it
better
than reading books to them. Perhaps that is why I like to write.
Katie: Got your imagination going huh?
BJ: Yeah it did, a different story every night and it became a
challenge.
Well times moves forward and it became apparent that my boys started
to grow older and just wanted to sleep at night.... the stories were
becoming a thing of the past. The magic that happened in that room,
the magic,,sigh, the places, the creatures, the adventures, were
starting
to lose their luster.
Well one night they asked for a story...I told them one and the
magic
re-appeared in all it's glory. The boys, my boys were contented. I
left
the room happy yet knowing the time for the magic was slipping away.
Val: That's sad.
BJ: Yeah, so I wrote this in memory of those times in that room
with
my boys. "There will never be a time, like the time there was 'Once
Upon a Time' "
Sandi dabbing at her eyes: That's just so sad Daddy.
BJ: No not really, I had those memories and the magic was
wonderful.
These times with you are magic and wonderful just in a different
way.
Katie: Group hug!
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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