Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Ok I suppose I could lie to you and say that I wrote a great intro
for today's chips and Eva deleted it while I wasn't looking or that
one of the cats jumped on my keyboard and had the same effect, but I
am going to stick with the truth instead. Last night a UFO landed,
oh nevermind that's a lie too. I am just feeling lazy today because
the weather is lousy and the news depressing. Even a liter of Diet
Coke and 2 of those coffee breath strips did nothing to get me in
the mood so all I can do is say, " Have a Great Weekend.' ...
buffalo
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F Chips
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History's top 10 times for appropriate use of the "F"-word:
10th - "Scattered f***ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
9th - "How the f*** did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
8th - "You want WHAT on the f***ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
7th - "Where did all those f***ing Indians come from?" - Custer,
1877
6th - "It does so f***ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
5th - "Where the f*** are we?" Amelia Earhart, 1937
4th - "Any f***ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
3rd - "What the f*** was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945
2nd - "I need this parade like I need a f***ing hole in the head!" -
JFK, 1963
AND ... drum roll please ....
The Number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word .......
"Aw c'mon. Who the f*** is gonna find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009
Harveythefrogprince
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
roadrunner
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jollly green giant
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don't be upset
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Short Chips
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*My friend is out there job hunting. He says he always has a problem
when filling out the job application and gets to the part about
'Sex: F or M'. He says he never knows which to choose -- He says he
really likes to 'F', but he spends most of the time alone 'M'-ing.
Sorority girls don't talk during sex because their mothers taught
them never to talk to strangers.
In the sleepy village of Erbum near the town of Tillet in
Hertfordshire, lives a women called Linda Lykes. She is the
land-lady of the local pub, The Cockwell Inn. For some unknown
reason, she gets embarrassed whenever she receives her post: "Linda
Lykes The Cockwell Inn Erbum Tillet Herts."
A guy walks up to a hooker and asks, "how much do you charge to rub
the genitals?" She says, "The same as the Jews."
Stan Kegel
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Football Chips
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There was a man named Jones and he played 3rd string center for a
pro football team. Friday came around and he started to feel ill. As
the weekend went on he got worse. It came time for the game on
Monday night and he could not get out of bed.
His wife told him to go cause they needed the money and that all he
had to do is sit on the bench. Feeling real ill he told his wife
that he could not go. She gets the idea to dress in is his uniform
and just sit on the bench in his place because he almost never
plays.
During the first quarter the first string center gets knocked out.
During the 2nd quarter the 2nd string center gets knocked out. The
coach yells "Jones get in there," so she goes out onto the field and
immediately gets knocked out.
Twenty minutes later she wakes up finding the coach over her pushing
on her tits saying, "Don't worry Jones when we get your balls back
down your dick will pop out."
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Condom Chips
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In this age of safe sex the need for condoms are a must but some
people still have a difficult time buying them.
Take my friend, Joe.
Our local store carries condoms behind the counter and you need to
ask the salesperson to get them.
So Joe went up to the salesperson, but he was so nervous he could
only ask where the straws were.
So he bought the straws and left only to have to come back to buy
his condoms.
Again Joe came into the store and was still so nervous he could only
ask where the tweezers were, so he bought a pair of tweezers and
left.
Joe once again had to go back and buy his condoms.
He went up to the salesperson and said, in a low tone, "I need some
condoms."
The salesperson rang up the sale and said, "First you come in to buy
straws, then to buy tweezers, and now to buy condoms."
"What I want to know is..... are you going to suck it, pluck it, or
fuck it?"
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Demerit Chips
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Female Demerit System
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman
happy. Do
something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes
and points are
subtracted.You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry,
that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-20)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old
school friend
(-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer (-20)
Tina has silicone implants (-80)
HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the
colors of your favorite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it
(+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and
baggy Hawaiian
shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter
what)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what
looks like a
concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)
Virginia
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Never Alone
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/F_S/Alo.html
Last Ten Years
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71PlPYq35n8&feature=related
John/Dirt Roads
http://heavens-gates.com/dirtroads/
One Of Those Days
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Always Here
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Surfin Surfari
A List of phobias
http://www.phobiaguide.com/
Southern Gospel Artists and Groups
http://tinyurl.com/2fgjcku
Yankee Stadium: A New Monument Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.com/chfqcv
Long Distance Relationship
http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
34 Updates from Microsoft on Tues.
http://go.infopackets.com/e20100806-07
2D physics sandbox
http://www.phunland.com/wiki/Home
Shiny Binary Art
http://www.shinybinary.com/
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Great White Shark
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Movie Links
Sir Edmund
http://www.buffaloschips.com/81814.htm
Smoke Inhalation
http://www.buffaloschips.com/81815.htm
Sneeze Aivastus
http://www.buffaloschips.com/81816.htm
Sorry Sir no bathing suits in the lobby
http://www.buffaloschips.com/81817.htm
Sorry Officer
http://www.buffaloschips.com/81818.htm
Exam
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Future Engineers
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Glock Home Protection
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Gunfighter
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Guterbike
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Sex Chips
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Explaining Sex To Your Teenage Son
------------------------------------------------
"Hold on a minute... did you just say you humped up in my mammas
pussy while she was still pregnant with me????"
"We made LOVE son, yes"
"I can't believe what I'm hearing! You sick bastard!"
"It's quite normal son"
"QUITE NORMAL? QUITE FUCKING NORMAL? You call shooting your load
over a babies head normal???"
"Why, you were in quite a different part of your mothers body, son.
You were safely tucked away in a placental sack in her womb
protected from my ejaculate by a cervical mucus plug, not to mention
uterine muscle and a cushion of amniotic fluid."
"Don't try and baffle me with science you freaky fetish freak. What
was it? Like some fucked up hippy baptism orgy?"
"Don't be like that son, lots of people make love when expecting a
baby, particularly during the second trimester. It's quite possible
right through the third trimester up to birth you know."
"Lot's of people? What is this? Some kind of incestuous
semi-paedophilic menage et trois? Is it like some sort of Masonic
ritual to join some fucked-up sex mad society?"
"Yes son. OK. Have it your way. I'm a freaky fetish freak who
shot his load all over your head while humping up in your mammas
pussy during a Masonic incestuous semi-paedophilic mushroom ritual
to give you a hippy baptism so that you could join our sex mad
society. And I've been wanking into your shampoo bottles every
since."
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Toon Chips
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Painting
http://www.buffaloschips.com/30813.htm
Can
http://www.buffaloschips.com/30812.htm
Booty call
http://www.buffaloschips.com/30814.htm
Pantie lock
http://www.buffaloschips.com/30815.htm
Amazon.com
http://www.buffaloschips.com/30816.htm
Show Girl
http://www.buffaloschips.com/30817.htm
Sperm Bank
http://www.buffaloschips.com/30818.htm
Big Daddy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/30819.htm
Best Catch
http://www.buffaloschips.com/30820.htm
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Create A Permanent Bond To Any Surface Instantly
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Limerick Chips
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A Sailor, Ashore In Peru
Said ''Senora, Quanto Por La Screw?''
''For Only One Peso
I Will, If You Say So,
Be Buggered And Nibble It Too.''
I once knew a gal that was on the pill
She would screw till she quite was ill,
And claimed that she got in the habit
From just watching her furry pet rabbit
But her appetite none was ever able to fill
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Parting Chips
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There was this Chinese businessman visiting a
newly acquired business in the United States.
As a gesture of good will, the executives of
his newly acquired business took him to a golf
course for a round of golf. He had never
played the game before.
Upon his return to China, his family asked what
he had done in the United States.
He replied, "Played most interesting game. Hit
little white ball with long stick in large cow
pasture. Name of game is Oh shit!"
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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