Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
buffalo says Today we look at duty and what it means virtually every
serviceman.
I PUT ON MY UNIFORM TODAY!
A Chief Master Sergeant sat behind his desk, just down the hall from
his commander's office at Ennee AFB, America. As the Chief started
on a second cup of coffee and finished the last of the morning
messages, the commander stepped into the office. "Chief," the
Colonel said, "I hate to ask you this, but you are needed in
Southwest Asia in six days for a 90-day rotation. Can you go?"
With no voiced emotion and without looking up, the Chief replied,
"Ma'am, I put on my uniform this morning."
The Colonel, somewhat taken a-back, thought to herself, "The Chief
doesn't usually talk in riddles. Has this veteran of 24 years gone
off of the deep end?" The wise old protector of the enlisted corps
smiled and began to explain. "Ma'am, I made a promise to myself
more than 20 years ago, that I would only put this uniform on as
long as I'm available for duty. You see, while is is obvious to
most Air Force members, it seems to completely escape others.
'Available for duty' means more than the desire to negotiate and
select the premium assignments or choicest TDY's. It requires us to
go any place in the world the president or officers appointed over
us determines, at any given time. This doesn't mean we shouldn't
want or receive our preferences. It does mean we'll go when and
where we are needed and called. Now this may seem overly simplistic,
but, I think everyone can
agree: when it comes to defining service to our country, the answer
is just that simple. In today's world of 'What can you do for me?'
it's very easy to lose sight of what 'service to country' is all
about. Service goes far beyond the individual; it affects the
well-being of our nation. Sitting in comfortable surroundings, at
your dream base in CONUS, it's easy to forget the sacrifices we
agreed to endure in service to our country. Sitting in Saudi,
Italy, Bosnia, or maybe Korea, the sacrifices become much clearer.
The bottom line today is that we are an all-volunteer force, and
though our force has been reduced by 30 percent in the last five
years, it remains a highly mobilized, continually-tasked
'corporation.' Everyone is vital to its continued success."
The Chief continued by saying, "The Air Force will go on tomorrow
with or without any single one of us; however, the efficiency of any
one of its specific units may be adversely effected by the loss of
only a few. All of us have the responsibility to report our
availability for duty. If someone has a family problem or special
circumstances that precludes them from being available, they need to
report it immediately and especially prior to being deployed. If
any member does not deploy when called upon, another member must
fill that slot. So, any time someone cannot or will not deploy, the
ripple effect is felt throughout the Air Force. Everyone's family
would like them to be home for the holidays. I can't think of a
single person who would intentionally miss their child's graduation.
And we're all aware of the pain of losing a loved one and know how
the grief can be compounded by not being at their side in the final
moments. Yes, we are all continually asked to make sacrifices. Yet
some seem to forget that we are serving our nation, and that we are
all volunteers. Who said it was going to be easy? The leadership of
our country depends upon us for being good and true to our word.
Every day, each of us needs to look into the mirror before getting
into uniform and ask, 'Am I available for duty?' If the answer is
"No," then we need to notify our supervisor, first sergeant, or
commander immediately! Then the next step is to determine if the
non-availability is temporary or permanent. Then the toughest
question must be asked--should that person resign, separate, or
retire? There are no gray areas. Everyone must decide for
themselves."
Finally the Chief looked at his commander, and said, "Ma'am, as I
said earlier, I put on my uniform today, and I'm available for duty.
Do you still need a 'yes' or 'no' answer to your question?"
( This is one of the best explanations of duty I have ever seen . It
could have been written by any senior military person or any one of
dozens of jobs like doctors, nurses, firemen, and policeman , that
report to work each day not sure what the day will bring. Many
thanks to the graywiz for sharing it with us. )
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
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Ed and Dorothy met while on a singles cruise and Ed
fell head over heels for her. When they discovered
they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed
was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out
when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed
had taken Dorothy to dance clubs, restaurants,
concerts, movies, and museums.
Ed became convinced that Dorothy was indeed his
soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better
than the last. On the one-month anniversary of their
first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Dorothy to a
fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting
for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very
much in love with you.
I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues
to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket
and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn
you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf. I read about golf.
I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe
golf. If that's going to be a problem, for us, you'd better
say so now!"
Dorothy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that
certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and
I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with
each other, you need to know that about the last five
years I've been a hooker."
"Oh wow! I see," Ed replied. He looked down at the table,
and was quiet for a moment, deep in thought then he
added. "You know, it's probably just because you're not
keeping your wrists straight when you tee off!"
Randy
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Pick-up Chips
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Jewish Pick up Lines:
1) Do you wanna see my haftorah portion?
2) I got a trust fund for my bar mitzvah, what'd you get?
3) Do you want to spin my dreidel?
4) Your father must have been a rabbi because he stole the vowels
from the Torah and put them in your eyes.
5) What's a nice Jew like you doing eating scrapple like this?
(Note:
can only be used when the person in question is eating scrapple).
6) That's a nice looking yarmulke you're wearing, but it would look
even better lying next to my bed tomorrow morning.
7) Can I put my Torah in your ark?
8) Is that a mezuzzah in your pocket or are you just happy to see
me?
9) Can I part your red sea?
10) I've got ten commandments you can follow...
11) Going out with me is like having Chanukah all year long.
12) Want to wander through my desert?
13) I've got Ramses in my wallet that wants to put you back in
slavery.
14) Wanna go back to my place and play "Hide the Matzah?"
15) I've got six pieces of gelt and a grogger in my pocket.
16) Nice talis, want to f**k?
17) Why don't you slide your matzoh balls o'er here next to my
gefilte fish.
18) Why should we recline tonight instead of on all other nights?
Cause I'm holy, baby. Real holy.
19) Some guys use whip cream. I'm a potato latke man myself.
20) Why is this night different than all other nights? I'll show you
why...
21) Hiding that matzah is only half the fun.
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Short Chips
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"And will there be anything else, Ma'am?" the bellboy asked after
setting out an elaborate dinner for two.
"No, thank you," the lady replied. "That will be all."
As the young man turned to leave, he noticed silk pajamas on the
chair by the bed. "Anything for your husband?" he asked.
"Nah," the lady said. "I'll pick up a postcard for him in the
morning."
Two gay guys s are standing on a bridge watching ships pass by
underneath them. One says to the other, "What kind of ship is
that?"
"Container ship," replies the other.
"Okay, what's that one over there?"
"Oil Tanker."
"How about that one?"
"That's a ferry boat."
"Really? I knew we were strong, but I never knew we had our own
NAVY!"
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Old Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
World's Ten Oldest Jokes The Dave Historical Humour study spent two
months trawling the annals of history to produce the first report of
its kind into the world's oldest recorded jokes. We reveal the
results:
1. Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a
young woman did not fart in her husband's lap. (1900 BC - 1600 BC
Sumerian Proverb Collection 1.12-1.13)
2. How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of
young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the
pharaoh to go catch a fish. (An abridged version first found in
1600 BC on the Westcar Papryus)
3. Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one owned the ox, the
other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon's load. The owner
of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be
eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his
cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused
because he feared his load would be stolen. So they all went. In
their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf
which ate the wagon's load.
Problem: Who owns the calf?!
(1200 BC)
4. A woman who was blind in one eye has been married to a man for
20 years. When he found another woman he said to her, "I shall
divorce you because you are said to be blind in one eye." And she
answered him: "Have you just discovered that after 20 years of
marriage!?"
(Egyptian circa 1100 BC)
5. Odysseus tells the Cyclops that his real name is nobody. When
Odysseus instructs his men to attack the Cyclops, the Cyclops
shouts: "Help, nobody is attacking me!" No one comes to help.
(Homer.
The Odyssey 800 BC)
6. Question: What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two at
noon and three at evening? Answer: Man. He goes on all fours as a
baby, on two feet as a man and uses a cane in old age. (Appears in
Oedipus Tyrannus and first performed in 429 BC)
7. Man is even more eager to copulate than a donkey - his purse is
what restrains him. (Egyptian, Ptolemaic Period 304 BC - 30 BC)
8. Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd
who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued he asked:
"Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?" "No your
Highness," he replied, "but my father was." (Credited to the Emporer
Augustus 63 BC - 29 AD)
9. Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer
him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said "I've had a
great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died." (Dated
to the Philogelos 4th /5th Century AD)
10. Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king
replied: "In silence." (Collected in the Philogelos or "Laughter-
Lover" the oldest extant jest book and compiled in the 4th/5th
Century AD)
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Short Chips
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I wouldn't want to fly Virgin; who'd want to fly with an airline
that doesn't go all the way.
I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, and I whispered softly in her
ear, "You're the best I've ever had" She chuckled, "But I'm sure you
told me I'm the only one you ever had." I replied, "Well, you were.
But I wanted to have a comparison. So I fucked your little sister
and your best friend."
During sex my girlfriend suffers from temporary paralyisis from the
waist down. Whenever i put my dick in her she never feels a thing.
So i decided we should got to a doctor. Reluctantly my girlfriend
agreed, and came along with me. The doctor asked her, "Do you know
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so. It never happens when I'm with his brothers or his friends."
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Melva/Jewel
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"A Starry Night"
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Crossed The Line
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
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Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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Kitty Korner
Albino Bears
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Movie Links
Nipple Bitten Off
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Camel Toe Video
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Hand Up
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Mini Gun Highlights
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Gunfighter
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Guterbike
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Love
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Hair Piece
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Hang Onto That Pole
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RCMP Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a bitterly cold winter's day several years ago in northern
British Columbia , an RCMP constable on patrol came across a
motorcyclist, who was swathed in protective clothing and helmet,
stalled by the roadside.
"What's the matter?" asked the policeman.
"Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply.
"Pee on it. That'll thaw it out."
"Can't."
"OK, . . .I will."
The constable lubricated the carburetor, as promised.
The bike started and the rider drove off, waving.
A few days later, the detachment office received a note of thanks
from the father of the motorbike rider.
It began: "On behalf of my daughter, who recently was stranded
......"
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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There was a young woman named Jeannie
Who sobbed to her date, "You're a meanie".
You claim you're a stud
But, oh, what a dud!
Your prick is a real teeny-weeny.
________________________________
So well stacked was the new coed named brenda
All the studs wanted to part her pudenda
But, to their dismay
they discover her first lay
Was not tom, dick ,or harry, but, glenda
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All animals know what they're after
Good health and long lives and loud laughter
Our relatives simian
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Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
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PROUD father of an American Soldier
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two elderly spinsters sitting in church, one of them complaining
about the length of the minister's sermon. "Its taking so long that
my butt is falling asleep" she said. "I know" said the second
spinster.... "I could hear it snoring once in awhile" !!!
and..........
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selling sex", the hooker says, " I'm selling condoms, with free
pussy samples " !!!
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1863
Home and Work
Ring Ring Ring
BJ: This is BJ, may I help you?
Katie: I am sorry to phone you at work father, but I cannot find
the remote control for the television.
BJ: Did you look on the coffee table?
Katie: Oh no, I looked on the end table. Oh there it is
thank you father. Where are the Lassie movies?
BJ: Probably packed away and in Kansas by now.
Katie: Waaah!
BJ: Hang in there ole girl, it will be fine. Put it on the
animal planet channel you will be okay.
Katie: Okay, I can do that. When are we going to Caldwell?
BJ: As soon as I get off work.
Katie: I will need to go to the bathroom first.
BJ: Of course.
Katie: I will need supper also.
BJ: Of course.
Katie: I have my bags backed already.
BJ: Naturally. Are you glad you stayed?
Katie: Well it is boring here at home alone..by yourself.
BJ: That is how it is when I come home from work every night..
Katie: Group hug!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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