Funzines - Clean Cartoons for September 1, 2010
[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For 8-31-10
Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Took Eva with me grocery shopping today and now everyone
in the store knows who we are. People are friendly but when a
4 year old says," Hi my name is Eva Brabant and this is my
Grandpa.", it has a tendency to start a conversation. Buffy
used to do the same thing except since she hadn't me her
grandmother yet she would ask any lady older than 40 to be
her grandmother and then ask them for a hug.
While we were out I picked up some potato chips. We have
a company in Detroit that has been making chips for 80 years
called Better Made. They have a sweet barbecue chip that is
excellent but all of their chips are comparable in quality to
Frito-Lay and tend to be on sale a lot more often. After
working on the lists for an hour I decided it was time to take
a break with my bag of chips and a glass of soda and
my chips were missing. I went into my room and the half
empty bag of chips was sitting next to Buffy's computer. Sandy
came in a minute later and I offered her a chip but she had
already been munching my chips too. No wonder by the time
I get around to wanting some my chips are gone and all that are
left are the salt and vinegar chips that they like and I don't
eat anything that smells like an old hot water bottle. Since it
is hard to be faster anymore I guess I better buy two bags and
find a hiding place for mine.
Got a strange call from a company in Utah and the caller ID read
Do Not Answer so I didn't. Wonder what their next trick is?
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
A newsletter you may enjoy
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Little johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny goes into a house of ill repute and asks for a girl
with gonorrhea.
The madam nodded and sent him upstairs to a room. Then she called
one of her favorites for him.
The girl came into the room and started to undress, when he asked,
"Do you have gonorrhea?"
"Gonorrhea? I should say not," she replied.
Little Johnny sent her back. The madam sent for another girl and
said, "Honey, go upstairs and tell that fool you have the clap.
Let's do what we can to make him happy."
The girl agreed, went upstairs and when Little Johnny asked, "Do you
have gonorrhea?" she smiled and said, "Of course I do."
"Ok," he said, "Let's do it."
After it was over and they were laying side by side the girl said,
"Listen Johnny, I don't really have gonorrhea"
Little Johnny smiled and said, "Well, you do now."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher by
the vice-principal was finished, the vice-principal took a few puffs
on his pipe and said, "I have an informal piece of advice for you,
Miss Bell. There's only one way you can get along in this school
without submitting to the sexual advances of the principal."
"Oh my God! Well, errr, what is that?"
"I'll explain it, " he continued, "as soon as you've undressed."
A husband and wife were celebrating their 80th wedding anniversary,
And the media was there to document the occasion. One of the
reporters asked the secret to their successful marriage and
longevity.
The wife replied that they had never been sick. The young reporter
was astonished and to confirm said, "So, you've never been
bedridden."
And the wife quickly replied, "Oh, 1000's of times, and twice in a
buggy."
Bill & Hillary Clinton were sleeping one night and Hillary wakes up
and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill stays sleeping.
Hillary continues, "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill finally wakes up and says, "What do you want?"
Hillary responds, "I have to go use the bathroom."
To which Bill says, "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to
tell me you have to go to the bathroom."
Hillary says, "No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot."
A rich lady is riding along with her chauffeur when they get a flat
tire. He gets out and starts trying to pry off the hubcap. After he
struggles a few minutes, she looks out at him and says, 'You wanna
screwdriver?'
He says, 'We might as well. I can't get this freaking hubcap off'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Personals Chips
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Seeks aloof, analytic whimp.
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compatible F.
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If you enjoy destroying good furniture, Police lineups and locking
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Let's get together.
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Survey Chips
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* You can gauge a person's education by whether they read in the
bathroom.
* More than 2/3 of the people with a master's degree and doctorates
read in the stall.
* Only one in two high school grads read while in the bathroom, and
56 percent of those with college degrees do.
* Fifty four percent of Americans fold their toilet tissue neatly
while 35 percent wad it into a ball before using it.
* Seven percent steal rolls of toilet paper (hotels/motels)
* More than sixty percent prefer that their toilet paper roll over
the top, twenty nine percent from the bottom. The rest don't care.
What does all this mean? It means we Americans don't have anything
better to think about than wiping our ass.
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Chips
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The young swain was putting forth a good argument. "You see,
darling," he was saying to the pretty young thing, "We can live
together for a while; then if we find we have made a mistake - we
can separate very easily." " Yes," replied the little chick," but
what the hell are we going to do with the little mistake!"
This couple were in bed starting sexual activity when the girl
places the man's hand onto her pussy.
"Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without
hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she
says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked
up when she says, ..."Put your whole hand in!".
The guy's like, "Well,Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she
says moaning and screaming with pleasure, "Put both your hands
inside of me!!!".
So the guy puts both of his hands in!
"Now clap your hands..."commands the girl.
"I can't applaud", says the guy.
The girl looks at him and says....."See, I told you I had a tight
pussy!".
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Condom Chips
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A young amorous couple were about to do the wild thing. They had a
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only to discover that there were only six condoms remaining in the
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His reply was "Honey, I masturbated with them."
She then went to her male confidant friend and told him told him the
story, and asked him if he had ever done this.
"Yeah, once or twice" he told her.
"You mean you have masturbated with a condom before?" she said.
"Oh" he said, "I thought you meant have I lied to my girlfriend."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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A lascivious fellow called Lees
Loved to give his poor cock a long squeeze.
This continual friction
Made real sex a mere fiction,
But the callous hung down to his knees.
_________________________________
There was a young maid from Aberystwyth,
Who took grain to the mill to make grist with.
The miller's son, Jack,
Threw her flat on her back,
And united the organs they pissed with.
_________________________________
A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room,
And they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with whom, and to whom.
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1868
The Tele
BJ arrives home, lets Katie out, lets Katie in.
BJ pops some popcorn puts a movie in the DVD player and gets in
the recliner.
Katie jumps ups on father's lap: This is the life father.
BJ: Ain't that the truth Katherine.
Meanwhile about a 100 miles away..
Diana is on her bed watching TV feeding popcorn to Val on her left
and to Sandi on her right. She tosses one now and then to Rudy who
is at the foot of the bed.
Diana: This is the life guys. All we need is for all of us, dad
and Katie
to be here under one roof.
Rudy: I will second that emotion!
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For 8-30-10
Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I got up this morning about 1000 and noticed it was already
hot in the house. We ran out of soda last night so I made
a run to the store and it was already 89 degrees outside.
Had to go to several places to find Diet Coke which is not
something they normally run out of. I also restocked on
Popsicles and headed back home. When I got there Buffy
was waiting for the Suburban to go pay some bills. I pointed
the fan at my bed and laid down to nap until the place cooled
down.
While Buffy was out she picked up several packs of batteries
and when she got back Sandy and Buffy tried to set up the
sidewalk spray painter. They got the paint mixed but couldn't
get it to work so they came in and woke me out of a sound
sleep to try and fix it. I glanced at the instructions and the first
thing was that the nozzle had to be pointed downward for it to
work so I pointed it at the floor and squeezed the trigger, and
squirted pink paint on Sandy's leg. I told them it appeared to be
working fine and went back to my nap, Sandy went into the bathroom
to wash the paint off and Buffy and Eva went out to spray the
sidewalk.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
A newsletter you may enjoy
A CraftELady Mailing
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Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd like to personally invite you to be a part of the most
comprehensive diabetes community on the web.
DiabeticConnect.com was designed by people who understand what it's
like to deal with the challenges of living with diabetes every day.
We've made it easy to:
Share recipes, advice, and product reviews
Read the latest diabetes news
Watch informative diabetes videos
Connect with new friends who understand diabetes
http://buffaloschips.com/dibcon
Join Now, It's free and you may receive a free glucose meter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Record Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was at a music store and checking out the records, (I'm really
into vinyl) and find nothing that interests me, so I say, "Have a
nice day"
and as I was walking out of a music store I tucked in my shirt. The
guy at the door stops me and says "All right, Bubba, I know you have
got a record in your pants." I pull away from him and say "I don't.
I have nothing of yours buddy!" He refuses to let me go and pulls me
into the back room where his boss, the owner or the store, who was
this tall sexy redhead, was. She takes hold of me and the door man
walks back to his position. She interrogates me, and I hold my
ground.
She said if I don't produce a record, she will call the cops. Right
about then I got so frustrated that I pull down my pants and show
her what I got. She starts giving me a blow job telling me how
sorry she was for falsely accusing me, and she insists on walking me
out of the store. As we passed the door man he shouts "Was there a
record? Did he have the record? "The owner said " No, but he
missed it by only a half inch."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Court Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
666 Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
666 is the Number of the BEAST
670 - Approximate number of the Beast
DCLXVI - Roman numeral of the Beast
666.0000000 - Number of the High Precision Beast
665.9999954 - Number of the Pentium Beast
0.666 - Number of the Millibeast
/666 - Beast Common Denominator
666 x sq. rt (-1) - Imaginary number of the Beast
1010011010 - Binary of the Beast 6
1-666 - Area code of the Beast
00666 - Zip code of the Beast
1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only
$6.66/minute.
$665.95 - Retail price of the Beast
$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax
$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement
soul
$606.66 - Wal-Mart price of the Beast
$566.66 - Costco/Price Club price of the Beast
Phillips 666 - Gasoline of the Beast
Route 666 - Way of the Beast
666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k - Retirement plan of the Beast
666 mg - Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National
Bank, $666 -minimum deposit.
Lotus 6-6-6 - Spreadsheet of the Beast
Word 6.66 - Word Processor of the Beast
i66686 - CPU of the Beast
666i - BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 (revised) - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast
- Number of the Blonde Beast uh... what was that number again?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The two ladies were discussing a news article concerning gasoline
fumes causing impotence in the male. "Aren't you worried about your
husband's new job at the gas station? Those fumes could cause him
to lose the lead in his pencil." "Doesn't matter." giggled the other
lady. "He doesn't do all my writing anyway."
Tom in deep thoughts is very quiet. Jerry asks, "What is wrong with
you, Tom?" "Please don't ask." "I'm your best friend. You can talk
to me." "My seven year old son made my secretary pregnant." "That's
not possible." "No, he did." "How?" "He punctured my condoms!"
"That new girl in the typing pool is driving me crazy!" bemoaned
Rich to Ernie. "That girl is a real mirage." "Aren't you using the
wrong word?" asked Ernie. "A mirage is something you can see but
can't feel." "Yeah," came the reply "That describes her exactly!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lonely Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I miss my husband. I really do. He's traveling and I'm home all
alone and this weather sucks and I want company. So, I'd like to
propose the following:
I'm looking for a surrogate husband, just for today. I will cook a
great meal for you and greet you at the door wearing nothing but
lingerie.
You must agree to:
-- come home by 7:00pm, but not actually show up until 8:00pm.
Please don't apologize for being late and don't call to let me know
you are going to be late.
-- walk in the door without actually greeting me.
-- the first words out of your mouth, after you get out of the
bathroom, should be: "What's for dinner?"
-- take your plate from the table and walk into the living room and
sit down in front of the TV, leaving me alone.
-- put your feet up on the coffee table, chew with your mouth open
and ask me to grab you a beer.
-- not compliment me on the fact that the house is clean or that the
food that took me several hours to cook is any good.
-- ignore me for the rest of the night and watch ESPN instead.
-- tell me to stop when I try to cuddle up to you on the couch and
ask me to get you a beer instead.
-- come to bed without showering, even though you've been at work
all day.
-- fart in bed and then fluff the covers.
-- wake me up to ask me for a blow job.
Please, please, please help me out! I miss the asshole.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/First Love
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/R/F_L.html
Marlene/Beulah Land
http://summerhoosier.250free.com/Html/Beulahland.html
Stay The Knight
http://www.poetryinfocus.com/Poetry/Poem035.html
Rick w/ A Heavenly Home (Inspirational, Spiritual)
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/r/HeavenHome.html
Blink Of An Eye
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eye.html
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Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
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Surfin Surfari
Credit Calculator Via Dianne
http://www.therealdamage.com/
120 Ways to Boost Your Brain Power
http://litemind.com/boost-brain-power/
World's Largest Things
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/largest.html
Worldometers - real time world statistics
http://www.worldometers.info/
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschips.com/kit
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Firefox 4 beta
http://download.cnet.com/TSA/3000-2356_4-10515987.html
Free Sound Effects
http://www.mediacollege.com/downloads/sound-effects/
Free Movie Editing Software for Mac
http://tinyurl.com/3drefq
Like YouTube for Video Games
http://www.wegame.com/
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.canismajor.com/dog/chowchow.html
Kitty Korner
Taking A Catbath
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catbath.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
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Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
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Movie Links
Swan
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdkjhsk.htm
Texas Shoot Out
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdksk.htm
Things Men Will Do For A Cold Beer
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dssjssd.htm
What It Feels Like Owning Stock In 2008
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jhkjhk.htm
Workout Bra
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asdksdk.htm
Parent VS Kids
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsfsdj.htm
Parking 1
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfsd.htm
Parking 2
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asddsas.htm
Parking3
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdfgds.htm
Peeling
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsfasd.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Elephant Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What is the height of ambition?
A: An ant climbing an elephant's leg with the intention of rape.
Q: What did the female elephant say during sex?
A: "Can I be on top this time?"
Q: What did the elephant say to the nude man?
A: Cute, but can you breathe through it?
Q: Why do elephants wear springs on their feet?
A: So they can jump up in trees and rape monkeys.
Q: What sound do monkeys hate most?
A:
Booooiiiiiinnnngggg...Booooiiiiiinnnngggg...Booooiiiiiinnnngggg...
Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back
seat of your car?
A: Getting two elephants into the back seat of your car!
Q: What is more difficult than getting 2 elephants in the back seat
of your car?
A: Getting a pregnant elephant in the back seat of your car!
Q: Whats more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in the back
seat of your car?
A: Getting an elephant pregnant in the back seat of your car!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How To Talk To Hot Women
I must admit, a woman is a mans best friend.
While I was in college, I did the typical guy thing.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the kitchen he wanted to boff her.
Satisfaction he tried to proffer.
She replied, "I am sold,
But the floor is too cold."
So he made her a counter-offer.
_______________________________
I once had a ladyfriend, Rose,
Double-jointed she was I suppose.
And I watched fascinated,
As Rose masturbated;
Herself with the tip of her nose.
_______________________________
There's a fire at a circus. A man
Sees the flames and devises a plan.
The heat is in tents,
The pressure immense.
He is doing asbestos he can.
(Kirk Miller)
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A king's jester one day found his majesty bent over the washbowl,
engaged in his morning ablutions. In a spirit of fun the jester
gave the king a resounding slap on the most exposed part of his
sacred person. Deeply enraged, his majesty ordered the instant
execution of the audacious joker, but finally consented to pardon
him, if he should make an apology more outrageous than the original
insult. The condemned humorist thought a moment, and offered his
apology: Your
Majesty will forgive me; I did not know it was you. I thought it
was the Queen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brain Oxygen-Boosting Miracle Energizes Mind, Mood and Memory New
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A world-renowned brain university has announced the successfull
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It's a fast-acting formula developed by US clinical research
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For close to 40 years, Reynolds studied more than 1.5 million human
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Reynolds explains his formula's success. "It's a simple concept; an
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"I was forgetting my employees' names and it was really
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The result? Users say the effects are felt quickly, like putting on
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Everything becomes clear and focused like when we were young.
Not yet available in stores, Reynolds is now making this clinically
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Reynolds is also including, with the first 500 orders, a FREE supply
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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