[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For 2-19-11

 



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Ray, A fellow Yooper seems to have the answer to why
our gas prices are going down.

Bill,

Look at your calendar, is there anything 'big' planned for the Soo this
week, or weekend? NOPE. are there extra tourists here this week or
weekend? NOPE. Has the melting snow hindered snowmobile traffic and
tourists? YES. mmmmmmmmm still wonder why Gas has gone down? If it
weren't for all the Canadians coming over and buying gas and hitting
Wal-Mart right now, the gas and prices would drop considerably lower.

Just you wait until spring hits, and boats and fishing, and tournaments,
and motorcycles. and tourists, and school out. Watch it climb. I see
the National average of gas is like $3.15.9 so we are still a bit
high. I think they should remove Alaska, and Hawaii from the averages.
and that one lone southern state that is always at rock bottom, like now
it is New Orleans, La. then figure nat'l avg.

Here is a web site you can check it out.
http://autos.msn.com/everyday/GasStationsBeta.aspx

Ray.

I guess I forgot to factor in the the I-500 race and the tourist traffic
of a week ago and how it coincided with the price rise. I always
considered that price gouging but obviously the oil companies
and the government have a different name for it,

Enjoy the chips.... buffalo

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Job Chips
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One day in a third grade classroom a teacher asked her students what
their fathers did for a living. The first boy raises his hand, and says
my dad is a fireman. The teacher replies, "Hey, thats a great
profession, he gets to fight fires and he has to be very brave."

So the teacher calls on a second student. A young girl is chosen, and
she tells the class that her father is a policeman. The teacher replied,
"Oh thats a great job, he has to be very brave, and he gets to put all
the criminals behind bars."

So a third student raises his hand and is chosen by the teacher. She
asks him what his father does for a living and he says that his father
eats light bulbs. The teacher, now confused, says, "That's crazy, what
makes you think that he eats light bulbs?"

The student replies, "Well last night I got up out of bed to get a
drink of water, and when I walked by my parents room I overheard my
father say, 'Hey baby, turn out the light and I'll eat it.'

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

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Short Chips
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She looked like such a sweet little old lady, driving the cute Toyota
with a bumper sticker that said, "Grow your own dope." How sweet, I
thought, must be a medical marijuana patient. Then I noticed the rest
of her message ... "Plant a man."

My Dad said to my Mother, "You should go bra-less."

She says, "Do you think my breasts are still perky

He says, "No, but maybe it'd pull the wrinkles out of your face."

A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat
things. 1st little boy says, "Alligator". "Very good, that's a big
word". 2nd boy says, "Predator". "Yes, that's another big word".
Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss". After nearly falling off her chair,
she says, "That's a big word, but it doesn't eat anything." "Well my
sister has one and she says it eats batteries!"

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Short Chips
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I was in my local bar and I bumped into an old neighbor. A woman who, as
a fourteen year old, I would babysit for to earn a bit of cash. I'd
always had a crush on this woman and the years had been kind to her as
she still looked really fit for her age. We shared a few drinks and she
started to flirt with me and she reminded me that I used to babysit her
kids. I suddenly remembered I used to go through her drawers, get out
her vibrator, all crusty with the odd pube stuck to it, and sniff it
while wanking myself off, thinking of her using it on herself. I snapped
back to the conversation. "Are you still with your husband?" I asked.
She smiled, touched my arm and said, "No. I left him when I found him,
one night, wanking to gay porn with a dildo up his ass."

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Excuse Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Following Is A List Of Excuses NOT To Have Sex.
Most Of Them Can Be Used By Either Men Or Women.

10. I'd love to honey, but I just banged your sister.

9. We're out of paper bags for your head again.

8. You haven't shaved in so long I'm afraid I'd feel I was making
love to Big Foot.

7. You're 20 bucks short.

6. We're out of gin again.

5. I used my last sponge for the dishes.

4. Sorry, this isn't a conjugal visit.

3. I can't tonight, honey, I spent myself earlier today watching all
those pornos.

2. Only if you put on this wig and talk like a Chinese hooker.

1. Your gynecologist just called - you still have crabs and you know
how I don't like seafood.

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Hell Chips
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This man dies and goes to Hell. He is not very happy about this, so
he goes to see the devil himself, to ask him if it is possible to go
upstairs instead.

Well, the devil replies, you are scheduled to leave here in
1,000,000 years, but I have a special offer this week. If you can
go to bed with my mother-in-law and keep her happy for 24 hours
straight, you'll get out in
100,000 years. If you can keep her happy for 48 hours straight,
you'll get out in 1000 years. If you last 72 hours, you are free to
go.

The man thinks about this, and decides that it is worth a shot. He
follows the devil until he comes to a room. Inside he sees the
devil's mother-in-law, who is the most sickening sight he ever saw.
He can hardly see where her warts end and she begins. Fighting back
nausea, he begins on his mission.

The devil himself keeps watch at the door. After 24 hours the man
is still going strong, after 48 hours still no sight of him. The
minute the
72 hours has elapsed the door opens and the man falls out, totally
exhausted.
Before the devil can say or do anything, the man rises, grabs the
devil by the collar, and says, "Why you.. You.. You ... This is
unfair. While I was busy humping your mother-in-law, I noticed a
hole in the wall. When I looked through it, I saw my worst enemy in
bed with the most beautiful woman I ever saw. Why on earth is he
getting special treatment?"

The devil looks at the man and says, "I am fair, there are also
women who want to get out of Hell."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com

Melissa and I would both like to express our sympathies to the
family of Marlene aka Summer Hoosier whose grandson Cody
passed away after falling from a tree... buffalo

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Subscribers and Friends

Melva/New Music 1
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~~~New Poem~~
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Audacity
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Digital Camera resources
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Lawyer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the
receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will
prepared. The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for
a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.
The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my
life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be
possible for the lawyer to come to my house?"

The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went to
the spinster's home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the
will.

The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you
have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your
will?"

She replied, "Besides the furniture and accessories you see here, I
have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank."

"Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 to be
distributed?"

The spinster said, "Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive
life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice
when I pass on. I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."

The lawyer remarked, "Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a
funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting
impression on
anyone who may not have taken much note of you! But tell me," he
continued, "what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?"

The spinster replied, "As you know, I've never married, I've lived
alone almost my entire life, and in fact I've never slept with a
man. Before I die, I'd like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a
man to sleep with
me."

"This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, adding, "but I'll
see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you."

That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the
eccentric spinster and her weird request. After thinking about how
much she could
do around the house with $5,000, and with a bit of coaxing, she got
her husband to agree to provide the service himself.

She said, "I'll drive you over tomorrow morning, and wait in the car

until you're finished."

The next morning, she drove him to the spinster's house and waited
while he went into the house. She waited for over an hour, but her
husband didn't come out. So she blew the car horn.

Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his
head out and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow! She's going to let the
County bury her!"

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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miss Snow White was a randy cow,

And desperate for a fuck.

So off she went into the woods,

To try and get some luck!

She'd almost given up looking,

When she saw some chimney smoke.

Then stumbled on a cottage,

And went in for a poke.

Her clothes came off in seconds.

And she'd just removed her pants,

When seven Dwarfs came marching in,

With a merry song and dance.

Snow White just stood there speechless,

And thought she was in heaven!

Originally after one good shag,

But now she could have seven.

Straight away she took command,

"My cunt now needs a lick!"

And when one dwarf moved forward,

She said "Oi-you'd better drop your prick!"

So down he went onto all fours,

And said "I ain't licking that!"

"Not there, that me ass-hole,

You DOPEY little brat!"

The next dwarf started blushing,

"Do we have to do it here?"

Snow White said "Don't be BASHFUL!

Unless you're fucking queer!"

So reluctantly he whipped it out,

To prove he was no fool.

And Snow White gave a big "Heigh-Ho"

As she rode upon his tool.

Now one dwarf wasn't smiling,

'Cos he hadn't had a sniff.

And due to his impatience,

He couldn't raise a stiff.

"Relax, you GRUMPY idiot",

So he did as he was told.

And as soon as he was hard enough,

He shot his fucking load.

The next dwarf got a blow

And she took him in quite easy.

But she just avoided brain-damage

When he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.

With three dwarves left, she turned and said,

"You're next, I want your knob!"

But no sooner had he entered her,

Than he was sleeping on the job.

"Wake up you SLEEPY idiot"

She wanted more from him.

And he woke with such excitement,

That he filled her hairy quim.

The next dwarf rammed his up her,

And shagged her cunt real raw.

And dazed Snow White then whimpered,

"That should be against the law!"

He made poor Snow White tremble,

He was so big and thick.

"No wonder you're so HAPPY,

With that fucking great big dick."

With one dwarf still remaining,

But feeling rather sore,

She said "You'll have to use your tongue,

My cunt can't take no more!"

And so he put his tongue to work,

Where others had put their cocks.

And 'cos he made Snow White feel better,

She named the last one DOC.

Now Snow White couldn't do much,

With all that cum inside her quim,

So she grabbed a cup, and squatted,

And filled it to the brim.

So there's the truth about the dwarfs,

And how they got their names.

By satisfying miss Snow White

And joining in her games.

There's one more thing you need to know,

And that's what happened to that cup?

Well think of what you're drinking...

When you next drink 7-UP.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of Turpentine. He
was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A Priest came along and
asked the little boy what he had..

The little boy said,

"This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it's called Turpentine."

The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy
Water. If you rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a healthy
baby."

The little boy replied, 'If you rub turpentine on a cat's arse, he'll
pass a Ferrari."

Barbara

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn

Vol 1982

The Adventures of Katie (Part Eight)

Tuesday

BJ: This is the third day. What can you tell us Katie.

Katie: It was cold, I was hungry. I got very tired. There were packs
of

dogs that ran in the fields that wanted to play with me, but I was
afraid

of them.

Sandi: Coyotes and they would have killed and eaten you Katie.

Katie: I outran them at first, then when I got tired, I had to hide.

Then there were big birds that dove at me.

Sandi: Hawks. They would not have bothered you when well but
weakened..

Katie: I was scared.but I was heading back to Guthrie. I made it 20
miles.

BJ: Amazing.But Katie, you would never made it another 80 miles. As
bad

as you feel now, can you image five times more?

Katie: I might have made it. I had to, it was home.

Tears welling up.. I had to go home or die trying.

Rudy: We have to help you with your internal compass to get it to work
for

Caldwell.

BJ: Did you learn your lesson about staying in the backyard?

Katie: What?

Diana: It is hopeless.

The end

(All is well . this time. She did this once in Guthrie.gone for seven
days, then

knock knock..she is back. She drives me crazy, but she is Katie, Krazy
Katie one

of the last free spirits)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult

*********************************************

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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