Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
It was below zero this morning but we had a serious wind outside.
The trash
cans on the front porch which are weighted down with ten pound rocks
were
blown to the other side of the porch. The winds weren't right for
lake effect
snow and the several inches that fell wasn't wet enough to stick and
got blown
down the street.
I have to start working on Eva's etiquette a little bit. I was using
the bathroom
and I heard her voice outside say, " Get your butt ass out of there,
I need to
use the toilet." Interesting combination of words, never used that
myself. Her
taste in music is changing too. Last week she was humming Grieg's
Hall of
The Mountain King and this week it's Black Sabbath's Iron Man with
some
of the Wiggles Fruit Salad in between.
Last week after one of the cities got dumped on, I watched some guy
in a
brand new Corvette trying to get traction. It's a bad idea driving
because
if you can't get the traction to get moving, you probably won't be
able to
stop either. With a Corvette or two wheel drive pick-ups a few
hundred
pounds of sand over the wheels goes a long way to getting traction.
Things
like bricks, rocks, and scrap metal may put weight to the wheels but
it could
also come through the passenger compartment in a crash and it's
always
nice to have some sand in the trunk for when you get stuck. The time
for it
is before you get stuck so if you don't have any back there right
now and you
are expecting more winter, ten bucks will probably do it.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
A newsletter you may enjoy
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SCREAM OF THE CROP JOKES
Jokes famous quotations superstitions word & phrase origins and
hilarity
The BEST fun emailed free 3 times weekly.
Read a sample at http://www.screamofthecrop.com .
TO SUBSCRIBE send a blank mailto:scream_of_the_crop-
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Proposal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men who can answer "yes" to five or more of these questions should
consider carefully before proposing marriage.
* In the kitchen, has she ever referred to an oven as "that square
thing?"
* Does she use the phrase "you know" more than twice per sentence?
* Is she making monthly payments of more than $300 to a plastic
surgeon.
* Have you noticed her name tattoed on three or more local bikers?
* Have you noticed three or more local bikers' names tattooed on
her?
* Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to an old
boyfriend's?
* Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to the Green
Bay Packers?
* Does she have a wholesale source for Deodorant-in-a-Drum?
* Has she ever used the word poo-poo?
* If forced to use it at all, does she choose to spell the word sex?
* Does her resume include a six-year stint at Big Leg Emma's House
of
Painful Delights?
When to Accept a Proposal... Or Not
Women who can answer "yes" to five or more of these questions should
consider carefully before accepting a proposal of marriage.
* On his first date with you, did he pick you up early so you could
help with his laundry?
* To reach him in an emergency, would anyone think to call the local
adult bookstore?
* Has he ever bragged about seeing every episode of "Gilligan's
Island" at least four times?
* Is it unclear to some people whether that's a mustache or just a
lot of unruly nose hair?
* Is his idea of a classy restaurant one where every table has its
own stack of ketchup packets?
* Does his car get more than sixty miles per gallon?
* Does the label on his deodorant include the phrase "Industrial
Strength?"
* Has he memorized the telephone number of at least one
bail-bondsman?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
he's home
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b048.html
a seat
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b049.html
I'll call you back
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b050.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yarn Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Abraham is an old Jewish guy who is a yarn merchant. He lives next
door to the biggest anti-Semite in town.
One day the anti-Semite calls up Abraham and says, "Hey Jew!!!... I
need a piece of orange yarn. The length must be from the tip of
your nose to the tip of your penis, and I want it delivered
tomorrow."
Abe says, "OK."
The next morning the Anti-Semite is awakened at 7am by the sound of
running engines. He runs outside to see a row trucks lined up one
after the other, dumping truckful after truckful of orange yarn in
his front yard. Soon ,his yard is a 5-feet deep sea in orange yarn.
Abe then presents a bill for $18,000 to the anti-Semite.
The guy starts yelling and screaming at Abe. "What is this, Jew?
This is not what I asked for! I told you I needed a piece of yarn
from the end of your nose to the tip of your penis. Look at this
place! What do you have to say for yourself?"
Straightfaced, Abe replies "I'm very careful when I deal with people
like you, that's why I got a few witnesses here with me. I may be
off by a few miles, so I gave you a 2% discount; but... the tip of
my penis was left in Poland after my circumcision!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
David is the same as ever." gossiped his wife on the telephone. "All
he ever thinks about all day long is sex... sex... sex."
"Now that's just not true at all." called out David, relaxing in his
recliner. "For the past half-hour, I've been laying here thinking
about you."
~~~
One day, a mom was cleaning her son's room, and in the closet she
found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She
hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.
He looked at it, and handed it back to her without a word. She
finally asked him, "Well, what should we do about this?"
The dad looked at her and said "Well, I don't think you should spank
him."
~~~~~
Q: What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school?
A: I'll see you next period.
~~~~~
I can understand why men don't like vasectomies. My uncle
got a vasectomy, and paid for it with Mastercard. He forgot to pay
the bill, and the finance company came over to his house and knocked
up my aunt.
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Drinking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How drunk are you? Official drinking test.
This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you
really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below
truthfully. Then determine your score based on question answer
values provided. Lastly, compare your score to the results for a
final answer.
1. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she:
(a) the most beautiful woman alive;
(b) a beautiful woman;
(c) attractive;
(d) ugly as sin.
2. Think about your job. In your mind, is it:
(a) the best job on the planet;
(b) a good job;
(c) a decent job;
(d) the most annoying job ever.
3. Try walking. What happened? Did you:
(a) find it impossible to stand up;
(b) fall after standing up;
(c) walk fifty feet before falling flat on your face;
(d) walk one thousand feet without falling.
4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in:
(a) my brand new chauffer-driven limo;
(b) a brand new car;
(c) a used car;
(d) a rented, rusted, and damaged 1950 japanese import.
5. What do you think of your strength? I am:
(a) invincible;
(b) stronger than anyone in the bar;
(c) as strong as the average man;
(d) a weak and pathetic being.
Question answer values
For every question answered with an A, add ten points.
For every question answered with a B, add five points.
For every question answered with a C, do not change the score. For
every question answered with a D, subtract five points. For every
question answered with an E, add one hundred points.
Results
For scores ranging from fifty to 135, congratulations.
You're over and above the normal drunk.
Generally, at least they are able to select a valid option.
An e option does not even exist on this test.
You should probably check yourself into a hospital for alcohol
poisoning.
For scores ranging from thirty-five to fifty, you had ten too many
beers. If you plan on driving home, make out a will first--that is,
if you can even remember your own name. Lastly, don't even think
about standing up.
For scores ranging from fifteen to thirty-five, you have had one too
many beers. Don't drive unless you want a higher insurance rate.
Standing up will probably result in injury.
For scores ranging from zero to fifteen, you may want to stop
drinking now. You have probably had enough beers but don't drive
unless you want a ticket. If you choose to ignore the tip to stop
drinking, it is not a problem; you probably still have the ability
to stand up.
For scores ranging from negative twenty-five to zero, you must just
be getting started! I bet you don't even have one beer in you. In
terms of driving, you are probably just getting out of the car and
are walking to the bar this very moment.
This document was written by the employees at Glowport.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rescue Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fireman Bob rushed into a burning building and
rescued a beautiful young lady who was clad only
in the top half of her baby-doll nightgown. He
carried her in his arms down three flights of
stairs and saved her from her sure demise.
As they arrived safely a wash of gratitude rushed
over her. She looked at him with great fondness
and admiration, then said, "Oh, you are wonderful!
It must have taken great strength and courage to
rescue me the way you did."
"Yes it did," the fireman admitted. "I had to
fight off three other firemen who were trying to
get to you first!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Happy Valentine Day1
http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Holiday2/TYFriendVal.html
Will You Valentine
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/willyouvalentine.htm
John w/ A Wonderful Time Up There
http://heavens-gates.com/gospel/wonderfultimeupthere.html
New Beginnings
http://www.carolspoetry.com/sept06/4.html
Earth In Perspective
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Strange Haunted House Pics
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Building Advertising Art
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
BBC News - Phone texting 'helps pupils to spell'
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/education/8468351.stm
Shopping Lists
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Movie Links
Movie Links
Candid Camera Africa
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ajakk.htm
Clean Your Glasses
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abshsj.htm
Dimitri The Stud
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abhdjd.htm
DNA Test
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Dronkrn
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abhdksk.htm
Microsoft No More Keyboards
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gbhjak.htm
Monkey's helping Hands
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gajskslla.htm
Moose family
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gmksla.htm
More Fishing With Bill Dance
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Mortar Fire
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Corn Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're
walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock
on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers. The
first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a
drink.
The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me."
The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then
sleep with your fat smelly ass."
The second man wants to live and agrees to do the deed. The second
man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside.
The women says, "fuck me then!" The man agrees to do it only if she
will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full
of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it
out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.
The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied
and agrees to give the gentleman and his friend some water. The man
calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give
them some water.
The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that
buttered corn."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
baboons
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nmklljl.htm
bed
http://www.buffaloschips.com/llkouijn.htm
beer goggles
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jooiuy.htm
before sex
http://www.buffaloschips.com/yyuuiio.htm
bitchin head
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mnbbvc.htm
bite my ass
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nbvfhju.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady from Cheam
Who tried out a breast-growing cream
She awoke in the night
With a terrible fright
Another had grown in between!
All Hail to the glandular Girlie...
The sight of whose bust makes you squirlie
It is never too late
to MANipulate
And, of course, it is never to early!
There was a young lady of Gloucester,
Met a passionate fellow who tossed her.
She wasn't much hurt,
But he dirtied her skirt,
So think of the anguish it cost her
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned
to help the other monks in copying the old texts by
hand. He notices, however, that they are copying
from copies, not the original manuscripts.
So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask
him about this, pointing out that if there were an
error in the first copy, that error would be continued
in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk says, "We have been copying from
the copies for centuries, but you make a good point,
my son." So, he goes down into the cellar with one
of the copies to check it against the original.
Hours go by and nobody sees him. So, one of the monks
goes downstairs to look for him. Hearing sobbing coming
from the back of the cellar, he finds the old monk leaning
over one of the original books crying. He asks the old monk
what's wrong, and in a choked voice came the reply,
"They left out the "R"!
"The word is celebrate."
Randy
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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