Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
It is not easy at times living with a buffalo with a sense of humor.
The other day Buffy was working on Eva's Hair and when she
sat back down she had one of those stretch puffy hair ties that
look like a garter around her arm as she had decided mid-stream
to use something else.
I asked her, " What's that on your arm?" and Buffy replied, "It's a
hair tie." I asked Buffy, " Why don't you just shave your arms." Of
course all I got was a dirty look.
Last night Sandy has a box of Andes mints in her hand. She
commented that the mint taste was too strong and wanted to
know if they made a Bavarian Mint. I told her that the Bavarian
Mints would have to be made by a company named Alps mints
not Andes as the Andes are in South America. Same dirty look,
it must run in Sandy's Family.
Actually Andes mints are from Chicago where they were originally
called Andy's Mints. and are available in the following flavors
.Cherry Jubilee: Same trademarked 3-layer rectangular construction
as Andes Crème de Menthe, with a flavored middle that includes real
bits of cherries.
.Toffee Crunch: A delicate, rectangular wedge of smooth, buttery
toffee flavor.
.Mint Parfait: A mint-lovers favorite that inverts the Crème de
Menthe construction, offering two creamy, mint layers surrounding a
rich, chocolate-flavored middle.
.Andes Crème de Menthe Sugar Free: All the minty freshness and rich
taste with none of the sugar-offering guilt-free, after-dinner
pleasure.
Who dreams up these kid's Valentine's, a dentist with too much
time on his hands? Buffy bought Eva a box of Valentines with
these little sugar sticks and two packets of flavored sugar. This
stuff is enough to give you a sugar buzz just reading the label and
eating it probably guarantees that you will get Type 2 diabetes
somewhere in your future. Even worse is the little straws filled with
flavored sugar especially when someone showed Eva if you cut
them in half you could pour them down your throat twice as fast.
Of course Eva needs some sugar, since she is bouncing off the
walls to begin with, heh heh. ( New way to end a sentence without
a preposition.)
Got another load out of Buffy's house today and hopefully when the
stress of the move is over everything will go smoother. Enjoy the
chips..... buffalo
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Wish Chips
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Picture if you will, a mountain high on top of the world with a
sharp cliff that provides an excellent jump to your death. There are
three men standing by this cliff and remarking at what a long way
down it is.
Suddenly, a good fairy appears and says: "Good gentlemen I will give
you one wish. As you jump off this cliff, call out your wish, and I
will grant you your wish and safe passage to ground level."
So, the first man, who by the way was Italian, took a running start
and jumped off the cliff. As he plummeted to almost certain human
death, he called out,
"AN IROC CAMARO WITH BIG FUZZY DICE HANGING IN
THE WINDOW AND A GORGEOUS GIRL TO GO ALONG."
And just as the good fairy promised, he landed safely in between his
new "car" and gorgeous blond girl, where he proceeded to run from
one to the other, not knowing which one to kiss first.
The second man, being an East Indian by the name of Raj, saw what
happened to the Italian Stallion and ran off the cliff happily
screaming with his distinctive accent:
"RICHES AND FAME."
It was a short and simple request, but that was all the English he
could handle while jumping off a cliff. Well, low and behold as he
reaches the bottom safely he is swarmed by dozens of adoring fans,
while a limousine full of money arrives to pick him up.
Well, the last fellow was a short, stout fellow from a faraway place
in a most northern country called Canada. This fellow is commonly
referred to as a NEWFIE. The Newfie was so impressed at how the
other two gentlemen had prospered in life that he gave grave and
careful thought to what he would say as he plummeted off the cliff
at break neck speeds. So, he began to run, and just as he neared the
edge of the cliff he tripped on a stone and fell off the cliff,
yelling with disgust:
"SHIT!!!"
And thus, he safely landed.
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Short Chips
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Mary: You'll love this story from my friend who works in the ER.
Jill: What happened?
Mary: A woman came in with a cell phone shoved up her rectum!
Jill: You're kidding!
Mary: I'm not. The woman said she and her husband were playing some
"adult games."
Jill: Well, it had to be either that, or she doesn't understand the
meaning of phone sex
Do you ever miss the ex?
Mary: OH! All the time! You wouldn't believe how much!
Jill: Wow! I didn't think you cared about him at all.
Mary: Wait a minute! Did you say "ex" or "sex"?
Budget cuts to the Defence force forced the training team to start
doing mock combat using no explosives, guns, or basically any
equipment what-so-ever, so when it came to a training scenario,
the Sergeant in charge tells his recruits that they are under
imaginary fire, and what do they do?
So all of the recruits bar one scatter and get down behind
"stuff", and get into returning fire positions.
The Sergeant notices this one recruit standing out in the open,
quite relaxed and unfazed. Yelling, the Sergeant asks "What the
devil do you think you're doing? You're under fire!" So the
recruit takes one step to the left and remains still.
Now the Sergeant's really annoyed. He yells again, "WHAT THE
HELL ARE YOU
DOING? You're under imaginary fire, take cover!" The recruit
turns to him
and replies, "I'm taking cover behind this imaginary tree Sergeant!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Irish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friday Night is very much love-night for the Irish man. Arriving
back from the pub, having partaken of the traditional Irish
aphrodisiac - 12 pints Guinness, and some fish and chips, his
mind set on one thing - LOVE! Or as he say's himself "the ride".
His lust, at fever pitch, after the sensuous excitement of a hard
night's dominoes, he approaches his beloved wife, enticing her
with gentle words of passion - "any chance of me hole then love?"
The good lady in question perhaps over excited by the erotic
smell of Guinness or the sensuous vision of chips sticking to his
chin, is at first somewhat reluctant. This coy reluctance is
expressed with the flirtatious "Would ye ever fuck off!!!".
FOREPLAY
Foreplay is very important indeed. This basically consists of the
male, whipping off his slightly soiled Y fronts provocatively at
his wife, that usually land skid-mark side down, as he approaches
the bed gyrating with one hand on his hip and the other on the
back of his head, singing the ancient Gaelic fertility chant
"Here we go, here we go, here we go"
Upon reaching the bed he comments proudly on this rampant 8
incher. This is a classic example of alcohol induced double
vision.
INITIAL PROBLEMS
After 12 pints, sometimes the man's old Willie Winkie is a trifle
reluctant to extend itself (literally). Impotence is very much a
blow to the man's self esteem and the wife has to be very
tactful. She will offer gentle and sensitive words of
encouragement such as "Ye useless bastard, ye" or possibly "It
never happens to the Milkman".
Oral sex is a great favourite of the Irishman. He approaches his
wife with a cheeky invitation, "How'd ye like to put your teeth
round dis?" The woman nods willingly and points suggestively to
her falsies smiling happily in a bedside tumbler. "Go on then",
she says "but don't disturb me".
DOWN TO BUSINESS
Eventually the moment comes to consummate their tender love.
Again alcohol induced double vision is an important factor as the
man decides which of his willies to use for penetration.
Sometimes in his excitement as he moves into his position he may
suffer from severe premature ejaculation. A phenomenon he
explains to his wife using the poetic phrase "Oh fuck, I've shot
me load." If this does occur it is essential he makes up for
disappointing his wife by uttering tender and loving compliments
such as, perhaps, informing her she's the nicest woman he's ever
come across.
An imaginative lover, the Irishman, possibly having read the
woman likes to be spoken dirty to, says such things as "shite,
arsehole". The woman is speechless. The man is now thrusting
away, his mind a kaleidoscope of jumbled erotic thoughts.
The woman wonders if they should repaint the ceiling. Sometimes
she utters a word of encouragement such as "Are you sure it's in?
" Given his level sexual expertise the Irishman's ideal partner
should be a versatile lover specialising in the faked orgasm.
This takes the form of a breathless shout "Ooyah, ooyah, Big
Boy". Eventually its all over. The man roles over, falls asleep,
and commences snoring like a pig. There's no one in the world
performs quite like an Irishman - veritable prince in the kingdom
of sex.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Genie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains
without water.
His horse has already died of thirst.
He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his
last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of
the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand and discovers what
looks to be an old briefcase.
He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.
She is wearing a FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) ID
badge and a dull gray dress...
There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked
behind one ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie....You know how I
work....You have three wishes.'
'I'm not falling for this.' said the cowboy... 'I'm not going to
trust a FEMA genie.'
'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation and it looks
like you're a goner anyway!'
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie
is right.
'OK!, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and
drink...'
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever
seen
And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
;
'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'
'My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with
rare gold coins and precious gems.
'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good
one!'
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... 'I wish that no
matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'
***POOF***
He was turned into a tampon.
Moral of the story:
If the government offers to help you, there's going to be a string
attached.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Camel Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized
halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was
about to die.
They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would come to their
rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died.
After several days of not being rescued, they agreed that they were
not going to be rescued. They prayed a lot (of course), and they
discussed their predicament in great depth.
Finally the priest said to the nun, "You know, Sister, I am about to
die, and there's always been one thing I've wanted here on earth to
see a woman naked. Would you mind taking off your clothes so I can
look at you?"
The nun thought about his request for several seconds and then
agreed to take off her clothes. As she was doing so, she remarked,
"Well, Father, now that I think about it, I've never seen a man
naked, either.
Would you mind taking off your clothes, too?"
With little hesitation, the priest also stripped.
Suddenly the nun exclaimed, "Father! What is that little thing
hanging between your legs?"
The priest patiently answered, "That, my child, is a gift from God.
If I put it in you, it creates a new life."
"Well," responded the nun, "forget about me. Stick it in the camel
ass and lets get the hell out of here!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/New Music 4
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John w/ Grandpa's Farm
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GOD'S HOLY AND ROYAL PRIESTS
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The Red Hat
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Smallest Chevy V-8
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Giethoorn - The Venice Of Holland
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Movie Links
I Like Boobs
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Idiot
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IKEA Ford
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Komiek
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Kosovo Music Video
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The Making Of An Insurgent
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The Egg, Lemon, And Orange
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The Genie And The Blonde
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The Proper Way To Listen To Classical Music
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They Were Expendable
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Chips
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
breast feeding
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young fellow named Simon,
Who tried to discover a hymen,
But he found every girl,
Had relinquished her pearl
In exchange for a solitaire diamond.
________________________________
There was a young fellow named Skinner
Who took a young lady to dinner.
At a quarter to eight
they sat down and ate;
And at twenty to nine it was in her.
________________________________
There was a young fellow named Gluck
Who found himself shit out of luck.
Though he petted and wooed,
When he tried to get screwed
He found virgins just don't give a fuck.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are suffering form what is technically known as an Electra
Complex," the psychiatrist is informing his blonde female patient.
"In other words, you are in love with your father." The blonde
breaks down into hysterical sobbing. "Now, now," comforts the
shrink. "It's not all that bad." "Yes.. (snif)... yes, it is,"
gets out the blonde between sobs. "I have no chance at all... he's
a married man!"
The recently married young woman was weeping and pouring out her
heart and troubles to the church's appointed marriage counselor.
"Isn't there some way, without turning into a nag, that I can keep
my husband in line?" The counselor scowled. "Well young lady," he
said, "maybe that's the problem, your husband shouldn't have to wait
in line!"
Two college women were discussing the date one had had the night
before. "Oh, Nancy, he was sooo erudite, and clever, and
sophisticated. He speaks ten languages, drives a Lamborghini, took
me to a Parisian restaurant and ordered the meal and wine in French,
then took me to his penthouse apartment to look over his Russian
book collection by the fireplace." "Wow, Gail, he sounds fabulous!
But just how far did he get with you?" "Well, I really rather not
say, but he was quite a cunning linguist!"
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1987
The Battle of Guthrie (Katie's View)
Boom! The front door flies open!
Sandi: We are being invaded! Defend yourself to the
death!
Katie: Oh wear did I put my Karate outfit? I think it is
in Caldwell. I simply cannot fit without it.
Sandi: Snarl.Growl.
Katie: You hold them here I will go for help!
Later...
Sandi: So where did you go Katie?
Katie: I went for help.
Sandi: Where?
Katie: Downtown Guthrie.
The Herd
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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