Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Welcome to today's edition of the Farmville report, reminiscent
of when I used to watch the farm report every morning. Doctors
and supervising the daughter's move has keep me busy lately
and the farm is hurting as well as my lists. Facebook and Farmville
never seem to change much and there is always little things there
to annoy you while you are playing games. An example being
the option to spookify trees and animals with cobwebs for Halloween.
It was cute at first but getting close to Thanksgiving, they still
have
the option running and each day I would go out and clean up
my site and a little later the herd would come back and mess it up
again. So as Christmas approaches they came up with a snowball
fight where you would use the snowballs to build a snowman.
Once again it was cute for a few days and then every time I go to
check my farm, I get pelted by a dozen snowballs. It is bad
enough to be hit by all of my friends and family but when even your
dead sister is throwing snowballs at you, it gets a little weird. I
am surprised they didn't come up with anything for Valentine's
Day like maybe a Cupid you could send out to shoot heart
arrow at a friend or maybe throw candy hearts at them. With
my luck I would be getting shot by some guy named Bubba till
the 4th of July. On the other hand exploding Easter Eggs might be
fun just because thing that go boom still amaze me and the bigger
the boom the better.
I was using the buffalosjokes icon as my Facebook profile picture
till this morning when Eva's picture appeared there when I got up.
I asked her how it got there and she proceeded to show me and tell
me how she got the photo out of a file in documents and how she
had put it up. I don't know which surprises me more, that she can
do it without being able to read or the speed that she does it. She
has even started to use search engines by typing in the first few
letters
of a word and letting auto complete give her some suggestions. For
example if she wants to see the Wiggles she knows to type in Wigg
and I guess she looks for things like the PBS logo to find the right
site.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
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Swimming Chips
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Three guys enter a special swimming contest whereby each contestant
is someone who was born disabled. The first has no arms. The
second hasno legs and the third has no body, just a head.
The prospect of the race was a bit ridiculous, but the three had all
trained and such a contest was historic, so many people gathered to
watch.
They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the
pool.
The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly, but the guy with no
legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the
bottom.
Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. Every-
body applauds, (except the guy with no arms, of course.)
The guy with no legs can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of
the pool, so he decides, with all good sportsmanship, to dive down
to the bottom of the pool to rescue his fellow competitor. He picks
up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the
side of the pool, where upon the head starts coughing and
sputtering.
Eventually the head catches his breath. He takes a moment and then
begins to fume. His face red and steaming, he turns to the crowd
and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my ears,
then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming
cap on me!"
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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references
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rescue
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Short Chips
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Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely
Caucasian baby boy. 'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new
parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the
baby?' The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well,
two Wongs don't make a white, so I think we will name him Sum Ting
Wong.
Two old dears having a coffee, one says to the other, "Did you come
on the bus", "Yes", she replies, "but I made it look like an asthma
attack"
A man recovering from a heart attack asked his doctor how long he
should wait before having sex. You can have sex right away," the
doctor answered, "but only with your wife I don't want you to get
too excited."
There was a little boy who was learning how to count. He had
mastered the halfway point to a hundred, but was having some
problems afterward. One day, he was counting, and he got to 58...
59, and asked what came next. Mom told him, "Sixty. Sixty is the
next number."
When he got to 69, he asked, "What comes after 69?" His father was
just walking in the door from work, heard only the question, and he
replied, "Listerine!"
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Elevator Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are un-written rules that everyone who rides elevators follow
whether they know it or not. It's not something that anyone has
placed into effect by law... It's just the way things are....
1. When you are waiting for an elevator and there are two sets, the
one that is the greatest distance from you will open first.
2. While you are riding the elevator, it is not permissible to look
anyone in the eyes. The proper place to stare isat the floor or at
the numbers.
3. The person at the very back of the elevator will always be the
one who needs off first.
4. If you are on the top floor of a 32 story building and needed to
go the 1st floor, the elevator will stop 31 times before you reach
the ground.
5. If you get off on the wrong floor and realize it the instant
your foot hits the ground outside the elevator, it's much too
embarrassing to admit you are wrong, so you stay outside the door
and act like you know what you're doing then catch the next one and
hope all the people you were with have gotten off.
6. When there are six elevator doors, the one you stand in front of
will be the last to open.
7. When the elevator is the most full, one of two people will be on
with you: an extremely sick man who coughs constantly and then gets
off on the same floor you do, or a lady with a baby that screams
through the entire ride.
8. Don't pass gas in an elevator even if you are all alone because
when you do, the very next stop will have ten people waiting to get
on. It's always best to wait until the elevator is full then no one
knows who to blame.
9. If you speak to a stranger in an elevator there will always be
nervous laughter.
10. The friendliest person on the elevator that insists on talking
to you will always have bad breath and body odor.
11. Elevators force us to be close to people that we would never
choose to be around otherwise. If you want a cultural experience,
spend a day riding elevators around town.
12. The first person to get on the elevator gets the command
position next to the buttons so that they can feel important when
people ask them to punch their floor for them.
13. While waiting on an elevator, there will always be one person
to comment on how slow the elevator is and then push the up or down
button over and over as if that will make it speed up.
14. Once inside the elevator that same person will repeatedly punch
the button for their floor thinking that this also will speed up the
elevator.
15. On top of the list of the most annoying elevator pet peeves is
the parent who will allow their child to push the buttons and then
smile at you after the kid has pushed all 26 buttons while you are
on the first floor needing to get to the 25th floor. Then at every
floor the kid will yell "Is this where we get off?"
16. The floor that is labeled the 1st floor is not really the 1st
floor but is in reality the basement. The 1st floor is actually
labeled the 2nd floor.
17. If you are not in any hurry, there will always be an empty
elevator just waiting with the doors open just for you by yourself.
18. In buildings where smoking is allowed, there will always be one
person who insist on taking the last drag off their cigarette
putting it out then waiting to exhale until the elevator door closes
with you trapped inside.
19. If a child rides the elevator, they will have a balloon that
just happens to be at your face level and there is no place to turn.
Popping the balloon is a strong temptation.
20. I would rather ride the elevator with people than take the
stairs alone!
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Floor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This guy comes back home from work to find his wife has left him a
note "Off to the grocery store". He hasn't been "getting any" from
her, so he decides this is his chance and goes to the video store to
rent a porn flick. He puts the video in, and starts masturbating.
He's about to climax when all of a sudden his wife comes in, drops
her grocery bags, runs over and gives him the blowjob of his life.
Then she collects all the bags and goes to the kitchen. The guy is
sitting there, stunned, amazed at what just happened. After a
couple of minutes he regroups and goes to the kitchen where he finds
his wife chopping tomatoes. He asks her: "We haven't had sex for
over five years and all of a sudden you come in and blow me. What
happened?!". To which his wife replied: "I just washed the floor
this morning. I would rather go brush my teeth than to have to
clean the floor again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A priest lecturing a teenage boy told him, "IThe Golden Rule is,
Love thy neighbor as thyself." "Huh?" the boy said. "Am I supposed
to jerk him off, too?"
A man was boarding a plane on his way back from visiting family over
the holidays when he heard another passenger shout to a man in the
crowd waiting to see him off, "Good bye. Your wife was a great
lay!"
After the plane was in flight, the first man walked over to the one
who had done the shouting and asked, "Did I hear you correctly? Did
you actually have the audacity to tell that man his wife was a great
lay?" The other man shrugged his shoulders. "It isn't really true,"
he said, "but I didn't want to hurt his feelings."
Miss, would you help me?" a customer at a department store asked a
female clerk. "I would like to purchase a birthday gift for my
brother. What do you suggest for a man who has everything?" The
clerk offered, "My phone number?"
BANKERS do it with interest but pay for early withdrawal
A blonde, bosomy cheerleader confessed to her priest that she often
had sex with her boyfriend in the front seat of his car. "Now, my
daughter," consoled the priest, "I'm sure if you think about it,
you'll know you've been doing something wrong." "Yeah, I guess you
are right," replied the cheerleader. "Maybe it would be more
comfortable in the backseat."
An old professor got up one morning feeling like a 20 year old
student, but he couldn't find one on campus who was awake that
early.
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Memories of a Little Country Store
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/J_C_St.htm
Loving Thoughts of Mom
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/lovingthoughtsofmom.htm
Blessed Child (remake)
http://www.carolspoetry.com/carol35.html
What Is Love 3!
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Been Married To long
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Beer Diet
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Brass Pole
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Bud Light Wheel
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Brownie
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some one had written on the bathroom wall: "My mother made me a
homosexual." Underneath it somebody else had written: "If I send her
the wool, will she make me one too?"
A young camper at summer camp asked the chaplain if "hard on" was
hyphenated. The chaplain replies, "What in heaven's name are you
writing home about!" The young boy says, "I'm telling Mom and Dad
about the project we worked so 'hard on'."
The trouble with my wife is that she has a wait problem. Every time
I want sex, she says, "Wait."
A new couple were making love in the dunes. When they were done he
said, "How lucky for us that you brought a condom with you." She
said, "We're even luckier than you think because I found it here in
the sand."
Man to woman in car: "They were out of tampons so I bought you a
cork"
Two men were talking. One said "I'd love to be casseroled by a
redhead." "What's that mean?" his puzzled friend said, "Casseroled
is a cooking term, meaning to be done slowly for a long time." The
first man shrugged. "Exactly." he replied.
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just Once
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42051.htm
IRS
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42603.htm
It Fits
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32157.htm
Crane
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32158.htm
Marriage Penalty
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32159.htm
Coffee Break
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32160.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jenny taught erotic correction,
Told her student "To get an erection,
Put your dick in my mouth,
Move it north, move it south,
Now, you're getting a sense of direction!"
Her instructions were very explicit,
And more than a little illicit:
"Please fill up my cunny,
With fresh clover honey,
And butter my buns like a biscuit."
"Then wrap me up nice in a blanket,
And I'll sit on your staff while you crank it.
I'll put on some feathers,
And laces and leathers,
And wiggle my ass while you spank it."
"Now that your fingers are stinky,
Tie me up in some chains that are clinky...
Bring in some goats and a sheik,
Give my big titties a tweak,
And now, we can start getting kinky!"
"Forget what the chain and the whip meant,
Get the straps and the slings and a shipment
Of high-grade Vaseline,
And a strong trampoline,
And all of that other equipment!"
"Now, when we get the bedsprings a strummin',
That's when I'll start in a hummin',
Then quickly, my dear,
Put it into my ear,
So I can hear the sound of it comin'!"
"I don't know how much this is costing,"
Said her student, still covered with frosting,
"But I can say with affinity,
That I've lost my virginity...
Quite frankly, my dear... you're exhausting!"
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Delta flight was coming in to land at JFK airport,when the captain
flicked on the intercom system and says,"I would like to thank you
all for choosing Delta for your flight and I hope our service has
been to your satisfaction,and you had a great holiday,we will be
landing shortly."
The captain puts down the intercom but forgets to switch it off,
when the co-pilot says,"what are you going to do after we've landed
skipper? "
The captain replies,"I am going to have a good shit first,then I am
going to take the new blonde air hostess back to my flat and shag
her senseless."
The new blonde air hostess blushing bright red realizing the
intercom has not been turned off dashes from the back of the plane
towards the cockpit before anything else can be said,when half way
down the gangway there's an old lady of 83 sitting there with her
walking stick slightly sticking out in the gangway. The blonde air
hostess trips over the walking stick and lands flat on her face, to
which the old lady looks down at her and says,"there's no rush
dear,he's going to have a good shit first ."
Randy
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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Adult Adult
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Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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