Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Interesting trip to the doctor today. He had removed
several medications from my daily load last month
and my kidneys said thank you, however my blood
pressure did not so I lost one more drug today and
picked up another blood pressure med.
I had a handful of replies to my comments on the
diabetic supply calls and it seems to be happening
everywhere. The letters are in the scuttlebutt as usual.
I agree that it is hard to tell whether they really know you
or are just targeting certain age groups, etc.
Last night I was talking to a friend and commented
that the ice sliding off of the other building was really
smacking our building. I was concerned as about 15
years ago the ice sliding off of the other building had
smashed the meters and service disconnects on the
side of the house. In the morning I went out and couldn't
see any ice on the ground which was strange. I also
noticed that a box UPS had delivered several days before
was still in between the screen door and the regular door.
I went inside and the banging started again and I looked
out the window and it was a white out outside as the
winds had picked up to 35 mph and a little snow goes
a long way when it's windy. About that time I realized
that the banging I had been hearing was the heavy storm
door slamming next door. I hope the box had nothing
breakable in it but when I looked outside later the box
was gone and someone was home.
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
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Logical Chips
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Two builders (Chris and James) are seated either side
of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man
enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The
two builders start to speculate about the occupation
of the suit...
Chris: - I reckon he's an accountant.
James: - No way - he's a stockbroker.
Chris: - He ain't no stockbroker ! A stockbroker wouldn't
come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the
volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes
for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the
suit is standing at a urinal.
Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder...
Chris: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me
mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: - No offence taken ! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession!
Chris: - Oh ! What's that then ?
Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ...Do you have a goldfish
at home?
Chris: - Er ... mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: - Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl
or in a pond. Which is it?
Chris: - It's in a pond!
Suit: - Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have
a large garden then?
Chris: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!
Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if
you have a large garden then you have a large house?
Chris: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house...
built it myself!
Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house
it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for
yourself and that you are quite probably married?
Chris: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three
children.
Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually
active with your wife on a regular basis?
Chris: - Yep! Four nights a week!
Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not
masturbate very often?
Chris: - Me? Never.
Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
Chris: - How's that then?
Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've
told you about your sex life !
Chris: - I see! That's pretty impressive... thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Chris returns to his mate.
James: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what
he does?
Chris: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!
James: - What's that then?
Chris: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
James: - Nope
Chris: - Well then, you're a wanker.
Randy
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
I don't know doc
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my husband
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red light
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Random Chips
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Confucius say, "Baseball wrong -- man with four balls cannot walk."
Latest word we have from Hollywood concerns a young producer moving
into lavish new offices who had his interior decorator on the carpet
because she'd forgotten to include a studio couch.
Some men make friends quickly. With strangers it usually takes a
little longer.
The two ladies were discussing a news article concerning gasoline
fumes causing impotence in the male. "Aren't you worried about your
husband's new job at the gas station? Those fumes could cause him to
lose the lead in his pencil." "Doesn't matter." giggled the other
lady. "He doesn't do all my writing anyway."
Band Members do it with rhythm
Sometimes a woman attracts a man with her mind, but more often she
attracts him with what she doesn't mind.
My brother-in-law went to the doctor complaining of a very difficult
time achieving an orgasm. The doctor said, "Which position do you
use?" "Doggy style," he replied. "Why don't you go home and tonight
try it missionary position and see if that works any better?" said
the
doctor "We've tried that," he said, "but my dog has got such bad
breath!"
A farmer recently made history by growing a field of dildos!
Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters!
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Short Chips
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One day there were three nuns standing outside the gates of heaven
waiting to enter. St. Peter approached them and asked the first nun,
"Do you know who the first man was on earth?" She said, "Ummm...
Adam?" Bells rang, Angels sang, The gates opened, and she walked in.
Then St. Peter went to the second nun and asked, "Do you know who
the first woman was on earth?" She said, "Ummmm... Eve?" Bells rang,
Angels sang, The gates opened, and she walked in. St. Peter then
asked the third and last nun, "What were the first words Eve said to
Adam?" The third nun said, "Hmmmm, that's a hard one." Bells rang,
Angels sang, The gates opened, and she walked right in.
They're making a new XXX movie. It's about an anorexic Irish
prostitute who hops from bed to bed. Her name's Tramp O'Lean.
Once upon a time, there was a sperm named Stanley who lived inside a
famous movie actor. Stanley was a very healthy sperm. He'd do push
ups and somersaults and limber himself up all the time, while the
other sperm just lazed around doing nothing. One day, one of the
sperm questioned Stanley and asked why he exercised all day. Stanley
explained, "Look pal, only one sperm gets a woman pregnant, and when
the right time comes, I'm gonna be that one sperm!" A few days
later, all the sperm could feel themselves getting hotter and
hotter. They knew the big swim was imminent. Moments later, they
were released abruptly and, sure enough, Stanley was swimming far
ahead of all the others. Suddenly, Stanley stopped in his tracks,
turned around, and began to swim back with all his might. "Go back!
Go back!" he hollered, "It's a blow job!"
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Beer Chips
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TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMICS
You're at a bar with a friend.... let's call him George.
1. Explain to George that the two of you are going to share a beer.
But he'll have to front you the money for it, but there will be
enough beer for the both of you if he'll only help stimulate the
economy a little!
2. Purchase said beer, making sure to get a glass, and drink it. At
some point, George is bound to wonder where his portion of the beer
is, since after all he paid for it. Should he ask you, remind him
that he must be patient and wait for market forces to go to work. If
he asks you more than once, wag your finger and accuse him of making
class war, and remind him about the market forces again.
3. At some point you'll have to excuse yourself for obvious
reasons. Make sure to take your glass with you. George will want to
know why, and he may be more than a little annoyed by now. Chalk it
up to market forces, of course.
4. This part should be pretty obvious. Why else would you need the
glass?
5. When you return, make a big thing of presenting George with the
glass. When he asks what in the hell this is supposed to be, as well
he should, let him know that the market has spoken, creating a
whole 'nother beer (assuming the glass is full). Thanks to the
market's power of beer creation, you both got a FULL beer instead of
half a beer!
6. George may get suspicious and speculate that perhaps you've just
stolen his money and whizzed in his glass.... stinkin' socialist!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While I was in law school, I did some legal work for my boyfriend.
He was broke, so he paid me in sex. Now I'm having trouble finding a
job and I don't understand why. Don't law firms usually prefer that
you have experience working pro-boner? (Sandra Hull from
Ruminations)
A useless message in my in-box trumpeted, "Satisfy the girls with a
bigger dick!" Hey, I wouldn't be caught dead with a girl with a
dick, especially if it's bigger than mine. (Clynch Varnadore)
Knowing that my fiancé's mother is an avid bird-watcher, I planned
an intimate get-to-know-you picnic for the three of us at Dream
Canyon in Colorado. I'd heard a rumor that nude sunbathers sometimes
frequented the place, but having been there twice and never seen
one, I tagged the location as safe. Fifteen minutes into our picnic,
our idyllic spot was overrun with nude men. Aghast, we ate quickly,
and then I ushered my future mother-in-law toward the exit. On our
way out, I spotted a native bird in a tree and said, "Look, Mom,
it's a Colorado downy woodpecker." She replied, "Well, we've seen a
lot of native Colorado peckers today, haven't we?"
There is no such thing as donuts. Only bucks have them (Gary
Hallock)
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/New Arrival
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/B/Nw.B.html
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-webs.com/ministry/brotherbob/index.html
The Giver And The Gift
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/givergift.html
Attitude Is Everything
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude.html
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Hello,
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Surfin Surfari
136 Discounts Just for Seniors Via Dianne
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Medieval Recipes
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Calculate your Body Mass Index
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Song Meanings
http://www.songmeanings.net/
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
SUPERAntiSpyware
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Free Registry Cleaner
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Scripts
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Doggie Zone
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RC Cooler
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Rubber band
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Capoeira Fighter
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Cell Phone Popcorn
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Chinook Water
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Cincy Choir
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Does This Happen To You In The Morning
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Nudist Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there
he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite
blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman
notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"
The man replies, "No, what do you mean?" She says, "You must be new
here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it
implies you called for me."
Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a
towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with
her. The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters
the sauna and as he sits down, he farts.
Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward
him. "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man. "No, what do you
mean?" says the newcomer. "You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's
a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge
man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with
him. The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is
greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card; you can have the key back and
you can keep the $500 membership fee." "But, Sir," she replies, "you've
only been here for a few hours - you haven't had the chance to see all
our facilities." The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I
only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day
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Toon Chips
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blood pressure
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blove
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blow
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blow 2
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blow kenny
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blow drying
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Said Mary, "I do beg your pardon,
But I once had a tree in my garden,
With a trunk long and thick,
But I have to admit,
'Twas nothing, compared to Randy's hard'un..."
In marriage there's often a glitch,
When you find out you married a bitch,
She once was quite nice,
All sugar and spice,
Now she's an evil old witch
~~
The was an old woman from Kent
Who went to a football event
She sat near the goal
And opened her hole
One guess as to where the ball went?
~~
The spouse of a pretty young thing
Came home from the wars in the spring.
He was lame but he came
With his dame like a flame--
A discharge is a wonderful thing.
A sweet 'tater said, "Oh, yes ma'am,
I'm sentient, and don't give a damn.
You may think that it's jive;
But it's not; I'm alive!
I think, and so I yam."
(Kirk Miller)
<snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Rabbi explains that he must move on to a larger congregation
that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave.
Sol Epstein, who owns several car dealerships in the city, stands
up and proclaims, "If the Rabbi stays, I will provide him with a
new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to
transport their children!"
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Goldstein, a successful entrepreneur and investor stands and
says, "If the Rabbi will stay on here, I'll personally double his
salary and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college
education of all his children!"
More sighs and loud applause.
Finally, Sadie Goldfarb, age 88, stands and announces, "If the
Rabbi stays, I vill give him sex!"
Total silence.
The Rabbi, blushing, asks her, "Mrs. Goldfarb, whatever possessed
you to say that?"
Sadie's 90 year old husband, Jacob, is now trying to hide, holding
his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from
side to side while his wife replies, "Vell, I just mentioned to
mein husband how nice it is that others were helping the Rabbi,
and asked vat ve could do to help. He said, "Fuck the Rabbi..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1981
The Adventures of Katie (Part Seven)
While everyone is waiting for Katie to arrive BJ is talking
BJ: I just want everyone to know this was Sandi's finest hour.
Rudy: Hear hear.
BJ: She tracked Katie for several miles and had I realized what
she was howling about, I could have found her that day.
Val: Hear hear.
BJ: I realize she is a great huntress and know realize she is an
outstanding tracker besides.
Rudy: Besides what?
Diana: It is just a saying.
Rudy: Saying what?
Diana: Nevermind, the lady has pulled up with Katie.
There is a rush to the door..
Katie is walking weakly to the door, but overall, looking okay.
Katie: How about a can of dog food?
To be continued
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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