[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For 5-8-11

 



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Hi Buff....

The simulation of Navy life was well defined, except for ONE small
item..
Rough seas.....How ya gonna simulate
something like below:

Another Sea Story
After returning from the Med Cruise, we
were back at the Destroyer Piers in
Norfolk, VA. We had a couple weeks
to getting accustom to living in the
U. S. of A. again.
Then came the news that we were taking
aboard five Midshipmen from the U. S.
Naval Academy at Annapolis, MD for a
Weekend cruise. I am not really sure
just when they reported aboard, whether
it was a Friday evening or the following
Saturday Morning.
After getting them situated, we pulled
out of Norfolk and headed North. Every
thing was fine, good weather, not a cloud
in the sky, warm and muggy.
We steamed North for quite a while, not
sure just how long, cause a couple of
the deck crew was in my small office
playing Cribbage. Anyway, we noticed
the ship was starting to roll from Port
to Starboard, then it got more pronounced.
Pretty soon, it got even worse. I heard
the word passed to "Rig the ship for
rough weather"....
I felt the ship turning into the wind,
and got a message from the Commodore
to meet him on the Bridge. Since I
was the "Commodore's Talker", when he
was on the Bridge, then I had to be
there also...Now the Commodore's chair
was bolted to the Port Bulkhead, so
when I arrived, he was already in it,
and I standing beside him, and hanging
on to the back of hischair. Already,
the ship was heading into some pretty
large swells. It got worse....The swells
got larger and larger. Pretty soon, we
were going THROUGH them instead of over
them. The bow was underwater most of the
time. Then the waves started capping
white foam. We were still underway, but
the Helmsman had a problem keeping the
Compass Heading, and had to ask for
help holding on to the Helm.
Now it was REALLY rough, the waves were
reading over the bow strnger now. Once
I remember we went so far down that a
VERY LARGE wave broke and came DOWN on
the Pilot House. We couldn't see a thing
for a few minutes. All I could think of
was what one of the crew at told me when
I reported aboard: "The SUMNER is the oldest
active duty Destroyer in the Fleet"
Well the wind kept up, the hugh waves
kept coming. How long this kept up I
am not sure, but I am sure it was for
for a couple of days. I don't believe
there was a dry spot anywhere in the
whole ship. How the cooks did it, I
don't know, but they did keep us in hot
coffee, bologna sandwiches. Finally,
the seas calmed some, but we had to keep
heading into the wind. After another
day the Skipper decided that he would
try to turn us around and head back to
Norfolk. We made the turn, without
mishap, and porued on the coal. I heard
someone ask just where we were, and heard
the answer: "Somewhere off he coast of
Eireland". I never did find out for sure
just how long we were in that storm, or
just where we ended up.
Now, if there is anything in this narrative,
that someone would like to dispute, I will
be only happy to set the record straight.
As you all know, after 53 years, actions
has a way of becomming a mite fuzzy.
Glenn C. Simpson
USN,(Ret.)

buffalo says We left Japan in the middle of a typhoon and although the
worst of it was over in four days , about 2000 miles at transit speed of
21 knots, we fought it all the way to where we refueled just North of
Hawaii, almost 4000 miles. I have no idea whether it was a rogue wave
or the helmsman's fault but we did a 20 plus degree roll and wiped out
every plate, cup, and dish in the galley above us. I was down in Nr. 2
main machinery room for watchstanding during a good part of it and
the first class had taken a large washer and suspemded by string from
the overhead and he was taking ten dollar bets you couldn't stare at it
for 5 minutes without losing your cookies. After seeing a couple of guys
puke I wasn't having anything to do with it heh heh.

And from the author of simulating shipboard life

From Halg31 DT-2

I don't remember how long ago I wrote that missive.
Thanks for publishing it.
I enjoyed just about every part of being the Navy.in the Navy, the guys
the duty stations and above all the time I spent on sea duty.
I was in the amphibs, aboard an Apa. The Rockbridge Pa228. Picture still
hangs over my desk.
Not the spit and polish of a battleship or a cruiser, but we had fun and
did our job.
We even got to make an appearance in a movie starring William Holden and
Deborah Kerr. The Proud and the Profane.

Buffalo keep up the good work.

Hal

Enjoy the chips ... buffalo

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Short Chips
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It's springtime, and the baby bear comes out of his cave. His legs
are
wobbling, he's a wreck. He's skin and bones, with big circles under
his
eyes. His mother says, "Junior! Did you hibernate all winter like
you were supposed to?" He says, "Hibernate? I thought you said
masturbate!"

Sam goes to a marriage counselor and says, "My marriage isn't
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The marriage counselor says, "Do you still enjoy sex?

"As much as the next fellow" replied Sam.

The counselor says, "Maybe between you and the next fellow,
she's exhausted."

Japanese tourist goes into a bar in outback Australia with a white
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Vegan Chips
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A friend of mine spreads some light on the vegan swallowing
mystery...

Actually, PD, the question of whether or not it is okay for a
vegetarian or vegan to give BJs, and if so, if it was all right to
swallow, the general consensus is:

1. It is perfectly all right to give BJs because no animal is harmed
in the process.

2. It is okay to ingest sperm because it is not an animal.

Also, sperm is a good source of protein, something that is often
lacking when meat is removed from the diet.

You're still my favorite lap dance,

Can you guys imagine dating one of these gals?

I can see it in my mind's eye; your vegan girl comes home from work
all worn out, craving your meat.

She looks at you and says, "I need to blow you. I haven't had enough
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will do."

Damn. A breed of women who not only like performing oral sex, but
consider it nourishment. I gotta get me a vegan.

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Oops Chips
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Oops! is a word
That I don't care
To hear as someone
Cuts my hair.

Another time
It's not a thrill
Is when the dentist
Holds a drill.

An Oops! escaped
From pilot's lips
Can do me in
On airplane trips.

But nothing's worse
Than Oopses! spoken
When one finds out
The rubber's broken.

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Lighter Chips
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A young girl who was a heavy smoker invested in a cigarette lighter
to economize in matches. After a short time it began to give
trouble.
So she spoke to a gentleman who had one, having just seen him light
a cigarette with it and put it in his pocket.

She: Now be a dear and tell me about that thing you have there in
your trousers.

He: (Misunderstanding her and feeling a bit embarrassed) I'm not
used to discussing such things with ladies.

She: Now there is no need to be shy. Tell me, how does yours work?
Do you jerk it up and down?

He: Oh, sometimes...

She: Then it's different from mine, mine just opens and shuts. Do
you rub yours up and down until something comes?

He: Oh yes, especially in cold weather.

She: Have you ever tried pulling your wick and dipping it?

He: No, most certainly not!

She: Oh. You should, it does it good. You never soaked it before
then?

He: Of course I haven't.

She: You should try it then sometime, it takes the stiffness out of
it.

He: Er, well... I'm afraid that you are a naughty girl.

She: (Thinking he referred to smoking) Oh, every girl does it
nowadays anyway. What about your wick, is it a long one?

He: Yes, it is rather on the long side.

She: I think I will have to try a bigger one because the one I use
does not seem to go far enough to do any good. Does yours go red on
the end when it's dry?

He: Yes.

She: So does mine. In the past mine has been giving me much
trouble.
Would you like to have a look at it?

He: No no, not now. We had better wait until it's dark.

She: Don't be ridiculous, you can see much better in the daylight.
It has been leaking these past few days so I have put a rag around
it.
I'll unwind it now (opening her handbag and producing her lighter).
Look, here it is (dashing her lighter). It has run out again,
damn... now I'll have to go back to matches.

The young man collapses.

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Casino Chips
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AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO

An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland arrived at the casino.

She seemed a little intoxicated and bet
twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I
feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled
the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled ,

'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down
and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up
her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered,

'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are drunks,
Not all blondes are dumb. . .
But all men...are men

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Women Chips
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2. Oh, look, that women and I have the same dress on! I think
I'll go introduce myself!

3. His new girlfriend is thinner and better-looking than I am,
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4. If he doesn't let me hold the remote, I get all moody.

5. He makes more money than I do, so I broke up with him.

6. I'm sick of dating doctors and lawyers! Give me a good old-
fashioned waiter with a heart of gold any day!

7. We're redecorating the bedroom, and he keeps bugging me to
help him with the color choices!

8. He talks our relationship to death! It's making me crazy!

9. Why can't I find a guy who'll have a wild carefree night of
sex and then just go his separate way for once?

10. I just realized -- my butt doesn't look fat in this -- my
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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There was a young man from Montrose
Who could diddle himself with his toes.
He did it so neat
He fell in love with his feet,
And christened them Myrtle and Rose.

There once was a man named Brian
In bed he was as frisky as a lion.
Children he had none
Though he cum and he cum
He said it was fun just trying.

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the
work on his house. "You did a great job." he said and handed the man a
check. "Also, in order to thank you, here's an extra $100 to take the
missus out to dinner and a motel, (WINK,WINK)."

Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. Thinking the
man had forgotten something he asked, "What's the matter, did you forget
something?"

"Nope," replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your missus out to
dinner and a motel like you asked."

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2029

Up Up and Away

BJ: Is this the right Balloon Katie?

Katie: Sure thing father. I gave the tickets to the man below.

BJ: Well we seem to be rising. Where is the pilot?

Katie: Pilot? Didn't you used to be in the Air Force?
I thought you would fly this thing.

BJ: I do not know how to fly this thing. Tell me Katie, the truth
now, is this the balloon or not.

Katie: Well there was a guy asleep below and I laid the two
tickets on his lap and thought that would work. I thought
you could fly this thing.

BJ: All I know is what I have seen in the movies, the heat from
this fire here keeps the balloon up. If it goes out, then the
balloon drops.

Katie: Ack! So that means the fuel guage reading empty on
the propane means we are in trouble...

BJ: Yeah...

The fire sputters and dies...in a few minutes the balloon starts
to loose altitude.

Katie: Can you steer it?

BJ: In case you have not noticed, there is not a wheel, or anything.
We will land where it lands, hopefully, not too hard.

later...

Katie: That was not too bad father. See you are an excellent pilot.

BJ: I dare say we evacuate this area before you are arrested for
stealing the balloon.

The herd

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Adult Adult

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Remember 9/11/01

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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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