Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the Archives and a sailor's heart.
My Heart's at Sea Forever
Long ago I was a Sailor.
I sailed the Ocean blue.
I knew the bars in Singapore...
The coastline of Peru.
I knew well the sting of salt spray,
The taste of Spanish wine,
The beauty of the Orient...
Yes, all these things were mine.
But I wear a different hat now,
A tie and jacket too.
My sailing days were long ago...
with that life I am through.
But somewhere deep inside of me...
The sailor lives there still.
He longs to go to sea again,
But knows he never will.
My love, my life, is here at home,
and I will leave here never.
Though mind and body stay ashore...
My heart's at sea forever.
Buffalo says this was written by a man who refers to himself as
A. Sailor .. I feel our paths have crossed before in fact our
membership dates in the Tonkin Gulf Yacht Club and also
32nd St. Naval Station in San Diego coincide. Excuse me while
I daydream about long ago and far away for awhile.
Today is my usual monthly task of having my blood sampled.
After 13 years of at least once a month it is getting really old
but it is one of those things you have to do.
Someone in New Jersey won my 212 million last night and I had
some really noble plans for the money. Oh well my day is right
around the corner.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Date Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Signs You Had A Bad First Date"
Not only is she a little young, but you're sure that
you used to date her mother.
You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little
league
with her.
She has a thicker moustache than you.
When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at
the door with a contract describing your duties and
restrictions. You jokingly ask her if she wants to go
down to Atlantic City and get married. She then
informs you that leaving the state is a violation of
her parole.
Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system.
You walk away from her front door with the roses you got her shoved
up
your ass.
You are the first guy that she's gone out with that
isn't her cousin.
At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a
free
shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.
She beats the shit out of some guy for making fun of your hair cut.
You wake up the next morning with a wicked hangover. In the bed next
to
you is Janet Reno.
At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house and her pimp
is
waiting there with your bill.
You wake up to find your loins covered with purple and green spots,
with
an intense itching in your left thigh.
She keeps staring at you all through dinner, then
finally asks if you want to meet Satan.
She is better hung than you.
She informs you that you can't go out again because her boyfriend
doesn't like you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
poor choices
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Enough!!
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the memo
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Stop Bart
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Party
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Write My Name
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sleep Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Doc, I can't sleep anymore," Steve
complained. "I've tried everything, but
I just toss and turn."
"You have to learn to relax," the doctor
said. "Try putting each part of your body
to sleep separately."
That night Steve crawled into bed, got
comfortable and started to talk to his
body. "Toes, go to sleep," he whispered.
"Feet, go to sleep. Legs, go to sleep.
Hips, go to sleep. Stomach, go to sleep"
Just then his wife walked in wearing a
transparent teddy.
John opened one eye, then lifted his head
from the pillow. "OK," he shouted, "up,
up...everybody up!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The bar was getting ready to close, so John asked the
nearest woman, "What would you say to a little "oral"
activity?"
"That all depends,..." she quickly responded.
"...Your face, or mine?"
~~~~
The middle-aged man was shuffling along, bent over
at the waist, as his wife helped him into the doctor's
waiting room. A woman in the office viewed the scene
in sympathy. "Arthritis with complications?
The wife shook her head, "No. Do-it-yourself,
explained, "with concrete blocks."
~~~~
On their wedding night, Bruce displays his member to his new blonde
virgin bride and tells her it's the only one in the world. She, of
course, believes him.
He's gone for a conference for a couple of weeks.
He returns, only to be questioned by his new blonde wife. "Bruce,"
she says, "I thought you said you had the only one in the world. But
Harry at the drug store has one too."
"Well, er," Bruce flusters, "Harry and I were in the war together, I
had two, so I gave him one of mine."
"Oh. Well, why did you give him the best one?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to his dentist for a regular check-up. After
the dentist has had a short look at the man's mouth he
says, "So...been licking your wife recently?"
The poor man looks up in horror and replies, "Uhhh ...
Yeah ...uhhh...why? ...Do I have pubes between my teeth?"
Whereupon the dentist replies, "Nope ...you've got shit
in your nostrils!"
A man was shopping in the men's department at Blooming-
dale's when he noticed an absolutely beautiful woman
behind the sales counter.
He went up to her and said, "Good morning, madam."
She smiled pleasantly and asked, "And what would you
like?"
"What would I like? I'd like to wrap my arms around you
and squeeze you tight. Then run my hand up and down your
bottom and squeeze that. Then run my hands along your
inner thighs, up nderneath your dress. When I get to
your sweet womanhood, I'd like to rub that while simult-
aneously unbuttoning your blouse with my teeth. And then
I'd like to suck on your beautiful tits and bite your
nipples lightly... But what I came to buy is a new tie."
Q: Did you hear about the gay rabbit?
A: He found a hare up his ass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doggie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two guys are riding to work on the bus. They both see two dogs goin'
at
it on a lawn.
One guy, who's married, looks at the other and says, "Jeez, I'd give
anything to do it to my wife like that."
The other, a single guy, says, "Heck, that's easy. Just feed her
three
martinis."
The same two guys are riding the bus to work the next morning. The
single one asks the other, "Well, did you get to do it to your wife
doggie style?"
The married guy replies, "Yes, but it took SIX martinis."
The single guy exclaims, "SIX martinis! How come so many?"
The husband replies, "Hell, it took three just to get her out on the
lawn."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thirsty Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're
walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and
knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady
answers. The first man tells the lady about their situation and
begs her for a drink.
The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me."
The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then
sleep with your fat smelly ass."
The second man wants to live and agrees to do the deed. The
second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man
outside. The women says, "fuck me then!" The man agrees to do it
only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and
sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her
with it and throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes
and asks for it again.
The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally
satisfied and agrees to give the gentleman and his friend some
water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the
women is going to give them some water.
The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that
buttered corn."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/My Sweet Mutt
http://www.silveran
Who Was St. Patrick
http://domania.
When Sadness Comes
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Afraid
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Draac Help Page
http://www.draac.
Web TV Tools
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Find Your Geek Forum
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Movie Clips
Sponsor an Executive
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The Original Farmer's Daughter
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The Big ABC
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The Chronicles Of The Oba Messiah
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Then God Made Woman
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German Coast Guard
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7 Wonders Of The World
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Adidas DM
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Bambi
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gift Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seems God was just about done creating the Universe, but had
two extra things left in his bag of creations. So, He
decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the
couple that one of the things he had to give away was the
ability to stand up while urinating.
It's a very handy thing, God told the couple. "I was
wondering if either one of you wanted the ability?" Adam
jumped up and blurted out, "Oh, give that to me. I'd love
it. Please, oh please, let me have that ability. It would be
great. When I'm out working in the garden, I could just
stand there and let it fly. It would be so cool, I could
write my name in the sand. Oh, please God, let it be me who
you give that gift to." On and on he went like an excited
little boy...
Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it
so badly, he should have it. She added it was the sort of
thing that would make him happy and she wouldn't mind if
Adam was the one given this ability. And so, Adam was given
the ability to control the direction of his urine while in a
vertical position. He was so happy, he celebrated by wetting
down the bark on the tree nearest him and laughing with
delight all the while. And it was good.
Fine, God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts.
"What's left in here? Oh yes, Multiple Orgasms...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Light fruit snack
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Broad jump
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Creative waterskier
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Worst Hunting Dog
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Worse Things
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Jugs
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young woman from Wild,
Who kept herself quite undefiled,
By thinking of Jesus...
Contagious diseases....
And the bother of having a child.
A young schizophrenic name Strutter,
When told of the death of his brother,
Said: "Yes, it's too bad,
But I can't feel too sad;
After all, I still have each other.
Ginger was feeling quite gruff
'Til he placed his head in her muff
Then she purred like a kitty
When his tongue hit her clitty
Saying, "I just cannot get enough!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walks into a bar and orders three whiskey sours, drinks
them down BAM! BAM! BAM! Then he orders three more. The
bartender's having a slow night and appreciates the business,
but is also concerned.
"Hey buddy, slow down. What seems to be the problem?""
The guy answers, "I went on a week-long business trip, and had
to leave my wife alone. I've had my suspicions about our
next-door neighbor, so I hung a weight from the bottom of the
bedspring just above a bowl of cream."
The bartender nods sympathetically and pours the guy another.
"So you came home and found cream on the weight?"
The guy downs his fourth whiskey sour and says, "It's worse
than that. The cream had been churned into butter."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Slap Chop is a manual chopper machine that works when you slap
the plunger part. Every slap triggers the 3 blades below to chop and
cut the food. The more you slap the
Slap Chop, the finer the food gets.
Chop up potatoes for home fries, or add mushrooms and green peppers
for a tasty side to
your eggs. Even use the Slap Chop for vegetables like carrots,
celery and radishes for an
instant salad. Nuts and chocolate are chopped easy for toppings on
ice-cream. The Slap Chop
is great for onions and even garlic so your fingers don't smell and
it saves time. The Slap Chop's
base opens up to expose the blades for easy cleaning.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee while another foursome of
ladies are hitting from the ladies tee.
The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is
ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it
and hacks it another 10 feet.
She looks up at the men, who are watching, and says apologetically,
"I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately replies, "Now, you see, that's your
problem.
You should have taken golf lessons instead."
Susan
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1534
A Strange, Strange Evening
BJ came home and decided to take a hot bath.
While reclining in the tub, his back started to get rubbed.
BJ: Thanks Diana, a little more to the left please. Thanks.
BJ has the washcloth over his eyes as his arm gets washed.
BJ: Gee thanks honey.
Diana enters the bathroom...: BJ did you know that Sandi is
giving you a bath?
BJ sits upright losing his washcloth.
Sandi is sitting beside the tub grinning.
BJ: She has been giving me a bath?
Diana: Yes, she has washed your arm.
BJ finishes his bath and heads to bed to get dressed. Rudy is
there.
Rudy usually lays East and West but tonight he is laying North and
South.
BJ gets his jammies on and lays down next to Rudy and pets him:
What's
going on Rudy?
Rudy: My legs are a bit sore today Pops. Could you rub them?
BJ: Sure....
Rudy gets really close to BJ....it is midnight...BJ has fallen
asleep next to
Rudy, Katie is curled up on the other side of BJ and Sandi is at
BJ's feet.
BJ: What the...? I been ambushed...it is Rudy's snoring that
always puts
me to sleep, then Katie comes in and then Sandi...doomed.
The herd in Guthrie
(exactly what happened....
Rudy)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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