Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Ray, one of my local buddies, replied today that I could get
tarragon from Gordon Food Service. Gordon's is a restaurant
supply place that will sell to anyone and I love going there but
it has also been declared " Off Limits " to me for the time being.
Gordon's sells in restaurant quantities along with quality which
makes it a hotspot for wedding receptions and family reunions
but severe overkill for 2 or 3 people. I currently have about half
of
a box of Chimichanga burritos and half of a 5 lb. bag of mixed
berries
from my last trip. Sandy had also asked for some grits. I know she
meant the Instant Grits from Quaker that comes in a packet
and take a few minutes to make for breakfast. I was at Gordon's
and got her a 5 lb. bag of Aunt Jemima grits. She asked why and I
told her it makes sense that Aunt Jemima should know more about
grits than some Quaker dude and she wasn't amused but they are
really a lot better grits. They have body to them and don't get all
runny when you put some butter on them.
I got a small bottle of tarragon at Glens but I will probably go for
the
lifetime supply can when I go back there the next time. I am already
making a shopping list because they said they had cabbage rolls
cheap and some fish burgers I want to try and I will probably need
a replacement bag of berries before long as Eva has picked most
of the blueberries out of mine and left me with the raspberries and
blackberries.
I am trying to get up a head of steam for next week and get my taxes
done. I have my coupon for H and R Block and all the info in my
clipboard. After I cost myself a lot of money with turbo tax two
years
ago and had the IRS correct my taxes and send me more money
when I had business students from the University do them last year,
I want to have the professionals do them this year.
Hope you have a great week and enjoy the chips ... buffalo
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Crabby Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why Women are Crabby
We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find
anything that
comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it
brings us to
tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption
the boys in
school will snap until we have calluses on our backs. Next, we get
our periods
in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding
boobs, we now
bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have to wear little
mattresses
between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we
didn't even
know we had.
Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex
for the first
time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus
through
your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little
cart before
his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.
Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers
and water for
a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over Brother
John. Of
course, amazing creatures that we are
(and we are), we learn to live with the growing little angels
inside us
steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we're
having
Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a
watermelon
whole and we pee our pants every time we sneeze. When the big moment
arrives,
the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in
the middle
of the mall and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet moaning in
pain all the
way to the ER. Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the OB
says, "Please
stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more
(or 10 ) good
push," warranting a well - deserved impulse to punch the doctor
(and hubby )
square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed
10lb strong,
bowling ball through a keyhole.
After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when
all that
"cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking,
jabbering,
wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. The
teen years.
Need I say more? The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our
voracious
sexual prime in our mid-30's to early
40's while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday (which
just happens
to be the reason all that early hot man sex got you pregnant in the
first
place).
Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all
womanhood.
It's either take the HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned
"buds" or the
forementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash
your sheets
and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.
Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men
get off so
easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the
woods without
soaking their socks... Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood"
would make the
Great Ghandi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right.
Bite me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Cunnilingus
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Fry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult
task of
castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from
breeding with the
females. He hired a French guy who didn't speak much English,
but was a very good worker.
After the first day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and
his French
worker was just about to throw away the ' parts', but the sheep
farmer yelled,
"No! Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them.
They're
delicious and we call them 'sheep fries'."
Later that day, the French hired hand came in for supper and indeed,
the 'sheep
fries' were tasty.
The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and the following evening
they all
settled down to another supper of 'sheep fries'. The third day,
however, when
the sheep farmer came home, he asked his wife where the French hired
hand was.
She said, "You know, it was the weirdest thing! I told him since
there weren't
very many 'sheep fries' this evening, we were also going to have
French fries.
Then he screamed and ran like hell."
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm thinking about getting married. I looked up the word "engaged"
in the dictionary. It said, "To do battle with the enemy." Then I
looked up mother-in-law. It said, "See engaged."
Women claim that they never pursue a man. Well, by the same token, a
mousetrap never pursues a mouse, but the end result is the same.
DOCTOR <to his female patient>:
"You look so weak and exhausted! Are you having
your meals three times a day, as I advised?"
LADY PATIENT:
"Doctor, I thought you said three males a day!"
The trouble with my wife is that she has a weight
problem. Every time I want sex, she says, "Wait."
"In Missouri, a guy goes into a K-Mart releases a hundred
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banging against the glass, trying to get out. It's like
they knew they were at a K-Mart."
-- Jay Leno
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Frog Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A good friend of mine is 65 years old and loves to fish. He was
sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick
me up."
He looked around and could not see anyone. He thought he was
dreaming when he heard the voice again, --- "Pick me up." He looked
in the water and there floating on a lily pad was a frog. My friend
asked, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog responded, "Yes, I'm talking to you." "Pick me up and kiss
me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen
and will give you the most wonderful sexual pleasures that you have
ever dreamed of."
My friend looked at the frog for a moment and then reached over,
picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.
The frog exclaimed, "What! Are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I
said? "I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasures like you
have never had."
My friend opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
"At my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
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Blonde Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three blondes (natural) died and found themselves standing before
St.
Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they
had to
tell him what Easter was.
The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big
feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.
The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth
and
exchange gifts."
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.
The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said,
"So, tell me."
She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the
Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with
His
disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested
him.
The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they
buried
Him in a tomb behind a very large
boulder ...
St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."
Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the
boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more
weeks of basketball."
St. Peter fainted.
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Riddle Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day two drunks are sitting in a bar drinking. One drunk notices
a
sign
saying, "Lady in the back."
Being curious, they called the bartender over and asked what it
meant. The
bartender says, "Well, there is a lady in the back that will satisfy
all
your requests for only $20.00 and the answer to a riddle."
One of the drunks, thinking how cheap and easy it should be, gives
the
bartender a twenty and heads for the back.
Laying on the bed is a beautiful and voluptuous red head. The drunk
says,
"I paid my twenty so what is the riddle?"
The red head says, "If my pussy was to sail out to sea, how would
you
bring my pussy back to me?"
The drunk thinks for a minute and then answers, "I don't know. How'd
the
damn cat get out there?"
The red head laughs and says, "Go on, you didn't answer the riddle."
The drunk, pissed off and embarrassed, sits down by his buddy. The
buddy
is anxiously waiting to hear what happened and asks, "Well, how good
was
it?"
Feeling very embarrassed, the drunk answers, " I couldn't answer
this
damn
riddle about some f****** cat."
So the second drunk says, "Well, this I've got to try." He calls the
bartender over and throws him a twenty while heading for the back
room.
There lies the beautiful and voluptuous red head, all spread out and
smiling. She proceeds to say, "If my pussy was to sail out to sea,
how
would you bring my pussy back to me?"
The second drunk answers, "Well, I don't know. Don't you think the
damn
cat is dead by now?"
She laughs and says, "Go on, you didn't answer the riddle."
Now the drunks are pissed, frustrated, and out forty dollars. While
complaining to the bartender, in walks this huge sailor with his
duffle
bag. He walks up to the bartender, throws a twenty down and
says, "Where
is the room?" The bartender stands back and just points the way for
the
sailor.
The sailor opens the door and says, "Okay, let's hear it."
The voluptuous red head, with eyes open wide, sits up and says, "If
my
pussy was to sail out to sea, how would you bring my pussy back to
me?"
The sailor, taking his duffle bag and throwing it on the floor says:
"Well, with this bag I'll make a boat,
And with my balls, I'll make it float.
With my dick, I'll make and oar,
And row your pussy back to shore."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
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Movie Clips
Texas Shoot Out
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Things Men Will Do For A Cold Beer
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What It Feels Like Owning Stock In 2008
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Workout Bra
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Not His Day
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Ollie
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Parrot Plays Golf
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Pepsi Please
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Pilobolus
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Menopause Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove,
he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather
than simply saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
Your husband cheerfully chirps, "Hi, honey. I'm home!"
You reply dryly: "Well, if it isn't Ozzie fucking Nelson."
The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the entire
Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.
You have to change your underwear after every sneeze and laugh.
You're on so much estrogen that you take your daughter's
Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales.
You suspect that most of your blouses have missing buttonholes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your Day
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Your Dead
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Your Fault
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Was it Worth It
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Leave your Shoes On
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Found Your Clitoris
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The bishop of Winchester Junction
Found his phallus would no longer function.
So in black crepe he wound it,
Tied a lily around it,
And solemnly gave it last unction.
There was a young lady of Norway
Who hung by her heels in the doorway.
She said to her beau,
"Hey, look at me, Joe,
I think I've discovered one more way."
There was a young girl from Odessa,
A rather unblushing transgressor.
When sent to the priest,
The lewd little beast
Began to undress her confessor!
Karl K
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Psycho Pick-up Lines
"Wanna swap meds?"
"Can I buy you a spatula?"
"Bet you're wondering why I have no nostrils?"
"Your crawlspace or mine?"
"You look like the kind of person who appreciates catheters."
"May I lick your forehead?"
"Do you always wear your shoes over your socks?"
"Smeep. Smeep. Smeep."
"What's your favorite flavor of wood?"
"You've stolen my heart, but thats okay because I have three more
back home in the freezer!"
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
President Obama announced that he plans to bring the troops home
from Iraq in 18 months. But the troops actually responded and said,
"Thank you, but the economy's better over here, so we're going to
stay."
Ray
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1550
Trouble for Dad
The game is nearly over when the ushers mentioned they are to stay
late
for after game pictures.
So after the game the family go to center court and stand around
waiting
for orders.
First Katie gets her picture taken with her six foot long check....
Then the whole family with the Mascot...
Then BJ..is surrounded by eighteen cheerleaders as his picture is
taken
over and over and over.
When the pictures are done and they leave the building...
Slap!!!
BJ: What was that for?
Diana: I saw you smiling..
BJ: They told me to smile for the pictures.
Diana: You were smiling like a dirty old man.
Katie: Mother, he is old.
Diana: Hush Katherine, he is in enough trouble as is.
BJ: But, but.
Sandi whispering: Daddy, may I recommend you just hold your head
down and be quiet.
Rudy: You can not win with women Pops.
Sandi slapping Rudy: Watch what you say Rudy.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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