Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Working on my diet again and have managed to wipe out all
but a half pound gain. A good part of it is because we have
been without an oven for the past month. The appliance
dealer was unable to come up with a new safety valve for it
so Friday my landlord ordered a new stove which should
be here tomorrow. It just makes it harder to diet when you
have to fry meats instead of baking them.
Another thing that may be hurting my diet is my recent
obsession with watching food shows on the Food Network. I
started out watching the Japanese Iron Chef competitions
years ago and then moved onto the American Iron Chef,
Chopped, and more recently, World's Worst Cooks and
select episodes of shows like Diners and Dives. Good Eats,
and Throwdown. It seems that every show I see has an
interesting way to prepare something that I have never thought of
and although I am pretty good with a cook book these chefs are
cooking totally from experience. They plan and prepare
meals in seconds working sometimes with ingredients
that they have never heard of just by tasting it and comparing it
to an ingredient they have used.
Needless to say all of that food being prepared is enough to
give a person a huge appetite. Eva watches the shows puts on her
apron and prepares dishes of food from her plastic supplies
in her little kitchen. She tries but her food always scores low in
taste
and presentation.
Enjoy the chips ..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fiddle Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old sea captain, and a little
guy who played the fiddle, were
arguing about women.
The old sea captain tells the little
fiddle player that women can't be
trusted, and they will not be faithful
under any circumstances.
The little fiddle player said well he
bet his wife would not do anything
like that.
So, the old sea captain said he would
bet his ship and cargo against the
fiddler player's violin that she would
be unfaithful.
The fiddle player took the bet, and invited
the sea captain over to his house, and
sent the two of them into the bedroom
while he waited outside the door.
A half hour went by and he heard nothing
from his wife, so he started singing to the
tune of Auld Lang Sine:
Be true, my love, be true my love,
It's only for an hour.
Don't screw, my love, don't screw, my love,
And the ship and cargo's ours.
She sang back to him:
Too late, my love, too late, my love,
He's got me round the middle,
He's screwed me once, he'll do it twice,
And you've lost your damned old fiddle!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
you were great
http://www.thepostm
just like that
http://www.thepostm
for Pete's sake
http://www.thepostm
Girl Firing Hand Gun
http://sydesjokes.
Girl On Bike
http://sydesjokes.
Girlfriend From Hell
http://sydesjokes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Celebrity Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I never should have let my wife have friends, and I'll tell you
why. She recently confronted me with a list of celebrities she
wants to sleep with. I'm not kidding!
Apparently she got the idea from some of her married friends who
have similar lists. I guess the idea is that if the unlikely
opportunity ever arose for her to climb into the sack with
one of these dream men she should be able to do it without any
incrimination from me.
Her list (still in the drafting stages according to her) includes;
George Clooney, Clive Owen, Matthew McConaughey and somebody named
Josh Duhamel.
"Who the hell is Josh Duhamel?" I asked.
"He's married to Fergie," she responded.
"And who the hell is Fergie?"
Needless to say this discussion quickly devolved into some- thing
of an argument. In an effort to backpedal she told me that it was
only fair that I could have a list too.
So I thought about it for a minute and said, "Okay, the first
dream girl on my list is Cheryl."
"You mean Cheryl from down the street?"
"The very same," I answered.
"You can't pick a neighbor!" she yelled. "It has to be a celebrity."
"Oh, she's a celebrity in my fantasies."
In retrospect that might not have been the best answer.
Harveyithefrogprinc
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limbless Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
FUN THINGS TO SAY TO A GIRL WITH
NO ARMS AND NO LEGS
"If your happy and you know it clap your hands!"
I guess a hand job is out of the question?
You don't expect me to do the dishes?
Could you pass me my cigarettes darling?
I would have at least expected you to cook me dinner!!!
Do you want a vibrator for Christmas?
What do you mean you haven't done the shopping?
Oi. give me back the remote control.
Do you want to play racket ball?
Why haven't you made the bed?
Now stand up and say that. BITCH!!!!!
It's your turn to mow the lawn!
Who left that slug trail on the kitchen floor?
If you need something done while I'm gone, call a handyman!
Are you having an affair you bitch, I've been calling all day!!!!
One giant leap for mankind, one enormous thump on the floor!
Remember. progress is just one step at a time.
Put another log on the fire.
Do you want to drive, or should I?
It's your turn to walk the dog!
For god sake woman. get off your arse!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh Doctor!" said the young lady prior to her surgery, "Will the scar
show? "
"Not in church, madam," replied the doctor, "but anywhere else, it's
entirely up to you......"
~~~~~
A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to
work. The little girl asks, "Why do you call your secretary a doll?"
Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey, my
secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types like you wouldn't
believe, she knows the computer system and is very efficient."
"Oh," says the little girl, "I thought it was because she closes her
eyes when you lay her down."
~~~~~
A friend and her husband were participating in a blood drive, and as
part of the prescreening process, an elderly volunteer was asking
some questions.
"Have you ever paid for sex?" the woman asked my friend's husband
sweetly.
Glancing wearily over at his wife who was trying to calm a new baby
and tend to several other children milling around her, "Oh yes", he
sighed, "Every time."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why did god give women nipples?
To make suckers out of men.
Suspecting her husband of infidelity, the woman attempted to put an
end to it by arousing his jealousy. "What would you say if I told
you
that I've been sleeping with your best friend?" she asked
provocatively. "Well," he mused, "I'd say that you're a lesbian."
A female personnel director became very embarrassed when
interviewing
a male job applicant, she asked her assistant, "Do I have an opening
this man will fit?"
When I was a kid, I used to think it would be really cool to be just
like Keith from the Partridge Family. Only when I got older did I
realize that having your mom on keyboards really cuts down on the
opportunities to get backstage fellatio from groupies.
An elderly playboy we know has catalogued the three stages of a
man's
life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly, Try Weakly.
After their wedding reception a newly married couple went to their
hotel and asked for the honeymoon suite. "Do you have reservations?
the desk clerk asked. "Only one," the groom replied. "She's not into
anal sex."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary comes home from her date with Tom and is on cloud nine. She
happily tears off her clothes, tosses them all around the room jumps
into bed and falls fast asleep. The next morning her mom comes in
and
wakes Mary up and says, " How was your date last night?"
"It was alright, I guess."
"It must have been a lot better than that," says mom, " Your panties
are still stuck to the ceiling."
~~~~~
An old man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my
druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the
prescription you've been giving to Mrs. Smith."
"Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since when does a
druggist second guess a doctor's orders?"
The old man says, "Since he found out I've been on birth control
pills since February."
~~~~~
While attending classes to convert to Catholicism, the Yuppie couple
learned they were to practice the rhythm method of birth control.
So they hired a three-piece combo for their bedroom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Once Upon A Time
http://silverandgol
WATERFALLS SLIDESHOW Via Dianne
http://www.wtv-
New Gospel Music page/Daddy sang Bass/marlene
http://summerhoosie
Hello God
http://www.carolspo
There's Something About Mona
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
Air Force Test Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
MARSHMALLOW PEEPS Via Dianne
http://www.marshmal
DC Tea Party
http://www.shangral
Liberty Air Show
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Extract Audio
http://www.aoamedia
List Of Confirmed Good Places to Donate To Haiti
http://www.foxnews.
Valentine
http://becrafts2.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.skateboa
Kitty Korner
http://www.angelfir
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Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Ouch!!
http://www.buffalos
Recession
http://www.buffalos
Red State Update
http://www.buffalos
Singing Monkey
http://www.buffalos
Uncontrollable Sexual Urges
http://www.buffalos
What
http://www.buffalos
Canard
http://www.buffalos
Candid Camera Russian Style
http://www.buffalos
Carrier Landing
http://www.buffalos
Cat
http://www.buffalos
Cat Bird
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Easy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two high-school buddies were attending the senior prom.
"Suzy wants to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy
said. "I'm really nervous. I know I'll goof up!"
"Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is
compliment her. Chicks love to be complimented. You'll have her in
the palm of your hand."
About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a black
eye.
"Shit, man! What happened to you?!" his buddy asked.
"I took your advice."
"Didn't you compliment her?"
"Sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told her that
for such full lips, hers sure tasted sweet. She liked that. After
awhile I started feeling her tits, and I told her that for such
large
breasts they sure were firm. She like that too."
"It sounds like you were doing great," his friend said.
"Well," the other answered, "that's when everything went wrong. I
got
her dress up and her panties off, and I tried to think of another
compliment."
"What did you say?"
"For such a large crack, it doesn't stink much."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Faking It
http://www.buffalos
Tin Can Phone
http://www.buffalos
Crowded Beach
http://www.buffalos
Doggie Kisses
http://www.buffalos
Going To Sleep
http://www.buffalos
It Fits
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
FEMALE POEM
I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I want him to be gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, be not annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind
And knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I want this man to love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
MALE POEM
I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac
with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.
I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
Harveythefrogprince
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thorn walks up to man in a pointed hat and the following
conversation
takes place.....
Thorn: You're Merlin The Magician, aren't you?
Merlin: Why yes ..it's nice to be recognized!
Thorn: Bit of a Wizard ..I hear?
Merlin: Well Yes .. I've been told I'm skilled
Thorn: Do tricks and things ..don't ya.. Magical stuff?
Merlin: Magical ... yes that's correct.
Thorn: Turn Kings into Frogs ..and that sort of thing..
Is that right?
Merlin: Well Yes ..I suppose I could Turn a King into a
Frog!
Thorn: Ever fucked up ..Ya know, made a mistake?
Merlin: Well Yes ..hasn't everyone?
Thorn: Can you reverse a curse???
Merlin: Yes I can ... with knowledge of who applied the
curse and the actual words of enchantment,
I
could do it ....Why ?
Thorn: I'm Cursed, Merlin.
Merlin: Really ... and how long have you been bewitched?
Thorn: For years ...
Merlin: Do you know the words spoken over you to lay this curse?
Thorn: Yeah .. I *can't* EVER forget them!
Merlin: What were they???
Thorn: Something like ...
"Do you take this woman to be your
lawfully wedded wife?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the Pharmacist, "I
want me
one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it. Where do I find
'em?"
The pharmacist replied, "Oh sir, you must mean that you want the
condoms
with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They're on aisle 4."
"No, no, I want me them thar condoms with PESTICIDE on it," growled
the
farmer.
"Sir," said the pharmacist, exasperated from explaining, "PESTICIDE
is
for killing insects, SPERMICIDE is for killing sperm. I'm sure that
you
mean spermicide instead of pesticide."
"Listen here, " argued the farmer, "I want condoms with PESTICIDE on
them. My wife's got a bug up her ass, and I aim to kill it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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