Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Those of you that went through boot camp at Great Lakes may find the
following interesting. The Navy did a study and discovered they
were wasting two and a half hours a day just getting recruits back
and forth to the mess hall. To recover some of that time the Navy
is constructing a mess hall in each of the barracks, a total of 16
chow halls. This is not surprising as many university dorm
complexes have their own cafeteria. I think the most time was spent
standing in line instead of marching back and forth.
The larger of the two mess halls serves 4800 people at a time with
another company entering every five minutes. It is designed to give
you exactly 10 minutes from the time you sit down to the time you
get up to leave and then someone is clearing your table for the next
group that will be there. We ate the same way aboard ship though
and our wives wonder why we are done eating and ready to go watch TV
while they are still having a salad.
Even though there are still Mess Management Specialists in charge of
everything there is actually very little cooking done in the
kitchens at Great Lakes as most items are purchased already
prepared. The actual cooks are hired from Goodwill Industries
freeing up more Chefs to spend their time on ships and smaller
stations.
Currently the bussing of tables and scullery functions are done by
recruits in the fifth week of their nine and a half week boot camp.
I believe my service week was the ninth week of 13 weeks. This is
coming to an end too and soon the cafeterias will be staffed totally
by civilians. I don't really care for this idea because even though
I never had to mess cook except for one day in the Navy ( I spent my
week handing out projectors and driving a buffer) I think service
week gives some of those kids that have never had a job in their
life a glimpse at what shipboard life is going to be like. Most of
the high school kids that came to work in the factory didn't even
know how to use a mop or a swab and a buffer would eat them alive.
The Hotel and Restaurant Association grades the mess halls at all
bases the same as they do civilian establishments. Overall the mess
hall at Great Lakes currently has a 4 star rating
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Voodoo Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This lady walks into her psychiatrist one day and says: "Doctor, I
just can't have an orgasm."
"Do you masturbate?"
"No luck". is the reply.
"How about cunnilingus?
"Nope"
"Kick-start vibrator?"
"Wakes up the neighbors, but not me." she complains.
"Hmm, looks like a problem. Wait here." the doctor says as he walks
into the next room.
He walks out with a black velvet case and places it on his lap. Her
eyes widen as he opens it, revealing its contents.
"What is it", she gasps.
"It's a VOODOO DICK," he proclaims, as he hoists the foot-long,
meaty shaft from the case.
"It is VERY powerful, but it can fulfill your every desire. Watch.
VOODOO DICK, hand!" he commands.
The dick leaps across his lap into his open palm faster than the eye
can see.
"Ooooh", she sighs.
"VOODOO DICK, box." The dick returns in a shot to its case.
"You may take this, but you must promise NOT to abuse its power."
Certainly, of course, anything you say" she sputters, the wetness in
her mouth matched by the wetness in her panties.
So she takes the magic missile with her, thanking the good doctor
and hurrying out to her car.
But she can't wait to get home, so she prys the lid open on the seat
next to her.
"VOODOO DICK, hand!" she commands.
It flies eagerly into her hand. She is amazed by the size of this
veiny tool, and quickly removes her underwear.
"VOODOO DICK, pussy!" she screams, and it obliges.
Burying itself inside her in an instant, she gasps with pleasure.
"VOODOO DICK, fuck me."
It begins to thrust in and out.
"VOODOO DICK, faster!"
It quickens the pace while the woman sits in sexual bliss.
Unbelievable sensations course through her body.
"VOODOO DICK, harder!"
It pounds away furiously as orgasms begin, one after the other.
Soon the woman begins to tire, unaccustomed to this sort of
satisfaction.
"VOODOO DICK, stop."
BUT IT WON'T STOP
"VOODOO DICK, stop now!", she yells.
It continues its relentless assault.
"Quit it, VOODOO DICK. That hurts"
It is oblivious to her desires.
She finally manages to wrench it from her pussy and throw it out the
window.
Just as she gets the window rolled up, it is there against the
glass, trying to get in.
She quickly starts the car and screeches away in terror.
60, 70, 80 mph.
The VOODOO DICK hot on (and for) her tail.
90, 100.
The woman starts to pull away as the dick fades away behind the last
corner.
Sirens blare.
The women is babbling senselessly as the officer approaches her car.
"You-you have to let me go. There is this-this thing - gotta go" she
yells.
"Lady, you were doing 100 miles an hour. What the hell is your
problem?"
"You don't under-understand. There is this VOODOO DICK following
me." she sputters.
"A WHAT?", the cop yells.
"A magic VOODOO DICK. It's after me!" she exclaims.
To which the cop replies, "VOODOO DICK, my ass!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
baby diapers
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ding dong
http://www.thepostm
cause for celebration
http://www.thepostm
Gay Song
http://sydesjokes.
Gentlemen Must Be Escorted By A Lady
http://sydesjokes.
George Bush Quotes
http://sydesjokes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Date Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things Not To Do While Waiting For Your Date At Her Parents' House
Sniff the air and say it smells like a bordello.
Repeatedly zip and unzip your fly.
Go into a lengthy story about how you had Mexican food last night
and ask if you can use the bathroom.
Mention that 'Mr Happy' is primed and ready.
Ask what time you should return your date tomorrow morning.
Recite a couple of bawdy limericks.
Ask the mom and dad what position they were in when they conceived
their daughter.
Scratch your crotch and say your herpes is acting up again.
Pretend to eat your arm.
Ask the dad if you can borrow a couple of condoms.
Susan
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day Joe goes to the church and takes a seat in the confessional.
"Father", he says, "this week I have sinned forty three times."
"My son", the priest says, "this is a bad thing. Who did this happen
with?"
"My wife, Jill," Joe answers.
"But that is not a sin", the priest says, "That is common behavior
in
a marriage."
"I know,", Joe says with a smile, "I was just anxious to tell
someone."
During our computer class, the teacher chastised one boy for talking
to the girl sitting next to him.
"I was just asking her a question," the boy said.
"If you have a question, ask me," the teacher tersely replied.
"Okay," he answered, "Do you want to go out with me Friday night?"
Q. What would get your man to put down the toilet seat?
A. A sex-change operation.
Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will
be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about
this?
A. Your therapist.
A rich lady is riding along with her chauffeur when they get a flat
tire. He gets out and starts trying to pry off the hubcap. After he
struggles a few minutes, she looks out at him and says, 'You wanna
screwdriver?
He says, 'We might as well. I can't get this freaking hubcap off'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My broker called me this morning and said, "Remember
that stock we bought and I said you'd be able to
retire at age 65?"
"Yes, I remember," I said.
"Well," my broker continued, "your retirement age is
now 108."
========
The bar room was crowded. All of a sudden, the cute
little thing on the stool began to cry.
The barkeep asked, "What's the trouble, Sweetie?"
She sobbed, "I'm a virgin, and my boyfriend won't have
anything to do with me because I'm inexperienced.
What should I do?"
Three men and a lesbian were killed in the rush.
=======
Jack and Jill were parked one dark summer night in
Lovers Lane, when all of a sudden Jill said, "Oh,
don't do that, or I'll go all to pieces!"
Jack replied, "Go right ahead...I've got my hand on
the piece I want!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Vegas Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy is walking the strip in Las Vegas and a fantastic-looking
Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and
eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?"
The Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."
The guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap!
No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"
The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"
"Yes.."
"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"
"Yes."
"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"
"Yes."
"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those.
And I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."
So the guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give
it a try."
They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is
sitting on the bed realizing that he has just experienced the
hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.
He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"
The hooker replies, "$1,500."
"I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"
The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do
you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino
outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth
every cent of $1,500."
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job,
decides to put off the new car for another year or so and
says, "Sign me up."
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than
before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got
his money's worth.
He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious
and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much
for some pussy?"
The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to
show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las
Vegas is laid out before us: All those beautiful lights, gambling
palaces and shows?
"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"
No," the hooker replies, "but I would... if I had a pussy."
Harveythefrogprince
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Fish and Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Texas redneck was stopped by a game warden in East Texas recently
with two ice chests full of live fish in water, leaving a river well
known for its fishing.
The game warden asked 'Do you have a license to catch those fish?'
'Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my pet
fish.' 'Pet fish?' 'Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the
river and let 'em swim' round for a while. Then I whistle and they
jump right back into this ice chest and I take 'em home.' 'That's a
bunch of bull! Fish can't do that!' The redneck looked at the game
warden for a moment and then said, 'It's the truth. I'll show you.
It really works.' 'Okay, I've GOT to see this!' The redneck poured
the fish into the river and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said,
'Well?' 'Well, what?' said the redneck 'When are you going to call
them back?' 'Call who back?' 'The FISH!' 'What fish?' We in Texas
may not be as smart as some, but we ain't as dumb as most.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Joy Comes In The Morning
http://silverandgol
Carolyn w/ Kookie Kookie
http://carolynsprec
John w/ Ave Maria
http://heavens-
You Touched My Heart
http://www.reflecti
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Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
Guide to Prevent Carbon Monoxide Poisoning
http://www.carbon-
Is Your Brain Making You Fat
http://abcmail.
The Weirdest Exotic Crashes, Part II
http://www.wreckede
Stupid Gun Mistakes
http://dixonverse.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Screen Grab Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
File Recovery
http://www.recuva.
Spark Notes: Study Guides
http://www.sparknot
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
http://www.feralcat
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Movie Links
Aaaaahhhhh!
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Advise for the Dimocraps
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Airline Pilot of the year
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Alarm Orgasmique
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Brownie
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446
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747-8 Intercontinental
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Ability To Fly For Bud Light
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Airline Pilot
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Alarm Clock
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Knife Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lisa, a strikingly beautiful young Brunette, sat across the table
from Tom, in a fancy restaurant. She smiled as Tom finished
proposing to her. "I'm not sure, let me think about it," she
answered.
Tom was crushed but kept his composure. After dinner they went to
her place. The mood was romantic, and Tom was eager to make love to
Lisa. She stopped him and said, "Before we get married, or even make
love, I want you to buy me something"
"Sure my love, you name it. A car, a pearl necklace, diamond
earrings, you name it."
"I want a solid gold Boy Scout knife."
Stunned, Tom asked, "But why? I can buy you anything you want. Why
must it be a solid gold Boy Scout knife?"
"I can't tell you, but I won't make love to you until I get one."
Tom searched high and low but couldn't find the knife. Desperate, he
had a jeweler make one for him.
The next time they met at her place for a romantic evening, he again
suggested they make love. Again she said she couldn't without first
receiving the solid gold Boy Scout knife. With a smile he handed her
a small gift-wrapped box. She carefully opened it and saw the knife.
They went off to the bedroom where she opened a large hope chest at
the foot of her bed. She placed the knife inside, but not before Tom
saw the contents of the hope chest. It was filled with solid gold
Boy Scout knifes.
"What's this? The whole thing is filled with gold knifes?"
"I can't tell you," she replied.
After several minutes of badgering, she finally relented and said,
"Someday I will be older. My hair will turn gray, my face will start
to get wrinkles and my beauty will fade. Who will want me then? But,
can you imagine what a Boy Scout would do for one of these knifes?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Experience
http://www.buffalos
fake O
http://www.buffalos
Filling
http://www.buffalos
I came first
http://www.buffalos
Fuckin A
http://www.buffalos
Hammer
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A nudist girl wearing three raisins
A masquerade prize was her goal.
The judges said, "Lookie,
From the front she's a cookie,
And the back she's a Parker House roll.
There was an old sculptor named Phidias
Whose knowledge of art was invidious.
He carved Aphrodite
Without any nightie---
Which startled the purely fastidious.
There was a young girl named Dalrymple
Whose sexual equipment was so simple
That on examination they found
Little more than a mound
In the centre of which was a dimple.
A gallant young Frenchman named Grandhomme
Was attempting a girl on a tandem.
At the height of the make
She slammed on the brake,
And scattered his semen at random
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three boys were sitting on a fence talking. One of the little boys
says to the other, "If you could have your body covered in anything,
what would it be?" After thinking for a while the boy
answers. "Silver" "Well, why?" "I could peel it off and buy that
Honda over there" The boy then asks the other, "And you?" "Gold, I
could peel it off and by the BMW sitting over there" After a few
seconds one of the boys ask the first boy, "Well, what about you?!?"
The boy thought and thought and finaly, said very calmly, "Hair".
Well the other two boys were just sickened and asked..."HAIR?
in the hell would you want your WHOLE BODY covered in
HAIR???" "Well", the boy answered, "My sister has got a little tiny
patch of hair and she ownes both of those cars!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bill & Hillary Clinton were sleeping one night and Hillary wakes up
and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill stays sleeping.
Hillary continues, "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill finally wakes up and says, "What do you want?"
Hillary responds, "I have to go use the bathroom."
To which Bill says, "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to
tell me you have to go to the bathroom."
Hillary says, "No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1766
Grand Caymans
Rudy: So what are the treats here Toots?
Diana: We are packed here Rudy. We go on submarine, we parasail,
we go on a boat and see ships that have wrecked and we swim with
dolphins and sting rays.
Katie shaking: STING RAYS?
Sandi: Can I skip the parasail, you know I get car sick?
BJ: Of course you can Sandi.
Diana: Let's be off to the submarine.
Rudy: A-Roo!
At the submarine everyone boards including Tami and Rob.
Soon the submarine is diving.
Rudy: Hey I didn't know we would be underwater.
Katie: What would happen if I open this hatch?
Rudy: Dad, why do I always have to sit next to Katie?
BJ: Shhh! Enjoy the view.
Rudy: It is difficult when you have someone sitting next to you who
seems to want to die.
Diana: Don't you just love the dogs when they are being silly.
A few minutes later...
Tami: We seem to be heading pretty deep for this submarine.
Over the intercom: This is your new commander. We have a target in
sight and are preparing to loose torpedoes. Prepare for depth
charges.
BJ: Where is Katie?
Rudy: Yeah, I know to the command center!
After wrestling Katie back to her seat,,,, the sub is back under
control.
Diana: You have to admit, this has been an interesting trip.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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