Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
One of the less fonder memories of boot camp was the gas chamber.
It was one of those events that the hazing was as bad as the event
itself.
At first there was talk that it might be postponed as it was August
in
Chicago and they had rules against certain training on hot days but
in
the end it turned out to be in the 80's.
Morning was spent learning how to clean and assemble the filters on
the Mark V gas mask and applying the anti-fog to the mask. We were
warned to pay attention with no talking or else the number of tear
gas
pellets they used would be increased as punnishment. Everybody
thought they were joking and anyhow they used this stuff on hippies
so how bad could it be?
As usual we were laughing about it till it was time to go into the
gas house . I remember the first thought that crosses your mind as
the
gas starts to come in is that the masks don't work or you had put
them on wrong because you were getting a little of the smell of the
gas in your mask. The second thought was that hey this stuff isn't
all that bad and the whole deal was mostly hype. You followed the
group around the building several times and you were told to remove
your mask and keep moving shouting Ho Ho Ho while you held your mask
over your head.
You quickly realized that tear gas was nasty stuff and the mask had
been working just fine. Your eyes burned, your lungs felt like they
were on fire, and even your skin burned. Sweat improves the effect
and in the heat we got the full effect. You had been warned
beforehand that when they opened the door if anyone broke and ran
when they opened the door that we would be spending extra time
in there but that thought was the farthest from everyone's mind
when the door came open and everyone broke ranks and headed
for the door. It was slammed shut in our faces and we went back to
walking around in a circle feeling sorry for ourselves and the poor
hippies and hating the Navy. After a couple of laps though it wasn't
all that bad and we were in control when they opened the door
and we walked calmly out. Once out if you didn't rub your eyes
you were back to normal in about five minutes and you stopped
coughing and your skin stopped burning.
We ran into companies that were headed over for their training
later in the day and told them that it was all just hype, everything
they said was just to scare you, and we could have spent an hour
in there.
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two blind pilots were both wearing dark glasses.
One is using a guide dog and the other is tapping his way along the
aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the
cockpit, the door closes and the engines start up.
The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some
sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is
forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people
sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the
water at the edge of the airport.
As it begins to look as though the plane will plow into the water,
panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts
smoothly into the air.
The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly and soon all
retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane
is in good hands.
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,
"Ya know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and
we're all gonna die."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
health care
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refresh
http://www.thepostm
confucious say
http://www.thepostm
Garbage Surprise
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Gay Airlines
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Gay Indian
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Softball Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Was sitting in a restaurant this weekend. They had the TV turned to
ESPN which was televising a college girls' softball game.
Oh it was so sad. It was so . . . "girly."
I swear, I'm not making this up:
* They actually HALTED the game because the pitcher broke a
fingernail.
* The pitcher had a wild pitch and grazed one of the batters. Did
the batter come out of the batter box swinging? No. The pitcher
LEFT THE MOUND, walked to the batter, and GAVE THE BATTER A HUG!
* The center fielder caught the batter's ball and put her out. On a
MEN'S team, the guys on the bench would have said to the batter, "Ya
lozer!" and smacked him on the arse.
But on this GIRLY game, everyone on the bench gave the batter "high
fives" and "You go girl!" I KNOW for a fact at least one of 'em said
to her, "You know that center fielder is a stinky ho and is TOTALLY
a d*ke.. You did right when you snatched up her boyfriend."
Ladies: if, in sports, you're not gonna strut around in little white
tennis skirts so we can see your panties, we're not gonna watch you
do the "Ya Ya Sisterhood" crap on the playing field. Either draw
blood . . . or draw us a beer and get off the field.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Psych Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jon, Brian, and Amanpreet were all locked away in a mental
institution for many many years. (Where they belonged, mind you.)
One day, the head quack tells them that if they pass a test he
wanted to administer to them, they'd be deemed mentally competent
and free to leave the nut house. Should they fail, however, they'd
be locked away for another five years of observation.
All three took the doc up on his offer. The four of them went to
the hospital's indoor pool. The pool was drained of water. The
doctor leads the patients up to the diving platform, some 60 feet in
the air.
The doctor motions to Jon. "Jump."
Without hesitation, Jon leaps off the platform, right into the pool,
breaking both arms in the process.
The doctor notes this on his clipboard and tells Brian, "Jump."
Also without hesitation, Brian flies off the platform into the empty
poll, breaking both of his legs.
After noting the results on his clipboard, the doctor tells Lizard
Pecker, "Jump."
Amanpreet shakes his head. "Naw. I don't think so."
The doctor notes this on his clipboard rather enthusiastically and
says, "Congratulations, 'Preet. You're a free man. Just tell me
one thing. Why didn't you jump?"
"Easy," Amanpreet says, "I can't swim, Asshole ."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed.
Doctor: You should cut down on drinks.
Patient: I don't touch a drop.
Doctor: You should cut down on smoking.
Patient: I don't smoke.
Doctor: You should stop taking drugs.
Patient: I don't do drugs.
Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing.
Patient: Haven't touched a woman in my life.
Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, do some
drugs, and find a couple of girlfriends
------------
Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to
begin working on her, she grabs his crotch. The dentist says,
"Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates." The woman
replies, "Yes.
Now, we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."
------------
A kid had cut open a golf ball and had *eaten* the liquid centre.
The stuff in this case was a thick, dark fluid, and the child's
mother naturally assumed that it was some petroleum product. She
frantically called the family doctor, and as she was rushing to the
doctor's office with the apparently poisoned kid, the doctor was
rapidly flipping through the "Common Household Poisons" book. There
was no mention of golf balls in it. The doctor called up a golf
ball manufacturer and explained the situation; but they said that
their golf balls had a solid core. "I wish I'd asked the name of
the manufacturer!
helpfully named their sole competitor that made balls with liquid
centres. Another quick phone call, and the answer: the centre was
made of cod liver oil.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A magician accidentally turned his wife into a couch and his two
kids into armchairs. He started to panic and thought to himself,
"What the heck have I done?" He began to ponder, "How am I going to
bring back my beloved family?" So, he thought for a while and
decided a good idea was to take them to a hospital and see if the
surgeon could operate and bring them back. He loads them into his
van and off he rushes to the local hospital. He walked up and down
the hospital and after some serious surgery, he asks the doctor,
"Doc, how are they doing?" The doctor replies, "Comfortable, sir!"
------------
A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to
paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected,
sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably
distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the
doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat,
and they go. When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his
wife's coat to show their predicament. The man asks, "Doctor, have
you ever seen anything like this before?" "Well, yes," the doctor
replies, "but not framed like that."
------------
After deciding that their frail, elderly mother can no longer live
alone, a family brings her to a nursing home, hoping she'll be well
cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe the old woman, feed
her a tasty breakfast, and sit her in a chair at a window
overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems fine, but after a
while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two
attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her
up. Again she seems fine, but after a while she starts to tilt to
the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back
upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see
how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.
"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
------------
Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the
window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before
take-off, a physician got on and took the aisle seat next to the two
attorneys.
The physician kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was
settling in when the attorney in the window seat said, "I think I'll
get up and get a coke. "No problem," said the physician, "I'll get
it for you." While he was gone, one of the attorneys picked up the
physician's shoe and spat in it. When the physician returned with
the coke, the other attorney said, "That looks good, I think I'll
have one too." Again, the physician obligingly went to fetch it and
while he was gone, the other attorney picked up the other shoe and
spat in it. The Physician returned and they all sat back and
enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the physician slipped
his feet into his shoe sand knew immediately what had happened.
"How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our
professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes
and peeing in cokes?"
------------
Two country doctors out in the hills of West Virginia were
discussing the population explosion in the world. One physician
says, "Why, Bubba, thiseyer crazy birth thang isa gettin' so bad
that perty soon, they ain't gonna be room for ever'body! There'sa
gonna be standin' room only on this here planet!" The other doctor
replied, "Heck, that sure oughta slow 'em down a bit!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Red Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time, there was a sweet, cute, darling little girl named
Little Red Riding Hood who was going to her grandma's house at the
other end of the forest. Along the way, she meets a Big Bad Wolf who
asks in a polite voice, "Little girl, where are you going on this
nice fine day?"
"Well, actually, my ma told me not to talk to strangers," Little Red
Riding Hood says. "But since you are such a nice wolf, I'll tell
you. I'm going to my grandma's house at the other end of the
forest."
"It's so sad, but I'm not going by that way; see you some other
time!!!" And with that, the sneaky, no good, Big Bad Wolf dances
away to grandma's house at the other end of the forest, chuckling to
himself, "Hee hee, kids nowadays, little do they know..."
So Little Red Riding Hood slowly proceeds, arriving at her grandma's
house late in the afternoon. The door is ajar, and a strange deathly
silence permeated the air. "Oh grandma, I'm here to visit you!!!"
"Ooooh dearie, I'm inside, sick in bed," a gruff voice replies.
Little Red Riding Hood enters the house, only to see a huge *thing*
lying on the bed.
"Oooh grandma, what BIG ears you have."
"Better to hear you with dear... (hee, hee)"
"Oh grandma, what BIG eyes you have."
"Better to see you with dear... (hee, hee)"
"Oooh grandma, what BIG teeth you have."
"(hee, hee) Better to EAT YOU with..." And the Big Bad Wolf leaps
hungrily out of bed, ready to pounce on poor, cute, defenseless, and
darling Little Red Riding Hood... Only to see her rip out a .44
Magnum from under her basket and unload four rounds, point-blank,
into his belly.
"Arrrghh," the Big Bad Wolf cries in pain. "Kids nowadays. I shudaff
known."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/The Old Covered Bridge
http://silverandgol
Southbreeze w/Let Me Be A Blessing
http://www.reflecti
Kathryn/Hello-
http://adreamandasm
Are Angels Real?
http://www.Shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
NTC San Diego
http://www.quarterd
Weather Calculator
http://www.srh.
Minute Men Project - Eye On The Border
http://www.minutema
AARP contest
http://www.youtube.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
MASH - Microsoft Agent Scripting Helper Via Wesley
http://www.bellcraf
Open Office
http://download.
R.I.P. IE6 Via Martha
http://www.eset.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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date:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.thepoop.
A Tale Of Two Cockatoos
http://www.juliusbe
Taking A Catnap 2
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
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Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Mouse in Her Bra
http://www.buffalos
Movie
http://www.buffalos
Movie 1
http://www.buffalos
High Fireman
http://www.buffalos
Milt Show
http://www.buffalos
Lucky 2
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Lucky 3
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Lucky 4
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Magic 1320
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Magic Food
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
*One day Jimmy and his dad are out for a walk in the park. Jimmy
sees a dead bird with its legs up in the air and says, "Daddy why is
the birds legs sticking up in the air like that?" Not knowing how to
explain death he says to 4 year old Jimmy, " Well that is how we
know the bird is ready go to heaven. God is coming to take the bird
away." Little Jimmy says, "So then Mr. Reamer from next door is a
hero then!?" With a peculiar look on his face he asks, "Mr. Reamer a
hero? What do you mean Jimmy!?" Jimmy begins to explain, "Last week
when you were at work. I saw mommy and Mr. Reamer in the bedroom.
Mommy was on her back with her feet in the air screaming "Oh God,
I'm coming, I'm coming,' and Mr. Reamer was laying on top of her
holding her down screaming 'Not Yet, Not Yet!'"
Smart Ass: Someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you
what flavor it is.
Rodeo Sex is mounting your woman from behind, start going nice and
slowly, taking her hair and pulling her head back slightly,
whispering in her ear, "Your sister was better than you," and then
trying to hold on for 8 seconds!
95% of all people have hemorrhoids. The other 5% are perfect
assholes!
A hillbilly kid goes into a drugstore and asks the druggist for a
box of condoms. The druggist says, "How old are you, son?" The kid
replies, "Eleven." "I can't sell you any condoms," the druggist
says. "You're too young." The kid says, "Gimme some rubbers or I'll
call a cop." "All right, cool it," the druggists says to the kid.
"What kind of condoms do you want?" The kid tells him, "Gimme the
French ticklers." The druggist says, "Listen, kid. Do you know what
one of those things will do to a woman?" "No," the kid replies, "but
I hear they make a sheep jump pretty high!"
The movie "Constipated " never came out.
"Oh Mom!" sobbed Little Mary, "I'm pregnant!" "What!? How could
you?" screamed the Mother, "and just who is the father?" The
daughter lifted up her tearful face and wailed, "How should I know?
You're the one who would never let me go steady!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
archie
http://www.buffalos
area
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army's slogan
http://www.buffalos
army
http://www.buffalos
Arnold
http://www.buffalos
art
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Simply glide Turbo Snake down the drain, twirl, then pull out Turbo
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady from Maine
Who claimed she had men on her brain.
But you knew from the view,
As her abdomen grew,
It was not on her brain that he'd lain.
~~~~~~~
A befuddled Chicky named Ida
Said to Gavin as he slid it insider.
"I'd much rather be
Underneath as 'ridee'
Than on top as the role of the rider."
~~~
An accident really uncanny,
Befell an unfortunate granny.
She sat down in a chair
While her false teeth were there,
And bit herself right in the fanny!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the
shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer
approaches the car he can see that the man is very anxious about
something.
"Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?"
"Yes, officer... I know I was speeding -- but it is a matter of life
or death."
"Oh, really? How's that?"
"There's a naked woman waiting for me at home."
"I don't see how that is a matter of life or death."
"If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man."
.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1765
Cozumel Cont
Diana, BJ and Sandi are at the market buying things. Sandi has her
pith helmet on and fanny back on. She is carrying a pack to store
her
purchases. So far her purchases have been food which she has eaten.
BJ: So other than trinkets what have you bought Diana?
Diana: No much, you hubby?
BJ: I almost picked up a photo of the ancient Mayans.
Diana: BJ, I am surprised at you.
BJ: Hey it had to be real, it was a black and white photo it was
old.
Diana: Groan....
Sandi: If my Daddy said so it must be true.
Diana: Here comes Tami, Katie and Rudy running...
Tami: To the ship! Hurry!
Diana: Why?
Rudy: It seems as if someone made one of the Mayan ruins collapse
accidently..
BJ: Did you guys?....
Sandi: I think we need to tippy toe to the ship. Next stop is the
Grand
Caymans.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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