Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Many of you by now have noticed and probably downloaded
an out of cycle update from Microsoft in the past few days. This
fixes an exploit that MS has known about for 17 years that allows
people to gain control of your computer, steal what they want, and
use your computer to do nasty things that you will get the blame
for such as sending out tons of spam and using your computer
for denial of service attacks. Although it had been proven in theory
no one had ever used it till now. Our friends, the Chinese, hate to
see good things like lead paint and computer viruses go to waste
so they developed this one and used it to knock Google and some
of the other giants offline. Those at greatest risk are people still
using
Internet Explorer 6. IE 7 and 8 both have some safeguards built in
and if you are a Windows XP or above user it is time to upgrade
to one of those. I have been running 8 since last fall and have had
no problems. I have Foxfire as many of you do but most pages
are built to display properly in Internet Explorer and other
browsers
may not show you the pages exactly the same. People also seem
to think that if they don't have IE they are safe from exploits. All
browsers have their own vulnerabilities and now that Firefox has
an equal number of users it is getting unwanted attention from
hackers.
If you don't update any browser and some of the other utilities we
use on a regular basis your computer can be compromised in a
heartbeat.
I know it is a pain keeping track of what program needs what update
to
operate correctly. I use Belarc adviser which scans your computer
and then directs you to sites for updates. It works on all Windows
Operating Systems and is free.
http://www.belarc.
Enjoy the chips and stay safe.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Flying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a Northwest Airways flight from Atlanta, GA , a well attired
middle-aged woman found herself sitting next to a man wearing a
kippa
("yarmulke" in Yiddish).
She called the attendant over to complain about her seating.
"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the attendant.
"You've sat me next to a Jew!! I can't possibly sit next to this
strange man. Please find me another seat!"
"Madam, I will see what I can do to accommodate,
replied, "but the flight is virtually full today and I don't know if
there is another seat available." The woman shoots a snooty look at
the snubbed Jewish man beside her (not to mention the surrounding
passengers).
A few minutes later the attendant returned and said, Madam, the
economy and club sections are full, however, we do have one seat in
First class."
Before the lady had a chance to respond, the attendant continued,
"It
is only on exceptions that we make this kind of upgrade, and I had
to
ask permission from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the
captain felt that no one should be forced to sit next to an
unpleasant person..."
The flight attendant turned to the Jewish man sitting next to her,
and said: "So if you'd like to get your things, Sir, I have a
comfortable seat for you in First class..."
At this point, the surrounding passengers stood up and gave a
standing ovation while the Jewish man walked up to the front of the
plane.
The lady then said indignantly, "The Captain must have made a
mistake.."
To which the attendant replied, "No Ma'am. Captain Cohen never makes
a mistake."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
hello ma'am
http://www.thepostm
here's the deal
http://www.thepostm
bad news
http://www.thepostm
http://sydesjokes.
Germany Vs Holland
http://sydesjokes.
Get A Laptop
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were these three guys at the lake, a German, an Englishman and
a Nigerian. The German took out his dick, put it in the water,
waited a while and told the others: "I can feel the temperature of
the water. It's 32 degrees Celsius". The other two were amazed. "Let
me try", the Englishman said. So he put his organ in the water,
waited and said: "To be more exact, the temperature is 32.3 degrees
Celsius". At last the Nigerian man said, "Let me have a try". So he
took his equipment, lowered it into the lake and said: "I've no idea
about the temperature, but the water is 2 feet 9 inches deep.
A fraternity brother confronted a junior member, telling him, "A
sorority girl is running around campus telling people you have a
small dick." "Yeah?" the junior member replied. "Well, she has a big
mouth."
A young man in a public swimming pool was startled when his swimsuit
fell off. He was in the deep end, and couldn't find it, no matter
how desperately he looked. Perplexed, he went to the shallow end and
tried to figure out what to do. As he stood there up to his chest in
water and watched the young ladies in their bikinis, he was
additionally stressed to realize that he now sported a raging hard
on. Finally, he struck up a course of action. He jumped violently
out of the water and shouted loudly, "Mad dog! Mad dog!" Although
most of the others in the pool began screaming in fear, a lusty
redhead took a more direct course of action. She tore off her bikini
bottoms, flattened him on the ground and straddled him yelling,
"Quick! Let me muzzle that son of a bitch before it gets away!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virgin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Muslims are motivated to terrorism because the Koran, the Bible of
Islam, tells them that fighting non-believers is a duty of every
Muslim and the only way to be certain of going to heaven is to die
fighting in the cause of allah. If they can make it to heaven, one
of
the rewards all Muslims are promised is 72 virgins. Here are the
comedian, Steve Martin's thoughts on those 72 virgins:
Virgin No. 1: Yuck.
Virgin No. 2: Ick.
Virgin No. 3: Ew.
Virgin No. 4: Ow.
Virgin No. 5: Do you like cats? I have fourteen!
Virgin No. 6: I'm Becky. I'll be legal in two years.
Virgin No. 7: Here, I'll just pull down your zipper. Oh, sorry!
Virgin No. 8: Can we cuddle first?
Virgin No. 9: It was a garlic-and-onion pizza. Why?
Virgin No. 10: . . . so I see Heath, and he goes, "Like, what are
you
doing here?," and I go, "I'm hangin' out," so he goes, "Like,
what?" . . .
Virgin No. 11: First you're going to have to show me an up-to-date
health certificate.
Virgin No. 12: Hurry! My parents are due home!
Virgin No. 13: Do you want the regular or the special?
Virgin No. 14: I'm eighty-four. So what?
Virgin No. 15: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Virgin No. 16: Even I know that's tiny.
Virgin No. 17: "Do it"? Meaning what?
Virgin No. 18: I'm saving myself for Jesus.
Virgin No. 19: Somewhere on my body I have hidden a buffalo nickel.
Virgin No. 20: Don't touch my hair!
Virgin No. 21: I hope you're not going to sleep with me and then go
sleep with seventy-one others.
Virgin No. 22: Do you mind if we listen to Mannheim Steamroller?
Virgin No. 23: Are you O.K. with the dog on the bed?
Virgin No. 24: Would you mind saying, "Could I see you in my office,
Miss Witherspoon?
Virgin No. 25: Ride me! Ride me, Lucky Buck!
Virgin No. 26: You like your vanilla hot?
Virgin No. 27: Does Ookums like Snookums?
Virgin No. 28: It's so romantic here, dead.
Virgin No. 29: Well, I'm a virgin, but my hand isn't.
Virgin No. 30: You are in?
Virgin No. 31: Hi, cowboy. I just rode down from Brokeback Mountain.
Virgin No. 32: I'm a virgin because I'm so ugly.
Virgin No. 33: You like-ee?
Virgin No. 34: I'll betcha you can't get an erection. Go on, impress
me. C'mon, show me. Show me, big shot.
Virgin No. 35: By the way, here in Heaven "virgin" has a slightly
different meaning. It means "chatty."
Virgin No. 36: Sure, I like you, but as a friend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virgin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cont.
Virgin No. 37: No kissing. I save that for my boyfriend.
Virgin No. 38: I'm Zania, from the planet Xeron. My vagina is on my
foot.
Virgin No. 39: It's a lesion, and, no, I don't know what kind.
Virgin No. 40: I'm Jewish. Why do you ask?
Virgin No. 41: Hi, I'm Becky. Oh, whoops—you again.
Virgin No. 42: I just love camping! Camping is so great! Can we go
camping sometime?
Virgin No. 43: In the spirit of full disclosure, I'm a single mom.
Virgin No. 44: You like my breasts? They were my graduation gift.
Virgin No. 45: When you're done, you should really check out how
cool
this ceiling is.
Virgin No. 46: I'm almost there. Just another couple of hours.
Virgin No. 47: Get your own beer, you nitwit.
Virgin No. 48: No, you've got it wrong. We're in the Paradise
Casino.
Virgin No. 49: I really enjoyed that. Thank you very much. Gee, it's
late.
Virgin No. 50: You make me feel like a real woman. And after this is
over I'm going to find one.
Virgin No. 51: What do you mean, "move a little"?
Virgin No. 52: Not now, I'm on my BlackBerry.
Virgin No. 53: I love it when you put on your pants and leave.
Virgin No. 54: We've been together twenty-four hours now, and, you
know, sometimes it's O.K. to say something mildly humorous.
Virgin No. 55: That was terrible. I should have listened to the
other
virgins.
Virgin No. 56: I think I found it. Is that it? Oh. Is this it? Oh,
this must be it. No?
Virgin No. 57: It must be hot in here, because I know it's not me.
Virgin No. 58: Those are my testicles.
Virgin No. 59: Did you know that "virgin" is an anagram of Irving?
Virgin No. 60: First "Spamalot," then sex.
Virgin No. 61: Great! I was hoping for circumcised.
Virgin No. 62: Was that it?
Virgin No. 63: Dang. George Clooney was being reckless on a
motorcycle, but instead I got you.
Virgin No. 64: Tonight, I become a woman. But until then you can
call
me Bob.
Virgin No. 65: They're called "adult diapers." Why?
Virgin No. 66: We could do it here for free, or on a stage in
Düsseldorf for money.
Virgin No. 67: I'm just Virgin No. 67 to you, right?
Virgin No. 68: Pee-yoo. Are you wearing Aramis?
Virgin No. 69: Condom, please.
Virgin No. 70: My name is Mother Teresa.
Virgin No. 71: I'm not very good at this, but let's start with the
Reverse Lotus Blossom.
Virgin No. 72: It was paradise, until you showed up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Story Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THERE'S TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY!
TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten
days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
7 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you
didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing
the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what
I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I
was trying to breathe.
Julie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cheating Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So let me get this straight, Mrs. Smith," the prosecutor said to
the
defendant, "you came home from work early and found your husband in
bed with a strange woman."
"That's correct," says the defendant.
"Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and
shoot your husband, killing him."
"That's correct," says the defendant.
"Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your husband and not
his lover?" asked the prosecutor.
"It seemed more economical," replied the defendant, "than shooting a
different woman every day..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Reflecting~
http://silverandgol
Marlene/Jesus is the One/
http://summerhoosie
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-
Heading Home
http://www.reflecti
Three Old Men
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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Surfin Surfari
R.I.P. Jean Simmons
http://news.
Eyeball
http://woodgears.
Macgyver - How To Do It #2
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MatchStick Art
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
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morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
"What does Alt+F4 do?" Via Wesley
http://computer.
Memory System Scanner
http://www.crucial.
Thunder's Graphic Land
http://www.angelfir
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
Cat Possessed
Check this out:
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Movie Links
Best Work Boot Ad
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Bier
http://www.buffalos
Bird Crap Detector
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Breast Implant recall
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Bush On Global Warming
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Chinook Water
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Circus Monte Carlo
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An Unusual Gun
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Coming Home
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Cop Crapper
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A golfer hits a wicked slice off the tee that ricochets through
the trees and into the next fairway narrowly missing another golfer.
When the first golfer gets to his ball his unintended victim who
angrily tells him of the near miss greets him.
"I'm sorry, I didn't have time to yell fore," says the first
golfer.
"That's funny" replies the second, "you had plenty of time to
yell 'SHIT!'"
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she
collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her
husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes,
picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.
His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. "I'm
dying over here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor
on the second hole and he's coming to help you."
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here," she asks
feebly?
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed
to let him play through."
Two women were talking the other day over tea. "Did I tell you that
my husband has taken up golf?" the first lady asked her friend.
"No, as a matter of fact, you didn't," her friend replied, "How's he
doing?"
"Evidently, very well," said the first lady.
"He's only played three times, but his friends tell me that he's
already throwing his clubs as far as men who've been playing the
game
for years!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One More
http://www.buffalos
One And Only
http://www.buffalos
I Can Do You One Better
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1 Piece bikini
http://www.buffalos
2 Cokes
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Double Asscrack
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think you're the only one who MIGHT print this one...lol
A little poem:
Sing a song of syphilis,
A fanny full of crabs,
Four and twenty blackheads,
Twice as many scabs,
When the scabs pop open,
The heads began to sing,
Wasn't that a dirty cunt,
To stick your penis in.
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Interesting - I never knew this!
Have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in "illegal
immigrants" and add a few more letters, it spells out:
'Fuck off and go home you benefit grabbing, kid producing, violent,
non-English speaking cocksuckers and take those hairy faced, sandal
wearing, bomb making, goat fucking, mutton eating, smelly rag head
bastards with you.'
How weird is that??
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
During the wedding reception in the family's southern mansion, the
bride's
Granddaddy slipped her five $100 bills and told her that it was for
her and
to keep it for "mad money, so she stuffed them in her gloves
By family tradition, the couple spent their first night together in
their
historic plantation house.
Later that night, after all the guests had left, the bride's
Grandmother saw
her sneaking down the stairs , and asked where she was going.
"I left my gloves in the library, Grand-MaMa, and it's important
that I have
them."
"Oh you youngsters!" the Grandmother sighed. "You march yourself
right back
upstairs and grab hold of that damm thing with your bare hands just
like I
did your Grandfather'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1768
Tami Flies High
Tami: Okay, Katie you and Rudy make certain I have fun on this
parasail trip okay?
Rudy: Sure thing Tami.
Rudy is piloting the speed boat and Katie is sitting next to him as
they
take off. Tami rises gently into the air. Soon Tami wants more and
shouts: Let more rope out, let more rope out.
Rudy: You heard her Katie, let some rope out so she can go higher.
Katie starts to unwind the rope when....much to her chagrin, she
realizes the rope was really not tied well and the rope leaves the
boat.
Rudy and Katie stand on the boat watching as Tami starts to fade
away...
Rudy: Well she wanted more rope.
Katie: Yep. There she goes, drifting towards the jungle. I guess
we
should tell Rob and father.
Rudy: I hope there are not any wild animals there.
Katie: Landing might be a bit rough.
Rudy: Let's hurry and tell them and get a Pina Colada.
Later....in the Jungle....Tami emerges with a tattered Kite.
Tami: Where are those dogs...?
Rob meets her: It is not their fault. The rope was not secured on
the
boat. They let the rope out as YOU told them. If anyone is to
blame
it is whoever did not tie the rope.
Tami: Grumble....
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Checked by AVG.
Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 269.23.21/1456 - Release Date:
5/20/2008 6:45 AM
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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