Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Some of you have already saw this on my Facebook page but I
want to tell it again anyhow. Buffy and Eva were visiting last
night
and after supper Eva was in my room watching TV and playing
on the computer and Buffy was in the room next to Eva on her
computer and I was at my work station on my computer and
Sandy was in her room watching TV. I wasn't worried about Eva
because she plays loudly and only gets quiet when she
is up to something. I heard her go behind me and into the kitchen
and into Sandy's room. A few seconds later Sandy started
screaming for Buffy along with asking Eva, " What did you get into?"
Eva came out of Sandy's room and she was covered with something
brown and Gooey from head to toe. It looked like a diaper had
exploded or something. Buffy had stopped at my bedroom door and
she said," Don't go look in your room, there is chocolate
everywhere."
Somehow Eva had gotten hold of an almost full container of chocolate
fudge frosting from the refrigerator and after eating some and
decorating
herself had proceeded to create a 3' by 4' mural on my wall. Pretty
good job too, If she had had a paint brush instead of her hand it
wouldn't
have needed a second coat. It is pretty hard these days to find
something
to amuse and amaze me but this accomplished both. Buffy was reading
Eva the riot act while they stripped her down to throw her in the
tub
and I try hard to be supportive when Buffy has to discipline but I
was
having a hard time not breaking out in laughter.
An hour later, Eva was clean, the bed linens were changed and in the
washer along with Eva's clothes and the wall had been washed. The
only
remaining sign of the event was a brown ring around the bathtub. The
camera was beside me and I wish I had thought to take a few pictures
to confront Eva with when she is older.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Kosher Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old man Blumberg was getting on in years, and his son, Sol, who had
done well financially in ladies' underwear, asked his father if he'd
like to go down to Miami Beach. He thought it would be good for the
old man to have companionship and warm weather in his declining
years.
The old man was pleased but consented to go only if he could be at a
kosher hotel.
So Sol made reservations at the finest kosher Hotel and put his
father on a plane to Miami Beach.
Once a week, Sol phoned him to see how things were going, and all
seemed to be going quite well.
Then, a few weeks later, when Sol had to make a business trip, he
decided to drop in on pop unannounced and surprise him.
When he got to the hotel, however there was no sign of his father.
He asked the desk clerk if he had any idea where his father might be
and he was told he might try room 2201 at a nearby hotel.
Sol hopped into a cab and headed for the hotel.
There he learned at the desk that room 2201 was the room of one Ms.
Karen McMerty!
Sol rushed up to the room and knocked on the door.
Imagine his surprise when it was opened by a tall, barely dressed,
redhead!
And there, in the bed, was his father!
Sol was furious!
Unable to contain himself, he screamed, "Papa, I'm shocked! I don't
know what to say! A religious man like you! And at your age! Not to
mention your insistence on staying at a Kosher hotel!"
The old man looked at him as if he were crazy and said, "Sol, what
are you getting so excited for? It's not like I eat here."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Funky Monkey
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Birthday Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling
or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing
himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local
strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says,
"Hey, Dave! How ya doin?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his
usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says,
"You must come here a lot for that woman to know that you drink
Budweiser."
"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League.
We share lanes with them."
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around
Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the
club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she
can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming
at him.
The cabby turns his head and says,
"Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The manufacturer of a well-known tonic for people with "tired" blood
received this testimonial from a little old lady who lived on a farm
in Tennessee: "Before taking your tonic," the woman wrote, "I was
too
tired to hoe the fields or pick the cotton. But after only two
bottles of your delicious mixture, I've become the best cotton-
picking hoer in the county.
At a session with a marriage counsellor, the wife snapped at her
husband: "That's not true! I do so enjoy sex!" Then, turning to the
counsellor, she explained: "But this animal expects it four or five
times a year!"
They made a movie about my wife's sex life --"The Night of the
Living
Dead"
At cocktail parties the men usually stand around getting stiff, and
the women are usually tight, but when they get home they frequently
find that neither is either.
Girls believe in love at first sight; men believe in it at first
opportunity
"How is it I find you sleeping with my daughter?" stormed the
outraged father. "I ask you, you little bastard, how is it?!" "Why,
just great, sir," replied the calm young man, "just great!"
A woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about
condoms. She said, "Depends on what's in it for me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cold Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
How Cold Was It? It Was So Cold....
- kids were using a new excuse to stay up late: "But Mom,
my pyjamas haven't thawed out yet!"
- when kids go outside to play, they can only go as far
as the extension cord will allow.
- if you pee'd your pants, you'd either have to have them
chiseled off or be stuck in them until the spring thaw.
- groping in crowds was considered acceptable as long as
you were wearing big woolly mittens.
- we had to carry around hammers and chisels so we could
get out of our parkas.
- Levi Strauss started manufacturing electric jeans.
- perps wouldn't take off their mitts when they were
arrested.... their fingerprint charts were just big
mitten smudges.
- the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with
every new pair of eyeglasses.
- the Statue of Liberty was seen sticking that torch
under her robe.
- you need the wallpaper steamer to get undressed.
- "blanket suffocation" is now the number one cause of
fatalities.
- Playboy magazine stopped publishing because no women
would take their clothes off.
- the computer store was selling giant keyboards so
people could type with mittens.
- "hot pants" started selling again.... until people
figured out they weren't.
- kids had to stay inside all week.... parents are now
organizing a "teacher appreciation day."
- anyone with a body temperature near 104°F was in danger
of being hauled out of their sickbed and used as a heater.
- firefighters couldn't convince people to get out of
their houses when they caught fire.
- we had to chop up the piano for firewood.... but we
only got two chords.
- we didn't clean the house, we just defrosted it.
- the lights would only go on in the house when someone
opened the door.
- I tried to take the garbage out, but it didn't want to go.
- we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled
inside it to warm up.
- when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
- I chipped a tooth on my soup!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every Friday afternoon, a mathematician goes down to the
bar, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which
is empty, and asks a girl who isn't there if he can buy her a drink.
The bartender, who is used to weird university types, always shrugs
but keeps quiet. But when Valentine's Day arrives, and the
mathematician makes a particularly heart-wrenching plea into empty
space, curiosity gets the better of the bartender, and he says, "I
apologize for my stupid questions, but surely you know there is
NEVER
a woman sitting in that last stool. Why do you persist in asking out
empty space?"
The mathematician replies, "Well, according to quantum
physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come
into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the
proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear
there."
The bartender raises his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But
couldn't
you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you
could buy HER a drink? Never know --she might say yes."
The mathematician laughs. "Yeah, right -- how likely
is THAT to happen?"
************
A woman was walking along pushing her new born
baby in its pram when she was approached by an
old friend.
The woman leaned over, peered into the pram and
said, "What a beautiful baby boy! Little Jesse looks
just like his father."
"I know," replied the woman, "I just wish he looked
more like my husband!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hell Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man dies and finds himself in a small room furnished with a couch
and TV.
There's another guy sitting on the couch, watching the screen.
"So, is this heaven or hell?" he asks the guy on the couch.
"Well, there are no windows or doors, and no apparent way out," the
man answers. "So it's hell?"
"I don't know," says the other guy, without looking up. "They did
give us this nice big TV." "So maybe it's heaven."
"Maybe, but it has only one channel," the man counters.
"Oh, so maybe it's hell?"
"Well, the station it gets is pretty good...it's PBS."
"So maybe this is heaven after all?"
"Yeah, except for one thing," the other guy says sadly. "It's always
pledge week."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Summer of 48
http://silverandgol
Carol w/Dedicated to Buster
http://www.carolspo
R.I.P. Carl Smith
http://en.wikipedia
Carl Smith dies at 82
http://heavens-
Magical Place
http://www.reflecti
Check Out Southbreeze'
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Surfin Surfari
Dollar Tips
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The 25 Most Commonly Misspelled Words
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Quatrains Of Nostradamus
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Crime Doctor
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
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morning.....
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Signing Internet Petitions Facts
http://www.snopes.
IP Tools
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Web-tv
http://s91440092.
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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Animal World
Signs Of A Bad Day
http://www.shangral
Taking A Catnap 2
http://www.shangral
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Movie Links
Italian Chewing Gum
http://www.buffalos
Dead or Alive Holly Vance
http://www.buffalos
James David Manning
http://www.buffalos
Jeff Dunham Achmed the Dead
http://www.buffalos
Jeff Dunham & Bubba
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High Power Worker
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High Speed Web Cam
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Hillary Wasn't Lying Bosnia Gunfire Footage
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Home Alone
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Home Security
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virgin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thorn was trying real hard to get the best-looking cheerleader in
school to go out on a date with him. She finally agreed, but only on
condition that he arrange a date for her best friend too. That was
fine with Thorn, but when Friday night came around he hadn't been
able to line anyone up so he asked his retarded brother Futhman if
he
would help him out. "Why sure," said Futhman, "but you know, I've
never been out with a girl before."
"No problem," said Thorn. "Just do everything I do."
Off the four of them go to the drive-in, and when Thorn started
kissing his date, Futhman followed suit. Soon Thorn had the
cheerleader'
was feeling inside her panties, but when Futhman tried to follow
suit, his date told him to quit.
"Why?" asked Futhman, anxiously noting that his brother was getting
quite a head start in the front seat.
"I have my period," she said.
"You're what?"
"I'm bleeding down there," she explained, blushing.
"This I gotta see," said Futhman. He turned on the headlights,
dragged his date out in front of the car, and pulled down her pants.
White-faced, he said, "Hell, I'd be bleeding too, if my dick were
chopped off!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Amish gas sign
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Amish Mechanic
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Amish Viagra
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An Alien on the moon
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Anal sex
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Analist
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A strange young fellow from Leeds,
Rashly swallowed a package of seeds.
Great tufts of fine grass,
Sprouted out of his ass,
And his balls were covered with weeds.
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
Said a dainty young whore named Miss Meggs,
"The men like to spread my two legs,
Then slip in between,
If you know what I mean,
And leave me the white of their eggs."
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
There was a young student called Jones,
Who'd reduce any maiden to moans,
By his wonderful knowledge,
Acquired in college,
Of nineteen erogenous zones.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their mothers
did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- teacher, nurse,
businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
However, little Justin was being uncharacteristicall
the teacher prodded him about his mother, he replied, "Well my
mother's an exotic dancer in a cabaret and takes off all her clothes
in front of men and they put money in her underwear. Sometimes, if
the offer is really good, she will go home with some guy and stay
with him all night for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the
other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin
aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your mother?"
"No," the boy said, "She works in public relations for the Obama
transition
team , and her job is to make President Obama seem like a
leader,
but I am too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bald Guys Pickup Lines
"You're beautiful, and that's not just the Rogaine talking."
"I will shower you with gifts with the money I save not buying
shampoo."
"Your eyes are sparkling -- or maybe that's just the glare off my
head."
"Wanna go back to my place and see my squirrel?"
"Wanna buff me?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1762
Setting Sail... So to Speak
Most of the family are at the rail watching as the ship gently
glides
away from the dock.
Rudy: How is that man who is waving at us so frantically?
Diana: Let me use our glasses and see. He appears to be an
officer.
BJ: Let me see Diana. I think he is the captain.
Everyone looks at each other.... Then who is piloting the ship?
Sandi: Excuse my interruption, but has anyone seen Katie?
Zoom!
BJ: To the bridge!!!
Sandi with the glasses: Hmm it appears a rather fast craft is
picking
up the captain now and they are heading towards us.
BJ and Rudy arrive at the bridge...huffing and puffing..
BJ: There is not anyone here..
Rudy: No look over there, wearing a captain's hat and smoking a
pipe.
BJ: Katherine Lillian Cassady!
Katie: Ohoy father! Where shall we sail? The China sea?
BJ: You shall signal full engines stop and depart before the real
captain
arrives and throws you in the brig.
Katie: Opps. I had better put his pipe and hat down gently.
They depart hastly...
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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