Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the Archives, my Navy ghost story.
The Navy in order to keep a better eye on the propulsion area of the
ship created an in-port watch, called a roving patrol, to inspect
each space every half hour. They divided the six spaces between two
men as you had to go up and down 4 flights of stairs to get to each
space. I went down into the first machinery room on the 0000-0400
watch and stopped by the operating station to sign the log book.
The cold-iron watch was pouring two cups of coffee and I asked if he
had another person on watch with him. The watch said, " No, this
cup is for the ghost." That immediately piqued my interest and he
started to tell me about a fire that had happened long before he had
reported onboard where several sailors had died. One had been
trapped by the main reduction gear and the imprint of the body was
still visible on the metal if you chipped the paint off. He sat one
cup on a platform next to the reduction gear and took the other cup
to drink as he went down to finish a valve he was repairing on the
lower level. He also told me about another body whose imprint was
on the deck plating and that it had disturbed so many people, they
had finally replaced that particular plate. I finished my tour of
the space and left the watch to his work and hurried off to complete
my rounds, but not without first walking past the cup of coffee by
the reduction gear which was already empty. I always wondered if
what I had seen was really true or if someone had managed to play a
trick on me, but awhile back I was researching the Constellation
cruises and found the story of a fire just after she was built that
had been caused by a broken fuel oil line. This fire had happened
on one of her shake down cruises and four engineers had died and 8
more had been injured. I spent numerous cold iron watches in that
space, all alone and you always felt secure, thirty feet below the
water there were plenty of odd noises as the hull expanded and
contracted and many nights after having been relieved from watch I
curled up on the deck plates with a handful of rags for a pillow,
eager to get a few hours sleep before work in the morning. I guess
the ghosts watched over us because deaths in a fire room that felt
like the bowels of Hell were few and far between.... Enjoy the
chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Let her find out on her
own
that she's made a really bad mistake.
A Japanese scientist has invented a spray-on Viagra. And if you
thought the
cosmetic clerks at the mall were annoying before when they spritzed
you..."
Viagra is the work of the devil. Now we girls can look forward to
having sex
with really old guys, for a really long time. I can see it now. He's
screaming, 'Who's your granddaddy, who's your granddaddy? I can't
remember.
What were we doing? Was I enjoying it?'"
"I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and
forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?"
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds?
Becuase there are twenty of them.
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and
stupidity.
How can you identify the Polock at a Cock fight? He's the one who
brought
the duck.
How can you identify the Italian at the Cock fight? He's the one who
bets on
the duck.
How can you tell if the Mafia is involved in the Cock fight? If the
duck
wins, they are.
What's worse than an achy breaky heart? an itchy bitchy wife!
a word of advice..... NEVER commit a crime with an accomplice that
can't
run!!
I know a lingerie buyer who gave his wife the slip.
I love oral sex. But, it's the phone bill I hate.
Why don't cowboys make good lovers? Because they think a good ride
is
eight
seconds.
President Bush is the first U.S. President to spend the night in
Buckingham
Palace, at the request of the royal family. As he was showing the
President
around, Prince Charles asked Bush if he wanted to see Big Ben, and
Bush
replied, "Whoa, I'm from Texas; don't try any of that funny stuff
with me."
What is the difference between a good lawyer and a great Lawyer? A
good
lawyer knows the law and a great lawyer knows the judge.
What's the difference between a police car and a porcupine?
Porcupines have
pricks on the outside
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
we have to stop meeting
http://www.thepostm
my name is Steve
http://www.thepostm
Peanuts
http://www.thepostm
Football Manager
http://sydesjokes.
Football Match
http://sydesjokes.
Football Season
http://sydesjokes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The teacher walked into the classroom to find words like "cunt" and
"cock" scrawled all over the blackboard. She suspected Little
Johnny, but could not prove it.
"Children," she said, addressing the classroom, "you are much too
young to use vile language like that. Now we're all going to close
our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our eyes are closed, I
want the little boy or girl who wrote those words on the board to
tiptoe up and erase them."
At the signal, the teacher and the children all closed their eyes.
Then the teacher counted out loud, very slowly. She peeked and saw
Little Johnny leave his seat. When she reached fifty, she said, "All
right. Everybody open their eyes." She was very pleased with Little
Johnny for doing the right thing.
All eyes went to the blackboard, but none of the words were erased.
Below them was the message: "Fuck you, teacher! The Phantom strikes
again!"
Susan
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It happened on the corner of Broadway and 47th Street. The girl
leaned against the building, running her fingers through her
bleached hair and smiling more than-casually at the male passers-by.
She wore a plaid skirt and a low-cut V-neck sweater. Finally, one of
her come hither looks paid off and she was approached by a young man
with a familiar glint in his eye. "Hi," he said, undressing her
mentally. "Hello, handsome." His eyes focused on her sweater and the
curves it almost covered. "What's the V for?" he asked. "Veronica?"
"Uh-uh. Virgin." "Oh, come on," he said playfully. "You're a
virgin?" "No," she winked. "It's an old sweater."
Then there was the young married woman who drove 50 miles just to
get 6 inches away from home.
All eyes turned to stare as Suzanne, a gorgeous redhead walked into
the costume party stark naked. The alarmed host rushed to intercept
her. "Where's your costume?" he hissed through clenched teeth. "This
is it," she calmly explained. "I came as Adam." "Adam?" her host
exploded. "You don't even have a dick!" "Well gee, I just got here,"
she replied. "Give me a few minutes!
Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for
depressed lesbians. It's called Trydixagain.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were three brothers, one was 19, one was 16, and the youngest,
Little Johnny, was 9. Johnny walked into the living room one day and
saw his big brother having sex with his girl friend. Johnny said
"Big
brother, whatcha doing?" Big brother says "Oh, uh, we're uh, making
pizza." So Johnny said, "Oh, okay," and then walked off. A little
later, Johnny walked into the middle brother's bedroom and found him
having sex with his girlfriend. Johnny said, "Brother, whatcha
doing?" The middle brother answered, "Uh, we're making pizza. Yeah,
that's what we're doing." Little Johnny said, "Oh. Okay," and walked
off. Well a little later, Johnny was walking with his girl friend,
and he said "Hey, wanna go make pizza with me?" The little girl said
"Sure." They walked back to Johnny's house, went into his room and
started having sex. Well, after a while the little girl said, "Uh, I
think the pizza is done." Johnny asked, "How do you know that?" She
answered, "Cuz the cheese is running down my leg."
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman should not marry a basketball player because they dribble
when they shoot.
"Just try to relax, this won't take long," said the gynecologist
trying to calm the obviously nervous young blonde patient. "Haven't
you ever been examined like this before?" he asked. "Yeah, sure,"
she replied, "but not by a doctor!"
It was soon after my divorce that I got my first "score". Afterwards
I told my date, '" didn't think women were supposed to move like
that during sex." She asked me, "Who gave you that idea?" I told
her, "My ex-wife."
A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd
scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy
restaurant. Once at the fancy place, to his dismay she ordered
almost every most expensive item on the menu. She ordered appetizers
(everything from Calamari to Escargot), lobster, prime rib,
champagne, the works! Finally he asked her, "Does your mother feed
you like this at home?" "No," she answered, "but my mother isn't
expecting me to suck her cock."
I think our doctor is an HMO but my husband thinks he's straight.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Crying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man had just returned from a weeklong seminar. His boss, instead
of
asking about the details, asked if were sick as he looked absolutely
terrible.
"Well..." said the man, "I met this blonde and turned out she was
taking the
same training I was and wanted me to tutor her. One thing lead to
another
and we ended up back in her room having wild gorilla sex all night."
"OK," replied the boss, "that may explain your fatigue, but why are
your eyes so red?"
"Well..." said the man, "turns out she was married and had a baby at
home.
She started crying with remorse, and I started thinking about my own
wife and kids, so I cried too."
"I see." chided the boss, "but that seminar ended Friday. How come
you
still appear so ragged?"
"Well..." said the man, "you can't sit there and cry 4-5 times a day
for four days and not look like this."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Sea of Life
http://www.silveran
Marlene/I'll See You in The Rapture/New Page
http://summerhoosie
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-
Sands of Time
http://www.carolspo
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Surfin Surfari
44 Presidents
http://www.flixxy.
Makestuff.com - how to make your own microwavable heating pads
http://www.make-
Top Ten Misspelled Words
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NASA GendlerMr image
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Book Scanning Technology Via Wesley
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Free Open - Source Survey Software Via Wesley
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TV Commercial Wav's
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Doggie Zone
Extreme Poodle Makeover
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Oregon Aquarium
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Movie Links
Depression Medication
http://www.buffalos
Hand Up
http://www.buffalos
Disappointment
http://www.buffalos
Don't look away when I'm talking to you
http://www.buffalos
Don't Work From home
http://www.buffalos
Egg Trick
http://www.buffalos
Einstein
http://www.buffalos
El Rey Del Martillo
http://www.buffalos
En weg zijn re rimpels
http://www.buffalos
Engineers
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Winter Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One winter morning during breakfast a husband and wife in
northern Minnesota were listening to the radio. They heard the
announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow
today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the
street, so the snowplows can get through."
So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio
announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street,
so the snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and
moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.
You must park..." Then the electric power went out. The good
wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she
said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street
do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who
are married exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't
you just leave it in the garage this time?"
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
24 Hr Bra
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36 Long
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50 Cal
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69 For Dummies
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69th
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Escape
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a woman from Buffalo
who challenged a fellow to show
that he could pee
higher than she
How could the stout fellow say no?
So they went on out back of the pub
She put her puss on the wall and said "Bub,
I'm goin' first
I'm about to burst"
then proceeded to let go a flood.
She managed about three feet high
So the bub whipped open his fly
grabbed hold of his thing
but the "lady" did sing
"The rules are no hands by the by!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cowboy was riding across the desert when he came across an indian.
The cowboy asked the indian if he knew the time.
The indian immediately laid on the ground with his dick sticking up
toward the sky.
The indian looked at his dick and said "Time is 11:20, kemosabe".
The cowboy than moved on.
Much later, he came across another indian and again he asked for the
time.
Again the indian laid on the ground, looked at his upright dick, and
replied, "Time is 2:45, kemosabe." The cowboy moved on and still
later he came across a third indian and he again asked for the time.
This time the indian started beating off. The shocked cowboy asked
what he was doing and the indian replied: "Winding watch."
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The farmer and his wife had worked hard, scrimped and saved
to send their son to college. As soon as he had enrolled, he
started to grow a beard. Next he grew a large moustache and
sideburns.
Being pleased with his new hirsute adornment, he had his
picture taken and sent it off to his parents. On the back of
the photo he scrawled: "How do you like it? Don't I look like
a count?"
Shortly after, the son received this terse note:
"You idiot, it cost us a fortune to send you to college, and you
can't even spell!"
Harveythefrogprince
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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