Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The Lions have won two out of their three pre-season games so far
and it is I have rising hopes for a better than 3 game season this
year.
My Michigan State Spartans are playing next Saturday against
Western Michigan. One would think that shouldn't be a problem
but they have been beat by smaller schools in the past.
Since fall is in the air, either that or the leaves across the
street are on fire because it was 84 outside today but it does seem
a good time to mention football. Here is a few quotes for you:
Gridiron Witties
<>
(This is all about football but it is about life too)
<>
Quotes from past gridiron legends have added to football's lore and
should be passed on to today's youth to increase their wisdom.
(These
are good)
<>
#1. 'Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal.
Nevertheless, Beat Texas ' Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior
to the 1969 game.
<>
#2. 'After you retire, there's only one big event left... and I
ain't ready for that.' Bobby Bowden / Florida State
<>
#3. 'The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely
to be the one who dropped it.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas
<>
#4. 'When you win, nothing hurts.' Joe Namath / Alabama
<>
#5. 'Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not
motivated.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas
<>
#6. 'If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta
know the password, 'Roll, tide, roll!' Bear Bryant / Alabama
<>
#7. 'A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a
medieval study hall.' Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
<>
#8. 'There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell
kicked out of you.' Woody Hayes / Ohio State
<>
#9. 'I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA
probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.'
Bob Devaney / Nebraska
<>
#10. 'In Alabama , an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear
Bryant.' Wally Butts / Georgia
<>
#11. 'You can learn more character on the two-yard line than
anywhere else in life.' Paul Dietzel / LSU
<>
#12. 'It's kind of hard to rally around a math class.' Bear
Bryant / Alabama
<>
#13. When asked if Fayetteville was the end of the world. 'No, but
you can see it from here.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas.
<>
#14. 'I make my practices real hard because if a player is a
quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.' Bear
Bryant / Alabama
<>
#15. 'There's one sure way to stop us from scoring-give us the ball
near the goal line.' Matty Bell / SMU
<>
#16. 'Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or
you died.' Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
<>
#17. 'I never graduated from Iowa , but I was only there for two
terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's.' Alex Karras / Iowa
<>
#18. 'My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to
the ball and arrive in a bad humor.' Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee
<>
#19. 'I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.'
Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
<>
#20. 'Always remember... Goliath was a 40 point favorite over
David.' Shug Jordan / Auburn
<>
#21. 'They cut us up like boarding house pie. And that's real small
pieces.' Darrell Royal / Texas
<>
#22. 'Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a
failure.' Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
<>
#23. 'They whipped us like a tied up goat.' Spike Dykes / Texas Tech
<>
#24. 'I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why
he didn't recruit me and he said: 'Well, Walt, we took a look at you
and you weren't any good.' Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State< /I>
<>
#25. 'Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the
steering wheel.' Bobby Bowden / Florida State
<>
#26. 'Football is not a contact sport - it is a collision sport.
Dancing is a contact sport.' Vince Lombardi, Green Bay Packers
<>
#27. After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his postgame message to his
team: 'All those who need showers, take them.' John McKay / USC
<>
#28. 'If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great
education.' Murray Warmath / Minnesota
<>
#29. 'The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb.
To be a back, you only have to be dumb.' Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
<>
#30. 'Oh, we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this
afternoon.' Spike Dykes / Texas Tech
<>
#31. 'It isn't necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it.'
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
<>
#32. 'We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches.'
Darrell Royal / Texas
<>
#33. 'We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not
blocking.' Wilson Matthews / Little Rock Central High School
<>
#34. 'Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of
them are bad. Woody Hayes / Ohio State University
<>
#35. 'I've found that prayers work best when you have big players.'
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
<>
#36. 'Gentlemen, it is better to have died as a small boy than to
fumble this football.' John Heisman AUBURN
Enjoy the chips ..... buffalo
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Eider Chips
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It was a stormy Christmas night, and inside the tiny cottage on the
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I'm lost, and the snow is so deep. Can I rest here for a while?"
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"I'm Walter, by the way," said the old man. "This is my wife Mary
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After a glass of whiskey, the old man said, "Well, it's getting
late, and I suggest we all retire. I'm afraid that all the beds are
taken, but you're welcome to sleep on the sofa." The young man said,
'Thank you' and lay down.
About an hour later, Walter was lying in bed, and turned to his
wife, and said, "It's a very cold night. I'll see if that young man
would like a blanket."
So he went into the lounge, and asked, "Would you like a blanket,
young man?"
"Oh no, Walter I'm fine."
"Well, what about a hot water bottle?"
"No, no, there's really no need," he replied.
"Alright, then, how about having our eiderdown?"
"My God, you certainly know how to look after strangers," he gasped.
"She's been down twice already."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Hop Sing Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hop Sing was a cook on the Ponderosa Ranch. All the cowboys loved
to poke fun at him because, being Chinese, he had a pigtail and wore
a funny hat. He also couldn't speak English very well.
The cowboys used to put live snakes and frogs in his bed and pulled
on his pigtail, just to tease him. Hop Sing, however, never
complained and kept on working. He was a good sport.
One day, the cowboys got together and said, "This Hop Sing is really
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From now on, we are going to be nice to you. There will be no more
pigtail-pullin' and there will be no more snakes in your bed."
"Good, good," said Hop Sing, overjoyed. "No more snake in the bed,
then no more piss in the soup!"
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Sailor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dave the sailor docked at New York after a frustrating three-month
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her was 50 cents and a pair of sneakers.
She refused with disdain.
He wandered around in search of a more accommodating girl, but was
refused time and time again.
Eventually he found a more sympathetic lady who told him that
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He found Mabel and as times were hard she reluctantly agreed to
accept the 50 cents and the pair of sneakers for her services, but
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"Don't flatter yourself lover boy," answered Mabel, "I'm just trying
on the sneakers."
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Women Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why men drink...hahahaha
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you're not, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you're not, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk .
AARRRRGH!
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"And my ex accused me of not liking sex!" "He did?" "But it's not
true! I do so enjoy sex! Just not with him!"
An Alabama redneck was sittin' on the sofa, with his half naked
woman, watching the news from San Francisco. "Jus' look at them
homo-
sexshuals. They're ruining the country. with men marryin' men, and
women marryin' women. It's disgustin. Darlin', we oughta' go out
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The waitress at the Greek beanery married the boss, and they seemed
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While it might be considered somewhat, er, shall we say 'outre',"
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from your wife's night-creaming her genital area with various
whipped edible varieties." "But Doc!" the man persisted. "I'm
already 30 pounds overweight."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Cheating Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your Honor," she told the judge, "I want a divorce. My husband has
been cheating on me."
"That is a serious accusation," the judge said. "Do you have any
evidence to substantiate this claim of your husband's infidelity?"
"Yes, Your Honor. Just last night I was walking down Broadway when I
saw him go into a movie with another woman."
"Who was this other woman?" the judge asked.
"I don't know. I never saw her before."
"Then why didn't you follow them into the theatre and find out who
she was. It may have been just a harmless coincidence. You should
have gone in after them."
"I would have," she explained, "but the fellow I was with had
already
seen the picture."
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I once met a beautiful Persian
A shy one who needed coercion;
So I gave her a smile
And she thought for a while,
Then allowed me to make an insertion.
There was a young spaceman from Venus
Who had a prodigious penis.
Cried his girlfriend, "Alas,
It just came out my ass
And there's still 15 inches between us!"
Karl K
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Parting Chips
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Older brother, Joe, was giving advice to his younger brother, Kevin,
on how to have sex with a girl. Joe didn't know how to explain it
him with out being too graphic. So he told him in terms of money
because Joe knew money.
So in terms of directions Joe told Kevin you want to look at a
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nickel, the right is a dollar, and the bottom is a dime. So Kevin
goes and thinks about this.
Kevin and his girlfriend finally decide to have sex, so he uses the
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little faster saying it in his mind faster
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he starting screaming out loud "Buck forty, Buck forty."
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1683 Prince Valium After another night of
violent thunderstorms and lightening poor Rudy was in a pitiful
state.
BJ: Diana, Rudy during the storm last night just cannot get close
enough to me. I am afraid that as he gets older, this could affect
his health.
Diana: Have you considered calling the vet? Perhaps they could
offer a mild sedative that we could give before the storms arrive.
BJ: Great idea.
BJ phones the vet and is pleasantly surprised to find out the
medicine is both available and inexpensive.
BJ: What is odd, as he gets older, he becomes more frightened and
yet he lived through this when he was wild.
Diana: Do not forget, he is a different doggie now. He is
domesticated, spoiled.
BJ: I wonder if lightening stuck close to him once when he was
living wild?
Diana: We will never know. We just need to fix him now.
BJ: Poor Rudy, I give him medicine daily for his thyroid, I have
meds for his pain for when his hips hurt, now meds for storms. He
is going to need his own medicine chest.
Diana: I am just glad we found each other, else he would be a dead
doggie.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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