Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Rant Time
In 2007 Congress passed the Stolen Valor Act that made
it illegal for a person to claim that they had received medals
for military heroism that they hadn't actually been awarded.
The Ninth Court Of Appeals claims the law to be unconstitutional
because it violates a person right of free speech and because
no one was harmed by these lies. I disagree. As an average
American, I hold our heroes in a much greater esteem than the
liberal twits on the ninth court. Just reading the citations that
describe the actions of our Medal Of Honor winners is enough
to choke me up and bring tears to my eyes. Others feel the same
way and a lot of preferences are afforded those who don't mind the
limelight including hiring preferences, access to loans, and public
speaking. The average medal winner though usually admits that he
was just doing his job and was in the right place at the right time
and that a lot of their dead buddies deserve awards more than
they do.
On the other hand we have people who either never served or
may even have been dishonorably discharged claiming to be
heroes and the court says there is nothing wrong with fabricating
a history for yourself. I wonder how they would feel if I claimed
to be a doctor or an engineer and offered to diagnose their
medical problems or design the braking system for their Lexus.
They would probably be upset but I would be only my first amendment
right to free speech.
Anyhow if you want to claim to winning an award, tell everybody
that you won a Nobel Peace Prize. They'll give those out to anybody.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen
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Milk Chips
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Rugelbaum, do
you like it?"
"Mmmm, wonderful," he sighed.
"Is there," she hesitated, her lips parted, eyes aglow, "is there
anything else you'd like?"
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"What?" Ruby asked breathlessly.
Mendel licked his lips. "Maybe a little cookie?"
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Short Chips
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Two mountain bred GIs were wandering the streets of calcutta when an
old woman walked by.
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"Your nuts." "I'm telling you."
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Before and After Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BEFORE AND AFTER YOU FALL IN LOVE
Before - You take my breath away.
After - I feel like I'm suffocating.
Before - Twice a night.
After - Twice a month.
Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation.
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac.
Before - Saturday Night Fever.
After - Monday Night Football.
Before - Don't stop.
After - Don't start.
Before - Is that all you're having?
After - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey.
Before - It's like I'm living in a dream.
After - It's like I'm living in a dorm.
Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars.
After - If I had a dime for everything stupid he's done.
Before - $60/doz.
After - $1.50/stem.
Before - Turbocharged.
After - Jumpstart.
Before - We agree on everything.
After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?
Before - Blind.
After - Nearsighted.
Before - Victoria's Secret.
After - Fruit-of-the-Loom.
Before - Charming and Noble.
After - Chernobyl.
Before - Feathers and handcuffs.
After - Ball and chain.
Before - Idol.
After - Idle.
Before - I love a woman with curves.
After - I never said you were fat.
Before - He's completely lost without me.
After - Why won't he ever ask for directions?
Before - Time stood still.
After - This relationship is going nowhere.
Before - Croissant and cappuccino.
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Before - You look so seductive in black.
After - Your clothes are so depressing.
Before - Oysters.
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Before - I can hardly believe we found each other.
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Before - Passion.
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Before - Once upon a time.
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Test Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leaving Certificate Ordinary Level Examination Paper.
SEXISM STUDIES
****************************************************************
A stiflingly hot afternoon, June 1998 Time allowed 3 hrs.
Attempt all questions.
If you do not know the answer to a particular question attempt to
look at someone else's paper by knocking your biro onto the floor
and having a shufty while you lean over to retrieve it. You are
allowed one visit to the toilet to look at the answers you wrote on
the wall yesterday.
After ten minutes, request more paper to spook the other candidates
into thinking that you must have wrote loads. Attempt to introduce
the one or two facts you are reasonably sure of into the answers to
every question. At 4.30 exactly, everybody cough to make the
invalidator jump. With three minutes to go, suddenly realise there
are 4 more questions on the back of the page that you haven't
spotted.
Section A (50%)
1. Explain why the best women's football team in the world wouldn't
stand a chance against you and ten of your mates. Include in your
answer:
a) Why they are unable to kick a ball straight b) What you wouldn't
mind doing with them in the bath after the match, though.
2. Pamela Anderson's tits are plastic but look good in photographs.
Compare and contrast the relative merits of plastic and real tits
for recreational purposes.
3. It is a long established fact that fat lasses are more grateful
for it.
Outline some of the reasons why this is so, and explain why all
feminists are fat, ugly lesbians.
4. Write a critique of any ONE of the following films you have
watched at your mates house while his parents were away for the
weekend.
a)Sex Boat b)Three Into One Will Go c)King Dong d)Speared by Zulu
Lovers
5. Women drivers, eh? Discuss.
Section B (50%)
1. Describe an experiment to impress a girl by lighting a fart.
What apparatus would you require?
What risks would you run in lighting a fart and what are the
benefits?
Write a balanced chemical equation to describe the reaction.
2. Name something a woman has invented.
3. On average, women live 7 years longer than men yet get their
pension 5 years earlier.
Explain why this isn't fair, making reference to your lazy old
granny who lived to be 100 and your poor granddad who worked 52
years down the pit and died the day before he retired.
4. Argue heatedly over the respective merits of the Lamborghini
Diablo and the Ferrari Testerossa without ever having seen, let
alone driven, either.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How To Talk To Hot Women
I must admit, a woman is a mans best friend.
While I was in college, I did the typical guy thing.
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young girl called Bianca
Who slept while her ship lay at anchor.
She awoke with dismay,
When she heard the mate say,
"Hi! Hoist up the top sheet and spanker!"
There was a young lady called Valerie
Who started to count every calorie.
Said her boss in disgust,
"If you lose half your bust,
Then you're worth only half of your salary."
An ingenious botanist named Pace,
Grew cunts in pots at his place.
When they ripened, he'd pluck 'em
And eat them or fuck them--
They were simpler to grow than to chase.
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1867
Star Krazy
BJ is looking for Katie as it is time to go to bed. He looks around
the house.nothing. He goes outside..nothing.
Then he notices up on the deck, Katie behind the telescope.
BJ walks up to her: What are you doing Katie?
Katie: I never have noticed this thing before. It is pretty amazing
father. Did you know the neighbor has a piece of steak that looks
as big as a house when you look through this? You can see the moon
and it is huge.
BJ: Yeah, it is amazing. I got it to view Mars when it was close a
while back.
Katie: Mars huh, that is something.
Didn't you use it to view that girl in the bikini last summer?
BJ: Hrumpt! It was purely a scientific study Katherine.
The herd
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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