Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The start of another month, Let's look at who we know that
is having a birthday this month.
1. Jerry Garcia, Herman Melville
2. Jimmy Connors, Peter O'Toole, Patricia Barfield
3. Martin Sheen, Martha Stewart
4. Roger Clemens, Louis Armstrong, Ken Dryden, Jeff Gordon
5. Neil Armstrong, Loni Anderson, Smurf In Calgary
6. Lucille Ball, David Robinson, Andy Warhol
7. David Duchovny, Mata Hari, Heidi B.
8. Dustin Hoffman, Esther Williams, Dick Anderson
9. Deion Sanders, Whitney Houston, Brett Hull, Mary Alice Marr
10. Rosanna Arquette, Herbert Hoover, Jim Lynch
11. Hulk Hogan, Mike Douglas
12. Pete Sampras, Mark Knopfler
13. Annie Oakley, Ben Hogan, Alfred Hitchcock
14. Magic Johnson, Lynn Cheney, Halle Berry
15. Napolean Bonaparte, Debra Messing,Alberta Sabitini
16. Madonna, Kathie Lee Gifford, Frank Gifford
17. Sean Penn, Jim Courier, Robert DeNiro
18. Robert Redford, Christian Slater, Patrick Swayze
19. Bill Clinton, Gene Roddenberry, Orville Wright
20. Connie Chung, Robert Plant, Guy Lafleur
21. Wilt Chamberlain, Kenny Rogers, John Wetteland
22. Norman Schwarzkopf, Carl Yastrzemski
23. Kobe Bryant, Gene Kelly, Barbara Eden
24. Cal Ripken Jr., Reggie Miller, Marleen Eastin, Jo From Az.
25. Regis Philbin, Sean Connery, Connie From Ky, Peggy Kemp
26. Macaulay Culkin, Gerradine Ferraro
27. Lyndon Johnson, Mother Teresa, Barbara Bach, Bonnie Prescott
28. Scott Hamilton, Jason Priestley, Daniel Stern
29. Michael Jackson, Elliot Gould
30. Jean Claude Killy, Cameron Diaz
31. Hideo Nomo, Richard Gere, Edward Moses
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tiger Direct is your Back-To-School Headquarters
Whether it is a Netbook, Notebook, Desktop Computer or maybe
a TV for the dorm room, Tiger Direct has it along with fantastic
deals on software. Even better idea give the kid your 32 " flat
panel and get yourself an even larger one for you to watch. They
have better eyes and should be doing their homework anyhow.
Check out the deals at
http://buffaloschips.com/tigbts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hunter Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three less than intelligent men, Walt, Elmer and Stan, went hunting
in a remote forest. As one of them was crossing a fallen log, he
tripped, dropped his rifle and shot himself. The other two ran
quickly to their unconscious friend and saw that his chest was
covered with blood. Walt turned to Stan and said, "We got to get
Elmer to the hospital quick or he's gonna die."
"How are we gonna carry him?" Stan asked. "Why he weighs a good two
hundred fifty pounds."
"Hell Stan! That ain't nothing," assured Walt. "We carry bucks out
bigger than that, all the time. We can do it the same way."
Walt was right. In no time, they were pulling their 4x4 up to the
emergency room door and doctors, nurses and orderlies rushed Elmer
inside. A while later, one of the doctors gave the two worried
friends the bad news, "Your friend didn't make it."
Walt said, "Yeah, I thought that gunshot hit him in the heart."
"No," said the doctor. "The bullet actually went above the heart and
through the shoulder. His chest was only covered with blood, but he
might have been able to survive that."
"Damn it Stan, I told you we shouldn't have tied him to the hood.
All them tree branches smacking into him for the first five miles
probably beat him to death!"
"No," said the doctor. "His clothes were ripped to shreds and his
body was covered with lacerations, but he might have been able to
survive that, too."
"See, Walt! I kept telling you to hold your end up higher 'cause
that sapling was too thin. When we tied his hands and legs to it,
his head kept hitting the rocks and logs. And I'm sure he drowned
when we crossed that crick."
"Damn it Stan! You was the one that dropped your end of the pole
when you fell off that rock. Poor old Elmer must have been under
water a whole minute while you was fumbling around with that pole
and falling all over yourself."
"Now fellas," said the doctor. "Elmer's skull was cracked and he did
have massive head injuries. But he didn't drown and he might have
been able to survive that, too."
Stan and Walt looked at each other with puzzled expressions and then
asked the doctor, "Then what was it?"
The doctor thought for a few moments and said, "My guess is that the
way you gutted him had a lot to do with it."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
a best seller
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/i067.html
censor
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/i068.html
what really happened
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/i069.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Murphy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Murphy's Rules of Sex
~ Never have sex with a stranger unless you are stranger than them.
~ Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
~ Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
~ A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man,
the women he couldn't.
~ It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
~ Don't say no, say maybe, say any old thing say come back in the
spring but don't say no.
~ A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
~ Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
~ Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
~ Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight
are unimportant
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Create A Permanent Bond To Any Surface Instantly
UGlu is an industrial adhesive with the convenience of tape. Sticks
permanently like glue, but removes easily without residue or mess.
Now you can easily transform a room with crown molding, char rails
and picture all without using nails.
Limited time offer so act now.
Click the link below for more information:
http://buffaloschips.com/adhes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the good old days, things were not so good. We had to walk to
school barefoot, ten miles each way, all up hill, in snow up to our
armpits. We had to get up before we went to bed, go to the barn and
milk three hundred head by hand before breakfast, which was a hand
full of beans. We were so poor we had dry beans for breakfast, a
glass of water for lunch, and then wait for it to swell up for
supper. We were so poor, if you didn't wake up with a hard on you
had nothin to play with all day.
One day, during English class, Miss Figpot asked her class, "who can
tell me the meaning of indifferent?"
The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No
one knows. Finally, Little Johnny sticks up his hand.
The teacher, hesitant to call on him because of his propensity for
foul language and sexual innuendo, looks for another student to ask.
Finally when no one else raises their hand, she says, "yes, Johnny?"
"Miss Figpot, it's means lovely."
Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, "Johnny, can you
explain why you think indifferent means lovely?"
"Sure, teach. Last night when I was in bed, I heard Mom say,
'that's lovely'. Dad replied to her, 'Yep, it's in different.'"
Todd was arrested AGAIN and the detective was leafing through his
crime history folder.
"Hmmm, quite a record." he said. "Shoplifting, hit-and-run,
disorderly conduct, armed robbery, sexual assault, sexual assault,
forgery, sexual assault, manslaughter..."
"Yeah, I know," said Todd. "It took me quite a while to figure out
what I was good at."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The New Spray & Wipe Hair Remover
Depil Silk is the fantastic pain and mess-free way to remove hair
instantly. Now you can say goodbye to unwanted hair. The kit
includes the Depil Silk spray, the special facial hair remover and a
cotton towel to easily remove unwanted hair.
Limited time offer so act now.
Click the link below for more information:
http://buffaloschips.com/depil
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Army Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The following is a father's advice to his son just moments before he
gets on the bus that will carry him off to join the Army:
"Son, you are getting ready to embark on a great adventure as many
of the men in our family have done since your
great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather did many
hundreds of years ago.
There will be many dangers ahead that you will encounter. Remember
your training and obey your commanders, this will keep you alive
during the arduous days of battle. Always stay with the plan, if
you deviate from it you will be in grave jeopardy.
When the time of battle is over, be wary as you go into the towns
and cities ahead because there are many hidden dangers lurking
there. There will be many temptations to lure you away from your
brothers in arms and this could put you in danger even if it seems
safe at the time. In every town there will be a street that will be
most treacherous of all there will be strong drink to dull your
senses, loud and crude songs to suppress your hearing, and wild
women of ill repute to enable your enemy to catch you off guard. My
advice to you as a former soldier is simple - What ever you do...
FIND THAT STREET."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DogPedic - Memory Foam Bed for Dogs
With the combination of memory and supporting foam, now your pets
can get the comfort they deserve. This bed conforms to your dog's
body giving them overall support and relieves arthritis, hip, joint
and muscle pain. Best of all, the waterproof liner prevents stains
and odors and stops liquid damage.
This offer is not available in stores.
Order your DogPedic today.
http://buffaloschips.com/dped
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nude Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A judge in Maine has ruled that women, but not men, can jog naked in
public, for you men who are making their mid-summer vacation plans.
Turns out the law in Maine says an offence of appearing nude is
committed only if the genitals are knowingly exposed in public. The
judge says that women's genitals are primarily internal and
therefore cannot be exposed.
How did this come up at the trial of two women arrested for running
nude?
They won their case by asking just ONE question of the arresting
police officer. He was asked whether he saw their genitals during
the incident. "Not that I recall," he replied.
Case closed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Petzoom sonic pet trainer -Instantly train your cat and dog.
The Petzoom sonic pet trainer is lightweight and small, so it fits
in your pocket. No shocking is used by the pet trainer. It is gentle
and humane. It's easy to take with you when you go for walks, ride
your bicycle, or even when you're hiking to keep other dogs and pets
safely away.
http://buffaloschips.com/ptz
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Lead Me Home
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/V/A/Le.html
John w/ Life's Railway To Heaven
http://heavens-gates.com/patsy/lifesrailway/
Thank You
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/thankyou.htm
IRONIC, Isn't It?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irony.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
http://buffaloschips.com/scoop
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Roadside America
http://www.roadsideamerica.com/
Crash Testing & Highway Safety
http://www.iihs.org/
Ghosts Among Us
http://ghostsamongus.net/
Old Fashioned Home Remedies For The Garden Via Wesley
http://fransorin.com/gardening/azarticle.asp?Article=76
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschips.com/kit
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
PC Power Supply Calculator
http://www.extreme.outervision.com/PSUEngine
Control-Alt-F4 < Windows >
http://code.google.com/p/superf4/
Free PDF to Word Doc Converter
http://xrl.in/2tkm
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
http://buffaloschips.com/date
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://home.olemiss.edu/~lwaej/april.html
Kitty Korner
http://www.sphynxnparrots.com/
Horse Costumes
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horsecostumes.html
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
you thought you could never get back.
Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
R/D.
You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
analysis scan that will allow you to view deleted pictures, files,
documents, etc... Once you have complete the -free- analysis scan
you will be amazed by what you see! In fact, you will even see what
other people have deleted from your computer.
Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
http://buffaloschips.com/restore
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Drunk trust
http://www.buffaloschips.com/83103.htm
How to drive a hummer in Iraq
http://www.buffaloschips.com/83104.htm
How to peel a banana
http://www.buffaloschips.com/83105.htm
How to think like a woman
http://www.buffaloschips.com/83106.htm
How to wash your cat
http://www.buffaloschips.com/83107.htm
Movie
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jhkji.htm
Mozart
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kkjop.htm
Neumaticob
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jijoij.htm
Nextel Dance Party
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjpopo.htm
No Fear
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjoppo.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cheating Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens
to be her husband's best friend. This goes on for
hours.
Afterwards, while they're just laying there, the
phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she
picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her
and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation.
..
(She is speaking in a cheery voice)
"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really?
That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That
sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks,
"Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling
me all about the wonderful time he's having on
his fishing trip with you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Close To Home
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32811.htm
College
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32812.htm
Pooch
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32813.htm
charm toon
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjfkljlkg.htm
charmin
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jhkljfgklg.htm
cheap
http://www.buffaloschips.com/knflkd.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoveround has been helping people regain their mobility for over 17
years and we want to help you get your independence back. We
believe that everyone should be free to get out and explore the
world, even if they're on a tight budget.
Did you know that 9 out of 10 Hoveround owners got their power
wheelchair at little to no cost*? It's true! There are no claim
forms to fill out and no upfront costs if you qualify.
Get your Complimentary Information Kit here:
http://buffaloschips.com/hove
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day as I fished on the sea
A mermaid came visiting me
Though just right on top
T'other end was a flop
With no parts to show she was a she.
There once was a man named Chang,
Who had an incredible wang.
He was tallented too.
For all night he could screw.
And the girls his praises all sang.
She wasn't too bold, not too willing
And she did stare a lot at the ceiling...
But once with this rogue
She put down her vogue
And said, "That was mod'rately thrilling."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you know that there are billions of dollars now easily available
to Americans?
FileForGrants.com is the fastest way for you to apply for grants
online. You can search for grants online, find grant services, find
grant training programs, and much more! Filing for your grant online
is faster and more convenient than any other method.
Get Started Now!
http://buffaloschips.com/ffg
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tony met a young woman in a bar. She accepted his invitation to go
back to his apartment with him. After a few drinks and some soft
music, he suggested they retire to the bedroom, and the girl agreed.
Soon they were going at it hot & heavy, when all of a sudden, Tony
stopped dead, looked at her and said, "Hey, you don't have herpes,
do you?"
"No", she replied. "What would make you ask such a thing?"
"Thats a relief," said Tony. "The last girl didn't tell me till it
was too late!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bionic hearing aid - Rechargeable bionic hearing aid.
The Lee Majors Rechargeable bionic hearing aid combines digital
hearing aid technology with the convenience of a rechargeable
battery. You will love the noticeable, digital quality hearing
improvement it makes without having the hassle of traditional
battery-operated hearing aids.
Learn More
http://buffaloschips.com/leema
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hard Choices
Jimmy 'Shorty' Short was a born loser. He dropped out of
high school
at the age of fifteen and into the life of petty crime. When he was
finally arrested
at the age of eighteen, the judge gave him the choice of jail or
joining the army,
as usual he took the path of least resistance and joined up. Army
life did not suit
Jimmy, discipline did not suit Jimmy. Soon he was busted for
gambling and after
just a year in the military was given a less than honorable
discharge for selling drugs.
Back on the streets Jimmy soon started his own small gang that
earned a small
reputation and a small fortune for Jimmy. Alas, crime does not pay
and all the
members of the gang, except for Jimmy were either killed, arrested,
or changed
their ways. Jimmy hooked up with Mister Big the local mafia member
and became
a bag man, a runner of sorts. Jimmy delivered packages for Mister
Big. For all that
Jimmy did, he never killed or seriously hurt anyone, but he never
helped anyone either
Jimmy's had to deliver a package to a new location. On the road
today seemed heavy.
Jimmy followed the map to a fork in the road.
Jimmy: Darn it there is supposed to be a sign here to Jonesborogh.
Jimmy gets out of the car and finds a sign on the ground, it reads
Jonesborogh five
miles and Evesborogh five miles.
Jimmy thinking to himself: But which way is which? The instruction
said the gas
station is the first building in town so I will go right, if I am
wrong it is only 10 miles
to the other direction.
Jimmy gets back into his car and turns right and soon sees a gas
station.
Jimmy: Lady luck is with me. After all it was a fifty fifty shot.
Jimmy gets out of his car and addresses the attendant: Are you
Pauly?
The man looks sad: Do you have a package for me?
Jimmy: I do, if you have a briefcase or suitcase for me.
Pauly: Give me a few minutes, you are early.
A few minutes pass..
Pauly: Here you go, this suitcase is heavy. Here are the keys to
it. What is inside
should last your boss a lifetime. But remember do not open it. It
is for him only.
Jimmy: Hey, I am just the runner.
Pauly: Then get it back to him and be gone.
Jimmy gets back into his car and starts the drive back to the city.
Jimmy arrives at the club where Mister Big has his office and with
out much ado
tells him about what Pauly said.
Mister Big: Okay, I want just my second in command and you in the
room. I am
going to lock the door so we will not be disturbed. I guess he sent
extra cash
for the next purchase.
Mister Big puts the heavy suitcase on his desk and his second in
command are
both hovering over it when he unlocks the suitcase.
Jimmy is watching from across the room as he notices the expression
in Mister
Big's eyes suddenly change from surprise to horror. About eight
rattlesnakes
attacked Mister Big and the number two man and before Jimmy could
blink both
men were down with a dozen snake bites. Jimmy could tell the men
were dying,
several of the snakes were heading his direction. The only place in
the room that
might be safe was the desk, but several snakes were on the desk.
Jimmy did not
have a gun. The door was locked and the key was in Mister Big's
pocket and two
snakes were on top of him. Jimmy's fate seem sealed.
The only option open to Jimmy were to try and get Mister Big's gun
from his coat
or to die where he stood. So Jimmy darted towards the body of
Mister Big but
tripped over the body and fell he reached for the gun as he pulled
out the pistol
and pointed it at the first snake.
Click!
Jimmy: What no bullets!
The screams could not be heard in the sound proof room...
Jimmy the punk found out that those who live by the sword die by the
sword.
Meanwhile in a small gas station..
George: So when do you think they will stop coming.
Hank: I do not know, but as long as those drug dealers come, we
will load our
little snakes up for them. Did you flush those drugs down the
toilet?
George: Yes sir.
Hank: Guess we should drive out and make certain the sign is still
down.
George: So when they quit coming..?
Hank: We put the sign back up.
The end
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
No comments:
Post a Comment