Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Just a quick note today as I have had a long day. We bought Eva
one of those kiddy laptops that runs a few preprogrammed games
and help teach them alphabet and simple spelling. She came to me
looking for more batteries and I didn't have any. A little while
later
I heard a hammering and went in and Eva had my 16 oz. claw
hammer and was beating on her computer. Anyhow I got it figured
that while Eva is waiting to become a musical Diva she can get
a job as a Xerox repairman.
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
Here are some newsletters you may enjoy.
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Story Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The professor announced to his class, "Today we will experiment
with a new form called the tandem story.
The process is simple: each person will pair off with the person
sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write
the
first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first
paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first
person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order
to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking
and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper.
The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
_______________ '' _______________
The following was turned in by two English students,
Rebecca and Gary.
_______________ '' _______________
First paragraph by Rebecca:
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.
The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings
at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in
happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must
now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness
was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her
asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.
Second paragraph by Gary:
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things
to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic
bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation17," he said into his
transgalactic communicator, "Polar orbit established. No sign
of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish
particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him
flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
Rebecca:
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before
he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one
woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers
of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War
and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning.
The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed
unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no
television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's
innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully...
Gary:
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership
launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted
wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
Disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a
defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after
the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet.
With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical
plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded.
The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably
massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85
million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the
conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that
treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
Rebecca:
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate
adolescent.
Gary:
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
"Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort
of SISSY TEA??!! Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads
too many Danielle Steele novels!"
Rebecca:
Buttwipe.
Gary:
Cinderella.
Rebecca:
TOAD!!!
Gary:
BAG LADY!!!
Rebecca:
Get F%$%#$d.
Gary:
You wish; bite me.
Rebecca:
UP YOURS YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
Gary:
Go smoka a cigar - Monica.....
TEACHER:
A+ - I really liked this one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Shakespeare Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Odes To Las Damas ...
"Of course, 'Romeo and Gertrude' is just a working title. I might be
persuaded to change it for you, M'Lady."
"Shall I compare thee to a brick outhouse?"
"If I whispered in thine ear that thou hadst a body of beauty
unknown
but to the heavens, wouldst thou hold it against me?"
"Wouldst thou care to join me in forming the beast with two backs?"
"My heart, it pines, as my trousers tent."
"Without thine companionship, dear lady, I fearest I'd spend the
evening with pen in hand, if thou knows what I mean."
"Hey, Baby, can Ophelia up?"
"Is this a dagger I see before me? Nay! I'm merely happy to cast
eyes upon thy beauty!"
"Wouldst thou away to yon Motel 6 with me?"
"Do me, or not do me. THAT is the question."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Contraceptive Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Most Bizarre Methods of Contraception Back in 23-70 AD, Roman
nobleman Pliny the Elder believed that if you took two small worms
from the body of a certain species of spider and attached them --
wrapped in deer skin, mind you
-- to a woman's body before sunrise, she would not conceive.
It was believed in ancient times that if a woman spat three times
into a frog's mouth she would not conceive for a year.
Supposedly, a pebble clasped in the hand during coitus would also
stop conception.
St. Albert the Great (1193-1280) advised women to eat bees as an
effective contraception procedure.
Aetios of Amida (fl. 527-565) suggested that a man should wash his
penis in vinegar or brine before having sex and that a woman should
wear a cat's testicle in a tube across her navel to avoid
contraception.
buffalo says That sounds like it would keep the cat from conceiving
but for it to do the woman any good she would need her husband's
testicles in the tube .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Chips Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time there was a dumb private in a far away place called
"Grafenwehor, Germany". He was a dumb SOB, so dumb that nobody
really liked him. Not his fellow soldiers, Team Leader, Squad
Leader, Platoon Sergeant nor Company 1SG. He was a real smart ass
who thought he know it all.
Then one cold winter day, his company went on a tactical 12 mile
road march across the lovely, muddy country side of Germany. About
halfway through the road march, approximately 6 miles out, the
weather started to change rapidly. The temperature dropped sharply,
the rain changed to show and the road started to get very slippery
and muddy.
With the weather getting worse minute by minute, the dumb private
started to fall further and further back behind the company
formation. As a excuse, he told his Team Leader he needed to take
an urgent shit. So he dropped out of the formation and ran to the
nearest woods until the company was out of sight.
Knowing the unit was now gone, he figured he could take his sweet
ass time walking back to base without being hassled, pushed or
yelled at to keep up with the company. While walking the same road
as his unit was on, he came upon a large cow pasture that looked
like it would be a short cut back to base. He decided to take a
chance by cutting across the field, hoping that it would get him
home sooner.
As he started to walk across the field, he soon realized that the
snow was beginning to get deeper and deeper and much more difficult
to walk in.
Before long, he started to get very tired and exhausted and know
then that he made a serious mistake trying to cross the field. He
decided to turn around and try to get back to the road.
Due to the heavy snow fall and wind, his tracks were quickly covered
over and he soon lost his way back to the road. Feeling extremely
weak, he collapsed to the ground. The dumb private thought for sure
he was a goner and that no one would ever find him in the snow
storm.
Suddenly, out of nowhere came a large herd of cows walking across
the field.
The dumb private said to himself "Great, if I don't freeze to death,
I'll be trampled to death by a bunch of cows". But the private was
lucky, they didn't walk on him, instead they just shit on him as
they passed overhim.
Feeling the fresh warm cow shit on top of him, the private started
to warm up again. In fact, he was feeling so much better....that he
started to laugh aloud at the situation he had gotten himself into.
Then suddenly, in one swift sweep, he was grabbed by the collar,
jerked and shaken to his feet and given a first class royal ass
chewing by his Platoon Sergeant and Company 1SG. And when they got
back to the barracks they put him on latrine detail for a week.
The moral of this story is:
1. Anyone who happens to shit on you, is not always out to get you.
2. Anyone who happens to get you out of shit, is not always your
friend.
3. And if you're warm and happy in shit, keep your mouth shut.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Church Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was walking down a dirt road one Sunday afternoon when
he met a little girl going in the same direction.
"Hello," said the little boy.
"Hi," replied the little girl. "Where are you going?"
"I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home,"
"Me too. I'm also on my way home from church. Which church do you
go to?"
"I go to the Baptist church back down the road. "What about you?"
"I go to the Methodist church back at the top of the hill."
After they'd walked a short distance together they came to a low
spot in the road where rains had partially flooded the road. There
was no way they could get across to the other side without getting
wet.
"If I get my new Sunday dress wet my Mom's going to skin me alive,"
said the little girl.
"My Mom'll tan my hide too, if I get my new Sunday suit wet,"
"I tell you what I think I'll do. I'm gonna pull off all my clothes
and hold them over my head and wade across."
"That's a good idea. I'm going to do the same thing with my suit."
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without
getting their clothes wet. They were standing in the sun waiting to
dry before putting their clothes back on when the little boy
remarked ... "You know, I never did realize before just how much
difference there really is between Baptists and Methodists."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Politically Uncorrect
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Will Your Name Be There?
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House Dust Art
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Your New Phone Company ! Via Wesley
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Vista Beginner Guide
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Streaker Goal
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Super Gra
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Ford Police Chase
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Text Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wedding Text Messages ..................
The Bureau of Meteorology forecasts rainstorms so the bride can
expect a few good inches overnight.
Love is a thousand miles long but comes in six inch installments.
"The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never
get to prove it."
Confucious say man who sink into womans arms soon have arms in
womans sink.
Sorry I cannot be at Wedding... Please send me a photo of Bride and
Groom Mounted.
Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and
She'll last for many years.
Dont keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone
to the woman next door.
Treat him like a flower... grab him by the stalk.
If you don't want the Stork to come, Shoot in the air.
Go for it mate. We all did!
All the best from Mr and Mrs Farkin and all the Farkin kids.
She offered her honour, He honoured her offer, and all night he was
on her and off her.
Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an
Off-
Spring next Spring.
Hope your honeymoon is like a train ride through the Khyber Pass,
One long hard route.
Please remember that Brandy makes you Randy, Whisky makes you
Frisky, but its a good stiff Johnny Walker that makes you Pregnant.
Travel Agency to Bride:
The grooms face leaves at midnight. Be on it.
Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I
express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation
and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving
you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation
to the population.
Football coach to bride:
If you've tried him in 18 positions and he's still no good, pull him
off.
Treat the Bride like a new car, go easy for the first 500.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How To Talk To Hot Women
I must admit, a woman is a mans best friend.
While I was in college, I did the typical guy thing.
Went to bars, and tried to hang out with chicks; but actually
talking to them was another story.
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embarrassment.
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Will she be able to handle this my monster confidence? Thats what I
ask myself now.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room,
And they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with whom, and to whom.
_______________________________
A methodical fellow named Wade,
Could recall every girl that he'd laid.
He recorded each poke,
Every thrust, every stroke,
And precisely how much he'd been paid.
_______________________________
A passionate maiden from China,
Would gently caress her vagina.
She fondly would linger
With each little finger,
As though nothing in China was finer.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A window cleaner goes to a monastery looking for work.
The Abbot hires him but tells him to clean all the windows except
the top three.
So the window cleaner cleans all the windows except the top three
for years and years until curiosity finally gets the better of him.
He puts his ladder up against the first of the three windows and
looks in.
He sees 12 monks with their robes up and their cocks lying on a
table with a mouse running around on top of the table.
The window cleaner goes down the ladder moves to the second window
and looks in.
There he sees a beautiful woman and a monk in bed screwing like mad.
The window cleaner goes down the ladder and puts it up against the
third window.
He looks in and sees a monk tied up, stripped to the waist being
flogged.
He climbs down the ladder, but when he gets to the bottom the Abbot
is waiting for him.
The window cleaner says, "Look, I know your going to fire me, but
please, at least tell me what is going on up there."
"Well," says the Abbot, "in the first window you saw a competition
to see which is the lucky monk.
Wherever the mouse stops is the lucky monk. And in the second
window you saw a monk with the prize."
"But what about the third window?" the window cleaner asks.
"Well," says the Abbot, "that monk was caught with a piece of cheese
in his foreskin."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1682 A Dog Like Sandi BJ is writing at
his desk when Sandi approaches him...
Sandi: What are you doing Daddy?
BJ wipes away a few tears: Oh nothing.
He gets up and walks away.
Sandi jumps up in the chair and starts to read.
A Dog Like Sandi In the Heavens far above, the Master called forth
his Angel and said, "See that man below? His father was an
alcoholic, his mother was less than loving. He had no brothers or
sisters. His first marriage was a disaster, then his next marriage
his wife died of cancer. He is a kind and loving man, but he needs
love. Find me The Special Angel."
Angel: The Special Angel?
Master: Yes. I want to send The Special Angel down to be this man's
companion.
A few moments later The Special Angel appeared. The Special Angel
was different than the other Angels. The Special Angel was a dog.
Master: Listen to me Special Angel. I am sending you down to be
that man's companion for life. I want you to give all you have for
him, your love, your unconditional love, hold nothing back.
Special Angel: I have been waiting ages for this moment Master.
Master: Then go.
On Earth... A puppy is born...in the wild. Discarded and not cared
for.
Later the lonely puppy finds a home with the man whose destiny it is
to have A Dog Like Sandi.
Sandi closes the notebook and wipes away a tear. Sure it is just a
story, sure it is written to compliment her. She walks out to the
back yard where the moonlight shines upon her collie hair and the
glow about her shines so. Is that a pair of wings spouting from her
back?
The herd in Guthrie (Once I had a dream..I visited Heaven and Sandi
was my guide. She glowed and we communicated with our minds, it was
an experience)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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William Brabant
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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