[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Sat

Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Some more thoughts on Boot Camp 36 years ago. I have been
discussing this period with some Navy buddies and thought you
might find it more interesting than Global Warming.

We were all issued Crackerjack style whites and blues but half of
the company received dungarees with the bluer working jacket and
I got utilities along with the other half. I mentioned the soap dish
earlier because it was your iron when you folded and pressed each
piece to go in your locker. You have to admit someone put a lot of
time into figuring how to get all of those items into a seabag and
have them come out looking pressed when you needed them.

Our sister company, the Hummers and Strummers ( Choir and Band)
was with us at most of the parades and every graduation. On our
third week in boot camp we got to do our first parade in North
Chicago.
It was just a small town parade, nothing spectacular but after the
ceremony we were invited to a retired admiral's home for a barbecue.
It was a huge party with all the beer you could drink but everyone
behaved themselves, even a few that slipped away from the party
with some of the area girls. There was a four or five year old kid
that someone had given a white hat to that was running around saluting
the recruits and when they returned the salute he would tell them,"
Carry
on Boot." It was extremely funny when he ran up to the admiral,
flipped
him a salute and told him, " Carry on Boot."

Along about 2000 the party wound down and they loaded everyone
into buses and headed back to Great Lakes. They told us after the
beer we consumed if anyone got sick to use your white hat (Dixie Cup)
and not to puke on the floor of the bus. One guy got it in his mind
that his hat would be a good to take a pee rather than wait till we
got
back on base and did so. This was not a good idea for a couple of
reasons, the first of which was that he was expected to have his hat
on his head when he left the bus and the second of which there was no
place to empty it so he just flung the contents out the window. If you
have ever tried throwing anything liquid out of a window it will come
right back in the next window which it did soaking the passed out
recruit behind him. We lied to the guy and told him the boat had hit
a big puddle
and he went back to sleep.

One of the other great things about marching in parades every week
we didn't have to do our own dress whites. They were bagged up after
each event and came back cleaned and pressed and looking like new
no matter what kind of mess you got into.

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Divorce Chips
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THE BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER WRITTEN

Dear Connie,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during
our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you
left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the
wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the
first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who
would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that.

But now I see that my pride cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of
pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore.
I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.
Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And
this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look
for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see , but they're
not you. They're not even close.

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos
and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just
to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19;
with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a
childhood-spent ice-skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect
body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't
quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown
by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in
our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean?
Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see
what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have
a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And
I'd never really thought of that before.

I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd
tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself
thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her
flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something
else. Same nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete?
And then it hit me. It didn feel the same because you weren't there
to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you.

Holy cow, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. Everything I do
just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met
at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week
with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right
without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but
that's not the real story.Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and
the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And
this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything,
you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her
weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a
sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old
vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we
can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too.
Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror
on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we
never used it as a sex toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order.
I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head
on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this
painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about
women in general. She's pulling for us! To get back together, Connie,
she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and
talking about Happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same
DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you
when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns
out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to
thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how
that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you
see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's
cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?

It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we
could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start
fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please, please
let me know.

Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is?

Love, Bill

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

Slipped
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/02280630.htm

Slippers
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/02280631.htm

Bush Early Morning
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/02280632.htm

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Driving Chips
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There was this woman sitting on a park bench muttering to herself and
spitting. She would mutter, then spit, mutter, then spit, she would
say, "Damn, that sonofabitch can drive", then spit, "Damn, that
sonofabitch can drive", then spit, "Damn that sonofabitch can drive",
then spit.

A man sits down next to her and asks her, "What's going on here? You
keep saying, "Damn that sonofabitch can drive, then you spit".

"Well", says the gal, "my boyfriend just got a brand new sports car,
so he calls me and asks me if I want to go for a ride. So I say sure,
why not?"

"He picks me up and we drive up to the mountains. After we
have lunch, we start back down the mountain and his brakes
go out!! He's pumping the pedal, and nothing!! So now we're picking
up speed and the road is all twisty and curvey.

"We're going faster and faster and it's hard to stay on the road.
I've got my fingers embedded in the dashboard, and I'm pleading with
him to do something!!

"We're going about 90 mph now, with a sheer cliff on our right, a 500
foot drop on the other side, an 18 wheeler right on our ass, and an
overturned motorhome right in front of us. Well, I figure this is it!
I just knew we were gonna die! So I turn to him and said... "Geoff,
if you can get us outta this, I'll give you the best damn blow job
you've ever had!"

She paused. Then spit. "DAMN, THAT SON OF A BITCH CAN **DRIVE**!!"

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Chat Chips
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JHawk111420 [12:11 AM]: Hey whats up, a/s/l?

Lady Renegade [12:12 AM]: more than you want, I'm sure :)

JHawk111420 [12:12 AM]: ill take that as a challenge ;-)

Lady Renegade [12:12 AM]: take it any way you want sweetie

JHawk111420 [12:13 AM]: k, how old areya?

Lady Renegade [12:13 AM]: probably too old for you, but let's
pretend I'm 20 ;)

JHawk111420 [12:13 AM]: k, what do ya look like?

Lady Renegade [12:14 AM]: before or after I'm dressed up?

JHawk111420 [12:14 AM]: both :-D
Lady Renegade [12:15 AM]: well......after I'm dressed
up, I have long sexy red hair, nails painted red to match the slinky
dress I have on, stiletto heels, pouty lips, green eyes, boobs out to
here, and a smile that stops traffic

JHawk111420 [12:14 AM]: and before?

Lady Renegade [12:15 AM]: before I'm dressed up, I'm bald and
wearing boxers...sometimes my weenie is peeking out

Lady Renegade [12:16 AM]: hello?

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The One Touch Cordless Knife is the portable, lightweight
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Short Chips
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"I'll bet you have to think twice before you leave your wife alone at
night." one man said to the other. "I'll say." replied the
second, "First, I have to think up a reason for going out. Second, I
have to think up why she can't go with me."

~~~~~

Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives
accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some
valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent
out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special
rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still
pouring in asking, "What trip?"

~~~~~

A guy came home from work, "Honey, where are you?"
"I'm upstairs douching," his wife answered.
"I told you never to talk like that!" he yelled.
"What do you want," she called out, "good grammar or good taste?"

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Short Chips
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Did you hear about the long delays on a golf course outside
Washington, DC? Seems like there was a foursome playing that was
taking forever to get around the course. The group consisted of
Monica Lewinski, OJ Simpson, Ted Kennedy, and Bill Clinton. According
to observers, the problems they were having were attributable to
typical problems faced by the novice golfer; Monica is a hooker, OJ
is a slicer, Kennedy can't drive over water, and Clinton is never
sure which hole he's supposed to be playing.

~~~~~

Bob had just finished playing a round of golf and was in the locker
room getting undressed to take a shower when one of his friends
happened to notice him slipping out of a pair of women's
panties. "Hey, Bob," his friend called out across the locker
room. "How long have you been playing golf in women's
underwear?" "How long?" came the reply. "Ever since my wife found a
pair in the back seat of my car after I came home from supposedly
playing a round of golf!"

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Micro Force is the world's smallest fully waterproof and rechargeable
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The rechargeable battery last up to 10 times longer than a standard
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With the Micro Force shaver being smaller than a credit card,
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Spoon Chips
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Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant and noticed that
the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It
seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy
brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his
shirt pocket. I then looked around the room and saw that all the
wait
persons had a spoon in their pocket. When the waiter came back to
check on our order I asked: "Why the spoon?"
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen
Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our
processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they
concluded that customers drop their spoons 73.84% more often than
any
other utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3
spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are prepared to deal
with
that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the
kitchen and save 1.5 man-hours per shift."

As we finished talking, a metallic sound was heard from behind me.
Quickly, the waiter replaced the dropped spoon with the one in his
pocket and said: "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the
kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was
rather impressed. The waiter continued taking our order and while my
guests ordered, I continued to look around. I then noticed that
there
was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking
around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging
from their fly.

My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked
the waiter: "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string
right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice. "Not everyone is
as
observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned, also found out
that we can save time in the restroom."

"How so?"

"See," he continued, "by tying this string to the tip of ...you
know... we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and
that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time
spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent"

"Okay, that makes sense, but... if the string helps you get it out,
how do you put it back in?"

"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know
about the others, but I use a spoon."

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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
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Subscribers and Friends

Melva/Reflection
http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Insp3/Reflection.html

carolyn w/Sweet Old Fashioned Girl ~Teresa Brewer
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/50s/sweetoldfashionedgirl.html

Carol w/Dedicated to Buster
http://www.carolspoetry.com/buster.html

From God
http://www.poetrybyken.us/ipoems50/From%20God.html

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Surfin Surfari

Yummy Recipes
http://www.diamondavid.com/bluejay/Sunrise/ucookin2.php

Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum
http://www.nationalcowboymuseum.org/

Sears Archives
http://www.searsarchives.com/

Chinese Olympic Cuisine
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

Common and bad Passwords
http://geodsoft.com/howto/password/common.htm

Netiquette Guidelines
http://www.stanton.dtcc.edu/stanton/cs/rfc1855.html

Judy816 Valentines
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Animal World

Doggie Zone
http://www.nextdaypets.com/directory/breeds/

Kitty Korner
House For Cats
http://www.treehugger.com/files/2009/01/house-for-cats.php

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Movie Chips

Candid Camera Africa
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ajakk.htm

Clean Your Glasses
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abshsj.htm

Dimitri The Stud
http://www.buffaloschips.com/abhdjd.htm

DNA Test
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Dronkrn
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Lock Bumping
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Locked Bucks
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gahhjs.htm

Look At My New Dog
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Love
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Boob Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A U. S. military court in South Korea overturned the discharge of a
female military pilot for lacking breasts.

Circumstances: The pilot got cancer in one breast but asked doctors
to remove the other breast, too, "believing it would be more
convenient for her when flying." She was then kicked out on the
grounds that "army regulations require soldiers who are missing body
parts to be discharged."

Court ruling: Her doctor says she's fit for normal military duty,
and
that's good enough. The military plans to appeal the ruling.

Human Nature's view: If lack of boobs is disqualifying, start by
discharging all the men, except the generals, of course.

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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suck faster, Lois
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k131.html

reasons to take up smoking
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k132.html

wonder if she knows
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/k133.html

License Plate
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32136.htm
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Life Savers
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Turn anything into a flashlight and never be left in the dark again!

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Limerick Chips
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I met this fine lady on the Cape
Who had a wee bit to much grape
An' thought sex might just be fine
Til she took the measure of mine
An' was left with her mouth agape

The bishop of Winchester Junction
Found his phallus would no longer function.
So in black crepe he wound it,
Tied a lily around it,
And solemnly gave it last unction.

There was a young lady of Norway
Who hung by her heels in the doorway.
She said to her beau,
"Hey, look at me, Joe,
I think I've discovered one more way."

There was a young girl from Odessa,
A rather unblushing transgressor.
When sent to the priest
The lewd little beast
Began to undress her confessor.

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Keep Warm Air In & Winter Air Out

Twin Draft Guards? minimizes energy loss from doors and
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Twin Draft Guards? work just as well on the interior doors of your
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as they do outdoors, blocking drafts and keeping allergens, such as
dust,
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Guards are also helpful in blocking harmful fumes from the garage and
the
damp chill from the basement.

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Parting Chips
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A young woman, feeling morning dizziness and strange cravings, goes
to
see a gynecologist. After a thorough examination, the Doctor tells
her, "Well, my dear, I am puzzled; the test shows that you are
pregnant, but when I examined you, I found that you are still a
virgin. I mean, your hymen is not ruptured, except for seven tiny
holes, a little more that pinpricks, actually. By the way, what did
you say your name was?" "My name is Snow White", replies the girl.

Stan Kegel

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Warrior AK-47 Airsoft Rifle is an awesome toy for the holidays!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several
of us were standing around in our leotards
chatting about fitness and diets. One woman
said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking,
gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same
time.

Thinking to myself that no human being could
possibly do this without acquiring at least one
other undesirable habit for compensation, I
jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing
instead of these things?"

After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well,
my sister is pregnant now."

Randy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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or skin tags?

No more endless days of fighting a losing battle with these problems?
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http://buffalosjokes.com/mole

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1503

Sandi Explains the Three Branches of Government

Rudy: So what are the three branches of government Sandi?

Katie: Yes, and their purpose?

Sandi: Ah yes, well the first branch is the Judicial Branch. They
are responsible for a lot of things.

Rudy: Give me one example?

Sandi: Remember the song "Hey Jude"?

Katie: Yeah, it was a pretty cool song.

Sandi: Well that is one of their doings.

Rudy: What else?

Sandi: There is a whole lot of things, a book in the Bible - Judges,
there is the refs in basketball and football, the umpires in baseball.

Katie: They come from the Judicial branch?

Sandi: Of course...there is a Judical building out there somewhere
and they
come when needed.

Rudy: Tell us about the next branch.

Sandi: After lunch.

The herd in Guthrie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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