[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Fri



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

It seems the Navy is taking a real close look
at anti-submarine tactics right now. Earlier
this month a Chinese Song class sub evaded all
of their counter-measures and got within attack
range of the USS Kitty Hawk which is stationed
in Japan and operating in International waters
off of Taiwan. The Chinese have sunk billions
into a submarine fleet, first buying diesel
boats from Russia and later building their own
nuclear and conventional submarines. The Song
class is a conventionally powered submarine
used for anti-submarine and anti-ship warfare
and can attack at distances of 40 kilometers
using cruise missiles or at closer distances
with torpedoes. China has made offers to sell
these subs to other powers like Iran which
could make ship traffic in the Persian Gulf
hazardous.

So how were they able to defeat the best plans
of the world's greatest navy? It is a well designed
combination of high tech and low tech. Conventional
submarines with single propellers are extremely quiet
and the Chinese have expanded on a good thing with
extreme hull modifications and the mounting of all
machinery in anti-vibration mountings. The sub itself
has a thick rubber skin that that helps it absorb
sonar rather than reflect it making it stealthy.
Therefore a carrier battle group made up of cruisers
and frigates and several hunter submarines find them
difficult to see or hear using active or passive
measures. On the downside these subs still have to
come up to recharge batteries during which they are
visible.

This all has caused me to think about things that I
really don't want to think about. If some country
were to destroy one of our carriers we would probably
retaliate with a full scale nuclear attack which
would mean a shortage of lead toys and tainted food
in this country and maybe even World War III. I think
Wal-mart better negotiate some arms treaties..

Enjoy the chips... buffalo

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Furniture Chips
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Bubba, a furniture dealer from Princeton, West Virginia, decided to
expand
the line of furniture in His store, so he decided to go to Paris to
see what
he could find in good furrin' stuff.

After arriving in Paris, he met with some manufacturers and selected
a line
that he thought would sell very well back home in West Virginia.

To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small Bistro
and
have a glass of that French wine that he had heard so much about.

As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite
crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant
seat in
the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table,
asked
him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned
toward
the chair.

He gestured for her to sit down.

He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his
language so,
after a couple of minutes of trying to communicat e with her, he took
a
napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her.

She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another
napkin, and
drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.

They left the Bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small
group
playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took
another
napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.

She nodded, and they got up to dance.

They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture
of a
four-poster bed.
.
.
.
.
And, to this day, Bubba has no idea how she figured out that he was
in the
furniture business.

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Short Chips
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A blonde is taking the driving portion of her driver's license exam.
She handles most of the maneuvers quite well. However, she has a
little
trouble parallel parking, and winds up a about a foot from the
curb. "Could you get a little closer?" the examiner asks.
The
blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over toward the
examiner
and asks, "OK, sir... Now what?"
---------------------------------
It was the finish line of the Boston marathon. A first time runner is
hobbling away, having just finished. A grizzled old marathoner
looks at him and says "You'll feel a lot worse tomorrow." He pauses
and
then says, "But the REALLY bad news is that in about 3 days, you're
going to think you had fun today!"
----------------------------
Working as a court reporter, I hear to a lot of testimony that you
won't
hear on LAW AND ORDER, including the following give-and-take between
the
judge and a mother during a paternity suit. Judge: "Was this
child
born out of wedlock?" Mother: "No, sir, just outside of
Louisville."
-----------------------------

When the power mower was broken and wouldn't run. I kept hinting to my
husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the message never
sank in.

Finally, though, I thought of a clever way to make my point.

When my husband arrived home that day, he found me seated out in the
yard in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of
sewing
scissors.

He watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. He
was gone only a few moments, when he came out again he handed me a
toothbrush.

"When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might as well sweep
the sidewalk too."

The doctors say he will probably live, but I can guarantee you, it
will
be quite a while before those casts come off!"

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Doctor Chips
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A fellow went to his doctor complaining that his asshole
was feeling terribly sore. The doctor asked him to drop
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"It's amazing!" the doctor said, as he pulled a $20 bill
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And then another! And another! And many more.

Finally, the doctor had pulled the whole pile of $20 bills
from the fellow's ass, and began to count it. (I sure hope that the
doctor doesn't lick his thumb when he counts money)

The doctor mentioned, "There was $1980 stuck in your anus!"

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Sausage Chips
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Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of
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Euro.
Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the
butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"
Murphy replied "Don't worry - just follow me."
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of
Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will
be in? We haven't got any money!!"
Murphy replied, with a smile "Don't worry; I have a plan, Cheers!"
They downed their drinks. Murphy said "OK, I'll stick the sausage
through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all
for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do anymore
o'this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin' me!"
Murphy said "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third
pub."

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Oriental Chips
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"See? Didn't I tell you guys that its vertical just like everybody
else?"

The two scratched their heads in wonder. What did that
prove?

"If it were horizontal, the sound would have been, blub,
blub, blub, blub..."

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Cruise Chips
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When his wife returned, he asked her
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about the passenger who was his mistress
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Unhappy with this information, Gary
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Short Chips
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Three tampons, a super, a large and a regular, are walking down the
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None! They are all stuck-up bitches.

*****************************************

A lady fixed her husband a special meal for his birthday. After
dinner
she fixed him a pitcher of martinis then poured him a drink. Then
she
left to pick up his favorite dessert from the local bakery. When she
returned from her errand she found her husband, drink in hand,
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News Chips
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The following letter from the family's solicitor is addressed to a
member of the British aristocracy who has been spending much of the
summer in his residence in the south of France leaving his wife in the
United Kingdom to look after the ancestral home.

Dear Sir Royston,
I hope you are having a good time on your holiday. I say this with
sincerity because I am afraid that I have some bad news for you,
although there is good news too. First the bad news. I am sorry to
tell
you that your favorite dog, Honey, is dead. The vet says that she died
instantly and could have felt no pain. She was kicked in the head by
your horse, Sherbert, though I'm sure that no blame can be attached to
Sherbert, frightened as he was by the fire in the barn.

I'm afraid that Sherbert was in the barn along with your other horses
when it burnt to the ground. The fire brigade had been called within a
short time of the barn catching fire and would normally have been able
to put the fire out. Had it had not been for the fact that the tender
crashed into your Bentley in the lane. Your wife had taken it out for
a
spin with your brother. As it was, both the tender and your Bently
were
written off. No blame can be attached to your wife for the accident
I'm
sure.

The Bentley was stationary at the time and your wife was in the back
seat of the car. She managed to escape death only due to the fact that
your brother was lying on top of her at the time of the collision. The
doctors say that given time she will regain her sight but that she
will
never walk again. She has also lost her memory and cannot even
remember
you. Your brother, unfortunately, was killed.

I should explain how the barn came to be on fire in the first place.
You
see a spark from the house blew over and set the roof alight. The fire
started in the main hall of the house where, as you know, your
Mattisse
and your Picasso once hung. I say 'once' because they are not there
now.
Fortunately neither of these paintings were damaged in the
conflagration
as they were stolen beforehand by the burglar who started the fire.

Although all of this may seem to you very serious it is not in fact
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As I said, there is some good news. The heat from the fire warmed your
greenhouse and brought your flowers on.

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the
crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he
could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next weekend my
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The guy mentioned none of this to his girl, married her, and went on
their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, she ripped open her
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no one has EVER touched these."

He immediately dropped his pants and replied ..."Look at
this,....still in the CRATE!"

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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A father of 17 kids goes to the doctor with a rash on his belly."All
right" says the Doc,
"drop 'em and let's have a look." Having been confronted with the
evidence the Doc exclaims.
"Yes. you've got a bad rash there, but my word what brown balls
you've got. They're truly
remarkable!" The patient is a bit embarrassed and says. "Look Doc.
what about the rash?"
"Oh that's easy."said the Doc. :Here's some cream to rub on. By the
way those brown balls are
amazing,may I ask,,,,,,," "No said the patient. "You can't. Now, is
that all Doc?" Well,"
said the Doctor," You could stop the rash from coming back with a bit
better hygiene. Tell your
wife you need clean underpants every day. And those really are the
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The guy goes home and tells his wife that the Doctor says he needs
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underpants every day? You must
be joking. I haven't even had time to wipe my ass!" "Ah he said. "And
that's another thing I wanted
to talk to you about..."

Calif Jack

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1145

The Parade

The 250 floats are lined up and ready to go. BJ and Diana are in
float
number 149 and Rudy, Tami, Katie, Ginger and Sandi are in float 150.
There are marching bands, color guards and the weather is perfect.
The crowds are estimated at 100,000 in the town of Guthrie, population
10,000.

As with most events, there are glitches. We will follow float number
150, the pioneer woman float. Sandi is driving. Tami is sitting on
a
bench dressed like a pioneer woman with Rudy next to her. Ginger
and Katie are in the back of the wagon that is pulling the pioneer
woman statue (did we mention the flaming dragon's device has not
been detached?).

Tami: Wonderful parade isn't it Rudy?

Rudy: Sure is, but I would rather be marching and playing my
bagpipes.

Tami: If you want, you could switch places with Katie or Ginger and
move around a bit.

Rudy: Okay, that would make me feel better.

A few moments later...

Ginger: Hey what is this control panel do Tami?

Sandi from her driving chair: Do not touch the control panel, it is
from
the dragon float and still has controls we have not disconnected yet.

Ginger: Oh it probably doesn't do anything. Let's see what this
does.

Whirr!

Ginger: Look the pioneer woman's arm moves up and down. Cool!

Tami: I think you should put it town.

Ginger: What could go wrong?

To be continued



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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