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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
, FREE*!
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You know, I would hafta say that some days,
it just ain't worth gettin outta bed.
Either that or you probably don't wanna take up
motorbike riding....
Lightning strikes biker's penis during toilet break
By staff writers
September 25, 2007 11:12am
AN Croatian motorbike rider was knocked unconscious when
lightning struck his penis during a roadside toilet break.
Metro.co.uk reported Ante Djindjic, 29, escaped relatively
unscathed from the incident, suffering only light burns
to his chest and arms. He said: "I don't remember what
happened. One minute I was taking a leak and the next
thing I knew I was in hospital. "Doctors said the lightning
went through my body and because I was wearing
rubber boots it earthed itself through my penis."
"Thankfully, the doctors said that there would be no
lasting effects, and my penis will function normally eventually."
That's just as long as lightning doesn't
stike in the same place twice.
============
I had purchased this item not a few days before hand,
thinking what the heck, let me try it out.
what a smart move that was. Its a lid for your can.
I had my mountain dew can (I refuse to drink
from a bottle, tastes like crap) sitting on my puter desk,
and inadvertantly knocked the sucker over.
the can was 6 inches from my puter tower. would
have cost me hundreds for a new computer.
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stops messy spills, and makes any opened canned
drink into a safe, portable container.
Perfect to take in the car, trips, the
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We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
By joining the Secret Shoppers Online Program,
you get to shop for FREE. Receive $500
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THE COMICS
sorry Miss Jones
http://www.thepostm
do you suppose
http://www.thepostm
working late
http://www.thepostm
sorry dear
http://www.thepostm
wrong answer
http://www.thepostm
the hitchhiker
http://www.thepostm
wedding vows
http://www.thepostm
I do NOT
http://www.thepostm
would you mind
http://www.thepostm
wrinkle cream.
http://www.thepostm
LET'S GO TO THE MOVIES!
applyin for a job
http://www.thepostm
GI JONNY
http://www.thepostm
Judge Jamie
http://www.thepostm
brother kitty finds a new home
http://www.thepostm
A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed,"
He says, "is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks
his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What?" Cried the man, "Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No," Says the Vet, "...because he's really heavy".
____________
A man returned from a trip when a big storm hit their town, with
crashing thunder and severe lightning.
When he got home and into his
bedroom at about 2 a.m., he found his two
children in bed with my wife,
apparently scared by the loud storm.
He resigned himself to sleep in theguest bedroom that night.
The next day, he talked to the children,
and explained that it was okay
to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad,
but, in the future, when he
was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night.
They said okay.After his next trip several weeks later,
his wife and the children picked him up in the terminal at the
appointed time. Since the plane was
late, everyone had come into the terminal
to wait for his plane's
arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting
for their arriving passengers.
As he entered the waiting area,
his son saw him and ran toward him
shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"
As he waved back, Dad said loudly, "What's the good news?"
"Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!"
the boy shouted.
The airport became very quiet,
as everyone in the waiting area looked at
the man's son, then turned to him,
and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out
exactly who his Mom was.
____________
Ma and Pa are two hillbillies living out on a farm.
Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.
He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't
know what to do to empty the hole.
Ma says, 'why don't you go ask the young'n down the road?'
He must be smart 'cause he's a college gradjyate.'
So Pa drives down to the neighbour's house and
asks him, 'Mr. College gradjyate, my
outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it.'
The young'n tells him, 'Get yourself two sticks of
dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse.
Put them both under the outhouse and light
them both at the same time.
The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air.
While it's in the air the second one will then go
off and spread the poop all across your
farm, fertilizing your ground.
The outhouse should then come back down to the
same spot atop the now-empty hole..'
Pa thanks the neighbour, then drives to the hardware
store and picks up two sticks of
dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse.
He goes home and puts them under the outhouse.
He then lights them and runs behind a tree.
All of a sudden, Ma comes running!
Out of the house and into the outhouse!
Off goes the first stick of dynamite ....
Shooting the outhouse into the air.
BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite .
Spreading poop all over the farm.
WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole.....
Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks,
'Ma, are you all right??!!'
As she pulls up her bloomers she says! ...
Yeah, but I'm sure glad I didn't fart in the kitchen..
____________
Worlds Shortest Books...
The Code of Ethics for Lawyers
The Book of Motivated Postal Workers
Safe Places to Travel in the USA
Bill Clinton: A Portrait of Integrity
Jerry Garcia's Guide to Beating Drug Addiction
The Wit and Wisdom of Dan Quayle.
Al Gore: The Wild Years
____________
At the beginning of my shift, I placed a
stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf
female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," the patient said sadly.
____________
Joe bought a bird feeder. He hung it on his back porch
and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder
it is as he filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week he had
hundreds of birds taking advantage ofthe continuous flow of
free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started
building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table,
and next to the barbecue.
Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile,
the chairs, the table...everywhere!
Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb
Joe and try to peck him even though
he had fed them out of his own pocket.
And other birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder
and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night
and demanded that Joe fill it when it got low on food.
After a while, he couldn't even sit on his
own back porch anymore.
So he took down the bird feeder and
in three days the birds were gone.
Joe cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they
had built allover the patio. Soon, the back yard was like it
used to be...quiet, serene and no one demanding
their rights to a free meal.
Now let's see..... our government gives out free
food, subsidized
housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone
born here to be an automatic citizen.
Then the illegals came by the millions.
Suddenly our taxes went up
to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families;
you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor;
your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over
half the class doesn't speak English.
Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box;
I have to 'press one' to
hear my bank talk to me in English,
and people waving flags other than
'Old Glory' are squawking and screaming in the streets,
demanding more rights and free liberties.
Maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder?
LAB LAUGHS
Intelligent
http://www.lablaugh
Self Delusion
http://www.lablaugh
blue hills good morning
http://www.lablaugh
BUFFALO'S
Movies
Always
http://www.buffalos
Always Look Both Ways
http://www.buffalos
Arthur & Ethel
http://www.buffalos
That's all folks!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman!
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