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ToonTastic
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rotten jokes
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In My Humble Opinion Sometimes punny, always funny,
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===================== ========= =====
The other day, me and "the war department" had a funeral to
go to "up north." Now, if you are not a Michigander, you
need to know just a little about geography. There is the
Upper peninsula, where Buffalo Bill lives, and the lower
peninsula, where the rest of us live. In Michigan terminology,
as far as us "down staters" is concerned everbody who lives above
"the bridge" is a "Yooper" Now, this time of year,
in Michigan everywhere,
its wonderful for a "color" tour. And while we didn't make
it quite that far north into Yooper territory, we did, in fact,
manage to see some awesome color with the trees turning
their different shades of brown, orange and all the other
different hues. We were actually up there
in the "thumb" area, (you can look it up on the map.) And this
just proves that inspite of the "Yoopers' " ideas, there are some
actually pretty sites to see "down state." Yoopers are a funny
breed. I'm not sure exactly what they do for a livin up there.
I suppose they rely either on chopping wood, selling zebco 202s ,
collecting Canadian beer cans,
or telling jokes like my friend, Buffalo Bill does:) Of course,
the Yoopers, they have some funny ideas too, they think
"down state" is all just big cities and smelly factories.
And you know what? them Yoopers have this funny nick name for us down
here too, they call us tourists:) Go figger.
(I'm not sure, don't that kinda look like Buffalo Bill?)
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman!
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===================== ========
THE COMICS
you like it?
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ok thats enough
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next time
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is it just me
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I named him after my ex
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hurry
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loaded
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50 years later
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womens lib
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sure I can
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______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
another chain reaction setup
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hot tub police
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the lion pet
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the acrobat
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gorilla prank
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Treat yourself to an ice cream or frozen yogurt in your favorite flavor - on us!
>>Get your FREE* TCBY Ice Cream!<<
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A woman meets a Cowboy in a bar and goes to his room with him.
She mentions how big his feet are and he says " I'm from Texas maam,
everything is big there." Then ,when he takes off his shirt she says that he
has the broadest shoulders she ever saw. Again.........." I'm from
Texas maam, everything is bigger in Texas maam. " Then when he
dropped his pants she said " OMG; I have never seen one that big!"
Again.........." I'm from Texas maam, everything is bigger in Texas maam. "
They got into bed and he mounted her. Then he said " say maam;
you didn't tell me you were from Texas too!"
_________________
A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway.
While passing a car, he knocks on the window.
The driver of the car opens the window: 'Yes?'
Biker: 'Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?'
Driver: 'No I haven't'
The Biker drives on, until he sees the next car. While
passing it, he knocks on the window.
The driver of the car opens the window: 'Yes?'
Biker: 'Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?'
Driver: 'No I haven't'
Then suddenly there is a curve, the Biker sees it too late.
He crashes off the road into a ditch.
A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky Biker.
Covered in blood and surely dying, the Biker
asks: 'Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?'
'Yes I have. I had a Honda for 20 years'.
The Biker says: "Tell me, where are the f'n brakes?'
______________
"Why did your boss jump out of the window?" the detective asked the secretary.
"I don't know", she sobbed, "he was always so nice to me. Two months ago
he gave me a fur coat, last month a sports car and just today a diamond
ring. Then he asked, what it would cost to be able to ravish me."
"And what did you say?"
"I just said, that the other men in the office always just gave me fifty
dollars.
__________________
The patient shook his head gingerly as he slowly regained consciousness.
"Well, Doc..." he asked, "tell me was the operation a success?"
"Sorry, son," was the reply. "I'm afraid I'm not your doctor, I'm Saint Peter."
______________
A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with
the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying.
"Um ... 22."
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can
you tell us your height, please?"
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She
then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her
head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot two!"
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics;
something the she won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our
records, your name please?"
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds,
mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, "Mandy!"
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "What were
you doing when I asked you your name?"
"Oh, that!" replies the blonde," I was just running through that song, 'Happy
birthday to you, happy birthday to you...'."
________________
"Hey, Bob! You say you're a songwriter?" Andy said.
"I sure am. Why, I've written songs for Michael Jackson,
Faith Hill, Ricky Martin, Britney Spears, and Madonna."
Bob said, modestly.
"Wow! Have all those stars sung your songs?"
"Well, actually, I didn't say they sang any of them. I
just said I wrote songs for them."
_____________
Nate and Martin, two army buddies are on leave and decide to go to
Nate's house and get drunk. Lo and behold they run out of beer so
Nate says that he will go for more. As he is leaving he tells his wife
Barbara to show Martin her best southern hospitality which she agrees
to do. Nate comes back with the beer and finds Martin and Barbara
screwing right on the kitchen floor.
Nate yells, "what are you doing Barbara?"
She replies, "you told me to show Martin my best southern hospitality."
Nate then says, "Gee whiz girl, arch your back, poor Martin's balls are on the cold
floor."
______________
The father of 17 kids goes to the doc's with a rash on his belly.
"All right" says the Doc, "drop 'em and let's have a look." Having been
confronted with the evidence the Doc exclaims "Yes, you've got a
bad rash there, but my word, what brown balls you've got. They're truly remarkable!" .
The patient is a bit embarrassed and says "Look Doc, what about the rash?"
"Oh that's easy," said the Doc, "Here's some cream to rub on.
By the way, those brown balls are amazing, my I ask....."
"No," said the patient, "You can't. Now, is that all Doc?"
"Well, " said the Doctor, " You could stop the rash coming back
with a bit better hygiene. Tell your wife you need clean underpants
every day. And those really are the brownest balls I've ever seen!"
The guy goes home and tells his wife that the Doctor says he needs
clean underpants every day. "What?" she yells, "Clean underpants
every day, and me with 17 kids to chase after! Seventeen kids to wash,
feed, clothe, get to school, tidy after, and you want clean underpants every day?
You must be bloody joking, I haven't even got time to wipe my arse!"
"Ah" he said, "And that's another thing I wanted to talk to you about..."
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Schlongs
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Not What You Hope
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LAB LAUGHS
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LAP DANCE
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THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman!
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