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THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
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Did you know...
Beer is made by the fermentation of bacteria feeding on yeast cells and then defecating.
In other words, it's a nice tall glass of bacteria number 2's!
Thus concluding that if you drink beer,
you are most likely full of shit!!!!
WE DO HOP YOU ENJOY TODAY'S ISSUE!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman!
THE COMICS
the old lady and the terrorist
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Maxine
http://www.thepostm
do not disturb
http://www.thepostm
she's good
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how much
http://www.thepostm
the twist
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yeast infection
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the doctor
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YES!!!!
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LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
cleaning dads car after a date
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bored kangaroo
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the coffee cup holder
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____________
A pious man, who had reached the age of 105,
suddenly stopped going to
synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after
so many years of faithful
attendance, the rabbi went to see him.
He found him in excellent health,
so the rabbi asked; "How come after all these years
we don't see you at services any more?"
The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi,"
he whispered. "When I
got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day.
But then I got to be 95,
then 100, then 105, so I figured that God is
very busy and must've
forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
____________
"I want to tell you about the awful accident that my
husband, Jim, has suffered this past month.
He was riding his bike, lost control, ran off the
highway and hit a tree.
He was rushed to the hospital, and could have died,
but thank the Lord, all he suffered was a broken scrotum."
The congregation gasped in horror.
The men in the congregation were obviously
uneasy and writhed in their seats.
"Jim has been in terrible pain all month since
the accident.
He has trouble breathing. He has trouble
swallowing his food.
He can hardly lift anything, he's in so much pain,
and he has missed work because of it.
He can't lift our children up to hold them and give
them the personal love that they need.
Worst of all, we can no longer cuddle and have intimate elations.
He is in constant pain, a pain so terrible that our
love life has all but slipped away into oblivion.
I would like to ask you all in the congregation to
pray for Jim, and pray for us,
that his broken scrotum will soon heal and be
as good as new."
A dull murmur erupted within the congregation
as the full impact of this terrible accident sunk in,
and the men in the congregation were visibly
shaken up with the thought that,
"there but for the grace of God go I."
Then, as the murmuring settled down, a lone figure
stood up in midst of the congregation,
worked his way up to the pulpit, obviously in pain,
adjusted the microphone to his liking,
then leaned over and said to the congregation:
"My name is Jim, and I have only one word for my wife, Jill.
That word is: STERNUM!"
____________
A man was in a terrible accident and his "manhood" was mangled
and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern
medicine could build him a new dick, but that his insurance
wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said that the cost would be $3500 for "small", $6500
for "medium", and $10,000 for "large."
The man was sure he would want a medium or a large, but the
doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before deciding.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room and found the man looking
quite dejected.
"Well, what have the two of you decided?" he asked.
The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen!"
_________
An elderly man was walking through the French countryside, admiring
the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young
couple making love in a field. Getting over his
initial shock he said to
himself, "Ah, young love... ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers...
C'est magnifique!" and continued to watch, remembering good times.
Suddenly he drew in a gasp and said, "Mais... Sacre bleu! Ze woman -
she is dead!" and he hurried along as fast as he could to the town
to tell Jean, the police chief. He came,
out of breath, to the police
station and shouted, "Jean...Jean zere
is zis man, zis woman ... naked
in farmer Gaston's field making love." The police chief smiled and said,
"Come, come, Henri you are not so old; remember ze young love, ze
spring time, ze air, ze flowers? Ah, L'amour!
Zis is okay." "Mais non!
You do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!" Hearing this, Jean leapt
up from his seat, rushed out of the station, jumped on his bike, pedaled
down to the field, confirmed Henri's story,
and pedaled all the way back
non-stop to call the doctor. "Pierre, Pierre, ... this is Jean, I was in
Gaston's field; zere is a young couple naked 'aving sex " To which
Pierre replied, "Jean, I am a man of science. You must remember, it
is spring, ze air, ze flowers, Ah, L'amour! Zis is very natural." Jean,
still out of breath, grasped in reply, "NON, you do not understand;
ze woman, she is dead!" Hearing this, Pierre exclaimed, "Mon dieu!"
grabbed his black medicine bag; stuffed in his thermometer,
stethoscope, and other tools; jumped in the car; and drove like a
madman down to Gaston's field.
After carefully examining the participants he drove calmly back to
Henri and Jean, who were waiting at the station.
He got there, went inside,
smiled patiently, and said, "Ah, mes amis, do not worry.
Ze woman, she is not dead, she is his wife!"
____________
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance,
who ran up to him
excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just
heard about one of
your students...?
"Before you tell me,
I'd like you to pass a little test. It's
called the Test of Three."
"Test of three?"
"That's correct," Socrates continued.
"Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test
what you're going to say. The first test is Truth.
Have you made absolutely sure that what you are
about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't
really know if it's true or not."
"Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness.
Is what you are about to tell me about my
student something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad
about him even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued, "You may still pass though because
there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness."
"Is what you want to tell me about my student going
to be useful to me?"
"No, not really..."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither
True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.
This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher
and held in such high esteem.
It also explains why Socrates never found out that
Plato was banging his wife.
____________
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Homosexuals
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THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman!
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