Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Hi everyone. My back is giving me problems again
and it is hard to type when you are leaning to the
left. I suspect it is because of the weather as it
seems to affect me every year at the same time. For
that reason this will be very short.
The dowtown trick or treat went really well last
night. Buffy had purchased 120.00 worth of candy
and that was gone in an hour. When I tried to get
onto the main drag to pick everything up I had to
wait ten minutes for the pedestrians to clear. There
was hundreds of people on the street and they had
tractors and wagons giving kids a hayride. Wish they
had done that when I was a kid.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Clinton Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hillary Clinton
"Well, the big story... Hillary Clinton will be running for president
in
2008. You know why I think she's running? I think she finally wants
to see what it's like to sleep in the president's bed." -- Jay Leno
"Top Democrats have mixed feelings about Sen. Hillary Clinton running
for president. Apparently, some Democrats don't like the idea, while
others hate it." -- Conan O'Brien
"Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is
elected president, he will do whatever she wants. You know Bill
Clinton. When he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to the
bank." -- Jay Leno
"Did you know Bill and Hillary Clinton were born under the same sign?
Know what sign? 'For Sale .'" -- Jay Leno
A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay
for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it, but
still, that's not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, at
least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine." -- Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislation to allow all
ex-felons to vote. See, this way all the Clinton 's former business
partners can vote for her in 2008." -- Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton's 506 page memoirs have come out. So much of her
personality shines through, that in the end, you too, will want to
sleep with an intern." -- Craig Kilborn
"In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what
it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting
married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife.
Then on page two, the trouble starts." -- Jay Leno
"Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first party in her
new home in Washington . People said it was a lot like the parties
she used to host at the White House. In fact, even the furniture was
the same." -- Jay Leno
"Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his
campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise
made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush
spend the night on the couch." -- Craig Kilborn
"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in
America . Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men
admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with
it." -- Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New
York . When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible...
the one with only seven commandments.
"Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic
athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she wanted to be
an astronaut, but at the time they didn't take women She said she
wanted to go into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy. Should she
be telling people this story? I mean she's basically saying she wants
to be president because she can't do anything else." -- Jay Leno
Peggy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bathroom Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girls You Might See in the Restroom
SELFISH GIRL: Enters alone and locks the door, saying to the girls
following that she will be out in a minute. Leisurely pees. Remarks,
adjusts clothes and poses before mirror keeping others squirming
outside for an hour.
TIMID GIRL: Turns on faucet full force. Backs up to toilet, raises
dress and squats quickly. Listens intently to learn if sound other
than faucet can be heard.
CONCEITED GIRL: Approaches toilet with undulating movements. Raises
dress by finger tips. Expression while peeing indicates such a lovely
creature should not be compelled to attend to such lowly duties.
Farts silently and disdainfully.
HARDY GIRL: Raises dress with a whoop. Scuttles across the floor
beating other occupant to toilet. Squats with great force, rattling
windows and causing breasts to bob up and down, hums lively tune,
peeing in squirts to keep time, farts loudly and with great glee.
DRUNKEN GIRL: Wobbles to toilet. After several attempts manages to
raise dress. Squats on toilet with shrieks of laughter. Pees for a
while, singing happy songs, suddenly starts to sob broken heartedly
as she realizes that she forgot to pull down her panties. Continues
peeing and sobbing.
SLOPPY GIRL: Slip drops into toilet while squatting, never uses
toilet paper. Drags her business across the seat, getting seat wet.
Never flushes toilet. Emerges with back of skirt caught in her
panties.
WORRIED GIRL: Squats thoughtfully, counting days overdue on fingers.
Uses toilet paper and examines it carefully and hopefully. Peers into
toilet before flushing, resolving never to go to bed drunk again.
THE I DON'T CARE GIRL: Just squats and fires away.
STUBBORN GIRL: Believes all public places are contaminated. Stands
three feet in front of toilet, backs up, takes careful aim and fires
away, always misses, but will try again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Name Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was
very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch
out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on
this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a
date.
This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would
greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace
or
threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.
The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered
the
door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're
going
to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent
the kids on their way.
The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty,
we're gonna get ome spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was
okay too, so off the two kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy
started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck. --" and the farmer shot him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Church Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The
priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?
is." "And, who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well
tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
I'm sorry, but I can't name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy
Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone.
You cannot attend church mass for three months. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers,
"What'd you get?" "Three month's vacation and five good leads
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Name Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A truck driver was driving along when he notices this female
hitchhicker
so he slams on the brakes and picks her up. They go through the
pleasantries of meeting one another and then the truck driver asks if
she would give up a little something for the ride. She says, "Okay,
but
what are we going to name the baby?" This scares the trucker so he
lets
her off and goes on his way.
A few days later he sees another female hitchhicker and picks her up
also. He gets to know her and again he asks if she would give up a
little something for the ride. She says, " Okay, but what are we going
to name the baby?" He thinks for a little while and then says, "Will
think of something when we are done."
They have sex a couple of times and then sit back to enjoy a cigarette
when the girl asks, "So what are we going to name the baby?" He says,
"Oh! Thanks for reminding me!" He reaches down and removes a condom,
ties a knot in it, and throws it out of the window. He looks over at
her
and says, " If it gets out of that we'll name it Houdini!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a large wedding party, and afterwards the photographer took a
long time getting family groups together for pictures. The groom sat
by
me, waiting with barely concealed impatience.
"Now I'd like to get the bride alone," the photographer finally
announced.
Leaning towards me, the groom whispered, "So would I!"
~~~
Several proofreaders were working together on Bill Clinton's new book
when the topic turned to the title, MY LIFE.
One proofreader turned to the other and asked, "Isn't that an 'f' in
lie?"
~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Spellchecker
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Spellchecker
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Apple Museum
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Movies
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stressed Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THINGS A STRESSED WOMAN MAY SAY AT WORK
1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.
2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
3. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
4. Well, aren't we a goddamn ray of sunshine?
5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I look like a people person?
7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and
senseless acts of self-control?
11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't
gone to sleep yet!
16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.
17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
20. Wait ... I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
21. Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done.
22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
23. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
24. Earth is full. Go home.
25. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
30. Look deeply into my eyes ... Do you see one ounce of give-a-shit?
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Punography
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Coins
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young person named Willie
Whose actions were what you'd call silly;
He went to a ball
Dressed in nothing at all
Pretending to represent Chile.
____________
There was a young lady from Maine
Who claimed she had men on her brain.
But you knew from the view,
As her abdomen grew,
It was not on her brain that he'd lain.
____________
There was a young girl who begat
Three babies named Nat, Pat and Tat.
T'was fun in the breeding
But hell in the feeding
When she found there's no tit for Tat.
____________
There once was a brave Indian
Who, seeing a church, walked right in
On seeing the pews
He slipped off his shoes
So people would not mock 'is sin
(Gary Hallock)
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LEARNING LANGUAGES
An American guy travels to Japan on business.
After 3 days of intense meetings, he's
exhausted. After work he decides to go out
and get some dinner, and maybe have a few
drinks. Well, after a few beers and some saki,
he's feeling a little horny. He decides to go
down the street to a geisha bar. After a few
more drinks he hires one of the women to go
back to his hotel for some action. They go
back, begin to fool around, and eventually end
up on the bed. As they start to have sex, she
begins moaning...then screaming. As she
catches her breath, she begins shouting,
"Shin-Wa! Shin-Wa!" The guy doesn't speak any
Japanese, but is having the best sex of his
life, and he's pretty proud of himself for giving
the Geisha such a great time. After they're
done, he pays her, and she leaves, barely able
to walk out of the room. The next day, the
businessman has to play golf with the CEO of
the Japanese company he had been meeting
with. Everything goes great...they get to the
18th hole, and the CEO has a 40 foot putt to
make par, and have the best round of his life.
He takes his time, lines it up, and sinks it! The
American is so thrilled, he decides to impress
the CEO with the Japanese he's learned and
starts shouting, "Shin-Wa! Shin-Wa!" The CEO
turns to him and says, "What do mean, wrong
hole?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
CALGARY, Alberta -- A man pretending to be a home buyer took
advantage of dozens of real estate open houses. The man would browse
through the houses and steal several pieces of lingerie, adding up to
200 pairs of panties and bras.
According to police, the 35-year-old suspect would later find
the seller's phone number and harass the owner. "He would comment on
the lingerie and make suggestions with regard to how it may look on
the victim, and things of that nature," Detective Stu Morse said.
Police tracked the suspect during their investigation and caught him
making one
of the taunting calls from a pay phone. He has now been
arrested on several charges, and police are requesting the
man undergo a psychiatric evaluation. Over his entire harrassment
period, the man is said to have victimized as many as 100 women.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1126
Cannibals!!!
Diana: BJ it is time for me to go to the store and order our yearly
cookie order for Christmas. Do you want the usual?
BJ: Sure thing.
Diana: Okay two dozen gingerbread men. Check.
Ginger: WHAT!!! Gulp!
Diana: Gingerbread men. They bake them for us every year.
Ginger: Ack! You are cannonballs, err cannibals.
BJ: There there Ginger, come here and let me pet you.
Ginger: No way Jose. You might eat my ear.
Sandi: It is okay Ginger, they taste good.
Ginger: This house is crazy!
Rudy smiling: If you are good, they will give you one to.
Ginger: No, no a thousand times no.
Katie: I remember the first time I ate one. First it was his leg,
then his arm, then I bit his head off and chewed on it and hmm hmm
it was good.
Ginger: Monsters, you are all monsters.
Diana: Ginger do you like cookies?
Ginger: Yes, but we are talking eating people here.
Sandi: No, gingerbread men are just cookies made to look like
people.
Ginger: Oh yeah, you are just funnin' me, trying to ease the pain of
your
guilt.
BJ: Look at us, have you seen any bodies here?
Ginger: No, you have ate them all.
Rudy: Oh dear daughter I swear we have not eaten any people.
Ginger: The pile of bones in the yard....
Sandi: Just critters, not people.
Ginger: Promise?
Sandi: Deal!
Ginger: Okay, then put me down for a dozen of them Gingerfellers.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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