Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I had a great afternoon yesterday. One of my buddies
from the flywheel factory called to say he was having
trouble with a timer on a machine he was rebuilding and
wanted to see if I had any ideas. A large part of our
job had been to convert old machines from GM to make
them OSHA compliant and modify them to fit customer's
needs. We worked a lot with shrink fits where a part
was smaller than what it went on and we would heat
it to the right temperature to expand it and then
press it in place and let it lock itself on there when
it cooled. It would be almost like if your wife heated
your size 11 wedding ring and slipped it on your size
12 finger. When it cools you won't never take it off
without a hacksaw. Some people didn't care for working
with old equipment but I enjoyed it much as a puzzle.
We went through using various timers and relays and
finally moved on to programmable controllers and ladder
logic. One time Toyota came to inspect a press as
part of the process approval for a new part we were
making. The press had to press for a minute plus or
minus 10 seconds and I put a pneumatic timer in that
works by creating an adjustable air leak in a rubber
accordion. When the air leaked out the timer moved a
switch. This group of engineers from Japan wanted to
see the electronic timer that was running the press
and I finally had to take the thing apart and show
them how it worked. They were amazed that low tech
that had been around for sixty years could do the job.
Anyhow I enjoyed being back into my specialty if only
for an afternoon. I gave him some good ideas and I
hope he comes back for help again.
Enjoy the chips and we will see you tomorrow. buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Halloween at its best!
A cabbie picks up a Nun.
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome
cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies:
"I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers,
"My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am
and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and
hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds,
"Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have
to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says,
"Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would
make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess,
I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK.
My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
Julie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Dirty Ol' Bastard
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Drinking
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Ten Years Younger http://www.lablaugh
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Saved $20
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Handful Of Pussy http://www.lablaugh
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Not pretty
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Begging
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Hard Boiled
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joe was walking with his new girlfriend Vickie. They had just
finished a
wonderful date and he was about to drop her off at home.
The mood was right and the timing was right, so Joe looked into her
eyes and
said, "Sweetheart, I want to tell you that you're the first girl I
have ever
loved."
"Oh no", Vickie groaned, "not another Rookie!"
One night, a bunch of army recruits were lounging in their bunks. It
was a warm evening, and one chap was nice and comfortable in the
altogether.
Suddenly the bugle sounded for roll call. There wasn't time to
dress; so he grabbed his trench coat and buttoned it up tight.
Roll call went off all right, but then they decided to have
clothing inspection. When they came to the GI in the trenchcoat, he
was
ordered to open it.
The officer looked him up and down, then said, "That's a
strange uniform."
"It was the first one issued to me, sir." replied the recruit.
Dolores
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Birth Control Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A population control program had been introduced to the island, but
the
medical men were having trouble getting the women to take their birth
control pills, They decided, therefore, to concentrate on teaching the
men to wear condoms. One of the men who came in had had eight children
in eight years, and the doctor told him that he absolutely had to
wear a
sheath. He explained that as long as he wore it his woman could not
have
another baby. About a month later, the wife came in and she was
pregnant. The doctor got very angry. He called the man in and gave
him a
long lecture through an interpreter. He asked the man why he hadn't
worn
the sheath. The interpreter said, "He swears he did wear it. He never
took it off." The doctor shook his head. "In that case, ask him how in
the hell his wife is pregnant again?" "He says," said the interpreter,
"that after six days he had to take a piss so badly that he cut the
end
off."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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This is not a get rich scheme, but more of something that you can do
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hope that you find this information useful.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scottish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is
minding his business when a man with a large
black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and
orders a shot of rum. The bartender serves him,
the man drinks the rum then starts walking out
the door.
The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"
The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The
bartender says, "Alright then" and the man leaves.
A few minutes later another man with a large
black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and
orders a shot of rum. The bartender serves him,
the man drinks the rum then starts walking out
the door.
The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay
for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's
Army." The bartender says "Alright then" and the
man leaves.
The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar
and orders a shot of rum. He drinks the rum then
starts walking out the door.
The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay
for that?" The Scotsman says, "Excuse me,
Castro's Army."
The bartender says, "Hey where is your big black
beard?" The Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his
kilt and says, "Secret Service!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman was in a sex boutique shopping for
vibrators when the clerk said, "Perhaps you might
be interested in this one. It's our most
realistic model."
The woman said, "You mean it's shaped exactly like a man's penis?"
"No," the clerk replied, "I mean that after five
minutes it goes soft for the rest of the night."
~
Jack and Jill were parked one dark summer night
in Lovers Lane, when all of a sudden Jill said,
"Oh, don't do that, or I'll go all to pieces!"
Jack replied, "Go right ahead...I've got my hand on the piece I want!"
~
There was this blonde woman who just delivered a baby.
Her doctor came into her room and saw her with a
bag of ice in between her breasts. Her doctor
asks her why.
She says, "That's to keep the milk fresh."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boss Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide
who was the one in charge.
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xbody's systems, so without me nothing would happen".
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen
all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food
and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the xbody
wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to
see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible
for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so
in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach
was
bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was
toxic.
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the story?
The asshole is usually in charge.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
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Subscribers and Friends
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Surfin Surfari
Math World
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Square America - In The Booth http://www.squaream
Dollywood
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I.P. Info
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WebTv Info
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Media Monkey
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movies
Adoption
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Anti- Stress
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Ariana
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Artificial Insemination
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Hi-Speed
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Renault Ad
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Drugstore Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing
wife.
Tearfully, she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly
this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he
would
even answer the phone."
Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and
demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him,
"Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning, the alarm
failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast
and
hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house
with
both house and car keys in side and had to break a window to get my
keys. "Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.
Later,
when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat
tire." "When
I finally got to the store, a bunch of people were waiting for me to
open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people.
All the time, the darn phone was ringing of f the hook." He
continued,
"Then, I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register
drawer
to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get
down
on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels, and the phone was still
ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer,
which
made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume
bottles
on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."
"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally
got
back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a
rectal thermometer.
And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her.
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bad day
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Erector set
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Good sucker
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He's about to have a BAD BAD day!
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Death row...
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you like it?
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ok thats enough
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It was just a simple misunderstanding,
your Honor," testified the man charged
with indecent exposure.
"Explain that statement!" demanded the
Judge.
"Well, you see, this girl and I were drinking
in a bar and she asked me what I wanted
most in a woman -- so I showed her."
Randy
A guy was on his first date with a notoriously loose girl. She
was very receptive to his foreplay after they parked, and as the
petting increased he put his hand in her panties.
She seemed to be enjoying his progress, but suddenly cried,
"Ouch! Your ring is hurting me!"
"Ummm..." he said a bit uncomfortably, "that's my Timex."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Store one in your garage or workshop to sharpen tools or garden
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Frozen Run, West Virginia: A man saved his own life by wrapping
himself in
the skin of a recently killed buffalo. His friends had to thaw it to
get him
out.
Preacher's Head, New Mexico: A rock resembling the face of a serious-
looking
man overlooks the town.
Dildo, Newfoundland: Coincidentally, it's the birthplace of Shannon
Tweed,
Playboy magazine's 1982 Playmate of the Year.
Anxiety Point, Alaska: Sir John Franklin, a British explorer, was
afraid
that bad weather would prevent his team from reaching a point on the
Alaskan
coast. They made it, and left this permanent reminder of his
nervousness.
Nipple Mountain, Colorado: One formation on the mountain is
named "Clara's
Bird's Nipple."
Chilly Buttes, Idaho: A cold place in the winter.
Accident, Maryland: In 1774, surveyors marked off a parcel of land by
mistake. They decided to immortalize the error.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I've tried online dating. I haven't
met anyone in person yet because the guys always stop writing before
we can set up a date. I don't know what it is. Perhaps that handsome
athletic thirty-two-year-
grounded, and lost his Internet privileges. Or maybe it was something
I said, "I'd love to meet for coffee. Thursday's are best for me.
That's when my neighbor picks up my four kids from my three previous
marriages."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
CONSUMER ALERT!
Is microwave popcorn making you sick?
Click here for more information
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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