Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Halloween Approaches- A poem to share with your kids
Little Orphan Annie
Little Orphant Annie's come to our house to stay,
An' wash the cups an' saucers up, an' brush the crumbs away,
An' shoo the chickens off the porch, an' dust the hearth, an' sweep,
An' make the fire, an' bake the bread, an' earn her board-an-keep;
An' all us other childern, when the supper-things is done,
We set around the kitchen fire an' has the mostest fun,
A-listenin' to the witch-tales 'at Annie tells about,
An' the Gobble-uns 'at gits you
Ef you Don't Watch Out!
Wunst they wuz a little boy wouldn't say his prayers, -
An' when he went to bed at night, away up-stairs,
His Mammy heerd him holler, an' his Daddy heerd him bawl,
An' when they turn't the kivvers down, he wuzn't there at all!
An' they seeked him in the rafter-room, an' cubby-hole, an' press,
An seeked him up the chimbly-flue, an' ever'-wheres, I guess;
But all they ever found wuz thist his pants an' roundabout: -
An' the Gobble-uns 'll git you
Ef you Don't Watch Out!
An' one time a little girl 'ud allus laugh an' grin,
An' make fun of ever' one, an' all her blood-an'-kin;
An' wunst, when they was "company," an' ole folks wuz there,
She mocked 'em an' shocked 'em, an' said she didn't care!
An' thist as she kicked her heels, an' turn't to run an' hide,
They wuz two great big Black Things a-standin' by her side,
An' they snatched her through the ceilin' 'for she knowed what she's
about!
An' the Gobble-uns 'll git you
Ef you Don't Watch Out!
An' little Orphant Annie says, when the blaze is blue,
An' the lamp-wick sputters, an' the wind goes woo-oo!
An' you hear the crickets quit, an' the moon is gray,
An' the lightnin'bugs in dew is all squenched away, -
You better mind yer parunts, an' yer teachurs fond an' dear,
An' cherish them 'at loves you, an' dry the orphant's tear,
An' he'p the pore an' needy ones 'at clusters all about,
Er the Gobble-uns 'll git you
Ef you Don't Watch Out!
James Whitcomb Riley
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Parking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John decided to visit his friend, Dave,who had just moved into a new
high-rise
apartment building. As he parked his car and got out, he heard a
woman's
voice
say, "Hi there, big boy."
Looking up, he saw a gorgeous lady-dressed in a shear negligee,
leaning over
the
railing. "Come on up and see me," she purred.
John wasn't about to pass up an opportunity like that! He took the
elevator
to the
fifth floor, and as he got off-an apartment door opened and the sexy
lady
beckoned him toward her. John walked over to the open door.
"I've been waiting for someone like you," the lady said as she slowly
unzipped his
pants. John's pecker rose swiftly to the occasion, and the lady took
it into
her hand.
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in
alarm.
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She answered, "That'll teach you to take my parking place."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher asks her class if anyone could use the word 'indefinitely'
in
a sentence. Little Johnny raises his hand at the back of the class.
But the teacher knows he's a trouble maker and that he
doesn't know the answer, so she calls on Jim.
Jim replies, "Due to the weather, school was cancelled indefinitely.
"Good" the teacher replies. "What about you Jenny?"
Jenny says, "Since the bus broke down, transportation
has been stopped indefinitely.
The teacher then says that the sentence was too much
like the other one, and asks if anyone can use it in a different way.
So there's Little Johnny waving his hand again. And the
teacher thinks... (Maybe he really does know the answer :),
so she calls on him. Johnny stands up and says,
"As I felt my balls slap against her arse, I knew that I was
in definitely!
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Hormone Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man went to an internist and complained of listlessness. After a
thorough examination, the doctor said, "You
ought to try some hormones."
"Like they give to women?" the patient asked, dumbfounded. "Are you
serious?"
"Everybody uses hormones and for different purposes.
They even give them to racehorses." replied the doctor.
The patient agreed to a shot and returned two weeks later
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two men were overheard talking about the infidelities
of an office Romeo. "I don't know how he gets away
with it," said one fellow. "The only thing I've ever
done behind my wife's back is to zip her up."
Q. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and, perhaps, try using lubrication.
A blond guy was overheard to say at the hospital...
"My wife just delivered twins..."
"So? You should be happy! Why are you so angry?"
"I want to know which Son Of Bitch is the father of the second child!"
A man is out with his rowboat when suddenly a passing speed boat
raises huge waves and the mans oars fall overboard!
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After about 2 hours he sees another row boat going by with a man and
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A frantic mother called her pediatrician at two in the morning.
"Doctor," she yelled, "My baby just ate an entire tube of K-Y jelly!
What do I do?"
"Well," came the response, "if you really can't wait, call an
all-night drugstore."
A husband comes home with a half-gallon of ice cream and asks his
wife if she wants some.
"How hard is it?" she asks.
"About as hard as my dick." he replies.
"Ok, then pour me some!"
The Japanese have invented the perfect woman robot.
It has 5 buttons.
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"The Varsity Football Team." she said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Screw Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time, a young lad was born without a belly
button. In its place was a golden screw. All the doctors
told his mother that there was nothing they could do.
Like it or not, he was stuck with it.
All the years of growing up were real tough on him, as
all who saw the screw made fun of him. He avoided
ever leaving his house and thus, never made any friends.
One day, a mysterious stranger saw his belly and told him
of a swami in Tibet that could get rid of the screw for him.
He was thrilled. The next day he took all of his life's savings and
bought a ticket to Nepal! After several days of climbing up steep
cliffs, he came upon a giant monastery. The swami knew exactly why he
had come. He was told to sleep in the highest tower of the monastery
and the following day when he awoke, the screw would have been
removed.
The man immediately went to the room and fell asleep.
During the night while he slept, a purple fog floated in an open
window, bearing in its mist, a golden screwdriver.
In just moments, the screwdriver removed the screw and disappeared
out the window. The next morning when the man woke, he saw the golden
screw lying on the pillow next to him. Reaching down, he felt his
navel, and there was no screw there! Jubilant, he leaped out of
bed, ..... and his butt fell off.
The moral to this is: "Don't screw around with things you
don't understand -- you could lose your butt."
Randy
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Alarm Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple was going to a costume party. The
husband was unsure of what costume to wear.
His wife was telling him to hurry or they would
be late for the party. She was walking down
the stairs from the bedroom, completely naked
except on her feet were a big old floppy pair of
boots.
"Where is your costume?" the husband asked.
"This is it," replied his wife.
"What the hell kind of costume is that???" asked
the husband.
"Why, I am going as Puss and Boots," explains
the wife. "Now hurry and get your costume on."
The husband went upstairs and was back in
about 2 minutes. He also was completely
naked except he had a rose vase slid over his
penis.
"What the hell kind of costume is that???" asked
the wife.
"I am a fire alarm," he replied.
"A fire alarm?" she repeated laughing.
"Yes," he replied. "In case of fire, break the
glass, pull twice, and I come."
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a lady called Pam
Who took a trip on a tram
The fucking conductor
Took out his constructor
And now she's wheeling a pram.
____________
She begged and she pleaded for more.
I said, "We've already had four,
And I'm sure that you've heard,
Though its somewhat absurd,
That eros spelt backwards is sore."
____________
There once was a man from Brighton
Who said to his girl, you're a tight 'n
She cried 'pon my soul
You're in the wrong hole
There's plenty of room in the right one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife and I and our three-year-old daughter Carrie were visiting
friends who had a newborn child. When the infant began to cry, the
mother started up the stairs to the nursery and asked Carrie if she'd
like to help.
Thrilled, Carrie followed, and after a few minutes, the crying
stopped.
Suddenly, we heard the baby start crying again, even more loudly than
before.
Soon Carrie appeared at the foot of the stairs and said
proudly, "Daddy, I helded the baby!"
As an English professor, I couldn't help saying, "That's nice,
Carrie, but what's the past tense of 'hold'?"
She paused for a moment, looked down at the carpet, and in a soft
voice responded, "Dropped?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Since the wife is eight months into her pregnancy, the husband has to
sleep on the floor to avoid any chance of contact, which could happen
pretty easily, since he had been desperate for quite a while.
Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him & sees the poor
guy curled up on the floor, eyes stare widely into the empty air,
filled with hopeless desire. Feeling sorry for her husband, she opens
the top drawer of her night table, takes out a fifty dollar bill, and
gives it to him
"Awww, honey, you're so depressed. Here, take this & go to the woman
next door, she will let you sleep with her tonight. Remember now,
this happens only this once. OK ?"
The husband can't believe his ears, but afraid that she may change
her mind, he grabs the money and leaves quickly. A few minutes later,
he returns, hands the bill back to the wife & says
dejectedly, "Crystal says this is not enough, she wants eighty."
The wife's face slowly turns red with anger, "Why that damn bitch.
When she was pregnant & her husband came over here, I only charged
him fifty."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1127
The Scary Time of Year
Ginger: How come we never take that path into the woods mother?
Sandi: Shh! We don't speak of that path. The others are okay, but
that path is the one we do not take.
Ginger: Why? It looks harmless enough.
Sandi: It is the path to a dark place that even light cannot
penetrate.
Ginger: Aw, you are just pulling my leg mom. I will run down there
a little bit and come right back. Watch..
Sandi: Don't!
Ginger runs in a little bit and runs back: See no harm.
Rudy has just stepped up: Listen to me young lady. Never ever go
down that path again. If you do, you will be severey punished.
Katie has joined the group: You went down the path of darkness?
Ginger puffing out her chest: Yep, sure did and no big deal.
Katie: Either you are a fool or you were lucky.
Sandi: Enough, let's go in the house. I don't like to be this close
to
the path.
Ginger: Hey look at that rabbit it is not afraid to go down the path.
A few moments later...a scream...and no more rabbit.
Sandi: You were saying..
Ginger: Yeah, let's go in the house.
To be continued
the herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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