Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The other night Eva was asleep in her playpen in the
living room and Nick at Night was on playing sitcom
reruns when they went to a test pattern and a loud
beep. Sandy got up and turned the TV off and then
went back to bed. An hour or so later Eva woke up
and started crying. Buffy got up and changed her diaper
and she kept on crying. Sandy fixed her a bottle
and held her and she kept on crying. I turned the
TV back on and put the Disney Channel on and she
kicked back and had her bottle and watched a cartoon.
I knew the key because when she stays over I get up
about 0530 and start putting together the lists
and we watch toons together when she wakes up.
I know that it is bad for kids to watch a lot of TV
but there have been some positive results from it.
She sings along with most of the songs from her
favorite shows and it has went from humming to
gibberish to understandable speech. She has one
bad habit that I hope maybe TV will correct though.
I have treats at my workstation for the cats and
I throw little piles on the carpet in front of her
so the cats will amuse her.( They don't really care
for shrieking toddlers.) Eva started, first with her
stuffed toys and then things like activity centers
trying to brain the cats when they were eating. I
had really hoped to keep the child from becoming a
Yooper but she has already grasped the concept of
hunting over a bait pile. Pretty soon she will be
wearing a Carhartt jacket and a hat with earflaps
and a NRA sticker on her Big Wheel.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boobicon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Perfect breasts (o)(o)
Silicone breasts ( + )( + )
Perky breasts (*)(*)
Big nipple breasts (@)(@)
A cups o o
D cups { O }{ O }
Wonder bra breasts (oYo)
Cold breasts ( ^ )( ^ )
Lopsided breasts (o)(O)
Pierced Breasts (Q)(O)
Hanging Tassels Breasts (p)(p)
Grandma's Breasts \ o /\ o /
Against The Shower Door Breasts ( )( )
Android Breasts | o | | o |
Mamogram Breasts (_)(_)
Martha Stewart's Breasts ($)($)
Peggy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Warning
http://www.buffalos
back door
http://www.buffalos
Laying and egg
http://www.buffalos
Gay Parade
http://www.lablaugh
<a href="http://www.lablaugh
</a>
Beautiful Eyes http://www.lablaugh
<a href="http://www.lablaugh
</a>
Gynecologists Convention http://www.lablaugh
id=A20011026
<a href="http://www.lablaugh
</a>
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Married Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man
goes on top and the woman underneath'.
For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds
Soon after marriage, a lady's husband stopped wearing his wedding
ring. She asked, "Why don't you ever wear your wedding band?" He
replied, "It cuts off my circulation.
She answered back, "It's supposed to!"
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....Of
course, the
wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the
biggest
house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to
go up
there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is
going
to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm
voice
said, "Come on in."
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass
was all
over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side
near the
broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my
window?"
"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. A ctually I want to thank you... You
see, I'm
a genie , and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now
that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give
you
each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for
myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and
blurted out,
"I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can
do. And I
ll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young lady,
what do
you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every
country in
the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be
safe from
fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a
woman
in more tha n a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your
wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we
both now
have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're
right.
Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about
you,
honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same
for you!
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of
the
afternoon enjoying each other. After about three hours of non-stop
sex, the
genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How
old are
you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she res ponded breathlessly.
"No Kidding." He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still
believe
in genies?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Begin a new day the fresh way.
Setting Your Clocks back November 4th? What are you going to do with
your extra hour? Sleep? Get real - Now you have time to get all of
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With the Daylight Savings Kit, you'll have just what you need to get
everything tidied up before the inlaws arrive.
http://buffalosjoke
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary: Did you hear that men will no longer frisk women at the
airport and vice-versa?
Jill: Yeah, I read that. So what?
Mary: It was my only reason for flying!
Two ladies were talking when the first one says; "My cousin from
Alabama is coming to visit me and my family this weekend. The second
lady asks, " Oh really, is she nice?" The first lady says, "I guess
so. I mean she's sweet and all, but she's from the only place in the
world where counting is,
"1, 2, 3, 4, a whole shit load!"
Mary: I knew he was a loser from the very beginning.
Jill: How's that?
Mary: The first thing he asked me was, "Can you take penicillin?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pick-up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to
plant you right here!
2. Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go screw.
3. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.
4. Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to
be.
5. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
6. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
7. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one
talking to you.
8. My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and
going....
9. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd
be coming too.
10. Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you
treat me right, and I'll do it your way right away.
11. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone
beat me to it.
12. I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like
to "tinker" around with.
13. You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're the Bomb -
diggity.
14. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be
McGorgeous.
15. Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.
16. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed
Thrasher, have you seen one?
17. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride
you all day long for a quarter.
18. Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all
night long.
19. If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until
the afternoon.
20. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
21. If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.
22. Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seem to have lost
mine.
23. I look good on you.
24. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blue Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I think I have a problem, Doc." says the patient, "One of my balls
has
turned blue." The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes the
patient will die if he doesn't have his testicle removed. "Are you
crazy?" bursts the patient, "How could I let you do such a thing to
me!"
"You want to die?" asks the doctor rhetorically, and the patient has
to
agree to have his testicle removed. Two weeks after the operation, he
comes back. "Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball
has turned blue, too." Again, the doctor tells him if he wants to
live, his
other testicle must be cut off, too, and, again, the man is very
reluctant to the idea. "Hey, you want to die?" asks the doc, and the
patient has to agree with the operation. But, about two weeks after
he is testicleless, he returns to the doctor. "I think something is
very wrong with me. My penis is now completely blue." After briefly
examining
the patient, the doc gives him the bad news: if he wants to live, his
penis has to go. Of course, he does not want to hear about it. "You
want
to die?" asks the doctor. "But... how do I pee?" "We'll install an
plastic pipe, and there will be no problem." So, he has his penis
removed, and, a while after the operation, the unfortunate man
enters, again, the doctor's office. He is very angry. "Doctor, the
plastic pipe
turned blue!" "What?" "Can you tell me what the hell is happening!?"
So,the doctor examines the patient more carefully and says, "Hmmm, I
don'tknow, could it be the jeans?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract and bed
such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering trying to
establish a relationship instead of just a one night stand. But he
couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't already in one. "I can't help
feeling that we've met before". he said. "Yeah, I know". sighed the
girl
stretching. "It happens to me a lot. I think they call this 'deja
screw'.
~~~~~~
A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation
center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?" Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate
some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it." Man: "Hmm, that's
interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."
The
woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more
before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man
and
woman
meet again in the same line.
Man: "Hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: (shaking her head with mouth closed) "Unh unh."
~~~~~
A woman walks past three men in the office who are all bemoaning the
fact they are about to be audited during the coming month. Says the
first guy with a groan, "I'm screwed!" "I'm screwed, too!" says the
other guy, slapping his forehead. "Guys, I am about to be fucked
beyond
all recognition by this audit!" exclaims the third guy in anguish.
Just
then, one of the guys notices the woman who has been standing there
listening. She now has a very thoughtful look on her face. "Are you
OK?"
asks the guy. "Yes," replies the woman, "but I was wondering... How
do I
go about getting audited?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Carolyn with /The Downy Chicks
http://carolynsprec
Do You Remember Me? Via Mary
http://www.roty.
BibleStudy: Orientalisms Of The Bible 1
http://www.shangral
Ken w / Suppertime http://gospelman.
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Surfin Surfari
Fed issues new Salmonella outbreak info and actions.
Click for details...
http://www.emergenc
Etch-a-Sketch art done by Jeff Gagliardi Via Dianne http://www.etch-
sketchartist.
Heroes of the Old West by Ron Liebermann Via Dianne
http://www.lewrockw
Slang Dictionary http://www.ocf.
Grain Harvesting 1931
http://www.vaes.
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Acid Fonts
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Desktop Themes
http://www.themewor
PB Basic Tute http://community-
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.knrarabi
Kitty Korner
http://www.abcbirds
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- Unwanted Virus Downloads
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If your PC is not protected correctly then these attacks could allow
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protected:
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Movies
Bad Date
http://www.buffalos
Bad Day At The Rodeo
http://www.buffalos
Bad Patents
http://www.buffalos
Balls out Jeans
http://www.buffalos
knee in package
http://www.buffalos
leno police
http://www.buffalos
Love that chair_
http://www.buffalos
love hurts
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I've got to get to the doctor and renew my prescription of birth
control pills. I can't afford to get pregnant!" said Rosey to Nina.
"But I thought you said your husband had a vasectomy," Nina responded.
"He did. That's why I can't afford to get pregnant."
"According to a survey in this month's 'Glamour' magazine, 61% of men
say they will call a women after having sex on the first date. In
defense of the remaining 39%, they said they would call the woman if
they could just remember her name." - Jay Leno
Jeni: How's your boyfriend Mark doing?
Debi: Well, right now he's suffering from cranial-anal conjunction.
Jeni: Ohmigod! What's that?
Debi: He has his head up his ass.
Mary: So you're happy with John, huh?
Jill: Absolutely! He's good to me, and he's so sexy. Before I met
him, I thought sex was just for making babies and keeping the
landlord happy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Getting horny
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
All Breads
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
What not to do
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Tight Rabbit
http://www.AikensLa
<a href="http://www.AikensLa
sorry Miss Jones
http://www.thepostm
do you suppose
http://www.thepostm
Honeymoon
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
He Likes You
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
Corn Roll
http://www.buffalos
<a href=" http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cutting boards, counters, plates and dishes - all of these things
dull your knives. But the Samurai Shark uses tungsten-carbide steel
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Store one in your garage or workshop to sharpen tools or garden
shears; keep one in your tackle box for filet knives or hunting.
The Samurai Shark is handy just about anywhere!
http://buffalosjoke
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
With key in ignition, I'm thwarted
My Die Hard, I fear, has departed
For it would appear
I have no amp here
Dead battery? Don't get me started!
(Gary Hallock)
____________
There once was a lady called Pam
Who took a trip on a tram
The fucking conductor
Took out his constructor
And now she's wheeling a pram.
____________
There was a zookeeper named Brian
Who smiled as he rode on a lion
They came back from the ride
But with Brian inside
And the smile on the face of the lion
<Stan Kegel>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cutting boards, counters, plates and dishes - all of these things
dull your knives. But the Samurai Shark uses tungsten-carbide steel
sharpening blades and a unique angle to give your knives, scissors,
tools and anything with a cutting blade a razor sharp, precision edge
every time you use it! And, the Samurai Shark's retractable
sharpening blade allows you to easily sharpen all types of serrated
edges! No other sharpener does that!
Store one in your garage or workshop to sharpen tools or garden
shears; keep one in your tackle box for filet knives or hunting.
The Samurai Shark is handy just about anywhere!
http://buffalosjoke
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife was raised in Sweden, yet speaks English without an accent.
She does, however, sometimes confuse her idioms.
One day a man entered the law office where she works as a secretary.
Using a Swedish phrase, but not quite translating it right, she
asked, "May I help you take your clothes off?"
Startled by her remark, the man stepped back. Realizing what she had
said and trying to put him at ease, she added, "It's okay, really.
I'm Swedish."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wanna see something scary??
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Use code: "FREESHIP50" at checkout .
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny's mother decided to tell him all about making babies,
so she had "the talk" with him. Afterwards Little Johnny just sat
there silently for awhile.
"Do you understand?" his mother asked.
"Yes," replied Little Johnny.
"Do you have any questions?" asked his Mother.
"Yes, how about little kittens and puppies?" asked Little Johnny.
"In exactly the same way as with babies", answered his Mom.
"Wow!" Little Johnny exclaimed. "My daddy will fuck ANYTHING!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
CONSUMER ALERT!
Is microwave popcorn making you sick?
Click here for more information
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1114
Marathon pt 8
Tami: The wigs, the wigs, let me see the wigs.
Katie: Okay, here is the first one.
Tami: It is a grey wig! It makes me look like a grandmother!
Katie: An elegant one if I do say so. We have a shawl and a cane
and I believe a walker that will help you remain anonomyous.
Tami: Let me see the second wig. Ack, it is worse. Silver-haired
wig
it makes me looked like a great grandmother.
Katie: Definitely use a walker on this one.
Tami: The third one should not be too bad. Double Ack, a blue one.
Rudy: Yes (hic) we call this one the blue-mamma.
Katie: We have an idea. Rob is shopping at the grocery store, put on
one of the wigs, put on the shawl and grab the cane and let's see what
happens.
Tami: He would never recognize me in a million years.
Tami doffs the wig, shawl, and cane and off they go..
later at the grocery store...
Tami shuffles like an eldery lady to where Rob is picking out veggies:
Tami: Excuse me you young whipper-snapper.
Rob: Oh hi honey. I like your hair.
Slam! Bang! Thud!
Rudy whisphering to Katie: Do we tell Tami that we told Rob we would
be here and Tami would be dressed like an old lady?
Katie: Nah, we just sneak out of here.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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