Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the archives, one of my favorite Shore Duty stories.
It was midnight and we were returning back to the shop
in our grey 1974 Chevy pick-up. It was your standard
Navy pick-up, wouldn't idle looked abused, but was a
lot better than walking to the ship we were working on.
I was working a Saturday shift on a hot job on the John
Paul Jones that involved welding two sets of four blocks
inside a pipe and then putting a plate in between them
in three pieces and welding the pieces back together. To
make things interesting this had to be done through holes
in the pipe 3 1/4 inches x 4 1/2 inches while you were
almost standing on your head. Besides my three man
crew we had a certified welder and a quality control
person and a stack of instructions an inch thick. The welder
welded and we would grind the welds down till they looked
like part of the original metal. We did this with pencil
grinders a little bit bigger than a dentist used.
After 12 hours we got as far as we could and headed back to
the shop to put things away and enjoy 24 hours off. I
told the E-4 that was working with me, a guy nicknamed
burnt bird to open the sliding doors and put the truck
in the shop while I called the Chief. As I was telling the
Chief about our progress I heard the squeal of tires and
then a loud crash and saw the truck wrapped around a fork
truck, hood bent and steam pouring out of a damaged radiator.
I asked the chief to stay on the line while I checked it out.
I made sure the E-4 was OK and the key was off and asked him
what had happened. He said," I never drove a stick shift
before." On further questioning I found out he had never had
a driver license before, in fact I was the only one with
a government driver's license. I explained to the Chief
exactly what had happened and he told me to leave everything
the way it was and he would handle it on Monday.
I went home , showered up and went to bed and at 0600 the
phone started ringing. The base police had me on report for leaving
the
scene of an accident and failing to report it and wanted
to talk to me immediately. I guess it was a dull weekend for
them, so I went in and filled out a bunch of reports and
was told since the truck was signed out to me I might
be financially responsible for 900 dollars in repairs
in addition to the other charges. I was unhappy and worried
for the rest of the day until I went in Monday morning.
The Chief and Div. Officer had already went to see the
base police and the incident had been declared an
industrial accident as it happened in the building and
all the charges were dismissed.
Unfortunately Public Works garage was not happy with what we had
done to their truck and assigned us an International
pick-up that drove like an old farm tractor as punishment.
I was transferred six months later and I don't know
if they ever got their truck back.
Have a great weekend.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Titanic Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
* What If Titanic sank Today?
Reaction from different countries:
U.S.A:
"A ship coming to Freedom was attacked by terrorists. We will not sit
quiet and we will teach them a lesson.
Bin Laden you can run but you cannot hide we will find you and
destroy your Al-Qaeda network."
(President Bush........ who else?)
U.K:
"I have spoken to the President of United States and we have both
agreed that the sinking of Titanic is significant proof that Iran is
clearly behind this attack, Iran is imposing a threat to the world
and this has to be dealt with."
Iraq:
"LOL!!!"
Israel:
"These Hamas and other terrorist network is enough evidence to say
that sinking of Titanic is not an accident but it was their suicide
bombers who have committed such a crime.We will now impose curfew on
the Palestinians, detain them, exile them, kill them, starve them,
destroy their homes and refugee camps."
(Ariel Sharon)
Canada:
"Titanic who?"
(Canadian Prime Minister)
India:
"Is mein Pakistan ka haath hai. [Pakistan is involved] We have
received passports of Pakistani extremists from the Titanic debris.
Pakistanis will have to pay for such horrendous act of terrorism. We
are now deploying more soldiers to the border."
(Prime Minister)
UN:
"Shit happens right??"
(Sec.Gen.)
Gilbert
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Dept. Of Sexual Studies
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything
in it for me?
Q. Have you heard about the prostitute with a degree in
psychology?
A. She blows your mind.
Sign at a planned parent-hood center: "Please use rear entrance."
If you think that hickey looks like a blister, you should check out
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Q. Why is a waist called a waist?
A:. Because anything above the pussy and below the tits is
a 'waste'
Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female
menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mother: What seems to be the problem with you? You have been married
three years and still no children. I had hopes of being a grandmother
by now.
Sandy: I just don't know, Mom! Billy tries all the time, it's just
that I have a lot of trouble swallowing.
There were two old men sitting on a park bench.
Tina, a blonde woman, walks by. One old man says to the other
one, "Ever sleep with a blonde?"
The other old man says, "Many a time. Many a time."
Angie, a brunette, then walks by. The old man says to the other,
"Ever sleep with a brunette?"
The other old man says, "Many a time. Many a time."
Amy, a redhead, walks by, and the old man says to the other, "Ever
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The other old man smiles and says, "Not a wink."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pussy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Smith gets home from work one day and finds his wife has been
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"What's wrong?" he asks.
"John, promise you won't get mad, but I went to see the new doctor
today and he told me I've got a pretty pussy."
"WHAT!!" he shouts.
With that he grabs a baseball bat from the closet and storms down to
the doctor's office, straight through the reception. Without knocking
he bursts into the doctor's office. The doctor is in the process of
giving another lady an examination. She screams and tries to cover
herself. Without waiting, John charges up to the doctor, smashes the
baseball bat down on the desk and says, "You flaming pervert, how
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The doctor replies, "I'm sorry Mr. Smith but there has been a
misunderstanding. I told your wife she has Acute Angina."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The blonde co-ed danced excitedly into her room clapping and
chanting, "I won! I won! That guy is so stupid!"
Her room mate asked "What on Earth are you going on about?"
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Jill: How long has it been since you had sex, Mary?
Mary: Well, THAT'S an awfully personal question!
Jill: That long, huh?
Three old guys from the twilight home were given, as a treat, a day
at the beach. And it turned out to be a nudist beach. They were
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When the prettiest of them all walked by, one of the men said, "I'd
like to give her a hug."
"I'd like to give her a kiss," said the second man.
And the third old man said, "What was that other thing we used to do?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bouncer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy goes for a job as a bouncer in a brothel; the manager is very
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free
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manager comes up to him and tells him to take his pick of the girls,
the guy picks the blonde in the schoolgirl uniform and off they go
to
a private room.
Much to his surprise she just gives him a quick one off the wrist
and
leaves the room.
"That's odd" thinks our hero, "perhaps she's tired today."
At the end of day two he picks a redhead dressed up as a nurse same
thing happens, back to the room and a quick one off the wrist.
"Oh well" thinks our none too bright hero "I'm tired myself tonight
so I won't worry."
Anyway, this goes on the rest of the week, every night a different
girl and every night just a quick one off the wrist.
At the end of the first week the MD asks our man if he has any
comments at all, usual stuff, they are pleased with him etc. but
does
he have anything to say.
Our man may be slow but shyness is not one of his qualities so he
tells the MD that all the girls have just given him a quick one off
the wrist but he was promised a bunk up every night.
To this the MD replies, "But surely you realize you have to work a
week in hand"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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"Our Military Heros"
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Computer Manuals
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Game Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Top 8 Signs Your Military Video Game Sucks
8> You're attacking the Roman forces with elephants and archers,
and they're returning fire with M-16s and RPGs.
7> The only available rank is Lieutenant, which wouldn't be so
bad if the game weren't called "Frag the Looey."
6> After dying, you have to manually scrub the field latrines
before getting a new life.
5> The title "Lick Butt and Take Names" isn't a typo.
4> Charlie surfs.
3> The first eight levels consist of requisitioning gear and
getting shots, and the next five are transit hops.
2> It's called "Vietnam: the Paris Peace Talks."
and the Number 1 Sign Your Military Video Game Sucks...
1> Your highly-experienced Panzer division loses to Appalachian
State.
Mojo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nothing By Mouth
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No Touching
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young dancer, Priscillla,
Who flavored her cunt with vanilla.
The taste was so fine,
Men and beasts stood in line,
Including a stud armadilla.
____________
The life of the man had been rough.
He decided that he'd had enough.
Climbed up high on a cliff;
Said he'd jump, be a stiff.
But he didn't; 'twas just a big bluff.
(Kirk Miller)
____________
There was a young fellow named Skinner
Who took a young lady to dinner.
At a quarter to eight
they sat down and ate;
And at twenty to nine it was in her.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six
double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
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drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the
answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay
too!"
On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six
double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your
family like women?"
The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
Calif Jack
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and
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headache."
His wife is lying in bed and replies, "I think you'll find that
that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says, "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1106
A Rose by Any Other Name
BJ notices Katie in deep thought....
BJ: What are you thinking Katie?
Katie: Look at my notebook father, I am thinking of the
different way I could spell Katherine or variations of the word.
BJ: Let's see....:
Katherine
Catherine
Kathyrne
Cathyrne
Katie
Cathy
Kathy
Katerine
Caterine
Catheryne
Katheryne
Katrina
Catrina
Katie: But I am stuck...I cannot think of more.
BJ: There has to be a limit..except for names.
Katie: What do you mean?
BJ: On names, you can spell them anyway you want
pronounce them anyway you want. You could spell
Katehehrine and just pronounce it katherine and it would
be legal.
Katie: Ack! That is terrible.
BJ: I agree. Names today are being spelled in ways I thought
impossible just a few years ago.
Katie: I think Katherine is fine.
BJ: Hug time. I love Katherine to.
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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