Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I woke up this morning and the first thing I noticed was no animal
sounds so on the way back from the bathroom I stopped to check
my mail and noticed that the computer was off. After booting up I
saw that it had shut off about a half-hour before. I checked the other
computer and it was still running so I knew there hadn't been a power
failure and figured I had a computer problem. I went back to bed to
catch another hour of sleep and outside the wind was whistling between
the buildings and trash cans were blowing up against the house. I got
back up and started weeding through mails and Sandy started a late
brunch and in the middle of her cooking the lights blipped for a second
and my computer went off. I walked into my bedroom and checked
the other computer and it was still alright and then the lights went out.
Buffy showed up from her house with a bunch of candles as she had
gotten a breakfast invitation just before and so we all sat here and had a
candlelight brunch of bacon, eggs, biscuits, and grits, thank God for a
gas stove and waited the hour or so till they found the problem.
I want to thank all those who have joined me on Facebook and Farmville.
Yes as many have suggested, I am totally addicted. here's the strange
part though as yesterday I got a note from Nancy on Farmville saying that
she had started playing again and required some object to finish a project.
Now either one of the sisters has taken over Nancy's Farmville account or
Nancy has found an Internet Cafe in Heaven and you know something,
it wouldn't surprise me at all.
ANewsletter You May Enjoy
In mixed company?
Need some jokes to tell?
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Short Chips
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A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife's voice
from the kitchen.
"What would you like for dinner, love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"
He said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
"Fuck you," she said. "You're having soup. I was talking to the cat."
It is the year 25 after Christ's birth and Mother Mary is worried.
Her son has not had any contact wth women whatsoever and she orders Mary
Madeleine to organize the sleaziest hooker of all of Bethlehem for her son.
Amen:
She arrived, grabed the young man's hand after an approving and obviously
favourable look and dragged hin into the bedroom. The door closed and all
was calm until the door flew back open again --
and the prostitute came running out of the bedroom, screaming and cursing
and leaving the house.
Mother Mary was a bit taken aback and went to talk to her son, who was lying
on the bed, chewing an apple and obviously being quite content with himself.
"What happened here?" she asked.
Jesus looked at her surprised. "I don't know. It all went exactly the way
the other guys always said it would be. She looked me in the eyes, I looked
her in the eyes. She kissed me, I kissed her back. She started to pet me,
so I pet her. Her hand went up my thigh and so did mine on hers. Then her
hand went between my legs and my hand went between her legs."
"Then what?" Mary pressed on.
"Then," Jesus continued, "I felt that she had been amputated there, and so I
healed her."
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
why are you pissed
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trick or treat?
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Short Chips
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Elton John and George Michael were standing on Circular Quay looking out
over the harbour. George pointed to a ferry and asked, "Elton, what's
that?" "That's a ferry-boat, George my love," answered Elton.
"Oooh!" Squealed George, "I knew there was a lot of us, but I didn't know we
had our own navy!"
If two gay guys and two lesbians lived together and were on their way out
headed to the same place, the lesbians would get there first because they
would be doing 69 while the gay guys would still be home packing their shit!
This guy is sitting at a bar when a 65 year old women sits down beside him
and orders a drink. After a few drinks she asks him "have you ever had a
threesome with a mother and daughter?" He replies "no." She says, "well
would you like to?" He looks her over and sees she is actually pretty good
for a 65 year old and he figures her daughter must be really hot so he says
"sure, why not." They get into her Mercedes and on the way over her he can
hardly wait to see what the daughter is like. As they come in through the
front door of her house she hollers, "Mom, are you home ?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
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Returning from the men's room, a bar customer was shaking his head. "What's
the matter?" inquired the bartender.
"While I was in the bathroom back there, I noticed among the scribbling on
the wall, and one that said: WENDY GIVES REALLY FABULOUS HEAD - ABSOLUTELY
THE GREATEST B.J. IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!" replied the customer.
"Ah buddy, I wouldn't give it a second thought, we get jerks in here like
anywhere else," said the bartender.
"I know," continue the headshaker. "One of them has scratched out the phone
number!"
A man goes to a cat house and tells that "madam" that he's been around the
world and has had every type of woman. He said he would like something
different this time.
She sends him up to Mabel's room. He walks in and finds this "drop dead"
gorgeous woman. He tells her that although she is beautiful, he's had many
beautiful woman before and was looking for something different. She takes
her eye out and tells him to screw her there.
He does and finds it was terrific. He tells her he will be back again next
week.
She says, "Okay. I'll keep and eye out for you!"
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Little Johnny Chips
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One day little Johnny's teacher was teaching the class about agriculture.
To help with this, she was showing pictures of farm equipment. She puts up
the first picture, "What is this a picture of class?" she asks.
Little Suzy puts up her hand and Johnny sticks up his hand. Of course, the
teacher just knows that Johnny has something dirty in mind and picks
Suzy."What is this Suzy?".
"Its a rake".
"Very good, now can anyone tell me what this is?" she asks and points at the
next picture. Johnny's hand shoots up and, little Anne politely puts up her
hand, and once again the teacher ignores little Johnny.
"That's a pitchfork" says little Suzy.
"Very good, now can anyone tell me what this is?" The teacher asks once
more. Dead silence, only one student has their hand up, and of course its
little Johnny. Seeming as though no one else was volunteering, the teacher
asked Johnny. "OK Johnny, what is this?".
All of a sudden Johnny realizes he doesn't know the answer. "UH, UH, its a
shovel, yeah, it's a shovel."
"No Johnny, this isn't a shovel, this is a hoe".
"What?!?! My sister's a hoe and she doesn't look nutin' like that!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Horrorscope Chips
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HORRORSCOPES
Ascaryus (Jan 20-Feb 18): This Halloween looks to be a scary one for you.
But before you go around crying, "Ooooh, I want my mummy! I want my mummy!"
think about this: You want more lovin', right? Well, if you run around like
a scaredycat, you will, to quoth the raven, "Neverscore."
Pieces (Feb 19-Mar 20): Vampires are evil, hypnotic people who will emerge
in the night and drain you. Sounds like someone I used to date. You need to
be careful because you may have closed the metaphoric coffin lid on a
relationship, only to find that this person will rise from the graveyard of
your heart to worm their way back into your life. One word of advice from
"Buffy The Vampire Slayer": A vampire can only come in if you invite them.
Scaries (Mar 21-Apr 19): You've got to pick up every stitch this Halloween
because, unless I miss my guess, it must be the Season of the Witch. If only
every holiday could be commemorated with a bad Donovan song. Wouldn't it be
great, on Thanksgiving, to sit around the table, giving thanks for the
bounty we are to receive by singing a rousing round of "Mellow Yellow"? That
is truly the most horrifying thought you can be faced with this Halloween.
Tarot (Apr 20-May 20): Sure, you ladies have been looking for some lovin'.
But you don't want to go for just any Tom Dick and Harry. And heaven forfend
you go for any Jack you find, especially when that Jack is some
hollow-headed grinning gap-toothed idiot. But then again, despite his weird
exterior, if you look inside, you'll see a flame burning bright. This might
be the season of the witch, but if you try not to act so witchy and look
past the odd exterior, you'll find hidden depths in the ugliest places.
OnlyOneEye (May 21- Jun 20): Horror is in the eye of the beholder, whether
that eye be bloodshot and yellow, peering at you from the shadows of the
night, or whether the eye is a horrible dismembered giant radioactive eye.
What is truly scary? A werewolf? A werewolf is not so much a horrible
half-man half-beast as a chronic undershaver. A headless horseman is just
the victim of a particularly bad hair day. In much the same way, you can
find the brighter side of anything that comes your way, no matter how
horrific or annoying.
Dancer (Jun 21-Jul 22): Scary is relative, and we don't just mean your crazy
relatives who threaten to come visit for six weeks, but rather the idea that
whereas a movie with monsters made out of cardboard boxes and paper mache
may have been the scariest thing you'd ever seen when you were eight, it now
looks like crap. You must get over your initial fears of a new project or
relationship; although it seems insurmountable now, if you stick with it,
you will eventually be able to overcome it.
Tao (Jul 23-Aug 22): Frankenstein's monster was, of course, made out of the
parts of a couple dozen other people, which must have been hell when it came
to custody hearings. Nothing's more awkward at a family reunion than having
one-tenth of Cousin Harry show up at the buffet. You, too, feel like you're
being pulled in twenty different directions, but you'll soon receive the
jolt you'll need to get on your feet again.
Vertigo (Aug 23-Sep 22): Pity the poor skeleton who wanders around on
Halloween, looking so unfashionable in all-white a full two months after
Memorial Day. Of course, he can't help it, and he is actually successful in
the love department; after all, he is "ribbed" for her pleasure. This week
you'll find that you attract more flies with honey than even dead zombie
flesh, and being inherently nice to the opposite sex will make them flock to
you like vultures to a skeleton.
Webra (Sep 23-Oct 22): Zombies are pretty well-known for trying to suck the
brains out of people's heads. As was every high school algebra teacher I
ever had. Coincidence? Considering that those people were always pale on the
point of being green, had trouble communicating more than moans and
incoherent screams, and had awkward, stumbling walks down the hallway, I
think it's lucky I escaped without some horrible "Night of the Living Dead
scenario." You escape a horrific fate worse than death , if you can steer
clear of boring people at parties.
Scareio (Oct 23-Nov 21): You think you're being slick, but the truth is that
you're like a ghost; people can see through you, and all the noise you're
making is more effective scaring small children and dogs than actually doing
anything. It's time to leave your old haunts and take care of that grave
matter that's all your vault.
Sekeltarious (Nov 22-Dec 21): Boo! Scared ya!
Capricandycorn (Dec 22-Jan 19): You're in the zone this week! The Twilight
Zone, that is, and it's going to be a creepy thrill ride with an incredibly
ironic twist at the end that serves as a commentary on our mixed-up Cold War
nuclear society. Don't let the creepy situations you get yourself into this
week get you skittish. Let them get you Skittles; why not go
Trick-or-Treating? It's fun to dress up, get given stuff, and not have to
give ten percent to a big guy named Huggy Bear. And Halloween candy doesn't
count as calories!
BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/Love
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/B/Lov.html
Guardian Angel
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Carol w/Sisters
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Extreme Pumpkin Art!
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Surfin Surfari
State Jokes
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Romantic Castles!
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Strange Hotels!
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
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morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
How to Adjust Colors on an LCD Monitor | eHow.com
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Windows 7 Compatibility Center Via Wesley
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Racer Car and Racing Simulator - Free Via Wesley
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
Dog Helping Dog
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Concert
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Hospital
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Plane Ride
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Romantic Dinner
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Amnesty Bills
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Beer Fridge
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Big Screen TV
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Bike Meets Post
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Billiards
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Black Diamond Cheese
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Costume Chips
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A fellow went to a Halloween costume party dressed in only a grass skirt.
The theme of the party was "My Favorite Song" and attendees were supposed to
dress as that song title. When the judging was set to begin, the fellow
realized that the woman in line next to him was nude, and quite attractive.
The judges asked the naked lady what song her "costume" represented. She
smiled coyly, and said "Just As I Am". The judges then asked the fellow in
the grass skirt which song his costume depicted, and he replied, "It was
going to be "Little Grass Shack in Hawaii, but since that naked broad showed
up, I changed it to "Coming Through The Rye!"
Stan Kegel
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Toon Chips
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How to
http://www.buffaloschips.com/41042.htm
In Heaven
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Raise
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Today's Winner
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32149.htm
Fuck The Farmers
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Death By Viagra
http://www.buffaloschips.com/32151.htm
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Limerick Chips
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The climax, when Josie engages,
Is postponed for what seems to be ages.
Out of self-preservation
And to banish frustration
She has three or four fellows--in stages.
Today he is feeling such lust,
He knows very soon that he must
See if wife's in the mood.
He'll suggest something lewd,
And hope that his wife gets his thrust.
(Kirk Miller)
A lecherous fellow named Gould
Soliloquized thus to his tool:
"From Cape Cod to Salamanca,
You've had pox, clap, and chancre
Now ain't you a bloody great fool
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have a new pick up line that works every time. It doesn't matter how
gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I
always end up in bed with them. Here's how it goes "Excuse me love, could I
ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?"
Allen
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harboring Ill On my way home from a particular frustrating day at work, I
stopped at an out of the way bar to have a beer and reflect before going
home. There in the smokey room it was just one other patron and I other than
the bartender. He appeared to be Native-American and was waving a feather in
the smoke. As I watched, he looked at me, grinned and vanished....
To say I was freaked out would be an understatement. I paid my tab and left.
In the parking lot, I approached my car when a hand touched my shoulder
causing me to jump.
"Didn't mean to startle you stranger." said the stranger from the bar as he
held out his hand in a handshake.
"That's okay. I was thinking and not expecting anyone out here."
I responded.
"You are carrying a load. That is, you have two persons inside you. One is
evil and one is you. How will you deal with the evil one?"
He asked.
"You are kidding me. I am fine."
"I can tell. You have a hatred for somebody at your work. Your boss I think.
You need to let it go or it will become destructive. I am a shaman in my
tribe and I read these things."
"I think your mumbo jumbo is crazy. I had a tough day at work.
My boss stole some ideas I had and passed me over for a raise and
promotion...again. I am ticked off yes. It happens a lot at work. Angry?
Yes, but I will get over it."
"I see in your eyes this time you will not. I have a potion I could give
you."
"What is it?"
"The potion will bring out the other that is in you. Make it a separate
person."
"Ha that is crazy. Okay give it to me."
He gave me a bag of powder. I took it and left and drove home. Funny
thing...as I drove home I could swear I saw someone in the passenger
seat..an indistinct outline of a person. When I arrived home, the outline
was clearer.
I think it was about 4am when the police arrived and banged on the door.
"We have a warrant for your arrest."
"What for?"
"For the murder of your boss, Mr Sanchez."
"I was here all night with my wife, ask her.
"You were seen at Mr Sanchez's house, identified as the person who shot him.
Your gun was at the scene with your prints on it. Your car was seen leaving
his house and your tags were traced to your name. Your wife might be
standing by your, but we have too many witnesses. You will have to come
downtown."
"I didn't do this. I am innocent. It had to be my other."
"Other?"
"If I tell you, you will think I am crazy."
Just then the front door crashed open and my 'other' came in with a gun. The
police looked at the 'other', at me and back at the 'other.' The 'other' was
part of me and I guess trying to protect me it raised it's pistol and fired
a round wounding an officer. The officers fired back and the 'other' was
down and started to fade away...
"I don't know what to do." exclaimed the officer in charge. "I guess we
still need to take you in for your statement. I think I will believe
whatever you say." It was about then I noticed the blood coming from my
chest. The shots that hit the other had transferred to me. I guess hate like
love has no bounds... I tried to stand but could not and collapsed. I gasped
my final breath and said, "I am guilty of harboring ill and thus I have
paid."
The end
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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