Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Just had another battle with Charter Cable and it isn't over yet. A
few months ago I was having trouble with Eva watching PPV movies to
the tune of about 40.00 on one month's bill. I have tried using the
parental lock feature on the cable boxes and one has an old password
in it that I can't get past and the other has a good password but
there appears to be no way to block out all of the
pay channels at once. I asked Charter for help and instead of some
magical cure to give me control of Eva's viewing they zeroed out
my account to make it appear to the computer that I hadn't paid my
bill. I didn't care for the method but it did stop Eva from running
up a bill, for awhile.
This month's bill came in and 28 dollars worth of movies on it and
she is getting quicker, ordering 4 movies in 20 minutes. She had
ordered the movie 10 inch hero on 3 different days and watched
it for a few minutes each time. I googled the movie and found out
the title refers to a submarine sandwich, at least Eva wasn't
watching X-rated stuff. While I was in a really great mood I drove
over to Charter and told them I wanted the movies removed from my
bill. Charter told me that they couldn't because they had to pay for
them after they were ordered. I told Charter I had a reasonable
expectation when they said they had taken care of the problem that I
would never be charged for a movie again. They also had a hard time
believing a 3 year-old could use their remote control and click yes
twice to order the movie. I explained that Eva could boot up my
computer, open Internet Explorer, and surf to Noggin, PBS Kids, or
My Barbie.com and play games and do all of the other activities and
probably most
children her age can do the same thing. A remote control is not
really
much compared to that especially since on demand is one of the
largest buttons on the remote.
As their permanent solution to the problem, I no longer have Video
On
Demand which also keeps me out of all the free movies and features
and I have an appointment to talk to their manager next week when
she
gets back from vacation. I haven't paid for the movies and if
necessary
I may take Charter to small claims court and send complaints to the
FCC and state's attorney general plus I'll probably end up with a
satellite
dish but I am tired of paying more for less service.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Murphy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Murphy's Law on Sex
Nothing improves with age.
No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it,
because you never know when you will get it again.
Sex has no calories.
Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of
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There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
No sex with anyone in the same office.
A man in the house is worth two in the street.
If you get them by the balls,
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Virginity can be cured.
When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops
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Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the
same ones she can't stand years later.
Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
It is always the wrong time of month.
Sex is hereditary.If your parents never had it,
chances are you won't either.
Sow your wild oats on Saturday night --
Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that
caused the trouble in the garden.
Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than
sex. But there is nothing like it.
Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
Do it only with the best.
Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned
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What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the
stick.
Never say no.
Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
Love comes in spurts.
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight
are unimportant.
Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
During the wedding reception in the family mansion, the bride's
Grandfather slipped her a $500 bill which she concealed in her
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the couple spent their first night together in the historic house.
Later the bride's Grandmother saw her sneaking down the stairs.
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and it's important that I have them." "Oh you youngsters!!
Grandmother sighed. "You march yourself right back upstairs and grab
it with your bare hands like I did your Grandfather'
A cowboy walks into the dentist's office and after an examination
the dentist says, "That tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you
a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes." The cowboy
grabs the doc's arm and says. "No way. I hate needles. I'm not
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"Will that kill the pain?" "No," replies the dentist, "but it will
give you something to hold on to while I pull the tooth."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bob has to go on a business trip and books himself a flight on TWA.
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A few minutes after the plane is in the air, the flight attendants
start going down the aisle to serve drinks.
A very attractive stewardess says to Bob, "Sir would you like some
TWA alcoholic beverage, TWA coffee, or TWA soda?"
Bob smiles and winks at the stewardess and says, "Actually, I would
love for you to give me some TWA tea."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fiddle Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pilot was forced to make a crash landing in a farmer's field. The
farmer took the pilot back to the farmhouse, where the pilot noticed
the farmer had a golden fiddle hanging above the fireplace. The two
men were standing there talking when the farmer's wife came down the
steps. The pilot couldn't believe how beautiful she was.
"How can you trust her to be here by herself all day, while you go
out and work the fields?"
"I trust my wife," the farmer said. "She's never been unfaithful."
"I'll make you a little bet. If I take your wife upstairs, she'll be
unfaithful. If not, you can have my plane. But, if she is, I get
your fiddle."
"It's a deal." So, the pilot and the farmer's wife go upstairs.
About a half hour passes, and the farmer picks up the fiddle and
starts playing it.
"Be true to me, Be true to me, Be true for just one hour. Be true to
me, Be true to me, And his airplane will be ours." Another fifteen
minutes pass, and suddenly he sees his wife coming down the stairs.
He asks her if she stayed true to him.
She walked over, picked up the fiddle, started playing it. "He
kissed me on the lips, He kissed me on the tits, He kissed me in the
middle. He kissed a spot that you forgot, and you lost your fucking
fiddle."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Recycled Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Southerner is having his breakfast (coffee, grits, biscuits, and
jam) when a Northerner chewing obnoxiously on gum sits down next to
him. The Southerner ignores the Northerner who, nevertheless, starts
a conversation.
Northerner: "When you Southern people eat bread, do you eat the
whole slice?"
Southerner: "Yep."
Northerner: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. Up North, we
only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle it, then transform them into biscuits and send them to the
South."
The Northerner has a smirk on his face. The Southerner listens in
silence.
The Northerner persists: "Do you eat jam with biscuits?"
Southerner: "Yep."
Northerner: (cracking and smacking his gum between his teeth and
chuckling). "We don't. Up North after we eat fruit for breakfast, we
put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them,
transform them into jam, and then send it down South.
Then the Southerner asks: "Y'all have sex up North?"
Northerner: "Why of course we do", the Northerner says, as he pops
another big bubble.
Southerner: "And what do y'all do with the condoms once ya use 'em?"
Northerner: "We throw them away, of course."
Southerner: We don't. Down South we put 'em in a jar, recycle'em,
melt 'em down into bubble gum and sell 'em to Yankees."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Australian family is most concerned that their 30-year-old son is
unmarried. So they call a marriage broker and ask her to find their
son a good wife.
The broker comes over to their house and spends a long time asking
many questions of the son and his parents as to what they want in a
wife/daughter-
requirements.
The marriage broker takes a long time looking and finally asks to
visit the family again. She tells them of a wonderful woman she has
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perfectly clean home... is of sober habits, and regularly attends
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After hearing all this, the family is very impressed and begins to
get excited about the prospects of a wedding in the near future.
At this point, the son gets up the courage to ask, "Is she also good
in bed?"
And the marriage broker answers,
"That I'm not sure of.... Some say yes... some say no and some says
just so, so."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/A Caring Heart
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Movie Clips
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Speed Isn't Everything
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My son asked me the other day, "Daddy, why were you and Mommy
wrestling in bed last night?"
I said, "Because Mommy likes to wrestle with Daddy. She thinks she's
good at it, but she always ends up getting pinned."
" I want to wrestle with Mommy too!" he announced.
"I'm sorry, son," I said. "You're not old enough and we're not in
Arkansas."
A guy from New York married a hillbilly girl. On
the honeymoon, the New Yorker asked his new bride
if there was any difference in the lovemaking of
city guys and hillbillies.
She paused for a moment and said calmly, well you
city guys walk up and stick it in, but the
hillbilly guys stick it in and then walk up.
Needless to say that was the end of the
conversation.
A man and his girlfriend are having a sexual
encounter. He asks her to "go downtown" so, with
a sigh, she gets on her knees in front of him and
starts peering at his genitals, looking and
tipping her head this way and that, studying the
whole business.
After a couple minutes of this, he asked her in a sort of peeved
voice,
"Well, what the hell are you doing?"
She said, "I'm doing what I always do when I'm
downtown with no money.... just looking."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young woman named Maud
Who found herself now and then floored
--Or bedded, or chaired,
Or top of the staired--
Oh, well, it's the life of a broad.
____________
There was a young woman named Jeannie
Who sobbed to her date, "You're a meanie".
You claim you're a stud
But, oh, what a dud!
Your prick is a real teeny-weeny.
____________
There was a young whore from Kilkenny,
Who charged two fucks for a penny,
For half of that sum,
You could bugger her bum,
An economy practised by many
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sitting around talking
about how their lives sucked. The cucumber says "Man, my life sucks.
When I get big, fat, and juicy, they cut me up and stick me on a
salad." The pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it
bad? When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick me in vinegar, put
spices on me, and stick me in a jar." The penis looks at him and
says, "You think you have it rough? When I get big, fat, and juicy,
they stick a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark room, and
bang my head against the wall until I throw up all over myself and
pass out!"
Michelle
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My friend set me up on a blind date after my first divorce.
Well, he was a friend at the time.
Anyway, I called her up and said, "I can't take you anywhere really
expensive because I'm paying lawyers for a divorce right now."
She was cool. She said, "We can eat at Hardees, eight pieces of
chicken and four biscuits for $6.99." She was a husky girl (you
know, Sears catalog).
When we got to Hardees, she was moving! I only got two wings out of
everything! She wouldn't even butter her biscuits, she would pop a
biscuit and then do a butter chaser! I couldn't watch her eat the
chicken. She kept getting crumbs in her moustache. She would have
gotten it all if her teeth were in!
Don't get me wrong... I still did her!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 363
The Whole Shebang
Rudy and Diana have been walking for about a week...Today things
have
changed.
Sandi: Howl!!! I want to go with Diana.
Katie: I protest. I want to go also.
BJ: Okay, they have left about five minutes ago. Can you find and
catch
them?
Sandi: We are predators... let us go.
BJ opens the door and ZOOM!!!
BJ phones Diana...
Ring!
Diana: Hello.
BJ: I just let Sandi and Katie out, they want to walk with you.
Diana: Ack! They will never catch us, we are five minutes ahead..
bark bark!
Diana: Nevermind, they are here.
BJ: Have a good walk dear.
Diana: I am going to get you when I get home.
BJ: I have to leave for work now...ta ta.
Diana: $^@#$^#$!!!
The herd in Guthrie
(Diana now goes for a walk with all the dogs)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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