THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
Socrates
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Got the motorcycle back from the shop yesterday.
Seems it was just minor as they said it was only
a bad battery terminal ...cost me less than 30 bux
so I'm good to go. and yesterday was a GREAT day for
riding, absolutely gorgeous. Went out to a little roadside
park just outside of town. I had strapped the cooler
on to the luggage rack. This park has a good old fashioned
artesian well. I live in this big city, and the water
we get is pumped in from Lake Michigan, treated God
knows how many chemicals and chlorine, and it tastes
like crap. As a man with too much time on my hands
I occasionally ride out to the park and fill a cooler
to bring home some fresh, sweet tasting real water.
Forget the bottled stuff in the stores.
that tastes like crap too.
People don't take time to appreciate the finer things
in life. But then again, most folks, unlike myself,
actually have things to do when they get up in the
morning. Stopped on the way back and
bought me a good ole bannana split...king size. That
is kind of a tradition with me. Every year at the
beginning of summer, I always get one.
Must be getting old, as I could not finish it all.
Had to sneak the split in on a cycle ride because if the
war department had been along, she would have had
some rather "animated" comments about my diet. Sigh,
oh well. Remember that time when you usta be able to
eat anything you wanted and never give it a second thot?
Whatever happened to that?
Today its supposed to be in the 80s no less!!
Lets rock and roll with some jokes and then we'll get on
down the highway!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
__________
THE COMICS
one better
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d020.html
time of the month
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d021.html
tweet on twitter
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d022.html
I'm not tired
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d023.html
Incontinence
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d024.html
I knew it
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d025.html
my doctor says
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d026.html
those were the days
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/d027.html
______________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
oh baby
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5571.html
p.w.s. syndrome
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5572.html
the keys
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5573.html
the holy land
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5574.html
pizza maker
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5575.html
the high dive
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5576.html
A woman was called in front of a Texas grand jury
for possible manslaughter charges after she shot
a mugger 6 times in the back as he was running away
with her purse.
She had her hand on her gun when he grabbed
the purse, and she was left with the revolver
in her hand.
When asked by the grand jury why she shot
the man six times in the back as he was
running away, she replied under oath:
"Because when I pulled the trigger the
SEVENTH time it only went 'click.'"
She was acquitted of all charges.
____________
A woman was driving her old beat up car on the Highway
with her 7-year-old old son, Little Johnny. She
tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying
by her. After getting caught in a large group
of cars flying down the road, she looked at her
speedometer to see she was doing 15 miles over
the speed limit.
Slowing down, she moved over to the side and
got out of the clump that left her in the dirt.
She looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car.
Pulling over, she waited for the officer to
come up to her car. As he did he said, "Ma'am
do you know why I pulled you over?"
Little Johnny piped up from the back seat,
"I do! Because you couldn't catch the other cars!"
______________
Secretary: "Pastor, we've got a problem in the computer lab where you
met with the confirmation class last week. Some of the boys in the
class started messing with the mice."
Pastor: "What?!?" (thinking: we've got mice in there!?)
Secretary: "Yeah, it seems some of the boys removed their balls."
Pastor (incredulously...):
"Th..th...they did what??? How in the world did they do that???"
Secretary: "They must have used a screwdriver or something."
Pastor: "We've got some pretty sick boys... I... I...
Didn't even realize mice had balls...!"
Secretary: "Yeah, they roll around on 'em all the time!"
Pastor: "What???" (still thinking of the little fury real animals)
"Well...what can *we* do?"
Secretary: "I guess we'll have to put 'em back on the mice.
I can probably do it if I can get enough little screws."
Pastor: "WHAT?!?"
Secretary: "Hmmm....Pastor, are we talking about the same thing?"
____________
What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain?
When you pull down the stage curtain, show is over, but when you
pull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME.
__________
Old Dr. Carver still made house calls. One afternoon, he was called
to the Tuttle house. Mrs. Tuttle was in terrible pain.
The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone in and
asked Mr. Tuttle, "Do you have a hammer"?
A puzzled Mr. Tuttle went to the garage and returned with a hammer.
The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom.
A moment later, he came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel"?
Mr. Tuttle complied with the request.
In the next ten minutes, Dr. Carver asked for and received a pair of
pliers, a screwdriver and a hacksaw.
The last request got to Mr. Tuttle.
He asked, "What are you doing to my wife"?
"Not a thing," replied old doc Carver. "I can't get my instrument bag open."
_____________
Murphy's Laws On Sex
1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you,
the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
2. Nothing improves with age.
3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's
offered take it,because it'll never be quite the same again.
4. Sex has no calories.
5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes
the most amount of trouble.
6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
7. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what
people think you've got.
8. No sex with anyone in the same office.
______________
One Sunday morning the preacher got behind the pulpit and told the
congregation, "Today we are going to be like Catholics and have confession."
One of the brothers asked, "What is confession, I never heard of it."
The preacher said, "That's something that you have done bad in your
life and never told. Today you are going to tell it." He then said,
"Sister Sadie tell us what you have done."
She said, "Oh no, Brother, I can't tell that, it's too bad."
The preacher said, "If you don't tell it the Lord will strike you dead
before you get out of here, tell it!"
She said, "Since you put it like that I guess I have to tell.
A couple of years ago I committed adultery."
The preacher said, "Praise the Lord sister you will be forgiven."
So it went all through the congregation, everybody confessing.
Finally the preacher said, "Leroy, everybody else has confessed and
you haven't said a word. Tell us what you have done."
Leroy said, "Oh no, Preacher, I can't tell that, it's just too bad."
The preacher said, "Leroy, the Lord will forgive you, tell it!"
Leroy said, "No, Preacher I ain't going to tell that, it's too bad."
Preacher said, "Leroy if you don't tell it the Lord will strike you dead."
Leroy said, "I still ain't going to tell it, it's too bad."
Preacher said, "Leroy, tell it or the Lord going to knock you on
your ass before you can get out the door."
Leroy said, "Since you put it like that I guess I got to tell.
Last week I screwed a goat."
The preacher said, " Damned if I would've told that!"
_____________
Jim and his wife went for a stroll in their local park one evening.
They sat down on a bench to rest and almost immediately could overhear
voices coming from a secluded spot behind them.
Suddenly the wife realized that a young man was about to propose. Not
wanting to eavesdrop at such an intimate moment, she nudged Jim and
whispered, "Whistle and let that young couple know that someone can hear them."
Jim objected. "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me!!!"
_____________
FUN PAGES from Lorraine
Redrum
http://tinyurl.com/pqojec
Sniper Duty
http://tinyurl.com/qxe87y
Dancing Yoda
http://tinyurl.com/c3cbkr
________
BUFFALO Bill
Ethan
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ffdd.htm
Euflorie
http://www.buffaloschips.com/fgjkh.htm
Explain that to the boss
http://www.buffaloschips.com/cvbn.htm
_________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Cheap Blowjob
http://www.sydesjokes.com/link2/link001627.html
Waitress Of The Month
http://www.sydesjokes.com/link2/link001628.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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