THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
IRONY AT IT'S BEST
150 people get the Swine Flu and everybody wants to wear a mask.
Millions of people have AIDS and no one wants to wear a condom.
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!!
Its here. Didja get the wife the mothers day gift?
Well, I know, it sucks. I can never think of anything good
to get either. That's because a guy only knows of about
five years worth of good gifts. Then you are sh*t outta luck.
Lets face it. How many times can you buy flowers or candy, right?
Fact is, you could be out looking and looking. Then, if you
find what you think is the perfect gift, you know what? Chances
are you better get the hell outta there because most likely you
are in the wrong damn store to begin with. You guys will all
identify with that one. Like I would avoid looking for a mothers
day present at a store like Cabela's, or Al and Bobs sporting
goods store. Probably not the best place to get it. Take for
example, last year. Remember thos pink colored electric heated
hunting sox? Well, I thot they were ok. Oh well. I have one idea
that I think would work pretty good. I think jewelry stores need
to be a little creative. See, they should make earrings that
have a built in gps tracking device. That way, the wife will
get something she likes, and you get something useful. You always
know where she is. Or here is another good idea. Always keep
a gift certificate handy. Gift certificates are cool. That way, if you come
home and discover your wife bought tickets to the dinner theater.
then you know once again you forgot either mothersday or an
anniversary. You just go to your catch all drawer, pull out
a gift certificate. Then, fire up the computer and look for one of
those mushy electronic greeting card pics, online. Download something
appropriate, print it off with a little bit of photoshop touch
up, and you are good to go:)
FROM: THE INVESTIGATIVE REPORTS BUREAU OF
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
April 29, 2009
Obama Quits While Ahead
Prez Resigns After Hundred Days: `All Downhill From Here'
In a move that stunned both political allies and foes alike, President Barack
Obama resigned today after serving 100 days in office, telling the White House
press corps, "It's all downhill from here."
The reporters seemed stunned by the President's decision in light of the fawning
media coverage he received during his first 100 days, but the hyperbolic nature
of that reportage, ironically, may have been the prime motivator behind
Mr. Obama's shocking move.
"Let's face it, I'm not going to get better coverage than I have to date,"
he said. "The only guy with a higher approval rating is that dude who landed
the plane on the Hudson - or maybe that other dude who escaped from those pirates."
Mr. Obama may have a point, as current polls show that the only Americans with
higher approval ratings are members of his immediate family.
According to the latest University of Minnesota/Opinion Research Institute survey,
Mr. Obama's 67% approval rating is topped by First Lady Michelle Obama at 84%,
with daughters Sasha and Malia and dog Bo tied at 98%.
Even the President's little-known half-brother George Obama, who resides
in Nairobi, Kenya, garnered a 73% thumbs-up in the poll.
As the press corps reeled from the news of Mr. Obama's resignation, one White
House source suggested that the First Lady may have been behind the decision:
"Around Day 95 or so, Michelle was running out of wardrobe changes."
At the Supreme Court, Chief Justice John Roberts said that he stood ready to
swear in the nation's new chief executive, whom he called "President Biden R. Joseph."
Mr. Biden is scheduled to deliver his Inaugural address on Friday at noon and
wrap it up sometime late Sunday.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
__________
THE COMICS
bad news good news
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b051.html
yo Adrian
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b052.html
disgusting tv
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b053.html
don't ask me
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b054.html
no balls
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b055.html
That's not the Heimlich maneuver, Mr. Fletcher
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b056.html
luggage
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b057.html
training wheels
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/b058.html
_________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
911 call gone bad
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5494.html
tractor pull
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5495.html
probability
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5496.html
puff the one eyed dragon
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5497.html
trained doggy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies5498.html
A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten
o'clock. Ten o'clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o'clock,
twelve o'clock, one o'clock; no plumber.
She concluded he wasn't coming, and went out to do some errands.
While she was out, the plumber arrived.
He knocked on the door; the lady's parrot, who was at home in a
cage by the door, said, "Who is it?"
He replied, "It's the plumber."
He thought it was the lady who'd said, "Who is it?" and waited for
her to come and let him in. When this didn't happen he knocked
again, and again the parrot said, "Who is it?"
He said, "It's the plumber!"
He waited, and again the lady didn't come to let him in. He knocked
again, and again the parrot said, "Who is it?"
He said, "It's the plumber!!!!! !!!"
Again he waited; again she didn't come; again he knocked; again the
parrot said, "Who is it?"; "Aarrrrrggggghhhhhh !!!" he said, flying into
a rage; he pushed the door in and ripped it off its hinges. He suffered a
heart attack and he fell dead in the doorway.
The lady came home from her errands, only to see the door ripped off its
hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway, "A dead body!" she
exclaimed, "Who is it?!"
The parrot said, "It's the plumber."
____________
One afternoon, a woman and her little daughter went into a large toy store.
The mother asked her daughter what toys she wanted. The little girl said,
"I want GI Joe and Barbie."
The mother smiled and said, "Darling, you know Barbie doesn't come with GI Joe."
The little girl looked up at her mother and replied, "Mom, Barbie ALWAYS
comes with GI Joe. She just FAKES it with Ken."
_________________
Well, I was thinking about re-entering the work force but gave that up after
trying a new job.
Man, they were so strict at that job that I had to quit.
It was constantly: "No personal calls." "Don't surf the web."
"Put your pants back on."
I mean, who can work in an environment like that?
_______________
A young woman goes out drinking one night, something that she normally
doesn't do, and she gets really plastered!
The next morning she rolls over and discovers there is an elephant in bed with her!
She looks at the elephant and says, "Oh no, I must have been really tight last night!"
The elephant looks at her and waves his trunk a little and says, "Only the first time."
____________
A young lesbian goes to her gynecologist for her yearly pelvic examination.
She puts on the paper gown and awaits him to come into the exam room.
Doctor instructs her to get up onto the table and place her feet in the stirrups.
As he is examining her she hears him saying "mmmm... mmmhmmm".
He completes the examination, instructs her to dress and then meet him in his
office when she is done.
In his office she asks him if there was anything unusual that he observed during
the exam because she could not help but hear his non-verbal comments.
"Oh, that" he says." I was just admiring you. You have the cleanest vaginal area
that I have ever seen in all my years of practice."
The young woman proudly smiled and replied, "Why thank you! I have a woman come
in twice a week and clean it!"
________________
A young man grew fed up with modern life and decided to leave the big city and
become a shepherd, spending months in the seclusion of the distant mountains
alone with his thoughts and sheep.
So he went up the high mountains where he found three older shepherds with a big
flock of sheep, and asked them to show him the ropes. The shepherds agreed.
The young man spent a week with them. One evening by the fire he asked casually,
"So how do you guys get by with no women around here?"
Said one of the men,"Why, with so many sheep around, who needs women?"
The youngster shuddered: "Yak! How horrible! How can you...?"
The three men only smiled and said nothing.
Another week passed and one morning the young man realized that the tension in his
groin had grown unbearable.
He remembered what the men had said, and looking at the sheep, thought,"Hmm,
why not after all...".
He chose a moment when none of the older shepherds were around, andgrabbed one
of the nearest sheep. However, the others showed up in a minute, and seeing him
with the sheep burst out laughing.
"What? What?!!", shouted the young man, blushing. "Youtold me that's what you
did yourselves, didn't you??!"
"Yeah, sure! But to choose the ugliest one??!"
_______
BUFFALO BILL
First Time
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42520.htm
See you in Hell
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42521.htm
Cant Tell
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42522.htm
____________
FUN PAGES from Lorraine
Castle Smasher
http://tinyurl.com/dgfgjg
Drunk Ants
http://tinyurl.com/cmeohx
How Will You Die?
http://tinyurl.com/cy968v
_____________
SYDESJOJES LIST
Wal-mart Clothes
http://www.sydesjokes.com/link2/link001600.html
Snoring
http://www.sydesjokes.com/link2/link001601.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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