Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the archives
I know that cat owners like to think that their animals
are the smartest in the world but sometimes you have to
wonder. We got a new screen door last summer and the
first thing the cats did was to knock the screen out giving
them access whenever the door was open. With the arrival
of spring we let some of the cats out today and left the
entrance door open for light. The screen door has its window
down though in the storm door mode and you can imagine
what happened next. I heard something hit the door and
slide down. Believe me it is really hard to look intelligent
when your face is sliding down a window and your little
claws are trying to get traction but when you do it twice
before it sinks into your head then you look just plain
retarded. Of course it is my cat Dini who sleeps next to
me every night and when I get up to go to the bathroom or
check mail she is always in front of me to make sure there
are no attack mice, bats, or large insects in my path.
Now you are probably wondering why I printed this again and
it is because cats have a very short memory. Makes them easy
to write about cause they do the same dumb things year after year.
( All of the women are probably thinking that it sounds like their
husband too. )
Dini is a good cat, still sits on the back of my chair every day as
I
work hoping I will give her a treat. She has even warmed slightly
towards Eva and will let Eva pull her tail and pet her for a few
seconds.
Speaking of Eva she has found my Facebook bookmark and has
commented on several friend's walls. She learned that from some
of her interactive pages that ask for a name so they can include you
in a story and she figured if she typed some gibberish in the box
it would let her in. Sandy still doesn't have a clue how to use a
mouse
and thinks Buffy's password is *********. heh heh
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Quickie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the most intelligent animal in the world?
The dog.It will walk up to anything and smell of it.If he can't eat
it
or mate with it, he will piss on it!
Californians are a strange people. They'll put every chemical known
to
God and man up their nostrils, and then laugh at you for putting
sugar
in your coffee!
Please call me by my new Muslim name.
Seldom Bin Laid
Between 15 and 99 a man is like Iraq - ruled by
a prick
Birds of a feather flock together...
and then they all crap on your car.
Q. Why is giving a Blow Job a win/lose situation?
A. He may have you on your knees, but you have him by the balls!
I'm not saying she's easy, but her pantyhose has a pet door.
Q: How did the blonde die while drinking milk?
A: The cow sat down!
Q. How do you know you've walked into a gay church service?
A. Only half the congregation are kneeling.
Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit
in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
Q. How come Santa and Mrs. Claus don't have children?
A. Santa spends all his time with elves and fairies.
Q: How did Mrs. Claus come to marry Santa?
A: She was Magnetically Attracted to his North Pole
The newest vitamin is made from chicken soup.
It makes men cocky and women lay better. <thanx Jim>
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. ;)~~~~~~~~~~
Amy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Pantie lock
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Amazon.com
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Show Girl
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pregnant Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pregnancy Dictionary
cravings--an excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.
dilation--one of those things a pregnant woman has to take her
doctor's
word for.
elastiphobia-
Records
for "Most Stretch Marks."
first trimester--the first three months of pregnancy when you
wonder,
"Is it too late to hire a surrogate mother?"
maternity clothes--what a pregnant woman wears to show people
there's a
reason she's fat.
miracle--1 the birth of a baby. 2 The fact that you lived to tell
about
it.
obstetrician-
think
you're caught in the jaws of death.
pregnant pause--the amount of time it takes for a nine-month
pregnant
woman to get out of a chair.
prenatal--when your life was still your own.
pushing--the final effort to get a ten-pound baby through an opening
the
size of a dime.
second trimester--the time when you ask the question, "Will my
husband
notice if I eat this gallon of ice cream and side of beef before he
gets
home?"
third trimester--the final months of pregnancy when you wonder, "How
much longer can I keep from waddling?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This lady is having a bed wetting problem, so she
decides to go to the doctor. The doctor tells her
to go and get undressed and wait for him in the
other room. When the doctor goes into the room he
tells the lady to stand on her head facing the mirror.
She figures he is a doctor and gets in front of the
mirror. The doctor goes over to the lady and rests
his chin between her legs and looks in the mirror.
After a few minutes he stands up and tells the lady
to go ahead and put her clothes back on and he will
talk to her when she is dressed.
The lady puts her clothes on and asks the doctor what
is wrong with her.
He tells her that she needs to quit drinking before
she goes to bed.
The lady asks the doctor why he had her get naked in
front of the mirror and stand on her head.
He replies, "I wanted to see how I would look with a beard."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Chest Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra
and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an
upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie,
"Do
you have a size 28AAAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store
and
proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much
the
same manner. After a third try at another department store in the
mall,
she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart.
Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw
open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?"
The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried
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Answer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, we've all been there - both the guys and the gals, and today
it's
even more confusing than ever. So here is a little guide to help you
out.
1. If you ask a girl to have sex with her and she says "definitely
not,"
she really means "NO."
2. If she says "NO," then you have to do better, and then maybe, but
make sure you ask again before going to far and then Go back to
number
#1 and start again. (kinda like Monopoly "Go back to GO - Do do
collect
$200).
3. If she says "MAYBE", she means "YES", but you have to really
encourage her along the way. But don't do anything stupid such as
rushing things or being clumsy. This may convert the MAYBE to a
DEFINITE
NO, which neither of you really want.
4. If she says "YES", she's probably not worth it.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sailor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a sailor decided to visit several bars because he felt like
getting drunk. He started into to one of the bars (he was already
on his way to being drunk) when a mouse crossed his path.
He picked up the mouse and stuffing it in his pocket said,
"you're going to be my drinking partner." He sat down at the bar
and ordered 2 beers, drinking one and pouring the other one into
his pocket. He then asked the bartender for two more beers and did
the same thing under the watchful eye of the bartender.
Once again he ordered 2 more beers but almost fell off the stool
he was on. The bartender seeing this told the sailor that he was
too drunk to have any more and ordered him to leave the bar.
The sailor then grabbed the bartender by the shirtcoller and
shouted,
if you do not give me 2 more beers I am going to knock you all over
this bar, just then the mouse popped his head out of the sailors
pocket and shouted, THAT GOES FOR YOUR DAMN CAT TOO!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/For God So Loved The World
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Angels For Hope
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Chemo Angels
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Surfin Surfari
Earth Day Network Via Dianne
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Check Medical Symptoms & What They Mean Via Wesley
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Bill Nye The Science Guy Via Wesley
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Schindler's list
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Dynamic Web Resume Builder Via Wesley
http://www.visualcv
Real-Time News Search Engine Via Wesley
http://www.itpints.
Keyboard Shortcuts Database Via Wesley
http://www.keyxl.
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Clips
Sir Edmund
http://www.buffalos
Smoke Inhalation
http://www.buffalos
Sneeze Aivastus
http://www.buffalos
Sorry Sir no bathing suits in the lobby
http://www.buffalos
Sorry Officer
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Exam
http://www.buffalos
Future Engineers
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Glock Home Protection
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Gunfighter
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Guterbike
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mean Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What Guys Say and What guys Mean
s- It is just orange juice, try it.
M- 3 more shots, and she'll have her
legs around my head.
S- She's kind of cute,
M- I want to bang her till I am blue.
S- I don't know if I like her,
M- She won't blow me.
S- I need you,
M- My hand is tired.
S- I really want to get to know you better.
M- so I can tell my friends about it
S- How do I compare with all your other
boyfriends?
M- Is my penis really that small?
S- You're the only girl I've ever cared
about,
M- You are the only girl who has not
rejected me
S- I want you back ...
M- for tonight anyway
S- We've been through so much together,
M- If it was not for you, I never would
have lost my virginity
S- I miss you so much,
M- I am so horny that my sister is
starting to look good.
S- No I do not want to dance,
M- She'll know that I have a hard-on
right now.
S- The break-up should not start for
another 24 hours,
M- I want to have sex a few more times.
S- I am different from all the other
guys,
M- I am circumcised.
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
telephone
http://www.thepostm
please check
http://www.thepostm
what dogs would say
http://www.thepostm
Painting
http://www.buffalos
Can
http://www.buffalos
Booty call
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a lady from Ryde
Who ate some green apples and died.
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside her insides.
____________
-
There was a young lady from Thrace,
Whose corsets grew too tight to lace.
Her mother said, "Nelly,
There's more in your belly,
Than ever went in through your face!"
____________
-
A fussy old widow named Pease
Thought her home was infested with fleas;
So she used gasoline,
And her form was last seen
Sailing over the tops of the trees.
-<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was just thinking....
Did you realize that President Obama probably signed his
stimulus package at the same desk where President Clinton
got his package stimulated?
Eandy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charlie was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so
he sent his wife Mary to Home Depot. At Home Depot, Mary saw a
beautiful bathroom faucet while she was waiting for Walt, (the
manager) to finish waiting on a customer..
When Walt was finished, Mary asked. "How much for that faucet?" Walt
replied, "That's pewter and it costs $300." "My goodness that sure
is a lot," Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge
that Charlie had sent her to buy, and Walt went to the back room to
find it.
From the back room Walt yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that
hinge?"
Mary replied, "No, but I will for the faucet." This is why you can't
send a woman to Home Depot!
Heather
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1579
The Shooting Star
As Tami spirals upward, Katie grabs her duplicate remote and tries
to
bring her downward: Tsk tsk poor Tami.
The crowd applauds the feat.
Tami lands and takes off her helmet and staggers a bit: What, who?
Katie: It was me Tami. I had a second remote.
Tami: Thanks Katie.
Katie: Listen to the crowd. They love you! Take a bow.
Tami bows to the crowd and the crowd responds.
Sandi and Rudy wave from the Space Shuttle..
Katie: Why don't you get in the 18 wheeler for a while to rest.
Tami: No, I can fly the space suit.
Katie: Groan...
Tami gets in the space suit and takes off....this time up, then
straight
forward.
Rudy: Look out for that...
Sandi: I can't look.
Katie: Oh dear, I hope I have time to use my other remote.
SMASH! CRASH!! THUD!!!
Sandi: I think we have witnessed a space debacle.
The crowd roars!!!!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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