Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Between the staff at Siteground, Nancy, and our nephew the
files of buffaloschips are loading properly and very quickly.
We do have an occasional mistake when we put things up
and sometimes there is nothing there. That is usually our
fault and somewhere in the process of publishing the file got
lost. Other times you will get the dreaded red X which in all
probability is a problem at your end. First step is always to
go into Internet Options on your browser and get rid of your
temporary internet files. If you still have a problem after that
check to see if your media player is up to date and your
firewall is allowing files from our website. This should clear
up most problems.
We are happy to help you change your addresses when you
switch ISP's but tell us exactly what list you want. There are
adult and clean chips and I don't want to offend anyone and
maybe you are looking for Inspired, Lite, Nerdy, or the links
and we will help you with those too.
Got my taxes done yesterday and it wasn't as painful as I
expected, in fact I will be getting almost 500 back. I am sure
I will find something to spend it on.
It was a very long night with Eva last night. I found out the fever
was from another tooth coming in and Tylenol was making it just
bearable for her. Got to get out and get some teething gel today,
It is a problem when all the stores close around 2300.
Enjoy the chips and have a great weekend... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Baseball Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
GUIDE TO THE BASES, OLD AND NEW
OLD MEANINGS
FIRST BASE: This was almost always kissing, although some guys
thought
it meant just holding hands. Sometimes it was tongue kissing and
sometimes not.
SECOND BASE: This meant either tongue kissing, breast feeling, or
outside-the-
THIRD BASE: Usually this was a hand-down-the-
HOME RUN: This was always sex, although it was rarely reached in the
times when you had to refer to it in terms of bases.
NEW MEANINGS
ON DECK: Having plans for a date.
STRIKE OUT: Duh!
WALK: Kissing.
BUNT: Masturbation.
SINGLE: Tongue kissing.
DOUBLE: Breasts/chest touched, some clothes off, lots of grabbing
and
feels.
TRIPLE: Most of the clothes off, genital contact, mutual
masturbation.
INSIDE-THE-PARK HOME RUN: Oral sex.
HOME RUN: Sex!
GROUND RULE DOUBLE: Would have sex, but no condom.
ERROR: Condom breaks during sex.
BANNED FOR LIFE FOR GAMBLING: Sex without a condom.
HALL OF FAME: Marriage.
BALK: Premature ejaculation.
PINE TAR: KY Jelly.
RELIEF PITCHER: Vibrator.
RAIN DELAYS: Parents/roommate return home unexpectedly.
BOX SEATS: Water bed.
SEVENTH INNING STRETCH: Unusual positions.
DEAD BALL: Blue balls/passion cramps.
ROOKIE: Virgin.
MINOR LEAGUES: Under 18.
LOADED BASES: MÈnage a trios.
GRAND SLAM: Sex three times in twelve hours.
FOUL TIP: Venereal disease.
THREE UP, THREE DOWN: Impotency.
BATING GLOVE: Sexual aide.
COMPARING THE PLAY-BY-PLAYS:
OLD WAY: "We, um, got to third base, I guess, and then we, um, got
past third base, but not to home plate. I really like her."
NEW WAY "A": "First, there was a triple; then we got an inside-the-
park home run, and started thinking, It's Hall of Fame time."
NEW WAY "B": "So there I was with the bases loaded and nobody out,
when I balked during the seventh inning stretch and had to call in a
relief."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Blown
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Cancel My Date
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Animal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
3 elderly gentlemen were sitting
on a park bench discussing what
the meanest animal in the world
was.
The first said, "The meanest animal
in the world is a Hippopotamus,
cause it's got such big jowls. One
bite and your gone."
The second shook his head and said
"Nah, hippo may be mean, but ain't
nothing meaner than an alligator.
He got a big mouth and all them teeth,
snap, one bite, ha, one swallow, you
gone."
The third gentleman sat for a moment,
and finally he spoke and said, " No sir,
the meanest animal in the world is a
hippagator."
The other two in disbelief inquired as
to what in the world is a hippagator,
believing there was no such animal.
The gentleman slowly began to explain,
" A hippagator got a hippo head on one
end, and an 'gator head on the other".
"WAIT" interrupted the others, "If he
has a head on both ends, How does he
shit?"
The reply was simply," He don't,
that's what makes him so mean"!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things Overheard While Having Sex
"A hundred bucks?!? What can I get for ten?"
"Mmmmm, yeah baby, take it off! C'mon, nice & slow ... That's
goo--
AAAARRGGGG!! Disconnected again! Friggin' AOL!!!"
"Dammit! They just don't make these colostomy
bags as strong as they used to!"
"Oooh, you're so BIG! Oooh, you're so POWERFUL!
Oooh, your batteries just died!"
" ... 'Rectum? It nearly killed him.' Get it? Wait ... come back!"
"No, really, I always yawn like that when I climax."
"It's called a 'bra.' Women wear them under their clothes."
"Don't laugh -- if *all* penises were this small,
birth control would be a thing of the past!"
"OK, now put on the Deanna Troi mask and say
'Captain, I can sense your throbbing manhood!' ...No, no, try
it again with more accent!"
"Oh, Baby! Here I expected 5, and you whip out 13!!"
"Well, what you lack in size, you make up for in speed."
"Top 5? C'mon, it's more like the Top 3 1/2!"
"Wait! Wait! We can't start until I find my beret!!"
"Dammit Mom! Knock first!"
"OK, this time, *you* be Martha Stewart and *I'll*
be Rico the gardener."
"Look, lover boy, $120 means $120 -- I don't give
a shit if that works out to $240 a minute."
"Mind if I wedge my calculator under your breast
there while we're doing this?"
"Shave it? You're lucky I washed it."
"Why yes, as a matter of fact, I *WAS* the
original body model for the Ken doll. How in the world did
you guess?"
"Baa-a-a-a-a"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Mule Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One fine Carolina evening a Mrs. George Wood,
now deceased, called a Dr. Marvin Satterfield, a
veterinarian in Edonton, from her home in Chowan
County. It was about her mule, Horace.
She was upset and said: "Doctor, Horace is sick
and I wish you would come out and take a look at him."
The sun was setting, but there was still plenty of daylight
to see by. After asking a few questions and hearing
the answers, Dr. Satterfield said: "Oh, Fannie Lamb,
it's after six o'clock and I'm eating supper.
Give him a dose of mineral oil and if he isn't all right
in the morning, phone me and I'll come and take a look
at your mule." She wanted to know how to give the mule
the mineral oil and the doctor said it should be through
a funnel. Mrs. Wood protested that the mule might bite
her and Dr . Satterfield, a bit exasperated, said:
"You're a farm woman and you know about these
things, Fannie Lamb. Give it to him in the other end."
Fannie Lamb went down to the barn and there stood
Horace, moaning and groaning and banging his head.
He certainly looked sick. She searched for a funnel
but the nearest thing she could find was Uncle Bill's
fox hunting horn, hanging on the wall of the barn.
This was a beautiful gold-plated instrument with
silver tassels.
She took the horn and nervously affixed it properly.
Horace paid no attention, and she was encouraged.
Then she reached up on the shelf where the medicines
for the farm animals were kept. Instead of picking up
the mineral oil, however, she grabbed a bottle of turpentine,
and she poured a liberal dose of it into the horn.
Horace raised his head with a sudden jerk and
stood dead still at attention for maybe three seconds.
Then he let out a squeal that could be heard a mile
down the road. He reared up his hind legs, brought his
front legs down, knocked out one side of the barn,
cleared a five-foot fence, and started down the road at
a mad gallop. Since Horace was in pain, every few jumps
he made, the horn would blow.
All the hound dogs in the neighborhood knew that when
that horn was blowing, it meant Uncle Bill was going
fox hunting. So out on the road they went, following
close behind Horace the Mule.
People who witnessed that chase said it was an
unforgettable sight. First, Horace, running at top speed
and the horn in a most unusual position, the mellow notes
issuing therefrom, the silver tassels waving, and the dogs
barking joyously.
They passed the home of Old Man Harvey Hogan,
who was sitting on his front porch. It was said that
Mr . Hogan had not drawn a sober breath in fifteen years.
He gazed in fascinated amazement at the sight which
unfolded itself before his eyes. He couldn't believe what
he was seeing. Incidentally, Old Man Harvey Hogan
is said now to be head man for Alcoholics Anonymous
in the Albermarle section of the state.
By this time it was good and dark. Horace and the
dogs were coming to the Inland Waterway.
The bridge tender heard the horn blowing frantically
and figured that a fast boat was approaching.
He hurriedly went out and cranked up the bridge.
Horace went kerplunk into the water and, unfortunately,
drowned. The pack of dogs also went into the water,
but they all swam out without much difficulty.
What makes the story doubly interesting is that the
bridge tender was also sheriff of Chowan County and
was running for reelection at the time. But he managed
to get only seven votes, and these were from kinfolks.
Those who took the trouble to analyze the election votes
said the people there figured that any man who didn't
know the difference between a mule with a horn up
his caboose and a boat coming down theInland Waterway
wasn't fit to hold any public office in the county.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Dating Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Guys, have you been getting depressed because there is simply not
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"The
Guide to Being Dumped." These are the top 10 dumping lies translated
to
their true meanings for all of you.
-
"I'm not ready for that type of commitment"
Translation: I don't want to date you; however, you can take me
out to dinner and a movie every once in a while. Just don't hang
around me so much that you scare away the people I really want
to date.
-
"God doesn't want me to date right now. "
Translation: I don't know why I said 'yes' in the first place. God
doesn't
want me to date someone as ugly as you.
-
"I only date older men/women."
Translation: I only date older men/women who have more money than
you do.
-
"You're just not my type."
Translation: When I look at you, and think of kissing you, I get
physically sick.
-
"You're too good for me."
Translation: I'm too good/much/cool for you.
-
"You're too much like a brother/sister"
Translation: I like you, but you just don't turn me on.
-
"You'll always have a special place in my heart." Translation: My
lawyer
will contact you soon about the restraining order.
-
"I think we should date other people."
Translation: Look, I'm late for my date, he/she's probably waiting
in
the parking lot. I've got to go.
-
"I just don't have the time to date anyone."
Translation: You do realize
that I've been avoiding you for months now.
-
"Maybe we can get together real soon."
Translation: Perhaps if you were the last man/woman on Earth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Realizing that I'd put on a pound or two, I lamented to my
husband, "I'm fat."
And right on cue he said what all good husbands must:
"You're not fat." To support his position, he added, "Just
look around you at others, and you will see that you are
not fat."
But our daughter, a high schooler, saw through it: "Mom,
he's grading you on the curve!"
When I realized that I couldn't satisfy my wife's insatiable sex
appetite," Bob said to his drinking buddy, "I bought her quite an
assortment of every sex toy made, thinking that would keep her
faithful."
"Did it work ?" asked the friend.
"Well, kinda.......
like a
little, I find myself 2nd or 3rd in line."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Summer Breezes
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Boy and Butterflies
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The Bible
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Baby
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Surfin Surfari
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Dirty Car Art
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Movie Clips
B. J.
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Babes At The Beach
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Bad Police Search
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Bad Day On The Farm
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Bank Commercial
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Banned Cola Cola Commercial
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The Knack
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The little Car That Couldn't
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Thermal Airport
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The Translator Catherine Tate
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Tractor Drift
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Trust Driver
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Texas Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Texan is drinking in a New York bar, when he gets a call on his
cell
phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of
drinks
for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just
produced a
typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but
the
Texan just shrugs, "That's about average down home, Folks. Like I
said, "My
boy's a typical Texas baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations
of
"WOW"! were heard. One woman actually faints due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say,
you're the
father of that typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth.
Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We
were
gonna call you. So ... how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. "What happened? He lready
weighed
25 pounds the day he was born."
The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star
beer, wipes
his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly
says,
"Had him circumcised"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Airbag Cell
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Airforce cutbacks
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Airline Fart
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Giving Birth
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Find The Car
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Double Team
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Girl In The Tool Room
My job is full of heartaches and no wonder I am blue,
It's terrible the awful things that I'm supposed to do.
And if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a virtuous miss,
I wouldn't have the nerve to even finish this.
I had no way of knowing the way the shopmen talk,
But now a dozen times a day my modesty is shocked.
The fellows crowd around me like a lot of crazy fools,
Until they have me dizzy handing out their gosh darn tools.
I don't mind the decent tools, like wrenches, drills and shears,
But what some fellows ask for makes me red behind the ears.
The man repairing bearings comes and asks to see my balls,
And then he laughs and stares at me until the next man calls.
They ask for cocks to fit on pipes, for counter bores and tits,
And when they ask me for a screw, it scares me into fits,
They come and ask for reamers to enlarge their small holes,
They're driving me plumb crazy; darn their rotten souls.
They ask me for a ratchet bit and for bastard files.
They always make dirty cracks as through the screen they smile.
They ask me for a female gauge, and it's a sad, sad, tale,
Because I can't tell the damn things from a male.
One fellow finds his tool too short, another is too long,
The next one says his tool is weak, another one's too strong.
One fellow asked me for waste to wipe a plumber's cock,
And when I nearly fainted, all he did was gawk.
A foreman looking 'round one day for tools to cut a slot,
Said "Open up your drawers, girl, and show me what you got."
Another came up to me as I returned from lunch,
And asked me with a grin, if I had seen his big prick punch.
And speaking of embarrassment, never shall I forget,
The day the payman asked, "Have you a monthly yet?"
Now how the hell was I to know he meant my monthly check;
By the time they saved him, I'd darned near broke his neck.
I hate to be a quitter, folks will say I lack the guts,
But if I stay another, day this place will drive me nuts.
I really want to do my bit, and that's no doggone bull
But you can have this tool room job; I've got my belly full.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary and Sue hadn't seen each other for years. When they finally
sat down
to lunch, Mary was stunned at how trim and healthy Sue looked.
"My God," she said, "What do you do to stay so fit?"
"Well," answered Sue, "I've found that nothing keeps me trimmer than
having
affairs."
"Really!" exclaimed Mary, looking her friend up and down. "You
simply must
tell me who does your catering!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few years ago I was working at a local
video store when a guy in a Philadelphia
Eagles jacket and a ski mask came in.
He walked up to my register, pulled out
a six-inch knife, and demanded the money.
Thinking fast, I told him the register would
open only if we had a membership card to
scan -- a total lie. Even so, the idiot reached
for his wallet and took out his card. I scanned
it, handed him the money and watched smugly
as he took off.
After calling the cops and assuring the customers
that I was fine, a guy walked in wearing the same
Eagles jacket. Then he asked if he could use my
phone because his car wouldn't start.
After hearing his voice, the customer standing next
to him knocked him out cold. The cops came and
rushed the guy to the hospital, and we soon learned
that we had the right man.
We also learned that when the customer knocked
him out, the robber collapsed onto the knife in his
pocket, puncturing his left nut.
If that's not justice, I don't know what is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1561
Memories, Katie
BJ decides to train Katie to fetch..
BJ: Okay Katie I will throw this stick and you fetch it, okay?
Katie: Okay.
BJ throws the stick...Katie runs after the stick, stops at the
stick.
Looks at it, sniffs the stick, walks around the stick.
Katie: Yes sir rebob, this is the stick he threw all right, but why
in
the heck should I bring it back? I will give him a dumb look.
BJ: Oh girl you do not understand..
we
will try again.
Katie to herself: Oh I understand quite well.
This goes on for a while then BJ starts to huff and puff.
BJ: I am tired and think I will go in.
The Care and Feeding of Humans by Katie Kassity
Is your bi-ped out of shape? Well mine is so it behoves me to do
what
I can to try and get him to exercise. So playing fetch is one way.
He
tosses the stick then will fetch it and throws it again and fetchs
the
stick. I like to watch him play this game. It amuses him so and me
to.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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