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Today, I woke up early as usual. When I was going to have breakfast I slipped on the stairs and got a big whack on my head. To calm me down, my wife gave me a cup of coffee; I burned my tongue because it was too damn hot. I put a slice of bread in the toaster and when I went to get it out I got an electric shock that threw me on my ass. The telephone rang, it was the office telling me that last night the safe was broken into and everything was taken. I decided this was the right time to take a nice hot shower and meditate to bring down my stress and help me to relax. That's when it happened..
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
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THE COMICS
in the future
http://www.thepostmanscorner. net/p021. html the Lockhorns
http://www.thepostmanscorner. net/p022. html my compliments
http://www.thepostmanscorner. net/p023. html a coincidence
http://www.thepostmanscorner. net/p024. html how do you know
http://www.thepostmanscorner. net/p025. html then she said
http://www.thepostmanscorner. net/p026. html a back handed compliment
http://www.thepostmanscorner. net/p027. html in the pokey
http://www.thepostmanscorner. net/p028. html the truth can hurt sometimes
http://www.thepostmanscorner. net/p029. html
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http://www.tinyurl.com/2kl85p If the Indians had given the Pilgrim fathers a donkey instead of a turkey,
we all would be having a piece of ass for Christmas
_____________
Jill walks past three men in the office who are all bemoaning the fact that they are about to be audited during the coming month. Says the first guy with a groan, "I'm screwed!"
"I'm screwed, too!" says the other guy, slapping his forehead. "Guys, I am about to be fucked beyond all recognition by this audit!" exclaims the third guy in anguish. Just then, one of the guys notices Jill who has been standing there listening. She now has a very thoughtful look on her face. "Are you OK?" asks the guy.
"Yes," replies Jill, "but I was wondering... How do I go about getting audited?"
_________________ Three prostitutes are chatting in a bar one night and
the topic comes up on how loose they are.
The first one says, "Oh, three fingers."
The second says, "Gotcha beat, my whole fist!"
The third one just laughed and slid down the bar stool.
________________ Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortun-
ately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they
arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little
Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby.
Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would
have a wise crack to say about the baby. So, Little
Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before
going to the neighbors. He said, "Now, son...that poor
baby was born without any ears and I want you to be on
your best behavior and not say one word about his ears,
or I'm really going to spank your butt when we get back
home.""I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little
Johnny. At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned
over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at
it's mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!"
Johnny's parents, who had braced themselves for
Johnny's comment, were pleasantly surprised as was
the baby's mother who said," Thank you very much,
Little Johnny."He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and
perfect little feet." Again Johnny's parents breathed a
sigh of relief. Why, just look at his pretty little eyes! Did
his doctor say he can see good?" The mother, a bit
bewildered, hesitantly replies "Why, yes... his doctor
said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?"
"Well", little Johnny said, "It's a good thing, cause he'd
be fu***ed if he needed to wear glasses!"
____________The couple are in the bedroom one night and they have
just finished making love.
"Honey, did you enjoy the fun we just had?", he asks.
"Yes, of course, Dear.," She replies. Didn't you hear
me laughing?"
________________ Two ship captains were sitting at the bar one night getting good
and lit when one turned to the other and said, "You know what
gets me, though, is these damn sailors! Oh sure, they're fine for
the first few weeks, but on those three-month trips at sea they
start getting pretty hard up. With all the whacking off going on,
it's a wonder any work is getting done, and it's making a mess
all over the ship. I don't know what to do!"
The other captain smiles knowingly at his companion. "Oldest
trick in the book. You take the crew and divide them into two
teams. Then you buy about 50 barrels and put them on the ship.
You tell the crew that the team that fills the most barrels wins
a bag of gold." "Well that's a great way to keep the ship clean,but then I'm out a bag of gold every trip!"
"Not so," replied the other captain. "After you get back to port,
take all the barrels together and sell them to the wax factory to
make into candles. You make a tidy profit every time."
The captain pondered this and the next day, he took his friend's
advice and divided the crew, bought a bunch of barrels, and set
off to sea. Before long, the crew took to the new system and
began filling barrel after barrel.
When they finally reached port, the captain sold the barrels for
a huge profit. 'This is great,' thought the captain, 'before
long, I'll be able to buy a new boat!'
This went on, voyage after voyage. Then one day, the ship
happened back to that very first port. Coming down the gangplank,
the captain was surprised to see the cops waiting for him. As
they slapped the cuffs on him, the captain cried out, "What's the
meaning of this?!""You sick bastard," replied the cop. "Do you remember all those barrels you sold to the candle factory last time you passed
through town?""Sure," said the captain. "What about 'em?!"
"Well, they made them into candles, sold them to the convent, and
now all the nuns are pregnant!"
BUFFALO'S
MoviesSmart Animals
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/ 022304.htm Bathroom Videos
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/ 022305.htm Why Ladies Watch Football
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/ 030112.htm Wrong Gift
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/ 030113.htm Have a nice day!FROM:Martin aka the postman!
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