Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I watch cartoons on NICK because unlike the rest of
the toons on TV they haven't succumbed to the politically
correct anti-violence theories of the Dr. Spock Era.
Don't get me wrong, they aren't filled with blood
and gore but more like the days of Coyote and Road
Runner they are filled with slapstick humor that
has a tendency to blow up in their faces. I suppose
you already know that my favorite is Sponge Bob
but I have noticed one thing that may be a bit
confusing to children. Sponge Bob has sponges for
parents and Patrick the star fish has starfishes
for parents as we would all expect. Even Mrs.
Puff the boat instructor was married to another
puff fish that became a lamp. The only strange
combo is Mr. Krabbs an ex-sailor and his daughter
Pearl. Krabbs is a crab and Pearl is a whale which
means the never mentioned Mrs. Krabbs, or perhaps the
unwed mother of Pearl, was a whale. I am glad that
I will never have to field questions like, " When I
grow up can I marry a crab?" Although come to think
of it my wife can be pretty crabby.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to
concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and
relatives. The father tried every way possible to get Johnny to
occupy himself...televisio
the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players
and calling out the cards they held.
The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the
game and all go home. At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took
Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room. The uncle soon
returned back to the poker table without Johnny and without comment,
the game resumed. For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was
nowhere to be seen and the cardplayers continued without any further
interruptions.
After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle, "What in
the world did you do to Johnny? I haven't heard a peep from him all
day!"
"Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I just showed him how to
jerkoff."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q and A Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Why do tampons have strings?
A: Cause it's always good to floss after you eat!
Q: Why do hippo's have sex underwater?
A: How else are you going to keep a 400 lb pussy wet?
Q: How do you turn a city girl into a cotton picker?
A: Cut her tampon string.
Q: What's the definition of a vagina?
A: The box a penis comes in.
Q: Why do we have orgasms?
A: How else would we know when to stop?
Q: Can you use indefinitely in a sentence?
A: When your balls are slapping up against her
ass, you're in...definitely!
Q: What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A: They are both used as substitute meat.
Q: What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?
A: Crust
Q: What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his
teeth?
A: Glad he ate her!
Q: What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down and/or use a better lubricant.
Q: What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
A: Both can smell it but can't eat it.
Q: What is the definition of wicker box?
A: It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why does Santa have such a big sack?
A. Because he only cums once a year!!!!!!!!
My girlfriend calls me Santa Claus because I
only come once a year
but when I do I fill her stockings.
Dozens of art enthusiasts gathered at an important gallery for the
exhibition
of a favorite artist. One critic asked the artist how he had managed
to
achieve such interesting effects. "It's very simple. I put a canvas
on the
floor, dump paint on it and then have two or three nude beauties
slither all
over it.
"That must be quite stimulating.
"Not especially, but cleaning the brushes is a kick."
What has one eye, one horn, is purple, flys, and gives the Pope head?
A one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple papal eater.
Q. Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas
time?
A. Because they were originally made for children, but father wants
to play with them.
Q. Why doesn't Santa have any children?
A. Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down
the chimney.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Tax Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
2007 Tax Code
The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is the
male penis.
This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is
hanging around
unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of
the time it is
pissed off and 1% of the time it is in the hole. On
top of that, it has
two dependents and they are both nuts!
HOWEVER, effective January 1st, 2007, the penis will
now be taxed
according to size:
The brackets are as follows:
10 - 12" Luxury Tax $300.00
8 - 10" Pole Tax $250.00
5 - 8" Privilege Tax $150.00
3 - 5 " Nuisance Tax $30.00
Males exceeding 12" must file capital gains.
Anyone under 4" is eligible for a tax refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION
Calif Jack
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sniper Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A USMC sniper was real good at his job. This sniper had a method.
He would yell out some insult at the enemy and when someone stood up
to reply, Bang! One less insurgent! After every mission the company
commander would ask "How many insurgents have you shot today?"
However, on this particular day when asked about the number killed,
he reported "Five killed and I let one go."
"Let one go?" roared the company commander. "What do you
mean, you let one go?"
"Well, I yelled out 'Osama is a Homo!' Then this big
insurgent stood up and yelled 'Hillary is a Bitch!' I just couldn't
shoot a fellow Republican!"
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
School Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young boy returned home from school. "Hi, Mom!"
called out the Sixth grader. "Hello, son" replied
his Mother. "Tell me, what did you do in school
today?" asked his Mother.
"Well, Mom" said the boy, "I learned about fractions
in math, and we are studying all about the explorers
Lewis and Clark, and I had sex with my teacher."
"WHAT?!" screamed his Mother. "YOU HAD SEX WITH YOUR
TEACHER?!!" "YOU GO RIGHT UP TO YOUR ROOM! YOU JUST
WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME!!!" She yelled.
A while later, the Father returns home from work.
"YOU GO RIGHT UP TO JUNIORS ROOM THIS MINUTE!"
his wife ranted. "HE TOLD ME HE HAD *S*E*X*
WITH HIS TEACHER AT SCHOOL TODAY!!"
"Calm down, dear" He replied. "I am sure there
is a valid explaination for that kind of a statement."
The Father marches up to his son's room and
confronts the boy.
"Son, what is this sex-with-the-
you told your Mother about?" He asked his son.
"It's true, Dad" said the boy. "I had sex with my
teacher today at school."
"Well" said the Father, "that is some accomplishment!
I didn't have sex until I was almost 16! I am very
proud of you, son! In fact,I am so proud of you,
that I am going to buy that new bike you always
wanted - right now!!"
"Gee, Dad" replied the boy, "can we kinda wait for a
while? My butt is still kinda sore."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
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Subscribers and Friends
John w/ Christmas In Virginia
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Carolyn with/ Twelve Days Of Christmas
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Christmas Time"s a Coming/Marlene
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The GratitudeCampaign Via Mary
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Birthday Celebration
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Surfin Surfari
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I'll Never Fall http://www.shangral
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Potato Tree Via Dianne
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
AutoCAD Tips & Techniques
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Php Trees
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Java Scrip Trees
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Animal World
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Movies
Headache Cure
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Paris Hilton Ad
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The New Battle of New Orleans
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Today's
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Touch
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coffee Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A very devout Catholic woman was preparing to receive the local parish
priest at her house, and was bustling around trying to get everything
spick and span. In her haste, she accidentally knocked over her
nice crystal glass sugar bowl, smashing the glass and spilling all the
lumps of sugar on the floor. At that moment, the door bell rang, and
in her confusion, she quickly scooped up the sugar lumps, and shoved
them into her very ample cleavage.
A few minutes later, she and the priest were sitting at the table,
having a cup of tea. "Do you have any sugar please, Mrs O' Reilly?"
asked the priest, and without stopping to think, she gave him two
lumps
from where she had hidden them. "Some milk Father?"
"Oh no thank you" spluttered the priest, quickly drawing back and
standing up....
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Awful Truth
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Pumpkin Head
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Dancing Stone
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Alcoholic ?
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Unhealthy Bird
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Big Drink
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I warned you
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Herman
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Danny reminds dad
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lovely young maid from Darjheeling
Could dance with such exquisite feeling
Not a murmur was heard,
Not a sound, not a word
But the fly buttons hitting the ceiling.
There was a young lady of fashion
Who had oodles and oodles of passion.
To her lover she said,
As they climbed into bed,
"Here's one thing the bastards can't ration!"
____________
There was a young man from Maine
Whose prick was as strong as a crane;
It was almost as long,
So he strolled with his dong
Extended in sunshine and rain.
____________
Though I don't carry all that much girth
Fucking women is Heaven on Earth
When up go their knees
And the way that they squeeze
Just milks me for all that it's worth!
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top Ten Signs You've Hired A Bad Department Store Santa
10. He wears the Santa costume all year round
9. Tells salesgirls that "Me & Mrs. Claus have an understanding"
8. After every toy request says "Yeah, right"
7. Tries unsuccessfully to hide the fact that he's wearing handcuffs
6. Charges $5.95 for the first minute, $2.95 each additional minute
5. Every day around 10 A.M. throws up on the down escalator
4. Keeps sending elves out for more vermouth
3. Whether they want it or not, gives every kid a crewcut
2. Keeps reminiscing about his vice presidency under Bill
Clinton
1. He's packin' heat
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An eight year old goes for a walk with his dad. On the way they pass
a ranch and there, two horses are doing it. The eight year old is
pretty amused and asks his dad the obvious question - " Hey dad, what
are those horses doing ?". The dad is a little embarassed and
replies "Son, they are making themselves a Baby pony !!". The son is
quite convinced and moves on with his dad. That night when the son
is going to the loo, he hears strange noises coming from his parents'
room. Inquisitive as he was, he enters the room unannounced, only to
find his dad over his mom. The son says "Hey Dad, what are you and
mom doing ?". To which the embarassed dad replies "Son, we are
making you a baby brother!". The son is not quite happy and
says, "In that case, why don't you turn mom over and make me a baby
pony instead ?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1172
The Iceman Cometh
Remembering back to the ice storm......
Katie: Follow me guys...outside!
Rudy: A-Rooo!
Sandi: Yeah! Looks like snow. Race you to the trees!
BJ: Be careful it is not snow it is ice...
Thud! Slide... Crash..! Wham!!!
Rudy: Hey what the sam hill!
Sandi: Fall down on my but what the heck...?
Katie: Hey, I start running and can't stop...
Rudy: Look! When I go to the bathroom it is frozen to the tree!
Katie: Our breaths are frozen..
Sandi: My words are freezing and falling to the ground.
Katie: This reminds of the winter of '03 when it was so cold..
Rudy: How cold was it Katie?
Katie: Thought you would never ask. It was so cold that the air
froze
and in order to breath you had to take an ice pick and chop it and
grab
some as it broke out of the ice.
Rudy: Golly that is something.
Sandi: Something for sure.
Katie: Yeah, it was so cold that the lake froze solid and broke into
little pieces. People came from miles around and took the lake home
to warm it up.
Rudy: What happened?
Katie: Well people put the lake in their sinks and when it thawed it
came down the sewer lines back into the lake and refilled it.
Rudy: Amazing!
Sandi: Yeah an amazing story,,,no doubt.
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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