Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Some Christmas Thoughts
Fox news today was talking about the lack of
Christmas Carolers these days. Having lived
in the country most of my life I have never
seen a Christmas Caroler come to the door, instead
going to performances at the schools or seeing
them downtown sponsored by the stores. Does
any of the herd see carolers these days or is it
truly a thing of the past.
Next I was reading Yahoo news this morning about
a father who bought his son Guitar Hero 3 for
90 dollars as his major Christmas present. He
came home and the 15 year old was in the back
yard smoking pot with his buddies. Dad took the
son's gift and put it on an online auction where
it sold to someone in Australia for 9,000 dollars.
Dad says he will buy the kid a Barbie game or
something for a gift instead.
A year ago Nancy did a Turducken for the Thanksgiving
meal. They had been popular for several years after
having been featured on the NFL Thanksgiving Football
Game. Simple in principle but a lot of work it requires
the boning of a turkey, duck, and Cornish game hen and
stuffing everything in the turkey along with several
dressings. They could be bought prepared for around 200
ready to cook. This year's feast weighs in at 56 pounds
and consists of 11 different birds breasts shoved into
a turkey along with 8 different dressings and will cost
you almost 1400 dollars. It does feed 125 people though.
Wonder what they have planned for next year? A turkey
stuffed with calling birds, swans, French hens, and a
partridge in a pear tree?
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Flying Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the miraculous landing of the stricken Air Blue plane at Los
Angeles,
reporters interviewed the passengers. The first one they talked to
was a
rabbi. "Your name, sir?"
"I am Rabbi Jacob Schwartz from Santa Monica"
"How did you feel when you became aware of the plane's problems?" the
reporter asked.
"Well, I was a bit apprehensive, but I put my faith in God, and we
were
spared," he said.
The next person off the plane was wearing a collar. The reporter also
asked
him his name, "Father Daniel McCurdy of the Los Angeles
Archdiocese" "and
how did you feel as the plane circled about for three hours?"
"To be perfectly honest, I was pretty nervous about it, but I offered
my
prayers to the Lord, and He answered them."
The next person off the plane also was wearing a collar. "Your name,
father?
"My name is William Jackson."
"Are you also with the LA Archdiocese?
"No, I am an Ecopalian."
The reporter said, "Ecopalian??
denomination"
"Coming down on that plane just scared the piss out of me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two pals from the army meet in the street:
-HI! We haven't seen each other so long, what's up?
-I got married, you know.
-That's great, we've got to celebrate that somehow. Come to my place
tonight so we'll have a small orgy.
-Well, how many people are gonna be there?
-If you come with your wife - three.
-HI! We haven't seen each other a long time, what's up?
-I got married.
-So? How is it? Better?
-Better? - I don't think so, but more often - for sure.
Two lovers play seek & hide.
-If you find me, I'm yours...
-What if I don't find you?
-I'm in the closet.
Little Johnny has just been toilet trained and decides to use the big
toilet like his daddy. He pushes up the seat and balances his little
penis on the rim. Just then the toilet seat slams down, and little
Johnny lets out a scream.
His mother comes running to find Johnny hopping round the room
clutching his genitals and howling.
He looks up at her with his little tear stained face and sniffles,
"K-k-k-k-kiss {sniff} it better."
Little Johnny's mother shouts, "Don't start your father's shit with
me!"
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Gorilla Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy went to the zoo to look at the animals. He bought some popcorn
and
was walking around and saw all the birds, giraffes, elephants and so
on.
He came to gorilla cage, in it was this big gorilla. The guy was
standing watching the gorilla and noticed that the gorilla was copying
every move the guy made. The guy would reach into his popcorn bag and
eat some popcorn and the gorilla would copy that movement. The guy
would
reach up and tug on his ear, again the gorilla would copy it. This was
going on for some time. At one point the guy pulled his lower eyelid
down with his index finger. At that instant the gorilla grabbed the
bars, bent them, jumped through and grabbed the guy and beat the crap
out of him. As the guy was being wheeled out to the ambulance, the
zookeeper asked "what did you do to make the gorilla go crazy like
that"
the guy told him what had happened, how the gorilla was copying every
move he made and showed him some of what the gorilla was
copying. "What
move did you make just before the gorilla attacked you?" the zookeeper
asked. He pulled his lower eyelid down with his index finger. "Oh"
said
the zookeeper "thats gorilla for FUCK YOU".
Well, several weeks go by and finally the guy gets out of the
hospital.
He goes back to the zoo to get back at that gorilla. He buys some
popcorn and goes straight to the gorilla's cage. As he comes up to the
gorilla they acknowledge each other, the gorilla remembers. The guy
starts eating his popcorn and the gorilla copies his movements. The
guy
starts tugging his ear, the gorilla follows that movement. This goes
on
for several minutes. The guy pulls out a pocketknife, folds out one of
the blades and runs the blade along his neck ( without cutting himself
of course) He then hands the pocketknife to the gorilla. The gorilla
reaches up to his eye and pulls the lower eyelid down with his index
finger.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Hotel Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fellow checked into a hotel on a business trip
recently and was a bit lonely so he thought he'd get one
of those girls you see advertised in the phone books
under "Escorts and Massages". He opened the phone book
to an ad for a girl calling herself Erotique, a lovely
girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the
right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy
hair, long graceful legs all the way up. You know the
kind... So he is in his room and figures, what the hell,
he gives her a call.
"Hello?" the woman says. God she sounded sexy!
"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you
to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should
be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I
really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and
I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long.
You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys,
everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot
and heavy all night; Tie me up, cover me in chocolate
syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, how
does that sound?"
She says, "That sounds fantastic; But for an
outside line you need to press 9".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Chest Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hmmm A TOY CHEST"
One of the women in the neighborhood asked her husband to buy her a
fur
coat for their 25th anniversary. He just snorted and laughed out loud,
remarking, "The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow
hair on your chest!"
-
With that she hiked up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrust her
pubic area forward.
"There! I have hair on my chest, now buy me the damn coat!"
-
"That's not your chest!" he roars back.
-
"Damn right it's my chest!" she argued. "Before we got married, this
was
your hope chest. On our honeymoon it was your treasure chest.
Afterwards
it became our family chest....AND IF YOU DON'T BUY ME A FUR COAT....IT
WILL SOON BECOME THE COMMUNITY CHEST!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Q and A Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why was Helen Keller arrested on a morals charge?
A. For lip reading in the girls locker room.
Q: What should a woman say as she guides her lover's tongue toward her
clitoris?
A: This bud's for you!
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant
Q. What do dirty old men buy Vaseline for?
A. 79 cents, same as the rest of us...
Q: How can you tell the difference between a woman in the throes of
having PMS and a terrorist?
A: Terrorists can be negotiated with.
Q: What's the definition of oral sex?
A: The taste of things to come.
Q. What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
A. Popeye damn near killed him!
Q. Why do all the "other" reindeer have brown noses?
A. Because they cant stop as quickly as Rudolph!
Q: Why can't lesbians wear make-up when they're on a diet?
A: Because it's hard to eat Jenny Craig when you have Mary Kay on your
face.
Q: Why was there lipstick on the blonde's steering wheel?
A: She tried to blow the horn.
Q: Why are Democrats better in bed?
A: You've never heard of getting a good piece of elephant, have you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
THE ANGELS CRIED/Marlene
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Junebug with/Oh Holy Night
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Checksum
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7-Zip
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Movies
Smart Animals
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Bathroom Videos
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Drive
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Why Ladies Watch Football
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Wrong Gift
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How Men Screw Up A Relationship
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How To Put A Bra On
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Insurance
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Internet Sex
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
First Time Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
MY FIRST TIME
The night was dark
the moon was high
we were alone
just her and I.
Her hair was brown
and her eyes were too
somehow she knew
what I had to do.
Her face was content
and her body was fine
so I slipped my fingers
down her spine.
Then with courage
I did my best
and placed my hand
upon her breast.
Trembling now
I could hear her heart
as she slowly spread
her legs apart.
I knew what she wanted
but didn't know how
it was my first time
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Warning
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Close The Door
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Cat Biking
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Cheek To Cheek
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Child Safety
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Chillin
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
With a little keg of brandy.
Jack got stewed,
Jill got screwed,
Now it's Jack, and Jill, and Andy.
************
Are gentlemen living in Siam
As astonished to learn as I am
That a guy named Fitzgerald
Wrote the poem we herald
As The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam?
************
There was a young girl from Balmoral
Whose habits were highly immoral.
For the price of a dime
She took three at a time,
One fore, one aft, and one oral
* ************
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We took the whole family to my cousin's to watch the Bears game.
The women were in one room, the kids in another and a bunch of
men in the family room watching the game. It was damned exciting
and we were screaming at the TV alot.
First one of the women came in and said, "We're glad it's a good
game, but we can't hear ourselves think. Can you please tone
it down?"
I guess that worked for a few plays then another one came back and
said, "Jiminy!" (that's a quote, folks) You are too loud. Please!"
Then a teenaged girl came in with her cell phone attached to her
ear, "Daddy, I can't hear who I'm talking to!"
Then Devin Hester scored his second touchdown and everyone went
truly nuts. That's when a six year old boy walked up from the
basement and screamed, "Will you all shut the hell up!"
That pretty much did it.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
ALL THAT IS REQUIRED IS TO PASS YOUR PHYSICAL !
When his son refused to get a job, his father insisted he join the
Marines.
At the induction physical, the doctor directed the reluctant naked
recruit to read the eye chart across the room.
"What chart?" the young man asked.
"The one on the wall!" The doctor said."What wall?
Sensing he had a deadbeat on his hands, the doctor asked his
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"What do you see now?"
"Nothing."
"Well, you may not see anything," the doctor said, "but
your 'indicator' is pointing toward Paris Island !
Welcome to the Marine Corps, son
Amy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1174
Wrestling Match
Unbeknownst to BJ, the dogs are in a rare mood.
BJ walks into the front room with the newspaper in hand when
Rudy decides this is the time to ATTACK!!!
Rudy rears up on his hind legs and with BJ unaware....
PUSH!!
THUD!!
BJ: Hey, What the...?
Rudy: Opps, did the widdle pops get knocked on his keester?
BJ: Oh you want to wrestle huh?
Bump! Roll!
Diana: Hey, you guys are making too much noise!
No wrestling in the house!
Rudy: Huff puff, okay.
BJ: Rudy knocked me to the couch.
Rudy: Aw, wasn't nothing...
BJ: Well when a 100lb dog gets on his hind feet and pushes
you....
Diana: You sneak up on him all the time and tackle him so
it was his turn.
BJ: Yeah but..
The herd in Guthrie
(Love my dogs they have a sense of humor. We play tricks on each
other all the time. Rudy did knock me to the couch. I am certain
he waited until he knew the couch was in play.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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