Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Short Navy Story from the archives There are three ways of doing any
job , the right way, the wrong way, and the Navy way. The only
difference between the last two is the Navy way is accepted and you
won't get in trouble for doing it that way. case in point painting
the bilges. A bilge is a holding area for leakage in engineering
spaces. Imagine a room the size of your house with all kinds of
machinery that is cooled by oil and salt water. Take all of the
floors out and put in grates and all the leaks drip into your
basement where you have several different ways of pumping them out.
Add all kinds of little pedestals for machinery to sit on called
foundations and miles of piping and valves and you have a bilge.
Navy likes the bilges painted terra cotta red because the Navy
paints everything that doesn't move and salt water makes steel rust.
The right way to do this is to completely clean the bilge, sandblast
loose paint and rust, prime with a suitable primer, and apply a
finish coat. This takes months to do and involves shipyards and
dry-docks.
The Navy way is a few days before an inspection, you clean the
bilges. Take a 5 gallon pail of AFFF which is the stuff they foam
down runways with and fight oil fires, and dump it in the bilges.
take three or four fire hoses and stir it up good till it looks you
put a whole box of Tide in mom's washer and then pump it overboard
while you agitate and rinse with the fire hoses. Your bilge is now
clean except for nuts, bolts, wrenches, hammers, and Zippo lighters
that people have dropped. Now you fill the bilges back up with salt
water again to just below the gratings and empty about 150 gallons
of oil based terra cotta paint into the water and start to slowly
pump the water out until the bilge is dry and the paint coats
everything on the way down. Keep your bilges dry for the next 8
hours and everything is pretty for the inspection. Of course half
of it will blister and peel in the next few months but then we can
do it all over again the next times we get visitors.
The wrong way is the same as above if the chief bosun or your
inspectors catch you which is fairly easy as the first step for
preparation involves cleaning and you have a whole toolbox worth of
tools embedded in paint at the bottom of the bilge.
The first chief I worked for onboard ship was tired of spending a
1000 dollars a quarter for new tools and had went to serv-mart and
bought all new tools just prior to the ship getting underway for
Westpac. He initiated a new check out procedure and assigned a man
to the tool cage to hand out and check-in tools each workday. First
day of the program someone lost a 1/2 in drive ratchet working in
the bilges and the chief was upset. He told the man not to come out
of the bilges till he found the ratchet. The chief had a couple of
rubber mallets and every time the man stuck his head up above the
deck plates he would throw one at him. The ratchet hadn't been
misplaced though, it had been stolen and eventually the thief
started feeling sorry for the guy in the bilges and returned the
ratchet without revealing himself. They had very few problems with
lost tools after that.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Short Chips
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Bob was talking to a girl in a pub the other night, and said, "You
remind me of my little toe." "Is that because I'm small and cute?" she
asked. "No," he replied. "It's because I'll probably end up banging you
on my coffee table later tonight.
On cruise ships, girls are taught that if they accidentally fall in the
water, they should not panic, but to slowly remove all outer clothing.
However, studies reveal girls will usually remove all their outer
clothing except for their blouses, because when air gets under the
blouse, it acts like a buoy. (Stan Kegel)
A car pulled up to the scantily dressed streetwalker. She leaned in and
was about to make a proposition when recognition startled her. "Mr.
Davis?" she said, surprised. "Yes," Mr. Davis replied. "Wow!" she said.
"You were my old high school English teacher!" "That's right!" Mr. Davis
said. "I remember! So this is your job now?" Mr. Davis asked, smiling.
"That's right!" the streetwalker said seductively, "Are you looking for
a good time? Only 50 bucks. We can do anything you want!" Mr. Davis got
out of his car and flashed a police badge. "I'm a cop now," he said as
he slapped handcuffs on the streetwalker. "You're under arrest!" "Oh,
come on," she said. "For what?" Mr. Davis replied, "For ending a
sentence with a proposition!"
"Class, today's assignment is to spell and use the word 'DOUGH' in a
sentence. Jane, you go first." Dough, D O U G H. Italians make pizza
with dough." "Very good, Jane. Now let's hear from Mary." "Dough, D O U
G H. My brother makes things with play dough." "Yes, Johnny, do you have
something constructive to add?" "My mom says my dad doesn't make enough
dough, and he's bloody hopeless in bed, so she uses dill dough!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
in the bathroom
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p061.html
stop pouting
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p062.html
Jack and Jill
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p063.html
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Texas Chips
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A Texan went to the big city up North for the first time. After
strolling around the downtown area for a while, he happened to look
up and see a man at the top of a tall building. The man looked like
he was ready to jump off.
Concerned about the man's fate, the Texan immediately started
thinking of things he could tell the man so that he would want to
live and would not jump.
"Remember your wife," yelled the Texan.
"She divorced me," said the man.
"Remember your children," yelled the Texan.
"They ran away," said the man.
"Remember your parents," yelled the Texan.
"They are dead," said the man.
"Remember the Alamo," yelled the Texan.
"What is the Alamo?" inquired the man.
"Jump, you Yankee Sumbitch!" replied the Texan.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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toe. From step-by-step instructions and easy to follow guides. These
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iron Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alas, it is an original joke I was out walking when I ran into an
old friend Doug. I was surprised how he looked. He had lost about
forty pounds and was in pretty good shape.
I has to ask him how he did this: 'Doug how did you get in such
great shape?
Doug: First thing in the morning when I get up, I pump Iron. When I
get home from work, I pump Iron, before I go to bed I pump Iron.
If I wake up in the middle of the night, I pump Iron.
I responded: That is amazing Doug, you have done great.
We walked to the parking lot our cars were parked next to each
other.
I noticed in his car was a drop dead blonde with legs that would not
quit. She was stunning and about twenty years Doug's junior.
I asked: Doug who is your lady friend?
Doug: Oh, it is nothing, I have to leave.
The lady got out of the car and spoke: Oh Doug, are you not going to
introduce me to your friend. Hello, my name is Janice Iron.
BJ in Guthrie
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Short Chips
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The young Swedish-American couple, having the same last names, went
to the marriage license bureau. The clerk began to fill out the
license form. "Your name?" he asked the prospective bride-groom.
"Ole Yonson."
"And your name?" the clerk asked the bride-to-be. "Hilda Yonson."
"Any relation?" asked the clerk. "Yust vunce," Hilda blushed. "Ve
couldn't vait."
Mine Shaft: What a German calls his dick.
A middle class gentleman decided one week before Halloween to have a
party on Halloween night. The theme of the party was that you must
have a costume that represents an emotion. The word spread quickly,
and since anybody was welcome, it was sure to be a big party. On
the night of the party, the house was filled with people, a brown
costume for the shitty mood, a multicolored costume for premenstrual
syndrome, and many others both interesting as well as funny. The
man continuously received knocks on the door, and always let the
person in, regardless of their taste in costume. Once again, a
knock rapped on his door, and he opened it. A beautiful woman
stepped in, wearing a red dress with ruffled sleeves. "You look
beautiful tonight miss, what is your emotion?," the man asked. "I'm
red with anger.," said the woman. The man smiled and let her in to
join the others in the party.
Five minutes later another knock on the door came, and he opened it,
to have another beautiful woman in a green dress step in. "What are
you supposed to be, my pretty?," the man asked. "I'm green,...
green with envy.," said the woman. "Quite clever!" said the man.
He stepped aside to allow her to enter. Two minutes later, another
tapping on the door came. He opened it, and In front of him stood a
6'6", naked, smelly, hairy man. On the end of his erected penis
stood a pear. "I hears you got yourself a party.," said the
stranger. "That is correct,...," said the man, trying to keep his
cool. "What are you supposed to be?" "The naked stranger looked
down on the man and, in a booming voice, replied, "I'm fucking
despair!"
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One evening, after conducting a real hell-fire-and-brimstone revival
meeting, the visiting evangelist decided to take a walk, and
happened to wander into a nearby red-light district. On a corner, he
saw a streetwalker leaning against a lamppost. The evangelist
stopped and, in a powerful voice, he intoned, "Woman, I prayed for
you last night." "Well, you could've had me if you'd just come
around," she purred. "I was standing right here all night long."
A slimy fellow proposed a one dollar bar bet to a full figured girl.
Despite her dress being buttoned to the neck, he could touch her
breasts without touching her clothes. Since this didn't seem
remotely possible, she was intrigued and accepted the bet. He
stepped up, cupped his hands around her breasts and squeezed firmly.
With a baffled look, she said, "Hey, you touched my clothes," The
fellow shrugged and handed her a dollar.
Mary: "I've known this really nice man for a while now. I'm thinking
of spending the weekend with him." Jill: "Mary, you know it's a sin
to engage in premarital sex." Mary: "Yeah, but it's not premarital
sex if you have no intention of getting married
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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so what is in your food? Via Dianne
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_food_additives
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16,000 Step By Step Woodworking Plans
This package contains plans that is covered from head to
toe. From step-by-step instructions and easy to follow guides. These
easy-to-understand plans will make woodworking a breeze!
Comes With Blueprints & Materials List
Forget those expensive DIY wood plans. Listen, no other
woodworking package in the market is as comprehensive as this and this
was one of the major reasons I created this. Everything you need to know
from blueprints and materials list is incredibly detailed....
Your Skill Level Doesn't Matter!
My custom woodworking plans are designed to get the job done
quickly, inexpensively and with professional results EVERY TIME. You
don't have to be a carpenter or joiner to build beautiful woodworking
projects!
http://buffaloschips.com/woodwo
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Movie Links
Walk It Out Granny
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7808.htm
Water Park Prank
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7809.htm
wdrb
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7810.htm
We Need This Here
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7811.htm
What Every Man Wants In Bed
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7812.htm
WHAT_HAPPENS_IN_SEAWORLD_STAYS_THERE
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7813.htm
What The Hells That
http://www.buffaloschips.com/7814.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bar Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's about 10 p.m. on a Wednesday night, and a guy sitting at a bar
finishes his drink and is about ready to go home.
Before he gets a chance to walk out, the bartender says to him,
"Hey buddy," why're ya goin' home so soon? I usually see you here
until past midnight. Something wrong tonight?"
The guy responds,
"No ain't nothin' wrong, just gotta sore butt from sittin' on this
bar stool for so long."
"Buddy, I got just the thing for ya," says the bartender as he's
reaching up to the top shelf behind the bar.
He pulls down a bottle of pills, opens the bottle up, and hands the
guy two white pills.
The guy looks at the pills in his hand and says,
"What're these, aspirin?"
"Nooo," says the bartender..... "stool softener."
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Toon Chips
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choke
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jghjfdkgf.htm
choke the chicken
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghnkfgjdf.htm
choking
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dfhsjdkfhds.htm
choking hazard
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kdfgjldgdf.htm
christmas
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjdkfgjfdl.htm
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Limerick Chips
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I once met a girl called Miss Bish
Who had habits like tropical fish
She would fasten her lips
Close to ones hips
And swallow ones cum in small sips
__________________________________
There once was a clergyman's daughter,
Who detested the pony he bought her,
Till she found that his dong,
was as hard and as long,
As the prayers her father had taught her
__________________________________
She married a fellow named Tony,
Who soon caught her fucking the pony,
He cried, "What's 'e got,
My dear, that I've not?!"
She sighed, "Just a yard long bologna."
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
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Before sex, you undress each other.
After sex, you only dress yourself.
The Moral: No one helps you once you're fucked.
"Gentlemen of the Jury," said the defense attorney, now beginning to
warm to his summation, "the real question here before you is, shall
this beautiful young woman be forced to languish away her loveliest
years in a dark prison cell? Or shall she be set free to return to
her cozy little apartment at 4134 Seaside Street-there to spend her
lonely, loveless hours in her boudoir, lying beside her little
iPhone, 858-962-7873?"
Rustic Ron stared at the bellhop in disbelief. "A hundred twenty
five dollars for a girl? That's ridiculous! Why, in Tennessee I can
get a girl to clean my house, wash my clothes, cook my meals, and
sleep with me all night for four pork chops a day." "Then what,"
said the bellhop, "are you doing in Chicago?" "Buying pork chops in
bulk."
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2083
Rudy's Wrapup
It may seem the past few days like I have
been picking on Rudy, but in all honesty, he
is the best behaved of all the four dogs. I realize
I brag on Sandi as the best dog I have ever had,
and that is quite true, but Mr Rutherford Randold
Cassady, aka Rudy, is the sweetest and best
behaved of them all. So when he does something
a bit on the ornery side, it stands out. He is 12
years old and that is old for a white lab. I will
fondly remember going outside with him about 2 or
3 in the morning watching him play with the
invisible wood elves. It is difficult for me to remember
that he was once a wild dog who lived at least two
years in the woods. He choose us. What an honor!
He is slow to move these days, his hips bother him
yet his eyes, his eyes speak of love that holds no
bounds. As much as I tried to make him my dog,
he belongs to my wife. He loves to go for walks
with her, he will dance and prance to go for walks
and will proctect her from the monsters along the
way. There will never be another Rude, another
Rudy. Peace be with you my friend.
BJ
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Adult Adult
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Remember 9/11/01
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