Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
buffalo says I lost a major advertiser today. They didn't like
the limericks on the adult list and said they were offensive.
Rather than try to straighten things out and live with censorship
on a newsletter where only people who want to read dirty jokes
join, I am looking for a new advertising company that is able
to accept that two out of three adults prefer mature humor.
This is actually to your benefit because I am pulling all of the
advertising from buffalosjokes and LynnLynn's Links until I
get this straightened out but it will of course leave us short of
money to redo the website but hopefully it won't be long
so bear with me and I'll have some new toons and movies up
soon. I do not intend to give up after doing this since last century.
Enjoy the ad-free chips... buffalo
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Please visit our Sponsor
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Ad Chips
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The truth about car ads ...
If The Ad Reads - It Really Means
Rough condition - Too bad to lie about
Parts car - Beyond repair
Clean - Homeless dude at 5th and Main did the windows
Immaculate - Recently washed
Concours - Recently waxed
Good transportation - It's ugly
Engine quiet - Uses 90-weight oil
Needs minor overhaul - Needs engine
Needs major overhaul - Phone the junkyard
Burns no oil - It all leaks out
Rebuilt engine - Cleaned the spark plugs
Engine blueprinted - I don't know what it means either
Excellent gas mileage - It's slow
Low miles - The odometer was turned back
One owner - Can't give it away
Sure to appreciate - That's why I'm selling it
Drive it away - I live on a hill
Drive it anywhere - Within 10 miles
Desirable classic - No one wants it
Rare classic - No one wanted it even when it was new.
Stored 20 years - In a lake
Ran when stored - Won't start
Never apart - Bolts too rounded to loosen
Solid as a rock - Rusted solid
Best offer - I'm guessing here
Restored, with 0 miles - Won't start
Faster than a 'vette - A Chevette
Restored, with 2 miles - Won't stay running
Older restoration - First owner washed it
Good investment - Can't be worth much less
No time to restore it - Can't obtain parts
90% complete - You do the other 90%
95% complete - Other 5% doesn't exist
One owner - Hertz
Great enthusiasts car - I'm looking for a sucker
Good tires - And that's all
House forces sale - Neighbors complaining
Trades considered - I'm desperate
Other interests conflict - Spouse's ultimatum - "Either that
#!!@&## thing goes or I go!"
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
babysitter
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p013.html
wanna buy an ipad?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p014.html
eyes are open
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/p015.html
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Short Chips
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Dear Santa,
Please send me a baby brother.
Love, Bobby.
Dear Bobby,
"Send me your mother..."
Love, Santa
A sweet, beautiful young would-be starlet comes to Hollywood to seek
her fortune. At her first power cocktail party she goes to the host
and asks him: "Who's the most powerful man in the room?"
"That would be Bob, over there by the caviar," he says.
The young woman walks over to Bob and says, "Excuse me, Bob, would
you mind stepping back behind this column? I'd like to talk to you."
Bob and the girl step behind the column and she says, "Bob... I'm
gonna unzip your fly, take out your cock, and give you the best
blowjob you ever had...!"
Bob smiles slightly and says, "Well, okay. But.............. what's
in it for me?"
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Short Chips
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I come from a mixed marriage. My mother was a big, fat, ugly
Baptist who married a skinny, little Jewish guy from New York. They
divorced when I was 12, and she sat me down one day and told me, "In
19 years of marriage to your father, I never had an orgasm. Tell
me. Is that too much information for a 12-year old?" So I looked at
her and said, "Of course not. Jews don't eat pig." Mom and I were
never very close after that.
The redneck farmer was disturbed when he found out his son was
masturbating several times a day out in the barn. "Boy, you gotta
quit that! Go out and git yo'self a wife." So the boy went out and
found himself a pretty young girl, to whom he got married. But a
week or so after the wedding, the farmer found his son choking the
chicken again.
"You crazy boy!!" he yelled, "That Elli-Mae's a fine young gal!!" "I
know Paw," the boy replied, "but her arm gits tired sometimes!"
Creeping around to the bedroom window, the private detectives saw
their client's wife in bed with another man. "Just as I suspected,"
said the first. "Let's go in after him." "Great idea," the other
replied. "How soon do you think he'll be finished?"
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Yawn Chips
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The drug clomipramine has been known to cause orgasms in yawning
patients.
This article sums it up quite nicely:
Some people prescribed an anti-depressant drug have found an
unexpected side effect: they have an orgasm when they yawn. The
drug clomipramine usually elevates mood and boosts physical activity
and appetite. However, the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry reports
four patients on the drug had orgasms on yawning.
"There is a small subset of people who are affected this way,"
commented Dr. Martin Godfrey, a London GP who has prescribed the
drug. "I understand they find this side effect quite pleasant."
One woman who took clomipramine told researchers it cured her
depression but she wanted to go on taking it because of its peculiar
properties. She found she could experience an orgasm even by
deliberate yawning. And a man who had also taken the pills said he
was "highly satisfied" with the drug's usefulness.
Around five per cent of clomipramine users report the side effect,
though for most people the drug inhibits the ability to reach
orgasm.
The New Scientist says that the drug's users have been comparing
notes on the Internet and speculating on its unusual consequences:
people who experience it would presumably seek out the most boring
person they could find at parties.
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Short Chips
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Mark meets up with a friend on the street, and the friend can tell
Mark is really pissed. He asks him what the matter is. Mark
replies, "The people at Victorias Secret are SO rude. There I am in
their store and I'm trying to buy some panties for my lady, and I'm
picking some out...
and the manager asks me to leave!! All I was trying to do was
decide which ones I liked. So - I took the panties out of my mouth
and took my business elsewhere."
Seeing my 11-year-old perusing a website filled with photos of
Britney Spears, I commented, "She certainly is pretty. Which
picture do you like best?"
"I don't know," he mumbled, embarrassed by his newfound interest in
girls. "I'm just reading about her."
I came closer and peered at the screen. "Oh, really?" I said. "So
when did you learn to read Spanish?"
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Where Is My
http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Humor/WhereIsMy.html
Marlene/I Bowed On My Knees/Gospel Music
http://www.wtv-zone.com/summerhoosier3/html2/Bowed-On_my-Knees.html
carolyn w/ She's Not You ~Elvis Presley
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/elvis/shesnotyou.html
John w/ I Want You, I Need You, I Love You
http://heavens-gates.com/elvis/iwantyou/
Carol w/Music in My Soul
http://www.carolspoetry.com/mysoul.html
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Surfin Surfari
When Condiments go Bad
http://backtable.org/~blade/fnord/condiments.html
Beautiful Bridges
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bridges.html
Enter At Your Own Risk!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/risky.html
Zoo Animals!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/zoo.html
HackNotifier
https://www.hacknotifier.com/
100 android apps
http://www.makeuseof.com/pages/best-android-apps
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Analyze Your Website's Traffic
http://www.woopra.com/
Portable Software For Wherever You Go [Windows]
http://www.liberkey.com/en/
Accurate PDF To Word Converter
http://www.pdftoword.com/
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.iaadp.org/
Kitty Korner
Carol w/Purrfect Friend
http://www.carolspoetry.com/purr.html
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Movie Links
To All Sports Loving Men This Guy Is a Genuis
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6255.htm
Toilet Seat Sign
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6256.htm
Tom Mabe
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6257.htm
Tomato PSA
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6258.htm
Toot Tone
http://www.buffaloschips.com/6259.htm
Topless Wife Training
http://www.buffaloschips.com/62510.htm
Swallowing
http://www.buffaloschips.com/asdsfsd.htm
Swimming
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gerg.htm
szambr
http://www.buffaloschips.com/hyth.htm
Telissa
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dfgytik.htm
Texan Gun Control Witness
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kijld.htm
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Screwed Chips
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You know you're totally screwed when....
.... you've got to write a paper on Edgar Allan Poe's sunny optimism
.... you wrapped the Christmas gifts and can't remember the one for
your wife from the one for your girlfriend
.... your doctor insists on bringing her own loved one into the
consultation room before giving you your diagnosis
.... your "literary" date thinks Baudelaire is a room freshener
.... your "Houston, we've got a problem" distress call is taken
by a guy whose only response before disconnecting is, "Who doesn't,
bub?"
.... the movie you're watching with the little league team you
coach -- which you thought was a biopic of Japanese baseball
legend Sadaharu Oh -- turns out to be "The Story of O"
.... you bump into Alfred E Newman -- and he's worried
.... your craigslist ad offering philatelist services is generating
a slew of responses, none of which has anything at all to do with
stamps
.... your name appears in the Urban Dictionary attached to the
definition of "Droonkenbloggen"
.... the guy who stole your identity begs you to take it back
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Toon Chips
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cheating bitch
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jfkldl;sl.htm
cheerleader2
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjfkljgg.htm
cheerleaders
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kbkcjvgklnhvg.htm
chess
http://www.buffaloschips.com/nmc,nbvcm,vkbncv.htm
cheese burger
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjfkhjfglkhfg.htm
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Limerick Chips
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"I'll admit," said a lady called Barr,
"That a penis is like a cigar;
But, in general, to people
A phallic church steeple
Is stretching the subject too far."
______________________________
There was a young girl named O'Malley
Who wanted to dance in the ballet.
She got roars of applause
When she kicked off her drawers
But her hair and her bush didn't tally.
_______________________________
A Salvation lassie named Claire
Was having her first love affair.
As she climbed into bed
She reverently said,
"I wish to be opened with prayer."
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Parting Chips
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Maury is sent from South Africa to Darkest Africa to live with a
primitive tribe. He spends years with the tribe, teaching them
reading, writing, math, and science. One day the wife of the
tribe's chief gives birth to a white child.
The members of the tribe are shocked, and the chief pulls Maury
aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever
seen, and this woman gave birth to a white child. It doesn't take a
genius to figure out what happened!"
The professor replied, "No, chief. You're mistaken. What you have
here is a natural occurrence...what we in the educated world call an
albino!
Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except
for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You
don't say anything more about the sheep, and I won't say anything
more about the baby."
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2080
The Doors Pt 1
BJ: Looks like rain, maybe thunderstorms. What will
we do about Rudy?
Diana: Put him in the garage, he will be fine there.
BJ: Okay, there is food and water. He should be okay.
Sandi: Why can he not be here with us?
BJ: He panics and might tear up the place.
Later BJ and Diana returns and when they enter the house
they find Rudy in the recliner drinking a brew and watching
TV.
BJ: You are supposed to be in the garage. How did you get
in here?
Diana: Look at the door to the garage, there is a huge hole
in it. He tore it open.
Rudy: I didn't want to miss the game.
The herd
Yes, the Rude, as we sometimes call him tore the door down
to get into the house.
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Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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