Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the Archives
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The most boring watch for a Boiler Tech in the Navy was the
checkman. You were on the upper level in between the two
boilers and the majority of your watch consisted of watching
the water level go up and down in a gage glass. Most
watches were of the six on six off type and that didn't give you
a lot of time to shower, eat, and try to get a few hours sleep
and you ended up tired and hungry a lot.
Used to buy a bunch of those little cans of beans and weenies,
scalloped potatoes etc. and stash them onboard in case I woke
up late and couldn't get to the messdecks. I was standing checkman
watch in 2 main and I would take the aluminum cans and crack
them open and then set them on top of the gage glass at about
700 degrees for a few minutes and they would be steaming hot
and ready to eat. All went well until I put a can of beans up there
without cracking the seal. I remembered it about 5 minutes later
and it felt hot but not overly swollen so I figured I could just
crack
the seal and let the pressure out slowly. It seemed like a good
idea until this needle sized stream of superheated beans came
out and hit me. I dropped the can which started spinning like
Hero's turbine on the deck grating and I retreated about ten feet as
it danced across the floor. When it finally stopped moving I picked
up the
can and there was about a quarter-inch of beans in the bottom with
two
slices of hot dog. The rest of it was in a fine spray all over every
lagged
white line from the deck gratings up to the overhead, the worse
being on the soot blower piping.
At that moment the chief walked up behind me from the access
ladder as I was surveying the damage with the can in my hand.
He said," Forgot to open the can before you heated it didn't you."
I nodded and he said," Get it cleaned up." I spent the next two
watches with cans of cleanser and a sponge scrubbing lines.
We had a Copes- Vulcan feedwater controls so the only time
you had to worry about checking water was if you lost air pressure.
Then you had maybe twenty seconds to get the check valve
closed which wasn't the nicest thing in the world to have to do.
Some idiot had had trouble one time and instead of using a crow's
foot had used a pipe wrench and the burrs were as sharp as a
razor and would fillet the skin from your hands and in the
excitement you never noticed it but you sure did the next day.
More of this story tomorrow.
buffalo
Sorry about the irregularity of mailings lately. Although there is a
variety of things that have been taking up my time, back problems
are responsible for the current delays as I didn't even get out of
bed till 1830 on Saturday and then I had to sit on the toilet for ten
minutes till my back loosened up enough to go back to my desk.
After I had worked about an hour on my mail the back of my thigh
was aching so bad I had to go back to bed again till it stopped aching
which also gave my back time enough to stiffen up again and I repeated
the same ritual all over again. I should be well rested but I spend so
much time in bed I can't sleep and I have watched just about every
episode of law and order from the past ten years. On the good side
considering the way I abused my health for the past 50 years I
am lucky I feel as well I do. I have no intention of stopping publishing
and hope to get back to 7 days a week someday.
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Short Chips
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How do you get a lesbian to like you?
Don't be a dick.
~~~~~~~~~
What do lawyers and prostitutes have in common?
They're both paid to get you off.
~~~~~~~~~
"Daddy?" a young boy asked his dad, "How much does it cost to get
married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for mine."
~~~~~~~~~
Why do so many women fake orgasms?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
~~~~~~~
One morning a husband a wife were having breakfast together when the
wife said to her husband,
"You know the neighbor lady told me she and her husband have sex every
day. Why can't you do that?"
The husband replied, "Because, I hardly know the woman."
~~~~~~~~~~
How do you know your mistress or wife has gained too much weight?
She fits into your clothes.
~~~~~~~~~~
One night a biker picked up a beautiful biker chick at a bar. When they
arrived at her place, the woman pulled off his pants and was really
disappointed
that he had a very small cock.
"Who do you plan on pleasing with that little thing?" she asked.
Kissing her he replied, "Me!"
~~~~~~~~~
What did the left testicle say to the right testicle?
This guy in the middle is a dick.
~~~~~~~~
A dapper older gentleman in his 90's went into a night club and sat down
next
to a beautiful young female patron seated by herself. After he sat down
and said to her,
"Do I come in here often?"
Tom
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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the olympics
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Monday
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Little Johnny Chips
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A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the
pupils' answer by reciting a short poem.
The first kid sat in the first row was a teacher's pet. He stood and
said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go
to
Japan if I can, and I think I can."
The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room.
She
stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy,
and
when I become a lady I would like to have a baby...if I can, and I
think
I can."
The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the
back
of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't
give
a darn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I
can
and I think can!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Quaker Chips
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There was a clerk in a small town general store in the
South. One day, a tall man entered the store and began
filling a shopping cart with items.
This man was so distinctive in that he could have been
the official spokesperson for Quaker Oats. He was
dressed in black, very tall and had that hat just like
the Quaker Oats guy wears.
Well, the clerk had never seen a Quaker before, let
alone talked to one. When the man reached the counter
with his selections the clerk could hardly contain
himself. "Are you a Quaker"? he asked as he was trying
to ring up the merchandise.
"Yes," the tall man said with a little edge in his
voice.
"No joke?" asked the clerk, "You're really a real
Quaker?"
The man, looking a little more perturbed, said, "Yes,
I am a real Quaker."
"Wow!" the young clerk said, "I never seen a real
Quaker before. Would you say something in Quaker talk
for me?" asked the clerk.
The tall man ignored this request and waited for his merchandise to
be
tallied up. As clerk finished ringing up the sale he said, "Please
mister, say something in Quaker talk?"
The man finally leaned over the counter in a gesture
of secrecy. The clerk leaned forward in order to hear
the quiet reply. The man said, "Screw Thee."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Condom Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry noticed he was running low on rubbers, so he stopped by the
local drugstore. "What size?" asked the blonde pharmacist's
assistant
sweetly. When he admitted he wasn't sure of his size.
The blonde led him into the back room, lifted her skirt and told him
to enter her.
He was delighted to oblige. "Size six." she told him after a moment
"Now take it out. How many?"
Harry bought a dozen, and on his way home, he ran into his friend
Tom. Harry eagerly told Tom the whole story.
Tom rushed down to the drugstore to place an order. "But I'm afraid
I
don't know my size." he told the sales girl.
So the blonde led him in to the back room and repeated the
procedure.
"Size seven, Sir, now take it out please. How many?"
But Tom kept it in till he reached a climax; "None thanks." he told
her, zipping up his fly. "I just came in for a fitting."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Legal Forms & Contracts Personal & Business Legal forms, contracts and
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personals Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Personals In The Dublin News Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks
gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his pints,
cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and starting fights on
Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.
Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by longtime
fiancee, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still
exists in this cruel world of hatchet_faced bitches.
Ginger haired Galway man, a troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shirty
after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail
purposes, maybe more.
Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in
the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady,
with a lovely chest.
Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi
for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 1130 PM.
Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed
supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin
sister.
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Used Rv Buyers Guide.
Secret Methods And Inspection Hints Used By Professional RV Appraisers.
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Cookin' With John
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Did You See That?
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Maxine On Jesus
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Canning Season is on Via Dianne
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Green Guide
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Civil War
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Transparent Butterfly
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Rubotted
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PDF to Word Doc Converter
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Instant & Reliable Weather Forecast
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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One Smart Dog!
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Movie Links
Fin Potato Whore
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Fire hose Rodeo
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Fly
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Football As It Should Be
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For Men
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Finalized MTG Minutes
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First Day At The Rifle Range
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First IT Consultant
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Fishing Boat
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Fitness
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdss.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Genie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the
wife
promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest
house
adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be
careful!
Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how
much
your lousy drive is going to cost us.'
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm
voice
said, 'Come on in.' When they opened the door they saw the damage that
was
done: glass was all over the place and a broken antique bottle was lying
on
its side near the pieces of window glass. A man reclining on the couch
asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'
'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.
'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm
a
genie and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now
that
you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you
each
one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.'
'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted
out,
'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'
'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do.
And
I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'
'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.
'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete
with
servants,' she said. 'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes
will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'
'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'
'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a
woman
in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'
The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both
now
have a fortune and all those houses. What do you think?' She mulled it
over
for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our
good
fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind but what about you, honey?'
'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for
you!' So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest
of
the afternoon enjoying each other.
The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the
genie
rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, 'How old are
you
and your husband?'
'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.
'No Kidding,' he said.
'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
cold nose
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college
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combo
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come in
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come to bed
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Phrases For Performance Appraisals
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man named Ringer,
Who was seducing a beautiful singer.
He said with a grin,
"I've now rammed it in!"
She said, "That isn't your finger?"
There was an old man of Tagore
Whose tool was a yard long or more,
So he wore the damn thing
In a surgical sling
To keep it from wiping the floor.
It has been repeatedly said
That Barb loves to play in bed
And If she can find the right guy
That was willin' an able to comply
She'll put a ceiling mirror overhead -
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pauly went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost
had an affair with my neighbor."
The priest said, "What do you mean, 'almost'?"
Pauly said, "Well, I'm home all day and so is she, so we got
undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it
in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five
Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box."
Pauly left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over
to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I
saw
that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
Pauly replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and
according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2090
Val-lick-torian
BJ is sound asleep... It is 2am....
lick lick lick
BJ: What the...?
Val: Hi dad..
Slurp!
BJ: What is it?
Val: Need to go outside.
BJ: We need to find another way to wake me up.
Val: Barking, I can bark.
BJ: No, that will wake up Diana.
Val: I could jump on the bed and on your tummy.
BJ: Oh no, then I would have to go to the bathroom.
BJ: Sigh, I guess, this is the best way.. let's go outside.
The herd
That's what she does..a gentle kiss.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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