[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Wed



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Nancy called me Monday and my normally sweet little sister was
hostile. Lighthouse the ISP that we both use had double billed
her credit card and she was sure that it had to do with her plans
to cancel her subscription to Wildblue. For those of you that have
never heard of it Wildblue is the satellite hi-speed solution from
Hell. For many rural users it is the only broadband available
but when the weather gets bad you lose your signal, if the dish
gets bumped you lose your signal, and if you download anything
bigger than your email they figure you are a pirate and throttle
your
connection making it as slow as dial-up. Tech support is poor to
non-existent and there is a hefty penalty for canceling it before
the end of the contract. Nancy had tore hers down and threw it
into a corner of the garage over a year ago when she got cable
and the thought of being charged for another month was too much.
She threatened to sue them if the money was not returned to her
card.

I had noticed some strange billing notices on Sunday and had
thought nothing of it because the one said I owed them 20
dollars which I knew was right and the other said that I had paid
them 21.65 and owed them nothing which I had done in December
and I knew that was wrong so I dropped in and paid the 20 dollars
on Monday and they admitted they had their computer go out of
control over the weekend and we laughed about it.

Today the sent a letter of apology out to all of their users and
Nancy
got her money back. The reason for all the problem was that the
billing program system had an issue with the month of Feb having
only 28 days. That makes sense, what programmer could have
seen that one coming. heh heh

Enjoy the chips... buffalo

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Trucking Chips
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A Roadway driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving
west and the CB crackles to life ." Hey Roadway driver who's the two
biggest faggots in America?" comes from the CB.

The Roadway driver replies . "I don't know".

The other trucker says " You and your brother ".

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Well the Roadway driver drives for about an hour and finally sees
another truck. He gets on the CB and says " Hey, other truck do you
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

I was hoping
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o011.html

dang, almost forgot
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o012.html

abuse the force Luke
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o013.html

Farmplay
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22420.htm
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Hats
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22415.htm
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Billy Was Warned
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22415.htm
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Teen Chips
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A 19 year old lad has been dating a 17 year old girl for a few
months.

They've been to the pictures and return to her home where she lives

with her father, mother having passed on several years previously.

They settle down to amuse themselves on the sofa in the sitting
room,
whilst the old man watches telly in the back room.

Now the girl is a good example, and looks after her Dad: she in turn

is the apple of his eye. So naturally, he's worried sick about her
well being and eventually just has to break off from watching
Panorama
to knock gently on the living room door.

The girl opens it.

"Hi Sue, you couldn't make me a cup of tea, could you?"

"Course I can Dad," she replies, and trots off into the kitchen to
put
the kettle on.

Meanwhile, the old man sits down on the sofa with the lad to have a

word.

"Look, son," he says. "I remember when I was your age, pulling the
birds and trying my luck. Thing is, I'm worried about our Sue."

"Why, what's up with her?" replies the lad.

"Well, I shouldn't really tell you, but she's got acute angina."

"Oh, I know..." says the lad. "... great pair of tits too!"

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Random Chips
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Prostitution is a hole sale business.

As long as I have a face you'll always have a place to sit.

How is music like your sex life?
Three-quarter is swing time, one-quarter is ragtime.

Mother: What seems to be the problem with you? You have been married

three years and still no children. I had hopes of being a
grandmother
by now. Daughter: I just don't know, Mom! Billy tries all the time,

it's just that I have a lot of trouble swallowing.

If you have sex with your own clone, are you gay or are you
masturbating?

A man was lying naked, face down on a table, with his wife rubbing
his back with toilet paper. "Augh, I hate it when you treat me like

shit."

When the guys laugh at me for volunteering at the women's mental
health clinic I just shrug it off. But when they tell me I'm
fuckin'
nuts, I have to smile, because then I know they understand.

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Sex Chips
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A mom of an 8-year-old boy was awaiting her son's arrival from
school.
As he ran in, he said he needed to talk to her about making babies.
He
claimed he knew about the development of a fetus but didn't
understand
the answer to that "million dollar question." Namely, how did the
sperm get into the woman? The mom asked the boy what he thought the

answer was. The boy said that the sperm is manufactured in the man's

stomach, it rises up to his chest, then throat, and into his mouth
whereupon he kisses the woman and deposits the sperm into her mouth.

The mom told her boy that that was a good guess, but wrong. She said

that she would give him a hint... that the sperm came out of the
man's
penis. Suddenly, the boy's face became quite red and he said, "YOU
MEAN YOU PUT YOUR MOUTH ON THAT THING!?"

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Three Chips
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A young girl, about 14-15 is sitting in school one afternoon. She
puts
her hand up to get the teachers attention. Finally the teacher asks

her what her problem is. She tells the teacher she has to go to the

bathroom. The teacher tells the young girl that this is a very
important lesson, and that she will have to wait until break to go.

After a few minutes, the young girl raises her hand again, this
time,
acting much more urgent about the situation. Again, the teacher puts

her off... About three minutes later, the young girl stand up in the

middle of the lesson, and walks towards the door. The teacher stops
in
the middle of a sentence, and asks the girl what she thought she was

doing. The girl said "You don't understand, I HAVE to go NUMBER
THREE!". The teacher... quite confused, asks the girl, what number
three was. The girl looks at the teacher and says "Duh...
miscarriage!"

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Chief Chips
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One thing we weren't aware of at the time, but became evident as
life wore on; was that we learned true leadership from the finest
examples any lad was ever given. Qualified CPOs. They were crusty
bastards who had done it all and had been forged into men who had
been time tested over more years than a lot of us had time on the
planet.

The ones I remember wore hydraulic oil stained hats with scratched
and dinged-up insignia, faded shirts, some with a Bull Durham tag
dangling out of their right-hand pocket or a pipe and tobacco
reloads in a worn leather pouch in their hip pockets, and a Zippo
that had been everywhere.

Some of them came with tattoos on their forearms that would force
them to keep their cuffs buttoned at a Methodist picnic. Most of
them were as tough as a boarding house steak. A quality required to
survive the life they lived. They were and always will be, a breed
apart from all other residents of Mother Earth.

They took eighteen year-old idiots and hammered the stupid bastards
into seagoing sailors. You knew instinctively it had to be hell on
earth to have been born a Chief's kid. God should have given all
sons born to Chiefs a return option.

A Chief didn't have to command respect. He got it because there was
nothing else you could give them. They were God's designated hitters
on earth. We had Chiefs in my day... Hard-core bastards, who found
nothing out of place with the use of the word 'Japs' to refer to the
little sons of Nippon they had littered the floor of the Pacific
with, as payback for a little December 7th tea party they gave us in
1941. In those days,
'insensitivity' was not a word in a sailor's lexicon. They
remembered lost mates and still cursed the cause of their loss...
And they were expert at choosing descriptive adjectives and nouns,
none of which their mothers would have endorsed.

At the rare times you saw a Chief topside in dress canvas, you saw
rows of hard-earned worn and faded ribbons over his pocket. "Hey
Chief, what's that one and that one?" "Oh Hell kid, I can't
remember. There was a war on. They gave them to us to keep track of
the campaigns. We didn't get a lot of news out where we were. To be
honest, we just took their word for it. Hell
son, you couldn't pronounce most of the names of the places we went.
They're all depth charge survival geedunk. Listen kid, ribbons don't
make you a sailor. We knew who the heroes were and in the final
analysis that's all that matters."

Many nights we sat in the after messdeck wrapping ourselves around
cups of coffee and listening to their stories. They were
light-hearted stories about warm beer shared with their running
mates in corrugated metal sheds at resupply depots, where the only
furniture was a few packing crates and a couple of Coleman lamps.
Standing in line at a Honolulu cathouse or spending
three hours soaking in a tub in Freemantle, smoking cigars and
getting loaded. It was our history. And we dreamed of being just
like them because they were our heroes.

When they accepted you as their shipmate, it was the highest honor
you would ever receive in your life. At least it was clearly that
for me. They were not men given to the prerogatives of their
position. You would find them with their sleeves rolled up,
shoulder-to-shoulder with you in a stores loading party.
"Hey Chief, no need for you to be out here tossing' crates in the
rain, we can get all this crap aboard." "Son, the term 'All hands'
means all hands." "Yeah Chief, but you're no damn kid anymore, you
old coot." "Horsefly, when I'm eighty-five, parked in the stove up
old bastards' home, I'll still be able to kick your worthless butt
from here to fifty feet past the screwguards along with six of your
closest friends." And he probably wasn't bullshitting.

They trained us. Not only us, but hundreds more just like us. If it
wasn't for Chief Petty Officers, there wouldn't be any U.S. Navy.
There wasn't any fairy godmother who lived in a hollow tree in the
enchanted forest who could wave her magic wand and create a Chief
Petty Officer. They were born as hotsacking
seamen and matured like good whiskey in steel hulls over many years.
Nothing a nineteen year-old jaybird could cook up was original to
these old saltwater owls. They had seen E-3 jerks come and go for so
many years, they could read you like
a book. "Son, I know what you are thinking. Just one word of advice.
DON'T. It won't be worth it." "Aye Aye, Chief."

Chiefs aren't the kind of guys you thank. Monkeys at the zoo don't
spend a lot of time thanking the guy who makes them do tricks for
peanuts. Appreciation of what they did and who they were, comes with
long distance retrospect. No young
lad takes time to recognize the worth of his leadership. That comes
later when you have experienced poor leadership or lets say, when
you have the maturity to recognize what leaders should be, you find
that Chiefs are the standard by
which you measure all others.

They had no Academy rings to get scratched up. They butchered the
King's English. They had become educated at the other end of an
anchor chain from Copenhagen to Singapore. They had given their
entire lives to the United States Navy. In the progression of the
nobility of employment, "U.S. Navy CPO" heads the list.

So, when we ultimately get our final duty station assignments and we
get to wherever the big CNO in the sky assigns us, if we are lucky,
Marines will be guarding the streets. Well, I don't know about that
Marine propaganda bullshit, but there will be an old Chief in a
oil-stained hat and a cigar stub clenched
in his teeth, standing at the brow to assign us our bunks and tell
us where to stow our gear... And we will all be young again and the
damn coffee will float a rock.

Life fixes it so that by the time a stupid kid grows old enough and
smart enough to recognize who he should have thanked along the way,
he no longer can. If I could, I would thank my old Chiefs. If you
only knew what you succeeded in pounding in this thick skull, you
would be amazed.

So thanks you old casehardened unsalvageable sonofabitches. Save me
a rack in the Alley.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Surfin Surfari

HubbleSite - Tonight's Sky: Via Dianne
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Make Your Own Dryer Balls
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Uses for 16 Common Items
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

Useful online calculators
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Codes 4 You
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Movie Chips

Fruit Cake Lady 2
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Geisha
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Gotcha
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Honey I'm Home
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Horse Race
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Indian Teacher Explaining the Word *uck
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Instant Justice Mega Mix
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German speed bump
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Get out of my bed cat
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GGG music video
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Finalized MTG Minutes
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First Day At The Rifle Range
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First IT Consultant
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Fishing Boat
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Dancer Chips
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As soon as she had finished parochial school in Memphis, a bright
young, lass named Becky shook the dust of the convent scholl off her

shoes and made her way to Las Vegas where before long, she became a

head-liner dancer in a casino show.

Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a
Saturday
night went to confession in the church which she had always attended

as a child.

In the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began asking

her about her work. She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer,

and he wanted to know what that meant.

She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on

stage. Stepped out of the confessional within sight of Father Sul
livan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits,
handsprings and back flips.

Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-

aged ladies. They witnessed Becky's acrobatics with wide eyes, and
one
said to the other: "Will you just look at the penance Father
Sullivan
is givin' out this night, and me without me bloomers on!"

Stan Kegel

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Toon Chips
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Kermit's favorite snacks
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My Day
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Long One
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Female Companionship
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Limerick Chips
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The lady said she was fresh out of dough
And for that she was quite a bit forlorn
Cuz coming very soon was Xmas morn
So she decided to put away her halo
And made me a present of her hot libido

*************************************

No problem to get her clothes a peeling....
But complained she felt no sexual feeling
So had her douche a bit with blue Lavoris
And being a gent I just tickled her clitoris
And had to pry her off a fan in the ceiling

*************************************

Young Barb was intrigued with romance..
One night she decided to take a chance..
And went dancin' and imbibing on the go
Till she ended up with that special glow
And soon her younger sisters were aunts

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Parting Chips
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Mr. Johnson had been waiting entirely too long at the doctor's
office.
His appointment was for 9:00 and it was nearly 10:30. Finally, an
attractive nurse appeared at the waiting room door and said, "Let's
go
get a room." "Honey, I appreciate the offer," he said, "but I've
been
waiting so long I'd hate to lose my spot now!"

Stan Kegel

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NPR reports that New York City Mayor (for life, perhaps)
Michael Bloomberg decided to consult a groundhog himself
yesterday. Instead of making the pilgrimage to
Punxsutawney Phil, the Mayor went to the Staten Island
Zoo.

The Mayor may have gotten a prognostication, but he
also got his finger bitten. Pundits are speculating that
this might have been in retaliation for his recent cuts
to the Zoo' s budget.

Isn't there a maxim like, "Don't screw with the Zoo?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Additional Ordering Details:

http://buffaloschips.com/slim

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1514

The Ride

Diana: Isn't today the day you take Katie for a ride around the
block in
the car?

BJ: Oh yes, thanks for reminding me. I almost forgot. Katie want
to go
for a ride?

ZOOM!!!!

BJ: Don't run me over girl. I see you have your riding scarf and
all.

Katie: I am ready to go father.

Outside they approach the car only to see Rudy and Sandi beside the
car.

Rudy: Wanna go.

Sandi: Me to.

BJ: I can understand Rudy wanting to go. He usually can either go
or not,
but Sandi... you do not like to ride.

Sandi: Today I wish to go.

BJ: Okay..everyone in.

Sandi: Shotgun!

Katie: Hey that is my spot.

Sandi: Not today.

BJ notices they are all sitting up..that is sitting on their behinds
as he
drives. This is different. Usually one or two of you are lying
down.

Rudy: I always like to look out the window.

Sandi: I never get in the front seat and it is helping my car
sickness. This
is great Daddy.

Katie: I am okay ... though I am in the back seat...Hrumpt!

Later after arriving home....

Sandi: Thank you Daddy I had a good time. Perhaps next time we can
take some sandwiches.

BJ: My dogs...always different.

The herd in Guthrie (they actually surprised me with this)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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