Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Buffy and Eva stopped by after a shopping trip and decided
to stay over for supper and a sleepover last night. After making
sure Eva was set to watch some videos on YouTube I went in to my
room to watch NCIS reruns before 24 came on. Sandy had supper ready
so I got up and sat down at the computer and I realized that Eva had
been on my computer, on Yahoo Messenger, sending audio greetings to
my Navy buddy Jing's downstate. Fortunately he figured out it was
Eva after the third one because the ones she had chosen were more
like insults than greetings.
At bedtime I rebooted the computer and got it set up for today's
ezines and I didn't want her to delete anything so I tried a trick I
had used on my buddies at work and dragged the taskbar over to the
left hand side of the screen and hid it. It had taken two days for
them to figure out what I had done but it didn't even take Eva 45
seconds. I ended up having to run her off.
On the subject of really stupid commercials, there is a new cell
phone commercial out with a guy and a girl and a guy on a bicycle
built for
two. The girl has several feet of underarm hair blowing in the wind
in the guys face. I can understand her wanting to play nature girl
or
whatever but running around in traffic like that is courting
disaster. She could get caught in the mirrors of a passing Hummer
and
dragged for miles before the driver noticed her. She should at least
braid her pit hair and put it in a couple of buns like Princess Leia
for safety. I have seen the ad 4 times now and I can't tell you what
company it is from. That makes it a waste of air time.
Enjoy the chips.....buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vacation Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
According to Thomas Cook in the UK, some holidaymakers are just
never satisfied. Here are the top ten most bizarre and genuine
customer complaints received by the firm in recent years:
1 On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost
every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all.
2 The beach was too sandy.
3 I bought a snorkel and swimming mask for my six-year-old son, but
he was too upset to use them as the fish frightened him.
4 It rained on my birthday.
5 Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was
ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.
6 I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local
store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger
nuts.
7 It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I
often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be
banned.
8 We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a
street trader, only to find out they were fake.
9 None of the hotel staff was English, and the tea didn't taste the
same as at home.
10 I would like to complain about the price of alcohol in the
resort. It was too cheap and I woke with a hangover every day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
More superheros
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Well muscled limb
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Frog...or horse?
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Democrats And Republican
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Today's Paper
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Nice Tits
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hell Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Welcome To Hell!
"Hello, nice to see you all again!
As the more perceptive of you have probably realized by now - this
is hell, and I am the Devil's right hand person. Good evening. You
can call me Toby or 665, if you like. We try to keep things informal
down here, as well as infernal. Now, you're all here for eternity,
which I hardly need tell you is a hell of a long time, so you get to
know everyone pretty well by the end, but for now I'll have to split
you up into groups.
Are there any questions?
No, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets, if you'd read your bible
you would have seen that it was damnation without relief. So, I'm
afraid if you didn't go before you came then you're not going to
enjoy yourself very much, but then, I believe that's the general
idea.
Right, let's split you up then.
Can you all hear me?
CAN YOU HEAR ME AT THE RACK?
Off we go...
Murderers, over here. Looters and pillagers - over there please,
thieves if you could join them, and all lawyers, and politicians.
Fornicators, if you could step forward - My God there are a lot of
you. Could I split you up into adulterers and the rest? Adulterers
if you could just form a line in front of that small guillotine
there.
AMERICANS, are you here? I'm sorry about this, apparently God had
some problems with your founding fathers and damned the entire race
into perpetuity. He sends particular condolences to the Mormons and
Baptists who He realizes put in a lot of wasted work. The Iranians,
I'm afraid, couldn't be with us - someone's been holding them in
purgatory for the last 9 months. Sodomites, over there against the
wall. Atheists, over here please. You must be feeling like a right
bunch of know-it-all'
All Christians will be seperated from all Born Again Christians to
avoid long boring arguements about who's more Christian...
......ah yes, I'm afraid the Jews had it right after all.
Moonies, maniacs, marite eaters, male models, masochists, mass
murderers and masseurs, if you could take a pew at the back - -with
the Methodists that is.
Now, you're the bunch who used to kill whales, is that right? Ah,
yes, I must remember - we've got some strips of flesh to tear off
you later.
Everyone who saw Monty Pythons' "Life Of Brian", I'm afraid He can't
take a joke after all.
All right now, one final thing - we're trying to implement some sort
of exchange scheme with the God, or Bob as we know him. Some of you
will spend a decade in heaven and we're having some angels down
here. Now, I hardly need tell you that they will be expected to
behave in an exemplary manner, so, I hope you will do the exact
opposite - tear off their wings, use their haloes for frisbee
practice, that sort of thing.
MTV, rap and heavy metal music will be played for eternity, and salt
and brimstone is free.
Well, I have to go now, but Beelzebub here will show you the ropes,
chains, and electrodes."
........And remember our motto, " Until Hell Freezes Over ".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day Little Johnny's teacher decided to play a spelling
game where
she gave a letter of the alphabet and the kids have to spell
a word starting with that letter and then use it in a sentence.
Starting with A Little Johnny's hand is continually in the air, but
the teacher ignores him, because she afraid he'll be rude again.
"Yes, Susan?" says the teacher.
"Miss, A is for Ape, A-P-E, An ape likes bananas" says
Susan.
"Excellent " says the teacher, she goes on through the alphabet.
Finally she reach F. Now she will NOT let Little Johnny
answer this under any circumstances so she asks Mary.
"F is for Fairy F-A-I-R-Y, they're little girls who lives
among the flowers" says Mary.
"Great" says the teacher, "now we get to G."
Suddenly only Little Johnny has his hand up so the teacher thinks
about this and decides G is a 'safe' one.
"Yes Johnny?"
"Miss G is for Gnome G-N-O-M-E. A Gnome lives among the
flowers too."
"Little Johnny ! That's Excellent!" exclaims the teacher,
being very happy that for once he wasn't out of line.
"Yes Miss he's the one who fucks the Fairies!" replies
Little Johnny.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man asked his friend, "How's your wife doing?"
The friend said, "Not too well. She hasn't been feeling herself
lately. But it was a damned dirty habit anyway."
~~~~
"What's this I hear about you breaking off your engagement Bernice?
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"Although his diamond was of pretty good quality, his mounting left
a lot to be desired."
~~~~~
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housework?"
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Nun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were these three nuns and they were tired of being good all of
the time, so they went to the priest and asked if they could be bad
for one day. He said that they could do one thing wrong but they had
to come straight back and tell him what they did.
The first nun comes back, and the priest asked, "And what did you do
wrong, Sister?"
"I spiked the fruit punch at the bingo ."
"Very well, go drink holy water."
The Second nun comes back shortly afterwards.
"And what did you do wrong, Sister?" he asks again.
"I mooned a monk, and nearly gave him a heart attack."
"Very well, go drink holy water."
Just then the third nun comes up to the priest and again he asks,
"And what did you do wrong, Sister?"
"I peed in the holy water."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A well-dressed business man was walking down the street when Little
Johnny, covered in soot said to him respectfully, "Sir, can you tell
me the time?"
The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket,
removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It
is a quarter to three, young man."
"Thanks," said Johnny. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my
ass."
With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the
outraged businessman started chasing him. He has not been running
long when an old friend stopped him. "Why are you running like this
at your age?" asked the friend.
Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said,
"That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was
quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his
ass!"
"So what's your hurry?" said the friend. "You still have ten
minutes."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
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Blink Of An Eye
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REMIND ME LORD/NEW GOSPEL MUSIC/MARLENE
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Surfin Surfari
Mardi Gras
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fat Tuesday
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WW2 Monopoly Via Wesley
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How Airport Security Works
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Free Fonts and Dingbats
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Grid 16 Game
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Animal World
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Petfinder
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Pet Rat Info
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Movie Chips
Law Enforcement.
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Lil Red Riding Hood Chunk
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Lucky Louie
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Making Up
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Mama's Boobs
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Beer Pong
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Best Wave Ever
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Better Than A Beer Commercial
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Blobbin
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subliminal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subliminal Suggestions Warning!
Hi, I'm (your name here). I'd like to (sex) tell you about some
weird psychological phenomenon (fuck me) that has been in the media
forefront (I'm your love slave) in the past few years. I'm talking
about subliminal suggestion.
Subliminal suggestion (buy me a car) is a technique in which the
subconscious is made aware of a concept by having it exposed (and a
stereo) to them too fast or in a way the conscious mind can pick
(you want me) up. Thus, the person so suggested (my room ... 8
tonight) finds himself doing something that he ordinarily wouldn't
do (bring grapes and Crisco).
This technique was often seen being used (I'll get the tequila) in
movie theatres, where one frame of a film would have a message like
"Buy the popcorn." (and the condoms). This one frame goes by so fast
the conscious mind can't possibly assimilate it (I am incredibly
flexible), but many believe that the subconscious picks it up and
causes the mind (I really want
you) to act on it.
Does it really (all night is not out of the question) work?
Who knows ... (and we can bring the stuffed animals and the Jello
and the peanut butter and the nylon rope and watch "Three Stooges"
reruns and do things that they'll have to invent new names for when
we're done and then we can sleep for a couple hours and do it all
again). The jury is still out on that one.
Thanks for your time and patience
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harem Story
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Shaved of Fluffy?
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Shaking
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<a href=" http://www.buffalos
do you love me
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clap clap
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ice cream
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a man named McFeeney
Who spilled some gin on his weenie.
Not being uncouth
He added vermouth
And slipped his girl a martini.
There once was a young man named Gene
Who invented a screwing machine.
Concave and convex
It served either sex
And it played with itself in between.
There was a young lady named Nelly,
Whose tits would jiggle like jelly.
They could tickle her twat,
Or be tied in a knot,
And could even swat flies on her belly!
With his pecker stretched limp on the floor
And his wife still imploring for more
He said, "Ten hours of screwing
Have been my undoing
I simply can't fuck anymore!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charles was taking his out-of-town buddy Clyde on a walking tour of
the city. Clyde saw a good-looking girl and asked Charles if he knew
her.
"Yes, that's Jacqueline -- one hundred and twenty dollars."
A little further along, Clyde spotted an even more stunning girl and
asked if Charles happened to know her also.
"Yes, that Rosalynn -- one hundred and eighty dollars."
After the process was repeated twice more, Clyde remarked, "Good
Heavens! Aren't there any respectable women in this city?"
"Of course!" replied Charles, highly offended. "But you couldn't
afford them either."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and
asks him what can be done. The doctor replies that the
illness is quite serious but can be cured by inserting a suppository
up his anal passage. The man agrees and so the doctor warns him of
the pain.
The doctor tells him to bend over and shoves the thing way
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that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulder."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1533
A Bath for Katie
Katie come strolling up with a towel over her arm, a shower cap on
her head, a bottle of shampoo, hair conditioner, bath oil, body wash
in a bag. She is wearing a robe.
Katie: Let me check the temperature of the water before I take my
bath. The wrong temperature is bad for your skin you know. Hmm it
needs to be about five degrees warmer father.
BJ: Grrr. BJ warms up the water..
Katie: Father avert your eyes will I take off my robe.
Diana: Good grief Katie you run around the house without clothing.
Katie: This is different mother.
Katie slides into the washtub and starts to take her bath.
Katie: You two are dismissed. I will call you when I am done.
BJ: Dismissed! Call me...why I never.
Diana: You have to admit, this is easier than with Rudy and Sandi.
BJ: Yes, you go inside and rest while I attend to this this
miscreant.
Diana: Okay honey, have fun.
Thirty minutes later...
Katie: Father I am done. Would you mind handing me my robe and
again avert your eyes.
BJ: Good grief. Here you go Katie.
Katie: Thank you father. Perhaps we could do this again tomorrow.
BJ: Not hardly Katie.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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