Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The trees outside are mostly bare just waiting for one more
windy day to to lose all signs of life. Burning leaves, once a
rite of autumn is now illegal and people are blowing them to
the curb, hoping the city will pick them up before the winds
spread them back across the yard again or some crazy guy
in a Suburban scatters them everywhere. Nature understands
and the trees and animals are preparing for a time of hibernation
or limited activity. Wish it was me I could use three month's of
extra sleep.
Let's take a look at who we know that was born this month.
November
1. Jenny McCarthy, Lyle Lovett, Dave Nutting
2. Burt Lancaster, James Polk
3. Dennis Miller, Larry Holmes, Roseanne
4.Walter Cronkite, Will Rogers, Laura Bush
5. Bryan Adams, Tatum O'Neal, Doris Miller
6. Sally Field, Maria Shriver, Harvey Holland
7. Billy Graham, Joni Mitchell
8. Bonnie Raitt, Morley Safer
9. Bob Gibson, Carl Sagan
10. Richard Burton, Sinbad
11. Leonardo DiCaprio, Demi Moore, George Patton
12. Neil Young, Sammy Sosa, Al Michaels
13. Whoopi Goldberg, Robert Louis Stephenson
14. Prince Charles, Boutros Boutros-Ghali, Claude Monet
15. Ed Asner, Sam Waterson, Darlene Klingensmith
16. Dwight Gooden, Burgess Meredith
17. Tom Seaver, Danny DeVito, Lorne Michaels
18. Alan Shepard, Linda Evans
19. Ted Turner, Meg Ryan, Kerri Strug, Debbie Radice
20. Robert F. Kennedy, Bo Derek
21. Ken Griffey Jr., Goldie Hawn, Elaine Ribordy
22. Jan White , Rodney Dangerfield, Jamie Lee Curtis
23. Billy the Kid, Boris Karloff, Jim Mcquain
24. Dale Carnegie, Scott Joplin
25. John F. Kennedy Jr., Joe DiMaggio
26. Tina Turner, Shawn Kemp
27. Jimmie Hendrix, Zoey Tyree, Bruce Lee, Anne Pitts
28. Judd Nelson, Randy Newman, Dianne Lyall
29. Howie Mandell, Vin Scully
30. Dick Clark, Mark Twain, Marilyn From Ohio, Sandra Brabant
Enjoy The Chips ... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An English major was being released from prison. The nice looking
female clerk was about to give him the $100.00 they give to all
released prisoners. Since the inmate had not had female attention
for
a long time, he suggested that she could keep the money if she would
have sex with him. He was immediately rearrested and thrown back
into
jail. Everybody knows you should never end a sentence with a
proposition.
Mary Jane's mother screamed, "Your father will kill you when he
finds out that you set the garage on fire!" Mary Jane just laughed
and laughed, because she knew her father was trapped in the garage.
Mary Jane was scooting up the flagpole at school. The teacher cried
out, "Mary Jane get down! The boys can see your panties!" Mary
Jane just laughed and laughed. She knew she wasn't wearing any.
While on a date in a dark movie theatre, Mary Jane's date slipped
his hand down her bra. Mary Jane just laughed and laughed. She
knew she kept her money hidden in her shoe.
What is FOREPLAY?
1- The loving before the shoving.
2- The petting before the getting.
3- BULLSHIT!
4 -The licking before the pricking.
5- The stroking before the poking.
6- The procrastination & masturbation preceding penetration.
7- The lingering and the fingering.
8- A premature ejaculators nightmare!
9- Unnecessary with barn animals.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
he's a vampire
http://www.thepostm
her bra snapped
http://www.thepostm
the money I could have been saving
http://www.thepostm
Drag Um
http://www.sydesjok
Drill Here - Drill Now
http://www.sydesjok
Drink And Drive
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanksgiving Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are cordially invited for Thanksgiving dinner, but first here
are
a few rules:
As a reminder, I will print and give a copy to each guest that
enters.
10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE.
1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the
potato salad? Is there egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the
meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese?
What kind of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I
will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you
won't be able to eat anything!
2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit down until
someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for
you
to start trying to be independent. Nibble on the pecans and walnuts
to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.
3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort them to
the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not gonna
tear my house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed
upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family
stories about their mommas and papas.
4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST
ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old
daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of
jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a hoot. PS. The time
limit for the prayer is one minute.
5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If
you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to keep your greedy butt
home next year!
6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing
yourself a plate using my good Tupperware knowing good and well that
I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything
over, don't let me catch you making a plate period. or there will be
a misunderstanding!
7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave
my house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE
SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!
8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house.
This is not a DAYCARE CENTER! There will be a kid-parent roll call
every ten minutes. If any parent is not present during roll call,
your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her.
After 24 hours, I will call DHS on you.
9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no
sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take
your behind home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED OUT AT
11:00 PM. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.
10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup
kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner!
You will be supervised when you fix your plate. There will be a cash
register at the door. Anything over the appropriate amount will be
charged to you before you leave. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his
greedy family, we installed a credit card machine! So VISA and
MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS
JUST YET!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
3000 Miles - Gumball 3000 DVD Offer
See what happens when Tony Hawk and the stars of MTVs 'Jackass' race
3000 miles around the world from London to Los Angeles in just 8
days against 120 supercars in the famous Gumball 3000 Rally.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bear Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are cordially invited for Thanksgiving dinner, but first here
are
a few rules:
As a reminder, I will print and give a copy to each guest that
enters.
10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE.
1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the
potato salad? Is there egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the
meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese?
What kind of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I
will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you
won't be able to eat anything!
2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit down until
someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for
you
to start trying to be independent. Nibble on the pecans and walnuts
to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.
3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort them to
the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not gonna
tear my house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed
upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family
stories about their mommas and papas.
4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST
ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old
daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of
jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a hoot. PS. The time
limit for the prayer is one minute.
5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If
you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to keep your greedy butt
home next year!
6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing
yourself a plate using my good Tupperware knowing good and well that
I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything
over, don't let me catch you making a plate period. or there will be
a misunderstanding!
7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave
my house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE
SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!
8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house.
This is not a DAYCARE CENTER! There will be a kid-parent roll call
every ten minutes. If any parent is not present during roll call,
your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her.
After 24 hours, I will call DHS on you.
9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no
sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take
your behind home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED OUT AT
11:00 PM. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.
10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup
kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner!
You will be supervised when you fix your plate. There will be a cash
register at the door. Anything over the appropriate amount will be
charged to you before you leave. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his
greedy family, we installed a credit card machine! So VISA and
MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS
JUST YET!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A curious little boy asks his mom what his younger sister has
between the legs; the young mother does not know how to explain to
the boy, so she says: "It's like the Garage..."
The boy then asks: "What is mine called?"
"It's called the Car..." the mother replies.
A few days later, the phone rings while the parents are "busy" in
the bedroom; the little boy answers it. It's his dad's friend: "Is
your father home? Could I speak to him?"
"Yes, but he's busy", the boy replies. "What's he doing? I wanna
talk to him..." "Wait, let me check..." The boy looks through the
bedroom keyhole; then comes back and says: "He's putting the Car in
the Garage
"Ok, I'll call back..." A short while later, the man calls back:
"Can I talk to your dad now?" "He's still busy..."
"What? What's he doing? How long does it take him to put the car in
the garage anyway?"
"Wait, let me check..." The boy, again, looks through the bedroom
keyhole, comes back and has this to tell his dad's friend: "He's
still trying to put the Car in the Garage; he keeps moving the Car
back and forth. He seems to have problem putting the rear wheels of
the Car into the Garage..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Candy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top Ten LEAST POPULAR HALLOWEEN CANDIES
<via Sandy and from the Late Show with David Letterman>
10. Bit-O-Monkey
9. Lice Krispie Treats
8. Good N' Clammy
7. Malted Meat Balls
6. Mullahmars
5. They-Might-Be-
4. Al Gore's Melted Sno-Caps
3. No No. 3 - writer out trick-or-treating
2. Mr. Goodbar Who Used To Be Mrs. Goodbar
1. Tootsie Roids
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In 2009, Derek Jeter made baseball history and we're honoring him on
this brilliant, uncirculated, genuine US Half Dollar. Layered in
pure 24K gold, this coin is a great gift for any baseball fan. This
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certificate of authenticity.
Own your piece of baseball history today.
View Website
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aussie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mohammed entered his classroom. "What is your name?" asked the
teacher.
"Mohammed"..
"Here we are in Australia and, there is no Mohammed. From now on
your name will be Bruce," replied the teacher.
In the evening, Mohammed returned home. "How was your day,
Mohammed?" asked his mother.
"My name is not Mohammed, I am in Australia and now my name is
Bruce."
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to disown your
parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you,"she said....
and then she beat him.
Then she called the father and he too beat him savagely.
The next day Mohammed returned to school. When the teacher saw him
with all the bruises she asked: "What happened
to you little Bruce?"
"Well, Miss, 2 hours after becoming Australian I was attacked by two
fucking Arabs!..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get YOUR Recipe Ebook
Enjoy this recipe Ebook filled with quick and easy recipes to get
you
through a hectic work week.
Act Now - Copy and paste the link below into your browser's address
bar:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Eye on the Sparrow
http://silverandgol
Where Do You Go
http://www.carolspo
carolyn w/ Stand By Me ~Elvis
http://carolynsprec
Fragile Heart
http://www.reflecti
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
RECALLS.ORG - COMPLETE INFORMATION Via Sanide
http://www.recalls.
High Tech Toys
http://www.shangral
Armed Forces Tribute
http://home.
Rare Book & Manuscript Library
http://tinyurl.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, I wanted to let you know that I'm giving the whole damn thing
away today, and this is REALLY the LAST day that I'll be doing this!
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away today for the last
time....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Tutorials Via Martha
http://www.top-
Thanksgiving and Turkey Animated gifs
http://www.shangral
Freeware Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://members.
Why God Gave Us Pets
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual?
Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious
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Do you think that someone has done this to you? You can remove these
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This program also removes any spyware or adware located on your PC
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Right now you can scan your PC or laptop for no cost to see if there
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Press Here to Begin Scan (YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED FOR THIS):
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Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
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5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Love 2008
http://www.buffalos
Love Boat
http://www.buffalos
Lucha
http://www.buffalos
Luckiest Man On The Planet
http://www.buffalos
Lucky 1
http://www.buffalos
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Toon Links
Midgey
http://www.buffalos
Momma Is Santa
http://www.buffalos
Morning Peepers
http://www.buffalos
Moshonov
http://www.buffalos
Mother's Day
http://www.buffalos
Moulin Huge
http://www.buffalos
Love 2008
http://www.buffalos
Love Boat
http://www.buffalos
Lucha
http://www.buffalos
Luckiest Man On The Planet
http://www.buffalos
Lucky 1
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Economy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
JUST HOW BAD IS IT?
The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the
mail.
It's so bad, I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the
counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
The economy is so bad that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
The economy is so bad if the bank returns your check marked
"Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or
them.
The economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading
higher than GM.
The economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies
and learned their children's names.
The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking
into Mexico.
The economy is so bad Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
The economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
The economy is so bad the Mafia is laying off judges.
The economy is so bad Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Snake for showers and tubs has a bigger hair grabbing pad and the
Small Turbo Snake has a smaller head for sinks.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aol Toilet
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apple
http://www.buffalos
apples
http://www.buffalos
appointment
http://www.buffalos
arab blowup doll
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arab get oil
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The lady wasn't even in the mood
The first time she saw a man nude,
When asked if she'd like sex
Thought it couldn't be complex
And just sat on what she saw protrude
Said Mary, "I do beg your pardon,
But I once had a tree in my garden,
With a trunk long and thick,
But I have to admit,
'Twas nothing, compared to John's hard'un..."
A girl who hiked o'er the land
Once showed me a trick with her hand.
She zipped down her pants,
Adjusted her stance,
And peed out my name in the sand!
It's easy to please young Miss Flattery,
She wants not a hat from the hattery,
Nor shoes alligator,
But for her vibrator,
She's thrilled with the gift of a battery.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Original Dreamie
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Order now and we'll give you a second one at no charge.
View Website
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Truman Capote was drinking one evening with friends in a Key West
bar. At a nearby table sat an inebriated couple. When the woman
recognized Capote, she approached him and asked for an autograph.
The
woman's husband, in a display of drunken jealousy, staggered over to
Capote's table, unzipped his trousers, and in Capote's own words,
"hauled out his equipment."
As the man did this, he bellowed, "Since you're autographing things,
why don't you autograph this?"
A hush fell over the room, allowing everybody in the bar to hear
Capote's soft, high pitched voice reply, "I don't know if I can
autograph it, but perhaps I can initial it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Greek Restaurant owner daily teased his Chinese neighbor whenever
he met him, "How much is the flied lice today?"
The Chinese restaurant owner would fume and walk back into his
restaurant and decided to avoid the Greek owner. One day the Chinese
owner decides to go for speech lessons and after three months of
intense learning decides to confront the Greek with his new skill.
When the Greek sees the Chinese owner he asks the usual question
"How
much is the flied lice?"
The Chinese replies confidently: "It is not flied lice, It is fried
rice, you Gleek plick!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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